life recap

I usually make time to blog but lately I've been so busy with my day to day things going on in my life that I didn't have much time for it last month. Last month Jr started pre-school and he seemed to get used to it pretty fast but as with everything there's always some source of stress or stupidity going on and lately it's with the bus company who picks him up they're consistently late too lazy to ring a bill to let his sitter know they're outside and a request to get him velcro closure sneakers b/c they're too damn lazy to tie his shoes and I ask myself wtf is wrong with people it seems like no one wants to do their freaking jobs these days everyone is always looking for an easy way out. I finally caved in and got the velcro closure sneakers b/c I was tired of hearing about it but the bus issue is yet to be resolved. He missed one day of school this week which pissed me off due to their incompetence and he can't miss school b/c he needs his therapy sessions and I've noticed that it's working b/c he's speaking more clearer and using a lot more words. Last week I was called to go in and pick him up b/c he had the runs and honestly by the time I left work @1 and had to wait for that annoying J train he could've went home in the school bus. It pissed me off b/c I could've used those 2 hours of sick leave for something really important these people think that everyone has the luxury of staying home or staying home and living off the system and I don't I have to go to work and my hours of leave have to be conserved they say that they "understand" working parents um no you don't if you expect to drop everything at a moment's notice so I'm crossing my fingers his grandmother gets here by the end of this month so if he's sick she can get him. This Halloween jr was spongebob and he looked adorable his father took him trick or treating around the area and he came home with a huge bag of candy. It was sad that we didn't do the tradition of taking him to Sesame Place as we had done in previous years but due to situation it wasn't possible. We can only tolerate each other in small doses for short periods of time and honestly he gets on my freaking nerves after a while. Last weekend began my free weekend my first one I had in a very long time so I treasure them to just clean sometimes run errands shop or just do nothing but lounge. Friday night I went out with a good friend of mine to Chili's for dinner in long island I'd rather go to Westbury to not so crowded and very easy to find parking we had some frozen strawberry margaritas 2 for 1 and I loved it b/c with all of the stress I feel I needed one and it was strong and the fact that I hadn't eaten just made me get buzzed that much faster it was great we both blew off some steam and it feels great to have a person to listen at times. I look forward to doing it more often. He says he's going to take me to a lounge and I think I went to one once and I didn't like it but I'm sure there are better ones. Lounge/Bar/Clubs have never been my scene even in my 20's so now that I find myself alone again it's an area I'm looking to explore but he warns that we have to be cautious with the ones you attend b/c they can attract certain kinds of crowds and this is sort of the reasons I'd avoid the scene altogether b/c for one or a few idiots the whole evening can get ruined and now that I'm in my 30's I want to deal with that shit even less. Near my area I saw a dance studio offering dance classes in bachata, salsa, for beginners, etc. and each time I've passed by in the car I always hear the music and I notice everyone seems to have so much fun b/c while I may be hispanic I can't dance to save my life sad but true I need to learn how to relax and let loose so I might consider it. The most exposure I get to dance is when I go to my zumba classes which have also helped lose a lot of weight so far I've lost 36 lbs and I'm 25 lbs away from my goal I started doing more work on the machines particularly the ab machine b/c while I've lost a lot of weight I'm trying to get rid of the belly and be able to be ready for summer again when the time comes. My last visit at the dr I lost 3 more lbs but the constant battle I have is the diet I slip up a lot and I need to have better will power and stay away from sweets which is my downfall. I notice my old navy sweet heart jeans are starting to get loose which means I'm going to need a 10 soon seems like it happened so fast I mistakenly bought a 10 levis a few weeks back but they fit pretty well a little tight in the waist but they stretch. I still have been cleaning out my drawers to make room for the smaller clothing. I've also gone out and bought make up some I barely would wear in the past so it seems like i'm reconnecting and taking better care of me but many things remain up in the air like when this divorce is going to be final and how fast time flies it's been 3 months since he moved out before you know it a year will have passed by. Life happens and time waits for no one so I'm trying to enjoy my life and live in peace but I have to admit I can get lonely at times and with my hectic schedule it's hard to make time for me and with the current assortment of douche bags on the dating scene doesn't make it easier and while to some it may seem like I'm moving too fast into that scene having a friend to go out with once in a while and I have to admit the fact that I haven't gotten laid in months is and has been starting to grow on me lol so much that I feel like I'm going to go up the wall at times people have told me to get toys alrighty there and just have a fwb (friend with benefits) something I NEVER considered in the past I pretty much was a straight arrow of a person when it came to things like that but lately my hormones are singing a different tune but I'm cautious about the emotional consequences of this. Maybe a friend of some sort is just what the dr ordered lol we'll see what happens b/c I don't think I want anything serious right now as I haven't even signed on the dotted line and the emotional side effects from that isn't going to be easy but I will feel a sense of relief when it finally does happen but also a sense of sadness and failure. A guy I've been talking to and I gave my number hasnt called and I asked him about as I'm very direct and he confessed that he was hesitant and shy I was like wow I never expect to hear that from a guy it surprised me but it also made me feel a jerk b/c I kind of misjudged him since I hadn't heard from him I guess I'm not the only who is cautious of putting themselves out there. Very sad but unfortunately there are a lot of aholes, game players, out there who don't consider the feelings of people they come in contact with so I will keep on talking to him and see where it goes and I hope we do meet even if its to be friends (regular) friends. Some good news came our way the real estate told me that there's two available apartments in the area so it will be possible for my mother to return back to NY and I'm crossing my fingers things go well b/c I can sure use her help. It's been hard all of these years without especially when jr was a baby and a younger toddler. November 5 jr turned 3 and it seemed like 3 years just flew by just like that it seems like yesterday that I gave birth and I was bringing him home from the hospital. He can be a handful at times but he's my joy. I'd love to have another baby one of these days if I actually find a guy who is for real and isn't just another one who I will put under the douche bag category. I'm learning a lot of hard lessons from this separation and some of them is that life is too short and you can't forget about yourself which in a way I did for many years and no matter how bad we want something sometimes it's just not meant to be. I'm sure there will be others just haven't thought of them yet. Talking to my sitter I realize I'm not the only one who's going through changes two other women are going through some real messed up stuff and I ask myself sometimes wth is wrong with us as people? what do we want? I think a lot of people's expectations are unrealistic. I heard her say one of the husbands is leaving her b/c she's chubby totally ridiculous. People who seek perfection will be sorely disappointed b/c it doesn't exist true real love is unconditional . Let him find a barbie doll even they get lose their novelty after a while. Beauty is only skin deep or in the eye of the beholder and I think self respect, good morals, and intelligence matters more than physical beauty b/c you can beautiful on the outside but if you have nothing more than your looks to bring to table that's sad. Or the ones who expect you to work a full time job clean and have an old school latino dinner every freakin day those days are gone and times have changed but some people never evolve. I made an attempt for my son's sake to celebrate his birthday with his father on saturday and it didn't work out he just aggravated me to no end and I had to pay for my movie and half of the meal which is sort of a slap in the face b/c had it been me I know I would've paid for the meal for him but some people are just in a class by themselves. Words were exchanged feelings were hurt and I said NEVER again but at least we get a A for effort for trying the most important thing is jr enjoyed his bday for the most part. Counseling has worked for the most part and at times emotions just get in the way but I'm able to communicate better b/c of it and we are for the sake of jr but it's a long road but in the end I think everyone will be happier b/c of it. I look forward to the new adventures that may come my way in the next few months and on that note I have to get back to work b/c it's past 10 and things have to get done.

May is here

May has arrived and I can't believe we're already 5 months in to the year, where is the time going?  My mother's birthday is around the corner and mother's day and I have no idea what to get, my grandfather's birthday was yesterday and I feel guilty that I didn't get around to calling him but I will send him a belated card so many things going on I forget and don't mean to.  The end of week didn't end well for me as I went to the dentist after work to get 3 wisdom teeth out and I had to deal with the very unprofessional down attitude of this dental office I won't mention their name out of risk that I can get into trouble but for anyone who is familiar with lower manhattan is right across from city hall park I was waiting well after 5:00 which kind of defeats the purpose of appointments doesn't it? I was nervous b/c I hate the dentist with a passion I don't know anyone who looks forward to going to the dentist or the gynecologist but we need to see both.  I don't like dentists b/c I've had a lot of negative experiences with dentist who have a bad bed side manner, staff that is detached and has the same issue.  My teeth aren't in the best shape due to lack of insurance between jobs, etc. but I guess better late than never to take care of them I got a little off topic but I sign in and the wait seems like forever making me even more nervous I get the bomb dropped on me that insurance won't cover sedation! I thought wtf are you kidding me?  Who wants to go through invasive dental work and be conscious I sure didn't and I was told I had to pay $250 up front if I wanted it so I had no choice but to opt for local anesthesia.  When I was in the room the dentist came in and stuck those needles in my mouth it was horrible and it hurt a lot very traumatic for me lots of pulling and tugging and I was out within 15 minutes in a hell of a lot of pain with a bunch of gauze in my mouth.  I don't get these insurance companies why would you not cover something like sedation there are people who are very fearful and nervous patients and dr cant work on them without it.  I prefer to be sedated and after Friday's experience I think I will be holding off on getting the last one pulled until I'm able to negotiate with the insurance on either them covering it or at least getting reimbursed for cost even if its' only half.  It didn't help that I had to deal with his bs complaining of having to come into the city to pick me up but I was only in pain some ppl can be real aholes sometimes.  Next morning I get up to go the pharmacy to get my pain killers they don't open till 9 I went to quest to get some blood taken out and I was told the dr office would get the results in 3 days.  I know I don't have cholesterol or sugar problems perhaps the morons should've listened when I said I had eaten.  I went to take my blood pressure at rite aid it read 114/81 and pulse 93.  it was higher at the dr office but it could've been b/c I ate and was aggravated.  Once I got the vicodin for the pain I felt very relieved but they don't tell you that vicodin makes you sleepy and it alters your mood I found myself very irritable and snappy.  I then made the mistake of taking it yesterday at work and I felt like going to the back cubicle and falling asleep.  I did some work but I was extremely lazy and tired lesson learned leave the vicodin at home.  I had the fun experience of learning that I didn't have enough deductions to buy my monthly pass and had the annoying experience of getting on the bus with jr only to have a zero balance on my card metro cards shouldn't say that they're good until 5/3/11 I took that as meaning I'd have till 5/4 to get a new card so b/c we got three paycheck and only two deductions I had to fund the card with the difference which is totally unfair and defeats the purpose of having the transit card in my opinion.  This weekend I did some shopping at Walmart got all of the things needed in the house and Sunday I did some retail therapy for me and got me a pair of shoes from aerosoles.  They're very comfortable and were on sale double bonus I'm going to start doing more for me as I find I'm always doing this thing that, going here paying this bill and rarely anything for myself.  I know I said May was a no soda month but I cheated the first few days lol with 7up but as soon as it's finished no more.  I got a ton of crystal light a case of water to motivate me and diet cranberry juice.  I've become label obsessed reading the content of a lot of things and it makes me think before I put a lot of things in my mouth but candy is my weakness so is snacking.  My next step is to finally get my a** to the gym and sign up.  The evaluation process for jr is starting last night the speech therapist started her first half of testing which he did well on most of it some he didn't answer what they asked and the test got harder as it went on,  Thursday he will get his DAY-C assessment and next week the psychologist does his evaluation I'm anxious to get all of the findings and reports to see where he's at and how much progress he's made.  While I'm no professional I know he's made progress when he began therapy in January he barely said a handful of words and his vocabulary has increased and he's combining words it's a slow and steady process but in the end I think he will get into the program that will help him reach his full potential.  Today this weather isn't good it's gray rainy and that doesn't do much for my mood or motivation well it's past 9 and it's time to get to work.  Hope this day is a smooth one.