to each is own

It's been one heck of a week I thought Friday was never going to come. I hate when things are slow at work b/c it makes the work day drag. It's weird b/c when you're at home time flies by so fast but 4:00 always takes forever and a day to come at work. I was late to work today thanks to the my favorite city agency the MTA 10 minutes to be exact and to top it off I get to work to hear meaningless freaking chatter in the office. I mean some people are so freaking stupid I think they like to just hear themselves talk. One of them starts talking about how all of the food is altered and how meat is killing us etc. etc. I was like shut up please! all of that high priced so called organic stuff sometimes isn't really organic while I know people are entitled to have their opinions and their lifestyles I don't agree with being a vegetarian or vegan. One I love meat too much and not necessarily red meat I like chicken and pork and I feel that if you eat everything in moderation and avoid junk you should be okay unless you have underlying health issues that require you to follow a special diet. I don't see the point in restricting myself from things I like and how much protein can you get from beans, legumes, tofu, etc. and what about dinner who the hell wants to eat beans, rice, and all of that stuff for dinner every single day but to each is own let us eat the way we want to eat and you eat what you want. Then they start talking about how someone is never on time for mass and there I'm thinking again shut up! At least a person is making an effort to go to church, I find that the one that are the most holier than thou are the biggest hypocrites and live in a well built glass house. I don't go to church much but I know that I'm a good person, like to help others when I can and I have compassion for other people and I try not to judge people even though I'm human and sometimes we all fall short of the mark. I've learned that everyone will always have an opinion about things you do regardless of how much effort you put, spent, tried to make it right b/c that's human nature I try not to care about what other people think about me but a very small part of us does notice how I say very small. I'm glad that we're getting a short break from this heat wave but I'm sure the weather will find it's way back up there again. I cant believe tomorrow is August 1st where has the year gone. Next month is my bday I can't believe how old i'm going I'll be 21 again lol I so wish I was 21 again I would do so many things differently if I was. Lately I just feel very bored with work I know i've been feeling like that for a while but with the economy being so bad I'm really afraid to start looking for anything else but I think a person knows when it's time to move on and I know that time has come for me. I'm just trying to do it right. I just feel like I can be doing something more challenging and there a lot of stuff that goes on here that I don't like and honestly if I wanted a higher administrative opportunity due to the bs and office politics I would never get it so why stick around b/c of the economy and my son. This weekend I plan to clean the house of course but I also plan to relax and take it easy for once. Wednesday is the big day for the baby's surgery I'm praying everything will go well but i'm glad my husband will be home this week so I can at least get an extra hour of sleep in the mornings and hope that I will get to work on time for a change. Well it's 9:30 and I'm ready for a pepsi, some tv a shower and to crash into bed.

an okay monday

This weekend like most was pretty busy cleaning, paying bills, going grocery shopping a task that I despise. I have to say that they had some pretty good sales at the supermarket which is good b/c everything is so expensive these days. Today wasn't a bad Monday I usually have a case of the "mondays" every monday but an extra hour of sleep really helped me get going. I got to work on time another plus. I brought my lunch and stood in today there are days where I really don't feel like dealing with the crowds and lines at lunch time. I have to say it's been one hell of a summer weather wise, it seems like we're not getting a break from this heat and my con ed bill was outrageous this month but if we don't use the a/c you can't sleep comfortable and a fan after a while doesn't do a darn thing but blow hot air. Today after I work I wanted to get a few things at the drug store and that turned out to be a painfully annoying experience. I went to two stores looking for a body powder puff and some styling gel after not striking luck at two pharmacies I made the mistake of going into rite aid. I figure the lines are always long so thought nothing of it I went to find my items and time for me to pay what do you know there's some freaking f*tard holding up the line and you can tell the cashier and mgr want to choke her heck I and everyone else on line did too. She kept insisting that they owed her coupons, etc. I was standing on line slowing boiling b/c i'm tired from working, commute I just want to get my stuff and gtfo on home. Finally the kook leaves and it's my turn the cashier has an attitude and asks if I had discount card I didn't have it and while I understand she was majorly annoyed by that tard it's not my fault and she said you need to bring your card but with an attitude I was already aggravated and I was going to tell her off but I counted slowly and didn't and just said thank you and I left. I ask myself wtf is wrong with people, learn how to read and how to count and for the sake of everyone else's sanity if you don't know how to do both or are an annoying nickle and diming cheap skate STAY HOME between the hours of 3-6 pm and come out while the rest of us are at school, work, and come to rite aid or any other establishment and annoy the staff then. I know it sounds pretty messed what I'm saying but cmon! read the signs and the flyers! I know I always do. If i'm wrong and I make a mistake then I put it back I don't hold up a line for 10 minutes and fight with the workers. Except for that tardisode I had a pretty okay day for a Monday. It's been kind of slow at work so there are days where I just feel very bored and unmotivated well I looked inside my drawers today and I couldn't believe what a freaking mess they were I just took everything out and start shredding left and right. I can now find things in my drawer and I ask myself why do people hold on to junk? It felt so liberating to shred and get rid of all that unnecessary crap. I now I have to conquer the left side of my cabinet tomorrow I figure if and when they do lay off or give us a last day my drawers will be cleaned out and I would turn have to turn in the key. If I only had a monster shredder like that at home but of course that's a commercial one and would cost a fortune but I'm going to save up to get a big one b/c they just make cleaning up so much easier. Today my son went to the ENT dr, the ambulatory center, and his pediatrician for pre-surgical stuff. As the date of surgery gets closer I'm nervous about it but I've resigned myself to the fact that it has to be done. He's getting big at his visit he weighed 26 lbs and is now 38 inches tall. I know that day will be here before you know it but I can't wait till it's all over. Well it's past 10 time for me to shower and get ready for bed another early start tomorrow I can pray that the weather isn't as hot as it's been and to get to work on time again but being at the mercy of the mta that doesn't always happen.

more uncertainity and vagueness

These past several weeks the weather has been very hot and after a while the heat can wear you down making you feel tired, lazy, and without motivation or energy. I've also been feeling on edge and aggravated lately it seems like things just seem to get harder, more challenging and sometimes when you listen to the news that alone is like a never ending rant of negativity. Ever since the new budget cuts have gone into effect with the MTA my commute to and from work especially to work has become a nightmare. I'm late to work almost every single day. If it's not the bus that's late it's the train that takes forever to move, etc. etc. it's like a daily obstacle course and after a while that plus the bs at work, going back and forth to the sitter, etc. it just becomes too much to deal with at times, then to top it off they're going to shut down my train and one of the connecting starting next week and I was like FML what else can go wrong? Then I hear from someone at work that she has to go to another mtg soon that there's going to be another round of lay offs coming soon and of course that worries me even more b/c I was spared from the dec 09 group and some in May yesterday there was a union meeting that we went to and I couldn't believe that there was a heavy downpour coming down we all got wet I was pissed off b/c I had open shoes on and I thought to myself why the heck did I even bother coming outside? We were told they'd have important information so I figure we'd get some specific answers, etc. and while the people were nice and all I left leaving there with the same uncertainty and vagueness I feel now WHEN is it going to happen? So I as well as the others continue to go to work everyday and be in limbo until we either get a letter from the main hr office or a pink slip. I'm just so sick of it lately I ask myself can things get any worse? Am I going to come into work one day and be told today is my last day or this date will be your last? It sucks b/c how does a person properly prepare for it? Another thing that is on my mind is our son's upcoming surgery at the beginning of next month. I'm hoping and praying that everything goes well and that he will never have to have the procedure done again. On the other hand I tell the babysitter this and she expected to be paid for the whole week even though my son is going to be there only 2 days and I couldn't believe it she didn't even show concern for the fact that he's going to be out b/c of surgery and I thought what a greedy bitch! I have to say that and a few other things haven't left me with the best taste in my mouth but the only reason I keep him here is b/c her rate is good and my son is happy with the other kids. When it all comes to down to it it's all about the money with most people. I'm also concerned about my own health because I haven't gotten my period yet and while I know i'm not pregnant it bothers me and I called the dr office to obtain the results of my blood wk to no avail no call back yet. I call to try and see a gyn dr through their clinic I was told I have to wait until the end of August! Are they for real? How are you only going to have one dr who takes a two month vacation and no replacements? It's the wave of incompetence that rears it ugly head again. After coming back to work after that meeting I thought yesterday was a true waste of my time and on top of that the strap of my shoes breaks and I don't have an extra pair. I decided last night that I needed to take a mental health day off from work and the daily bs. I was able to sleep in and chill out but time always stands still at work but flies by when you're at home. I wish I could take another day tomorrow but I have to go to work. I look around on the internet for other jobs and I can't believe how bad the job market is and while I bitch and moan a lot about my job I guess it's better than no job at all but there are times where I feel i'm on the brink of burn out, exhaustion, etc. and I know I have to learn how to relax and calm down and not get so angry at times but sometimes people just really push your buttons sometimes. For now I have to continue to deal with the uncertainty keep going to work everyday until I'm told otherwise. Another thing that really made me laugh is we were told to take all the civil service exams we can, okay now at $30 a test who can really afford that if they get laid off? I've taken 4 exams passed them with good marks and I still don't have a reachable number and even the union guy himself said its all about what mgmt or whoever wants to do for you so I guess no one wants to do a darn thing for us. I saw the list and see that the test for my job title will be given march 2011 why next yr why not now when people really need it? Who knows what will happen by then? I haven't decided if I'm even going to bother or not. This year we have enjoyed the summer more we've gone to the park pool and beach quite a few times this year and we figure why stay stuck in the house when we can enjoy the pool and cool off there for a few hours and relax. I'm just tired of this heat it seems like this summer has been as intense as the winter we had this year. I really wish it would cool down at least a little and when it rains it usually cools down the weather not the past few times it has rained here humidity is very uncomfortable. Well I think I've ranted long enough I might as well continue to enjoy my day off as I don't get to have one very often.