rant 2

Lately i've been feeling really tired, aggravated and short tempered and I've been very forgetful I ask myself a lot where is your mind? It seems like I forget everything if I don't write it down or do it the night before. I have to be more organized and this heat doesn't help my mood I tend to get in a bad mood when it's hot. This past weekend was the same routine clean the house, then go to the store and when I arrived at Walmart it was very crowded and on top of that they're doing a ton of renovations and they only have ONE bathroom open inside the store and van of porto pottys outside behind the store in the garden area and i'm wtf I wasn't feeling well and I needed to get to the bathroom and it seem like a never ending adventure just to find a rest room only to use it and see some guy coming in after I left to wash my hands to tell me I was in the men's bathroom i'm like uh no it's both men and women. I can't believe that this store would be so stupid not to have separate facilities for men and women what if I came out and he was at the urinal! gtfo! so of course I now have to find another Walmart to shop at until this one gets fully remodeled or I just like the next one better and never go back. Today I call a park to get info about the pool and this women hangs up on me in mid sentence and I couldn't believe how rude and unprofessional I swallowed hard lucky for her I was at my desk at work b/c had I been home I would've called back and cursed her out. I sit and think sometimes and wonder how some ppl get their jobs b/c they're are some the stupidest, rudest, and any other verb that comes to mind. These past few days at work it's been pretty slow not a good things b/c the day drags forever and let's be for real you can only pretend to look busy for so long. Recently I heard from a friend and we spoke for a while and it kind of made me realize that while I may have problems there are people out there who have a lot worse problems than me and I have to be thankful for what I do have. I feel bad for him b/c I know he's going through a lot and he's trying to get things together but life just has a way of slapping you in the face with an even more bigger pile of shit to sort through which I've experienced myself and continue to experience. Sometimes there are days where I know exactly what I want to do next and some where I don't know and it's frustrating to me it's almost like I'm afraid to apply for other jobs b/c maybe deep down inside I'm used to working for the City and the perks it has but on the other hand I want to try something new as someone mentioned to me there is bs in every job and yes that's very true but when you dread going to work everyday it's time to move on b/c how long am I going to wait for a number off a list or a hiring pool to come up? Tomorrow is finally Friday and by the time it comes I'm usually exhausted and can't wait to go home but at least tomorrow I get to sleep in an extra hour which is great for me b/c every bit helps. The baby goes to his follow appointment at the ENT and we'll see what comes out of this visit if he says the same thing we're going for a second opinion b/c I want to make sure this is medically necessary and not some schmuck just trying to make a quick buck from the insurance company at our son's expense. This weekend we're going to the park and pool provided the weather cooperates b/c there's no way I can continue the same routine come home get up the next day to just clean run errands and come home there has to be some time for recreation rest and a break so I'm praying that the weather cooperates. I'm still considering the relocation as a long term goal down the road I get really tired of the fast pace, expensive cost of living, etc. a lot of times and my commute to work is going to get more annoying as they're canceling a whole train line the V and totally screwing up my train M which of course is going to add more stress and aggravation not only to me but millions of others who live in this area of brooklyn and queens I think had I known this crap was going to happen I probably wouldn't have moved into this area. All of this thanks to budget cuts thanks to the MTA how I can't stand them every time I hear that slogan "going your way" I said oh stfu! if that were true tons of people wouldn't be inconvenienced and I wouldn't have to take 2 trains to work. I have no idea why they even bothered to have public hearings, etc. if they were going to do whatever they wanted anyway. I sure hope we get a break from this heat soon b/c it makes you feel so lazy tired and it seems like nothing you do keeps you cool. Well this is the end to my daily rant I'm going to cool off by taking a nice cool shower watching some tv and blast my ac hope tomorrow the day will go fast.

daily rant

This weekend was pretty boring as was the previous. The usual cleaning the house, and dealing with the baby which honestly can be very physically and emotionally exhausting. I wish I had a weekend all to myself where I can sleep late and just relax but those days are long gone now that I have a child and my husband works on the weekends. I notice how important it is for us to have a break and get rest b/c if you don't you will start to feel it. I was pretty tired last night and I fell asleep pretty early but the baby winded up waking up in the middle of the night so there went my sleep and trying to get him back to sleep which my husband did. I fall back asleep and just when I'm getting into it boom another cry and it's 5am and I like damn I have to get up, do I have to get up? I get up bring him into the livingrm, turn on the cartoons, give him his little snacks and some milk and I jump in the shower to try and wake up. I felt like a freaking zombie I do most morning but especially Monday mornings it's my least favorite day of the week. Then after I'm dressed I get to the fun task of trying to get a toddler dressed and out the door for our daily trek to the babysitter and sometimes I ask myself why the f* am I doing this? Why do I go through this s* on a daily basis? I'm sure a lot of mothers ask themselves that question a lot sometimes I wonder is the paycheck worth all of this crap? I've given it much thought and honestly I say no but I guess that depends on who you talk to. I honestly think i'd be a better mother if I stood home I wouldn't be tired all of the time, short tempered, etc. it's not easy and while I know some financial obligations don't allow for some to stay home I sure wish there were more part-time opportunities out there. Babysitting don't get me started on that, that alone is another issue and cost. Lately i've just been getting so tired of the bs at work. It seems like i'm the only doing the work let me rephrase that I know I am. I can't believe how clueless these people are in mgmt that they can't see that this individual just comes in does minimal bs work and gets paid to take up space, boy I wish I had such a sweet deal. Well honestly i'm getting tired of it, tired of working hard, doing a quality job and it seems like i'm not appreciated, I see all of the favoritism and office politics and its really starting to work my nerves if I didn't have financial obligations and I had a better amount of savings I would say screw this and leave but I have a child to think about so I hang in there but with the current economic crisis and the state budget in crisis I'm considering other opportunities b/c the budget is 2 months late and they had better not think anyone would be working for free simply b/c Albany can't get their shit together. Another rant is the MTA oh how I cant stand them! I've always said it and I will reiterate it for the millionth time, they are one of the most mismanaged greediest sneakiest agency in the state. I just realized today as I was coming home from work that my train line is going to change due to budget crisis no more brown M changing to orange meaning two lines are going to be condensed which is going to be a commuter's nightmare a.k.a one big cluster fuck crowds and all thanks to their incompetence slashing budgets, token clerks and yet their getting a freaking raise really wtf with what money? So now I and many others who live in this area june 27 will have a much more annoying commute to work, thanks so much MTA for the consideration of our concerns, commutes, wallets, and the public hearings which people attended in which you pretended to give a crap about the commuters which we all know you don't give a shit b/c you still passed all of the cuts and will probably pass more and have the nerve to raise the fare on us to pay for what more increases? pay more to get less seems to be the motto these days. Seems like everything is going up but your paycheck even though the economy sucks I see prices going up a few cents here and there bottles looking smaller and I'm thinking this is crazy but it's not going to get any better another reason why I'm considering relocation do I really want to be bothered with all of this stress and crap? I know I must be smart about the relocation thing and not be hasty but I'm still considering it. I know life isn't perfect but I know I can do better than where I am now. I worked my ass off today and will probably do it again tomorrow but I say people always appreciate things when they're gone and that's what's going to happen in this case. I'm just going to spring it on them that I'm leaving one of these days. I've come to a crossroads in my life where I feel i've done what I can do here time to move on to a new chapter. with that said ends my daily rant as I'm going to try and relax before I go to bed to repeat the same routine all over again.

fb deactivation, etc.

I finally took the step and I deactivated my facebook page. I think it's too much of a distraction for a lot of people and I think that people act like real idiots on social networking sites they kind of take the fun out of it and I also think that people use the internet as a release from reality and they lose their inhibitions b/c they are behind a computer screen. I've seen all kinds of games on here and most recently I noticed a certain individual on my page who seems to have time to acknowledge and post comments on everyone's wall but mine yet we're supposed to be friends I'm thinking to myself wtf is this aren't we supposed to be friends? I can see not everyone responds to every single posting but not one, I said you know f* this I'm tired of people's bs and games I just felt like deleting them altogether but I know there would be issues if I did that so I decided to hide their feeds out of site out of mind. I've realized that a friendship is a two way street and it has to nurtured both ways and I'm not going to continue to chase people. Sometimes in a way I think it's better to leave certain people in the past. I'm trying to figure what my next step is as far as finding a new job, trying to get my health and life together. It's getting to the point that I dread getting up and going to wk everyday it's time to move on i'm just tired of all the bs, the office politics, etc. I went to the dr today and another wave of incompetence 2 freaking hours in the office if it wasn't for the fact that I stopped one of the medical assistants and asked when I was seeing the dr I'd still be rotting in the waiting room wtf is the point of appointments then? I have to say that many of the staff members who work at this place are very ghetto very unprofessional and rude even the RN's I wonder who hires them and how they remain employed. I have to get a series of blood work done, see a specialist about my foot and I looked into seeing a therapist. It will take some time but things will start to look up hopefully I figure things can't get any worse. Tomorrow is finally Friday and I'm glad the weekend is coming maybe I will finally get some rest for a change instead of running around trying to do a bunch of crap that I don't get to do during the week, let's hope.