it's been a while

It's been a while since I've posted a blog and I've even considered shutting it down b/c I barely have time to blog or the energy at times. I've also noticed most people don't blog or have left to other sites. These past few months have been a long and difficult road and I have to wonder at times when will things actually start to look up for me for once. It has been 3 months since me and my son's god mother have spoken after the falling out we had and I've come to realize that she feels she did nothing wrong and I disagree but I'm not going to sweat it no more as time passes by I have less patience to deal with other people's bs and "friend" to me is a word you should be careful who you give the title to b/c you will know who your friends are when you're in a bind. I found out that day and life goes on. I can't believe the level of incompetence I've dealt with at the city level and with the court system my divorce was further delayed b/c of a mix up with someone with the same last name and secretary's stupidity having to submit a notarized affidavit I get an email saying that it's FINAL at last I don't think I will believe it until I received the signed judgment in the mail at this point. I have lost all respect for city agencies such as NYC Human Resources Admin a.k.a social services I took my case to the deputy commissioner hoping to recieve some help wtih my case only to be given the run around and more nonsense to boot. After having to take days off I made one last attempt to get assistance on friday I went and applied for the last time and this time around I actually had professional and competent people to deal with. I felt a sense of relief and optimism until I spoke to my landlord's attorney and another bunch of people I can't stand are lawyers they're full of crap and hot air and this lawyer my landlord has I think got his law degree out of a cracker jack box b/c he tells his client that a lease with my ex husband's name crossed out is a valid lease well it's not which is why my case was rejected. Now I'm determined to get a new lease and was told he doesn't have to provide one b/c if he did it would extend the time I'm there and believe the sooner this is settled the sooner I get out of there. All of my hopes of taking a vacation are out the window with the time I've used and it's very discouraging at times b/c I could sure use a break. My mother finally got her surgery on March 13th and it was very hard seeing her in pain unable to move and it's still hard although now she's walking better w/o the help of a walker. She is due to get her staples removed today and I hope it won't be too painful for her. She can't reach bend or do much I'm also hoping that this surgery will help her in the long run. I think the physical therapy will be the most challenging but it is needed so she can rebuild her strength again. The dating scene for me has been non existent no one has caught my eye at all lately I realize that sometimes it's better to just be alone and let things find you. I've had a lot of bad experiences that have left me with a bad taste in my mouth. It seems like there is no such thing as a real decent guy these days. There is one guy who may be a potential candidate but due to the fact that he lives in another state it's a challenge and not sure if that's something I'm willing to commit to so we will see where it goes. He must be a potential good catch if he actually inspires my lazy a** to improve my cooking and learn some dominican dishes b/c I rarely cook. I always make sure jr eats though. This weekend was my first free weekend in a long time and it felt good to get some rest and have a break but it's going to have to be more frequent as breaks help ease the stress i feel and I get a lot accomplished. I can't even remember the last tme I went to the gym and that's bad and it doesn't help that I'm an emotional eater and I looked at the mirror and don't like what I see I've gained back a lot of weight to the point even some of my jeans are getting tighter when I am currently wearing 10-12 maybe may need a 14 we will soon see I also notice some of the cut of the jeans are ridiculously small how am I size 10 in brand a 12 in another and a 14 in mid rise jeans no one makes jeans the good old fashioned way anymore with a good amount of stretch and regular waist. When you've gained some and have a little muffin top skinny jeans and other lower waists just don't look good. I need to start exercising again and stop making excuses for myself. I'd like to be able to fit into the size 8 jeans I put away in storage so I need to get my lazy butt cracking. On another I went to Jersey City this weekend and I don't think it is somewhere I'd move with jr so I'm sort of rethinking the move to New Jersey unless it is a way better neighborhood with a good school district. I don't want a high crime area or to deal with trash I guess I've gotten spoiled and used to where I'm at now so I have to do more research but there is nothing like seeing things in person which is why I never take these craigs list ads too seriously b/c nothing is what it seems and photo shop can do wonders. Well it's time to start work it's only tuesday and I wish friday was near.

The new chapter begins

Lately I've been dealing with a lot of stress due to my situation with my rent and my health and we are finally settled in our new office space which is much better than the old space. It is bigger new no slow elevators. As I was riding home from work I receive a text message on the phone saying the lawyer just called me it's done it caught me by surprise but I had been waiting for this moment for a long time. and he sends an andrioid smiling face which I found to be inappropriate and antagonziing. I let him know this he says just happy it's over @@ does he think I wasn't happy it took long enough I think he's been gone on with his life and now it's my turn. I thought I would be so happy and while I am there is a sadness there and feeling of loss. This person was part of my life for over 13 years and that's not something you get past over night. I'm looking forward to this new chapter in my life to start new and get back on track if someone asked me right now if I would every remarry I'd probably say no. Relationships are a lot of work and I felt like I dealt with a lot and settled for siutations that I really shouldn't have. A lot of men's expectations are unrealistic and latino men just seem to want a woman who is a younger version of their mothers being born here in NYC this is very frustrating to me at times. I'm a very independent, liberal thinker and I can cook some dishes but to bust out a huge thing of pasteles made from scratch I'd have to go and buy some or ask my grandfather and pay him for the stuff needed. I want a man who wants a companion besides just someone to cook for him clean the house, etc. Weird how we are in 2013 and there are people who still deal with things like this you'd think people would become more progressive in their thinking as the years go by. Being back on the dating scene I've had a lot of disappointments men who just want to waste women's time and the last draw for me was when I went to go meet someone last friday froze my *** off and they didn't pick up the phone and had the nerve to be insulting to me accusing me of blowing up his phone and being desperate. I was so hurt b/c we had great conversation no sexual stuff and he turned out to be just another douche bag to add to my list of losers. I shut down my mi gente profile which from the pattern I'm seeing attracts nothing but garbage who just want to play games and have casual sex. Right now I just want to focus on me, jr, and the move coming up this summer and getting back to the gym b/c I have gained some weight back dealing with the stress of everything. While this venture to New Jersey is scary b/c I dont really know much of about the state but I can live more affordably which is extrememly important plus good school programs for jr. I'd also like to take a vacation this year even if it's a short one b/c it's been 2 years since I've had a real break.

unexpected circumstances

It's been over a month since I've written in this blog and a lot has gone on I'm going through a pretty rough time now. The holiday season was ok nothing like years past, they say a divorce is like a death and it sure is true. This New Year's Eve was very quiet and sort of depressing nothing like 2011 but I was glad to see 2012 leave and I was looking forward to starting off a brand new year. I had goals until I got an unexpected visitor at the door two weeks ago it was a process server serving with me papers I was totally unaware of this I open the papers and it's a petition for eviction from my apartment. After the shock sunk in came the anger b/c while I'm acknowledging I owe I had just put 1,000 in this man's hand two weeks earlier and at no time did he attempt to discuss this with me he and his wife name was named in the suit not his. I called the lawyer got an explanation and headed out to the court house next day to respond. It's funny how everyone acts like you're a dead beat when they probably make just about a little more or less than you so the saying rings true Don't judge other people until you walk a mile in their shoes. I was very nervous that day a quick bus ride seemed like forever I texted a friend of mine letting her know what happened and I was expecting a friend to be there for me but I got a lecture and judged and I was already stressed out beyond belief so we went at it and had a huge falling out and haven't spoken since. I am disappointed that she chose to go this route and the last falling out we had I was the one who initiated contact I seem to be the one who is always the ice breaker well not this time. I've gotten sick and tired of the bs and certain behaviors of a lot of people. I'm not sorry for what I said and I know she is not either. I'm not sure if some time passes we will talk again but I've learned in life if you have a few true friends in life consider yourself lucky b/c most people talk a lot of shit and are full of shit. You will know who your friends are when you are down and out and really need a friend. I also had to deal with lengthy lectures and threats from my ex to take my son away if I didn't get things straight he acts as if he gives me 3,000 a month. It's 200 per week which isn't much when rent is over 1200 a month plus food utilities etc. The harsh reality is I can no longer afford the apartment where I am at. I tried to make it work especially due to my mother's health issues but I have to move and yes make adjustments to my finances b/c if I don't I will always be behind the 8 ball. The messed up part about this is I applied for help and was denied the system sucks. NYC is a very expensive place to live and to get help from social services is ridiculously hard I spent 6 hours there after court talking to 3 different workers and getting increasingly aggravated after being bumped from department to department the last one was from HDU (homeless diversion unit) and he tells me what I have to bring in and he says a money order for January rent I lost it at that time I was tired stressed out tension headache and hadn't eaten in hours I said I don't have the money if I had the money would I be here talking to you applying for a one shot deal and then they wonder why people go off the deep end. So I have 30 days to get results or go back to court and get an extension of time. Friday will be my appointment which I'm hoping will be uneventful which is asking too much when dealing with these idiots at social services so I'm approved for help to get current. I've made my decision I will be moving to New Jersey in the summer time I dont want to take jr out of school in the middle of the year and I have to make sure I have enough money to cover the cost of the move and apartment. The rents are much cheaper here and school system is better than nyc. I hope it will work out something tells me as the cost of living increases I will be going further south as time goes on. The sad part is working class people are being priced out of NYC with rents starting at 1200 going up to 2000 a month who can afford that type of rent just to live in a half way decent neighborhood not the average person and to top it off even the bad neighborhoods have these outrageous price tags stuck to them. I will continue to do my research to make it an easy move I think the time has come for me to move on and get a fresh start new place new people it's not like I haven't started over before if I managed to live in Yonkers for 7 years I can make it in New Jersey too will it be a challenge to learn the bus and transit system yes but I will get it eventually. I hope my mother will eventually follow but she's getting back surgery next month and 4 months later neck surgery so I'm hoping she recovers well from the first one which is why I'm putting it off till summer time. To make matters worse she was denied her disability due to more incompetence of gov't workers so now the battle begins she will see a Binder & Binder representative this week to get the ball rolling. I hope things will turn around and get better and this just a temporary bump in the road for me we will soon see.

Day 4 of the School Bus strike

Today is the 4th day of the school bus strike and I can't believe it's been 4 days and the law hasn't stepped in to stop this strike. Millions of kids are stranded and suffering parents are scrambling b/c of having to take vacation days miss work and the employers don't seem to give a darn. While I understand things like job security, fair wages, benefits are things that people always fight for I think that this is something that they should've sat at the bargain table longer to find a reasonable solution b/c being reimbursed for metro cards and gas isn't going to reimburse your lost time from work. Personal days and vacation time are a precious thing and if you're in the private sector you don't have an abundance of this. My heart goes out to the parents suffering the effects of this strike especially the ones with special needs who depend on transporation and special help they receive to help them learn and many times these services can't be made up causing kids to fall behind and if you have a kid on the autism spectrum like I and millions of others to these type of children are used to a daily routine and when that routine is disrupted they tend to act out my son's behavior was pretty bad yesterday I lost my patience a few times but then I realize that yesterday was a holiday and no school to boot so he's out of his normal routine. I am thankful that my son's bus company is not a part of the school bus strike b/c honestly my son would have to stay home with his grandmother. Both me and his father work for the city and have to be at work by 8 am. If I took him to school I wouldn't get to work until after 11 am. Everyone thinks about themselves but no one thinks about the emotional economic and educational effects this strike has already had and will continue to have until a reasonable solution is found. I wonder if the Local 1181 President and his staff and employees will write out a check to every parent in this city for their lost wages, vacation and personal time to those who are lucky to have it, and their employees. These days people should be lucky to have a job period. Employers need to have more compassion for their employees as this is something that is out of their control the mayor board of ed and the union need to get back to that table and make something work out. People should be able to sue Local 1181 for damages due to the effects of their decision to strike.

holiday time is here

Christmas is right around the corner this month flew by pretty fast and I haven't done not one bit of shopping yet. As I said in earlier entries I'm just not in the holiday spirit this year I finally have my tree up I will take it down in the second week of January since we did put it up late. I didn't even do xmas cards this year. Today we are having horrible weather with heavy rains and winds I'm surprised that my umbrella didn't break it was so bad, it's one of those days where it is perfect to stay in bed or relax watching tv but since I took last friday off so here I am. It's a skeleton crew today as there are many people who took off today and for the next few days. I may take advantage and do some shopping well hopefully the weather will calm down by the time lunch rolls around. Jr is going with his father today which gives me a chance to rest and relax and one of my new year's goals is to take a vacation b/c I can sure use it to take a break from the fast pace of NYC, bills, worrying about the daily things. I like travelling I just wish I had the funds and more time to do it. As far as the dating thing I'm keeping my options open the guy I'm talking to while I like him and he seems nice I just don't know if I can wait any longer to finally meet him so I have spoken to two others who I enjoyed talking to find them attractive and seem to be nice guys I say seem b/c I've talked to men who seem to be nice and all they turn out to be is a bunch of game players and full of crap so we will see. I want to try making a turkey this year for the first time and I want to start simple so I may buy a turkey breast and hope for the best if it doesn't work there's always plenty of roast pork. Splitting the holidays isn't easy I will have jr xmas eve and he will take him xmas day but this is the harsh reality of the new life we have. The end of December is here and still no finalization of divorce papers this is really getting annoying for me and I'm calling the lawyer it is incredible what incompetent people they have working in the court system as I was told it was their mistakes that have caused the hold ups in this process. He has moved on with his life and while I have to it would be nice to make it official I plan to celebrate once it is final and hope one day when the time is right and the right man comes along I will find love again it is my hope that I will but for now I've been experiencing a lot of things that will eventually bring me up to the point where I'm ready for this. Maybe it will take a push from me to see if this process gets moved up somewhat. While it's kind of early for this I will be working on my list new year's goals I think goal is a better word than resolutions.

Connecticut school shooting - New York News | NYC Breaking News

Connecticut school shooting - New York News | NYC Breaking News

I was casually browsing the internet when I see this red breaking news link about a shooting and I'm in disbelief shock and then anger sets in.  27 people dead and 18 of those were young innocent children who go to school every day to learn and their lives were cut short by some deranged evil maniac who decided to massacre a school of innocent people.  I'm tired of hearing the excuses of stressed out, unemployed, etc.  when does it end? Nothing excuses what this coward yes a coward b/c he took the easy way out and killed himself rather than face the music for his horrific crime.  I have a young child almost in kindergarten and I would go bonkers if something like this was to happen at his pre-school or any place.  This makes you hug your loved ones and children much tighter and longer.  We must cherish our family members and pray that they return safe to us everyday b/c we never know what and who we will encounter in our daily lives.  My condolences to the inconsolable families who lost young children with their whole lives ahead of them and any school employees.  You will be in many thoughts and prayers. 

nothing can ever go smoothly

Today is hump day and a cold one at that. It's an easy day at work and the 3:00 stretch is coming soon plus 10 minutes for me b/c I was late. I refused to get in a jam packed J train this morning. There was a huge crowd of people no poles to hold onto and let's face it I'm not in no rush to get to work so I waited 5 minutes for the next train which is emptier and I got to sit down which is rare on this train. I punched in got breakfast came back to warm up sipping my vanilla chai from dunkin donut with my sausage egg cheese crossaint I need to stop eating these b/c I'm noticing an undesirable paunch on myself. Monday was the first time I did the online grocery shopping with delivery thorough stop & shop and I have to say that it was easy and very convenient. I will continue to do this as it saves me time, the aggravation that comes along with food shopping such as crowded stores, not enough open cashiers, annoying customers, not enough sale items. It was delivered by 10 am and everything arrived. Yesterday I finally installed my clear modem thinking I was home free and I'd be having internet access on my desktop laptop and cell phone. Installation was a little challenging b/c he used to be the one to deal with building, installing, etc. this morning I connected lap top and cell phone. I noticed when I went on the train this morning I had no wi-fi when I get to work the same thing. I called them back and spoke to the customer service rep and I was sold the wrong device. I should've broughth their Voyager model that you can take anywhere and get a signal plus home usage. I was infuriated b/c now I have to go through the trouble of returning this item and purchasing the correct item b/c this representative convinced me that the hub express model was the appropriate device. So my happiness was short lived to say the least Now I must wait to go to the store. Today at lunch time I went to the UPS store to encounter yet more stupidity or f**ery as quoted by a good friend I was returning the verizon dsl box and said idiot who had zero customer service, functioning brain cells, or personality tells me I needed to open the box and where was my label as if I knew where it was. I was annoyed and hungry and didn't feel like wasting 20 minutes of my lunch here. I then told him the label is on top of the box. I can feel my face getting hot and the other clerk overheard this and told me he'd help I was grateful that he was nice enough to help me and explain what I needed and box wasn't opened got my receipt and off to lunch. Some people have no people skills or even know how to properly do their jobs. I then spend another ridiculous wait on the burger king line in which pretty much what I wrote in my fast food entry happened. The same typical long lines, long waits, slow order taking and filling of orders. If I didn't feel like having chicken strips I would've walked right out. Since jr left it's been quiet and I've been resting but it would've been even better if I was actually off instead of coming to work. I have an appt to go to after work and I don't even feel like going but I have to go. I finally have a little bit of xmas spirit my mom brought out my tree to shape it out and I will decorate it so jr can have something to look at it seems as he's having fun in florida and he will be back sunday so I will enjoy my days of freedom for the rest of the week and saturday. I went to my mi gente page again lots of hits but nothing grabs my attention. The guy I've been chatting with was online the 9th and didn't hit me up kind of makes me wonder I emailed him but if I don't get a response or call back soon, next in line please some people just want to play games and I don't like game players I'm too old for that type of bs. I never realized finding a decent guy would be this hard. Well time for me to finish up here for the day hoping it will not be a long wait at the dr office today