the rebirth of j

These past few months haven't been easy for me with all of the life changes I've been experiencing as far as our marriage being over it seems like another chapter of my life has started the side I forgot about long ago I'm doing me now and it feels great been doing tons of shopping cleaning and out throwing out old clothing that either doesn't fit or go with my new found style. It's time for me to get my sexy swagger back that I once had and putting yourself out there on the market isn't easy as there are so many people out there on dating web pgs and off who are so full of shit and games its pathetic meanwhile I've read a million ppl profiles who claim they want no drama or games yet they do just that I spoke to a nice guy for a few days online and I really liked him a lot and the fact that I haven't gotten laid in months started to grow on me I gave him my# and as we exchanged msgs I became turned off I realize he's either so jaded from being hurt that he's afraid to let someone in or a douche or a combo of both but what I realized is I'm moving too fast and I need to think with my not my libido b/c while I have needs I also don't need any more drama or pain in my life I sometimes wonder if I will ever find a man who will love me for me I know we're not perfect but if we don't even try to let someone in we won't get far and I feel bad for him but I think I'm going to just keep it as a friend only thing and another red flag was the family issue and lord knows that was a cause of much conflict in my marriage and another issue I don't want to relive with anyone. What I know is I'm a good woman with a heart of gold and a lot of love and understanding to give the right person so I will keep looking and keep pushing forward I've lost more weight and I'm now a size 12 but I also notice even my gym clothes is starting to get big on me too. I'm going to try to get down to a 10 if I was an 8 even better but small steps. Lots of cleaning buying and a lot changes to come but the complete healing process is going to take time I can't believe the yr is almost gone and Jr will be 3 next month and I can't figure out what to do for his bday this year as sesame Pl is most likely out of the question had a good work out today and I can't wait to get soemthing to eat and chill as we have a long wknd

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