"me" day and just thinking out loud.

Today is a "me" day. I don't get "me" days very often which is why I appreciate them so much. This weekend was very stressful and I didn't get a break at all. My son drove me bananas and didn't sleep all day I was to point that I was going to lose it but I tried to keep myself in check I can see how some people will lose it and seriously hurt their kid if they don't have self-control however it doesn't justify hurting a child but I do see that we're only human and can only be pushed yet so far. I got up this morning half asleep woke him up got him dressed and dropped him off at the babysitter and I'm reveling in the serenity and solitude. Sometimes I get to the point that I hate the weekends, I hate them b/c they're not for resting or relaxing, they're for cleaning, paying bills, errands, etc. by the time Sunday rolls around I'm even more tired than Friday sometimes. I wish I had an outlet sometimes someone who would come and take my son for a few hours but I don't. This is when you realize who your friends really are when you're in trouble or you need a favor and nine out of ten times no one is ever around when you need them. Honestly most people are full of shit I think friend like the word love is a word that's thrown around way too much. If you're a friend to someone are you really there for that person when they need you or are you just an opportunist, that when it's convenient for you to see this person you do, etc. I kind of that that a friendship is a two way street and a lot of times I've felt that I'm the only one nurturing it and that's when I said this is bs no more, I have my own life, my own problems, and if I'm making an effort you sure as well can try and that's when I decided I'm not going to chase anyone anymore. I look at it this way if people want to contact me they know my number, my facebook, email, etc. other than that I have my life to live and it's not an easy one at that. I wish I didn't have to deal with the daily rat race of this city, deal with certain people and bs at work or have to work period but harsh reality is I do. I've been looking through the jobs online and boy does the economy suck there wasn't anything good at all and most are offering shitty pay and no benefits or shitty pay with benefits or hours that a working mother can't work with. I saw a good hospital position I'd be interested in and when I saw the hours of 11am-7pm some days of the week 9-5 two other days plus alternate Saturdays 9-5 I said NO WAY I'm looking to simplify my life and maybe reduce my work schedule. I guess that's why no one has applied for the job. None of these jobs offer any flexibility in their schedules, I think there has to be more flexibility in work schedules so that working mothers like myself can spend more time with their children, be less stressed, and still contribute to the household income but it's getting to the point where people are paying ridiculous amounts of money to daycare centers and approaching burn out, and I feel like I'm already burning out I'm always tired, aggravated and short tempered. It's true that we spent more time at work than at home, that's pretty sad but the way people see it bills have to paid, rent being the most ridiculous expense of them all. Seems like all I do when I blog is complain lol but it's a good release for me. I know that there has to be something better out there for me that this can't be my only choice. I've thought of health care and now I'm sort of rethinking it too because I look at the job ads and the salaries they offer are ridiculous for the amount of work you do, interaction with patients, etc. it's a joke and a crying shame, I thought I make more just doing office work and data entry. I'm not only thinking about money as my issue deals with personal fulfillment but we do need to make something that we can live off of and $8-10 an hour in NYC is a joke and a crying shame and the ad said no benefits. You can't even pay rent with that salary. It was close to my house but do I want to leave a city job to deal with hood rats, idiots, and all the colorful individuals society has to offer b/c it was health care can I say a resounding hell no! I deal with some people like that where I work now. I know no job is perfect but when I do leave this current one I want to make sure it's the right fit for me overall so back to the drawing board for now. Next step is looking for an affordable preschool for my son that's going to be another challenge while the current place is very affordable I want him to be in a more structured environment and some of the lack of professionalism and organization of group family daycare is a little bit much for me to deal with when I have enough on my plate for example I was going to bring him on Wednesday as the doctor advised but I saw the area is healing nicely and he was feeling better and I decided to bring him today, I call her last night no answer leave a msg no return call. I text her daughter she assures me she will give her the msg I show up this morning and she looked completely surprised to see me and her daughter never gave her the message and I thought to myself this is totally ridiculous and a lack of organization. People love the idea of starting a business but they have no idea how to run one, they have no professionalism, no organization, these are things you need for your business to run well. It's not enough to become licensed by the State and City and Health department do you really care for these kids or are each of them just another dollar sign for you? I've heard lots of horror stories and all I've got to say is just b/c they're licensed doesn't make them good. Stop by unannounced then you'll really see how good they are. I did once and I didn't like what I saw but like many I bit the bullet b/c I cant afford anyone else right now. No one will take of your child like you bottom line. Well this is my rant for now going to try to catch up on some sleep, possibly get my nails done, grab some lunch and enjoy my limited time of peace and serenity for the day.