Turning 35

Last friday was my birthday I turned 35 I wish I was turning 25, 21 or 18 for that matter if I could turn back the hands of time I would do so many things differently. It feels sort of weird b/c when I was a teenager or in my very early 20's 30 seemed old 35 seemed ancient and forget about 40. I imagined at this time in my life I would have a good career be married with a few kids and living a decent life but life sometimes throws you in directions that you don't expect and we have to deal with a lot and roll with the punches. At 35 I'm now headed toward divorce have a city job that is secure not enough income for me to live comfortably I have a son who is on the autism spectrum which can be stress in itself and I'm a single mother trying to get by in life and there are times where I feel have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Not exactly where I thought I would be at this stage of my life but I strive to do better and be better. It seems as if I'm only focusing on the negative but 35 is also a number that means experience and maturity for me I think a lot different than I did in my 20's I'm more confident overall and sexually confident I'm more outspoken and less concerned about what others think and fitting in and not afraid to ask for what I want . I am a lot more responsible and focus less on things I once did like only buying brand name stuff lol now I just by what's on sale or only can shop when there is an actual sale but the unknown scares the crap out of me getting older scares me too I've reached the 5 yr mark shy of 40 and I've hoped to accomplish more as I get closer to that mark. I hope to go back to school, maybe find love again and have another child provided I find the person to make this step with but for right now this is on the back burner. In your 30's you have more responsiblities, bills, and now my mother is not in good health. This is a harsh reality that scares me b/c this means she is also getting older. It seems as if we having a never ending battle with HRA social security just to get basic help. I worry about this a lot b/c of the cost, insurance, etc. She relies on me more than before and at times it can be stressful I worry about life insurance and the cost and funeral expenses these are issues that are rarely discussed in the latino and ethnic communities we have a tendency to live only for the moment or for today we hardly ever plan for the future until something happens and we are left scrambling to find a way to cover all of these things. I've seen this happen to too many people and I don't want it to happen to me. I saw what it costs to plan a funeral when my grandmother passed away and the cost is high I'm glad that my grandfather had good health coverage and life insurance to cover the costs of everything involved b/c if he didn't it would've been a nightmare. We have to learn as a culture and as people to plan for our future b/c as you can see we never know what life can throw at you and you want to be prepared. I plan to research life insurance for myself my son and for my mother b/c I want to be prepared for the inevitable when the time comes. Sometimes we spend money on things we don't even need like expensive electronics, cell phones, sneakers, bags, etc. and we complain about spending money on an insurance premium or something that we can really benefit from? As they say in spanish lo barato sale caro (the cheap comes out expensive) I've seen many examples of this in my life time and I've learned sometimes it is best to spend a little more and reap the benefits of good planning and getting something worth the money. Life is a journey and is unscripted and I realize that age is just a number it's all where our head is at and I try not to focus too much on what could've been b/c you cant change the past all we can do is focus on the present and strive to accomplish what we set out to do.