Mundane Thursday

These past few days haven't been easy for me I've struggled with depression for years but after my divorce it seems commonplace that I have a few down days here and there.  I ask myself everyday what my purpose in life is I try to think of a good answer can't seem to come up with one I like the ending to yet.  This the time of year I struggle with this the most b/c the end of the year is here and I start to reflect on what has occurred during the year.  Last week when I returned home from a boring monotous day at work I received a 3 day notice stating that I owe close to 5, 000 in rent the intial emotion I felt was shock from shock to anger and from anger to sadness. I don't owe this money so some would say why I should feel like this it's b/c I feel like I'm stuck living this monotonous routine of getting up getting ready dealing with commuter stupidity to and from all for half of my earnings to go to some greedy slum lord.  All of this while wanting to make sure I'm able to provide for my son and give him some treats for xmas and while that's not the true meaning of xmas as a parent you want to be able to do this.  I read this notice and immediately notify him and he acts as if he knows nothing about which infuriates me and Friday I lost it I just let him have it and told him off how are you trying to get someone evicted during the holidays someone whose a decent tenant struggling to make ends meet while you have someone doing illegal activity and they're not evicted.   I finally return his call only to be referred to a lawyer guilty before proven innocent.  I have the burden of proving I don't owe anything and once I spoke to the lawyer's assistant I was seething with anger as I'm told only images of cashed money orders are valid proof after speaking to the bank my suspicions were confirmed they were cashed. So I ask myself how can a person be this fortunate to have so much yet be a blithering idiot? Trying to scam someone out of money is wrong trying to do it to a hard-working single mother is worse.  I've never seen such incompetence and I'm fighting this till the end I don't have no more to give and I'm certainly not giving to some money hungry absent minded jerk who doesn't know how to handle his accounting and finances.  I've made the decision it's time to go I've had enough already and it's going to be hard to find an affordable apt but I think I've had my time here I need a fresh start and I cheated myself out of this last year but this year will be different.  I want to excel personally and professionally they say when you dread going to a place it's time to move on and I'm there.  I've been there for a long time but due to economic necessity I'm here still.  I feel trapped.

Some people truly don't know how to treat others and some don't deserve what they have they say there is a light at the end of the tunnel I hope there will be a light for me in the coming year.  For now I guess I will keep pushing forward as hard as it is at times keep playing the lottery and hope I win even though that's a big stretch.  Th