The Modern Latina

October is hispanic heritage month and while I can post something about food culture etc. I decided to go a different route. The modern latina tries to juggle tradition and culture with the american way of life sometimes disappointing relatives and others. I am a modern latina born here in NYC of pr descent and I am single mother of a child with autism a disorder that is not very well understood by the hispanic community or society overall but especially latinos why is this because I think it's due to ignorance lack of available outreach to families and people who refuse to see reality. Most people who would see my son would think he's a brat but he's a child on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum. My child has had many people stare at him thinking this and many other things and it's been a tough road he was past 2 not speaking well I'm a very proactive person who doesn't believe in making excuses or hiding behind denial I got him tested and evaluated and by the end of early intervention we had a diagnosis and a name. Me and his father were determined to help our son succeed at all costs and because of our drive determination to fight the system our child has come a long way and will continue to flourish and reach his full potential because I as his mother will not settle for anything less. I didn't drown myself in self-pity, denial, or think a chancleta, or some other antiquated notion was going to fix my child I took action by being open minded and thinking outside of the box. We all have to think outside of the box sometimes because life isn't always black and white there are many areas of gray too. Eventually me and his father parted ways but that doesn't affect our sense of family it just makes it our own unique situation. These days many people aren't staying married anymore or getting married at all why b/c these days people know they have options out there and don't have to stay in bad situations. Society has changed a lot and we also have to change with society and the times because if we as a community cannot keep up with the changing times, society, and culture how are we supposed to advance and help our youth advance? Working for the City and health department I see how this type of attitude hurts our community thousands of referrals for early intervention rejected by parents who are too ignorant too see how this type of evaluation can help their child succeed that if there's a learning disability or anything it can be addressed at an early age before school begins so that the child can either get the help he/she needs and not slip through the cracks of the public school system like many children do but then in the same breath they can complain about how the system sucks and does nothing to help. We tend to be master deniers ignoring problems thinking that they will go away when they just get worse without action taken. As a modern latina I have a full time job I work 35 hours per week I hate housework and laundry and only do these things because they have to get done. I don't cook everyday if I feel like it I do if not I won't and I don't have an ounce of guilt about it why b/c I work very hard and I'm human and I'm entitled to feel tired and take a break as long my son has something to eat. As a modern latina I was born in NYC and I speak ok spanish not rosetta stone but enough to get by and know if someone is talking smack about me and read and write some as well. Will my child speak it probably not although he does understand a lot of it. Am I worried about what others will think not in the least as it's not their job to assess how "latino/a" I am or anyone else is. I can cook basic dishes puerto rican style beans and rice by following mostly cook books and you tube videos. I can't makes pasteles nor do I even like to eat them. If I needed some I'd probably find someone here locally who is very talented at making them and makes a good amount for a fair price or send money to my grandfather to make some. I embrace my curly hair and I'm not stuck in a salon spending money every week getting it relaxed or blown out I don't have the time money or the patience for it. I don't like the gossip, the stupidity, and most of all the burnt neck ears and time spent there. I also don't like the salon attitudes either. The same blow out that takes 3 hours in a neighborhood salon took me 30 minutes next to my job performed by latina nonetheless who also confesses to me that a lot of time is wasted at the salon and it's usually due to gossip, etc. I also see that hairdressers can be very catty and pick and choose who to work on, ok you must have it good financially if you can afford to be picky but whatever you're not getting my hard earned money lol. I've learned not to expect too much because when we do we are usually disappointed. Another powerful word latinas must learn is NO: No is a very hard word to say to people especially family and friends but NO is neccessary as without we tend to overextend ourselves financially, with events, whatever it is if you're busy, tired, or just don't want to be bothered SAY NO. People may be disappointed but you are advocating for yourself as a person that you cannot and will not take on more than you need to or should. Try it NO is an extremely liberating word If people don't like it that's too bad. WE are women not super heroes or martyrs it's when we try to live up to this that we drive ourselves crazy. Traditions while nice aren't always able to be adapted in today's lifestyle especially in a two parent two income household where both people have to work to keep things afloat. We must be open to change: Change the way we see the world, we must raise our kids to be independent self sufficient and emotionally mature so when they're adults they're prepared to be out there in that world. Not coddle them, teach them that a woman is obligated to pick up after them or be their personal slave or chef or keep them near because of our own insecurities unfulfilled dreams and scared that they may become too independent and not need us. Teach our women and girls to be financially independent, emotionally independent, self respect, have a high self esteem, zero tolerance for machismo, or any other type of negativity that keeps them from being the best they can be. This is the best gift we can give our daughters so they can make it out their in the world. It may not be traditional way of going about things, but in the long run we as a community will be better off for it. As they say knowlege is power, so is indpendence emotional and financial. The modern latina especially this one knows when to say NO when to take a break and have a few good take out menus from spanish restaurants for those days we don't want to be in the kitchen. Drop off laundry service is a blessing and online food shopping another. I've used all of these services to keep my sanity and make things a little easier an extra pair of hands is a blessing but I usually dont have that so I learned to use these things to keep me from going insane. Do what works for YOU and your life.