more uncertainity and vagueness

These past several weeks the weather has been very hot and after a while the heat can wear you down making you feel tired, lazy, and without motivation or energy. I've also been feeling on edge and aggravated lately it seems like things just seem to get harder, more challenging and sometimes when you listen to the news that alone is like a never ending rant of negativity. Ever since the new budget cuts have gone into effect with the MTA my commute to and from work especially to work has become a nightmare. I'm late to work almost every single day. If it's not the bus that's late it's the train that takes forever to move, etc. etc. it's like a daily obstacle course and after a while that plus the bs at work, going back and forth to the sitter, etc. it just becomes too much to deal with at times, then to top it off they're going to shut down my train and one of the connecting starting next week and I was like FML what else can go wrong? Then I hear from someone at work that she has to go to another mtg soon that there's going to be another round of lay offs coming soon and of course that worries me even more b/c I was spared from the dec 09 group and some in May yesterday there was a union meeting that we went to and I couldn't believe that there was a heavy downpour coming down we all got wet I was pissed off b/c I had open shoes on and I thought to myself why the heck did I even bother coming outside? We were told they'd have important information so I figure we'd get some specific answers, etc. and while the people were nice and all I left leaving there with the same uncertainty and vagueness I feel now WHEN is it going to happen? So I as well as the others continue to go to work everyday and be in limbo until we either get a letter from the main hr office or a pink slip. I'm just so sick of it lately I ask myself can things get any worse? Am I going to come into work one day and be told today is my last day or this date will be your last? It sucks b/c how does a person properly prepare for it? Another thing that is on my mind is our son's upcoming surgery at the beginning of next month. I'm hoping and praying that everything goes well and that he will never have to have the procedure done again. On the other hand I tell the babysitter this and she expected to be paid for the whole week even though my son is going to be there only 2 days and I couldn't believe it she didn't even show concern for the fact that he's going to be out b/c of surgery and I thought what a greedy bitch! I have to say that and a few other things haven't left me with the best taste in my mouth but the only reason I keep him here is b/c her rate is good and my son is happy with the other kids. When it all comes to down to it it's all about the money with most people. I'm also concerned about my own health because I haven't gotten my period yet and while I know i'm not pregnant it bothers me and I called the dr office to obtain the results of my blood wk to no avail no call back yet. I call to try and see a gyn dr through their clinic I was told I have to wait until the end of August! Are they for real? How are you only going to have one dr who takes a two month vacation and no replacements? It's the wave of incompetence that rears it ugly head again. After coming back to work after that meeting I thought yesterday was a true waste of my time and on top of that the strap of my shoes breaks and I don't have an extra pair. I decided last night that I needed to take a mental health day off from work and the daily bs. I was able to sleep in and chill out but time always stands still at work but flies by when you're at home. I wish I could take another day tomorrow but I have to go to work. I look around on the internet for other jobs and I can't believe how bad the job market is and while I bitch and moan a lot about my job I guess it's better than no job at all but there are times where I feel i'm on the brink of burn out, exhaustion, etc. and I know I have to learn how to relax and calm down and not get so angry at times but sometimes people just really push your buttons sometimes. For now I have to continue to deal with the uncertainty keep going to work everyday until I'm told otherwise. Another thing that really made me laugh is we were told to take all the civil service exams we can, okay now at $30 a test who can really afford that if they get laid off? I've taken 4 exams passed them with good marks and I still don't have a reachable number and even the union guy himself said its all about what mgmt or whoever wants to do for you so I guess no one wants to do a darn thing for us. I saw the list and see that the test for my job title will be given march 2011 why next yr why not now when people really need it? Who knows what will happen by then? I haven't decided if I'm even going to bother or not. This year we have enjoyed the summer more we've gone to the park pool and beach quite a few times this year and we figure why stay stuck in the house when we can enjoy the pool and cool off there for a few hours and relax. I'm just tired of this heat it seems like this summer has been as intense as the winter we had this year. I really wish it would cool down at least a little and when it rains it usually cools down the weather not the past few times it has rained here humidity is very uncomfortable. Well I think I've ranted long enough I might as well continue to enjoy my day off as I don't get to have one very often.