getting back on track

Today is friday my favorite day of the week b/c I know when I go home that I can stay up a little later watch some of my shows like law & order, investigation discovery, I avoid reality shows like the plague I have enough drama in my own life the last thing I need to see is someone else's bs and honestly if they throw of some their money my way maybe I'd show a tad of interest anyway the past few days I've been doing a lot of thinking and I fell of track with my exercise and diet better said fell off the wagon totally. When I'm stressed out bored or feeling down I eat and that's a bad habit and unfortunately it's things I really have no business eating like sweets which are my ulimate weakness, chips, and candy and fast food is readily available on long late days when the last thing I feel like doing is cooking. I unfortunately got sick with strep throat this week and when I was weighed at the dr I gained 6 lbs. I'm not sure if the scale was off b/c when I came out it was 176.5. Anyway it was a wake up call that I need to get back on track with my diet and exercise and hold myself accountable for what I put in my mouth so I joined Weight Watchers the point system is much easier to figure out what to eat and even if I don't eat their food I will make sure I exercise extreme portion control. My goal weight was 155 but when I enrolled last night online a healthy weight is between 113-141. I will aim for the higher number of 141 b/c I will look like a crack head at 113 lbs. Dieting is also not easy when you have plenty of goodies like spanish food to tempt you. Until today I didn't realize how hard it is to eat healthy I passed by a frozen yogurt place, checkers, etc. ignored them all. Instead I visited the fruit stand near my office building and purchased some gala apples 3 bananas and some pears. I also drink tons of water so I'm hoping that I will see some results. I also fell off track b/c I know I was slightly depressed b/c things didn't work out the way I thought they would with him but I guess everything happens for a reason I'm feeling much better about it but it still bothers me at times I also think that maybe it was bad timing we were both going through a divorce, etc. I can think of any possiblities and what ifs and I'd drive myself crazy b/c only he knows why and even though he said it was nothing I did I don't think what he did was nice or fair but I guess if he wasn't willing to give it a try it his loss not mine. I got jr progress report from school and he's doing well except for his not sharing and aggressive behavior at times. I try to have more patience when disciplining him which is hard when I'm tired at the end of the day from working and dealing with so much other bs. He misbehaved last night and I told him no story time and stuck to it, he hates that but he has to understand that when he misbehaves there will be consequences. I'm trying to get so many things done like gather the necessary documents to complete the application process for food stamps, notarize the divorce papers and get things for SSI but sometimes there aren't enough hours in a day. I will make my best efforts this weekend to get as much done as I can. Next week will make month since jr got his tubes put in ears and I see he's progressing today is post op visit so I'm hoping that everything is ok and he's healing well. I also have to apply for NYCERS benefits for retirement b/c sadly our wonderful mayor wants to get rid of our city benefits and make it like the private industry with 401K which is a crock of bs b/c people do their time and pay their dues they should receive their pension and benefits. Our governor is another idiot whose supposed to be a democrat I honestly think he's kissing the right's a** way too much is actually for this plan that would reduce benefits to 40% and make people work till almost 70 which is totally unfair so I will be going down there to make sure I get enrolled in the current plan before the new one goes into effect. It's not easy thinking about the future but we have to think about it, even though it's hard with the bad economy, rising cost of living, lack of job security regardless we will get old and we have to be able to survive somehow. Well it's after 2 my lunch is over and I have to finish the rest of the day my first day of weight watchers wasn't too bad even thought I cheated with 5 girl scout cookies lol but I will behave from this day forward.

hump day

It's hump day and on my daily ride to work and I'm loving this spring weather its supposed to get up to 70 today but still a little cold in the am.  I can't believe March is here it seems like yesterday that we were bringing in the new year.  I haven't had much time to blog with work bills dealing with Jr his surgery and just life overall I'm ready to conk out at the end of each day.  In the time since Jr has had the surgery I can see an improvement in his speech and his hearing when he watches tv and when we call him and I'm hoping we will continue to see improvement but what we have to work on now is his behavior and potty training.  The wheels of the court system are turning very slow for me which means my divorce is going to take even longer for it to be finalized which frustrates me b/c this is a chapter of my life I want to close already and it seems like this lawyer is disorganized and shortage of staff in court isn't making this any easier and now they're claiming a consultant is needed to pension benefits if you ask me its just bs to make more money off the client.  So I'm looking at a tentative month of July maybe even further either way I will breathe a sigh of relief when all is said and done.  I've been trying to fix up my apt got a new lap top and I'm trying to live happy which isn't always easy sometimes.  There is also economic uncertainty at wk where the cmsr called for the shut down of my unit they calmed everyone down but its only a matter of time and I want to be prepared so I'm sprucing my resume and thinking of going back to school to prepare myself I've come to the point where I want to advance myself and I don't want to struggle economically anymore.  I looked into benefits for Jr and I'm hoping they will approve him as it will make things much easier for us.  I'm looking up and I'm not even in the city yet so I now I will be late darn the price I pay for not setting the alarm.  As far as the dating scene goes my hunches were right he told me he got in contact with someone whom they used to like each other but couldn't do anything since they were attached when I heard this my heart shattered into a million pieces I didn't see it coming we had a great wknd previous to this he said it was nothing I said or did which didnt make me feel any better or mend my ego I don't think he expected I would stop contact but I did and it was a hard decision to make but I'm not going to stand by the sidelines while you play the field or have me as a back up plan and still having the same arrangement men or ppl in general want to have their cake and eat it too nope I will quit while I'm ahead and maintain my dignity and prevent myself from getting hurt even worse.  It's sad b/c I really liked him a lot fun to be around but sometimes things take a weird turn and I'm tired of trying to figure ppl out in all aspects of my life honestly so I'm taking it as a hard lesson learned and while I'm feeling much better about things it will take me a while to venture out into the dating scene again b/c ppl are full of shit and want to play games and at this stage of my life I'm too old for games and drama I need a mature guy in my age group not the bs I read on these dating sites and just what I see in day to day life.  I guess its not my time yet well time to get off the 6 train and begin my work day with a cup of coffee

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running late

On my daily ride to work and I'm running late due to hitting my snooze button my cell alarm and I hate running late b/c it totally throws me off course and it seems like the crowds of ppl become more annoying as the rush hour passes I always hope that woman with her annoying kids doesn't get on or some mental case or annoying subway performers or prophets that want to inform us the rapture is near I guess asking for a quiet ride to work when you're running late is too much too ask lol just like getting a seat on the way home.  hope I'm.not too late I know I will need some caffeine to keep me awake throughout the morning the slow down in work load doesn't help this the sun will peak out later and it does wonders for the mood

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