weekend routine

This weekend was like most cleaning organizing running errands and doing laundry. I don't know anyone who likes to do laundry or even more when you live in a urban city like NYC and have to go to the laundromat outside dragging a cart down a flight of stairs isn't easy it's gotten to the point that I don't even stay to dry anymore b/c I really don't feel like spending 2 or 3 hours in a laundromat especially on a sunday when it's crowded so I dropped off my towels sheets etc. in drop off service one less thing for me to do. Yesterday I went to myrtle avenue as I usually do with jr on the weekends to take him for lunch and it seems like there's always some drama going on at this mcdonald's either it's very crowded the line for bathroom is too long and they're always out of something yesterday a women comes in with a fake $20 bill and is furious b/c they won't give her money back and accused the cashier of trying to pocket it @@ what would she want with a fake $20 I'd take it back to the bank or check cashing place but once you give to a merchant or store they confiscate it. After eating I went to deal$ with my son to pick up a few things I should own stock in the company I go there so much. After the store we walked back toward the neighborhood and I let my son run around and play in the park while I sit and relax but my eyes are always looking to see what he's up to and sadly b/c he's on the autism spectrum there are many people who don't understand and aren't very nice to him and that gets me very angry at times. He likes to play with kids but sometimes kids don't want to play with him and he doesn't understand. Yesterday I saw this kid push my son and I felt like getting up and slamming him right into the monkey bars yes I know it's an extreme reaction but I'm very overprotective of my son b/c of his condition. I didn't of course but I yelled across the park " Don't even think about pushing him". Which makes me think where are the parents of these children? They come to the park and they're not even paying attention to what their kids are doing. I would never allow my son to push another child not only b/c it's wrong but b/c I don't want to get into any confrontations with other parents who'd be understandbly upset. I then told him it's time to go home time is up as I usually set my cell phone alarm to alert him it's time to go home. I think he needed to get away from that situation and I had dinner and laundry waiting to be hanged up. I came home relaxed a little read my cook book to get more ideas for the weekly dinner and eventually I started cooking dinner. I made steak and onions and it came out pretty good I just should've done it over night it usually tastes better as it marinates longer it takes a few tries to really perfect a recipe at times. On thursday I reapplied for rental assistance once again bad is when you already know the routine at these places hoping that I will be approved this time. I thought I'd be there all day but I wasn't there that long and I was able to work a half day. After we ate I sure didn't feel like doing the dishes so there they stayed I'll get to them today. I've gotten to the point where I've cut back I don't mop my entire apartment in one day like I used to I mop every other week only thing I do weekly is clean kitchen bathrooms mop them change sheets and laundry. I gave jr his bath put him to bed and made sure he stood sleeping in his bed and he actually did I'm really trying to ween him off staying in my bed and many a time I've had to carry him to bed and he's heavy 41 lbs to be exact. I winded up falling asleep on the couch and forgot to see my alarm so we rushed out the house and missed the first bus. I also missed my connecting bus but it's monday and I wasn't going to stress myself out got my morning coffee which I desperately needed hazenut dunkin donuts to get myself awake and going. I still managed to make it to work on time today is the pot luck at work and I'm not even participating with everything I had to do I forgot so i guess there's always next yr or another occassion. After giving it some thought I decided to end contact with the guy I was talking to for a while from out of state I just got tired of always being the one to initiate contact. It's sad b/c I really liked him and I really thought we could've had something good but I'm not going to be chasing anyone. I understood he had been sick but everytime I've called I get a busy signal or I'm sent to voicemail. Two times I've been on fb chat and he's signed off when I IM him so that was the last straw for me, that's just plain rude so I'm done. If I ever do hear from him I will just say hello but I doubt it. This is why I don't think I can do the long distance thing b/c I admit I can be an attention whore and can be jealous not to the extent of fatal attraction but I acknoweledge my traits so this wouldn't work for me. I decided to reopen my zoosk account after months of it being closed but it's simply just to look and browse only right now I'm just focusing on jr myself and my move which by the looks of things I've still been looking for a place in NY here in the same area or another but still nothing under 1300-1400 a month which I think is high way robbery b/c some of these apartments are in desperate need of renovation and modernization so moving to New Jersey is still an option. Well it's monday another work week begins but at least it's pay week I will treat myself this week to a much needed pedicure and trim on my hair.

daily routine and the road ahead

Lately it's been work pay bills come home change into pjs food homework cartoons bath stories bed. I watch tv for a little while but most of the time I wind up dozing off on the couch. As soon as I think I've paid all the bills and I'm up to date before I know I see them right away again in my mailbox or have a friendly text reminder which can be annoying at times. Yes I know I owe it, just don't have it at the moment. I'm thinking of getting rid of my house and internet service I switched to Clear internet and Verizon phone service is costing too much money and their billing department are a bunch of incompetent morons. Too many taxes fees and surchages so this so called discount bundle you're paying for winds up to be one big rip off. I've been debating whether to stay living here in NY or move to New Jersey b/c I'm really having a hard time affording this apartment but I also don't know what school program my son will be accepted into September so the search continues. Yesterday I got the official divorce judgement so it is official I'm divorced and I can change my married name back to my maiden name if I choose to. The chapter is officially closed and I can get on with my life. It seems like everything was getting in the way of this document showing up but when I read it I couldn't believe what a sloppy piece of paper it was and I couldn't believe this is what took almost 2 yrs to draft the NYC court system should be ashamed of themselves. On another note I received some bad news yet again this case worker from social services rejected my case again and I don't even understand why I submitted all my paperwork complied with all I'm just fed up with the incompetence of social workers and the bureaucracy that exists in NYC social service system. I've lost days over all of this crap and b/c of it I pretty much will go through summer 2013 without a break or vacation which is so unfair to me b/c I've hadn't a vacation since 2011 I could sure use one. I'm mentally and emotionally drained at this point so I must gather up all of my paperwork again and reapply for services for If I am rejected I am just going to apply for a fair hearing and have a judge review my case I'm thinking maybe I should've done this all along it would've saved me a whole lot of leg work and aggravation. I have to ask myself if things will eventually start looking up for me instead of the stress and aggravation I have right now there never seems to be enough to cover all expenses and I've given up on the gym for now b/c all I have no time especially now that my son goes to the babysitter I have to pick him up by a certain time and forget the weekends unless it's a free weekend which most times I sleep in and relax. Next month will be my mother's birthday and my grandfather's birthday he will be 80 yrs old this year and they're doing a celebration for him in FL but sadly I will not be able to attend b/c of time used up dealing with a broken system and finances are tied away for moving expenses it's sad b/c this is a milestone we should've all been able to be around to celebrate. I will send him a nice card and I was thinking of getting a nice plaque made we will see what I can come up with. Jr graduation package came last week and his graduation will be on June 7th. It's been a long road but he has come a long way and improved a lot. He has made a lot of friends too it will be nice to see him graduate and for all of the students to put on a show for us. He is looking forward to starting kindergarten in september and I look forward to seeing him progress and go even further. Time flies by so fast it seemed like yesterday he was a baby then 2.5 starting the pre-school and now graduating from there. Time flies and waits for no one. Tomorrow I will try one last time to reapply for services and hope I get approved or I will have to request a hearing and get an attorney.

Boston Marathon Tragedy

The NY Marathon went off without anything happening sadly the Boston Marathon particpants and spectators weren't so lucky. Bombs went off killing 3 people and injuring many more. One of the casualties was an 8 yr old boy who was trying to get the message of peace across my heart goes out to his family and the many others who are hurt some will heal others have life time injuries that will not. People think that an incident like 9/11 can't happen again well no one should have that false sense of security because it sure can happen. Would we better prepared for it than back in 2001 yes but it doesn't mean that we wouldn't have a battle ahead of us. This marathon was on a nice sunny day and no one imagined what these group of cowards had planned that day to inflict bombing and cause all of this pain and suffering. Your group whom ever you are a bunch of cowards you think that by doing this you're going to scare people and make them prisioners in their own home so we can't continue on with our daily lives. You're such a bunch of cowards you haven't even claimed responsiblity for your evil actions but with the efforts of our gov't we will found out who you are and make you pay for what you did to the city of Boston and it's people. I work in lower manhattan and I am constantly reminded of 9/11 and what the old world trade center looked like I used to sit there and eat a hotdog from the truck on a nice spring or summer day or go browse the shopping concourse. Do I think they should've rebuilded there nope. I think they should've kept it a memorial place but they're rebuilding and just as high which to me is a death trap especially when having to evacuate in case of an fire or attacks. When I get on the train every morning I say an internal prayer that I will get into the city safe and sound and back home the same. I went off topic here but I'm very sad and angry that this tragedy had to occur like this. It proves to us that there is so sense of safeness anymore and every major event will need top notch security police and military depending on the event but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Prayers to all the families and the city of Boston

it's been a while

It's been a while since I've posted a blog and I've even considered shutting it down b/c I barely have time to blog or the energy at times. I've also noticed most people don't blog or have left to other sites. These past few months have been a long and difficult road and I have to wonder at times when will things actually start to look up for me for once. It has been 3 months since me and my son's god mother have spoken after the falling out we had and I've come to realize that she feels she did nothing wrong and I disagree but I'm not going to sweat it no more as time passes by I have less patience to deal with other people's bs and "friend" to me is a word you should be careful who you give the title to b/c you will know who your friends are when you're in a bind. I found out that day and life goes on. I can't believe the level of incompetence I've dealt with at the city level and with the court system my divorce was further delayed b/c of a mix up with someone with the same last name and secretary's stupidity having to submit a notarized affidavit I get an email saying that it's FINAL at last I don't think I will believe it until I received the signed judgment in the mail at this point. I have lost all respect for city agencies such as NYC Human Resources Admin a.k.a social services I took my case to the deputy commissioner hoping to recieve some help wtih my case only to be given the run around and more nonsense to boot. After having to take days off I made one last attempt to get assistance on friday I went and applied for the last time and this time around I actually had professional and competent people to deal with. I felt a sense of relief and optimism until I spoke to my landlord's attorney and another bunch of people I can't stand are lawyers they're full of crap and hot air and this lawyer my landlord has I think got his law degree out of a cracker jack box b/c he tells his client that a lease with my ex husband's name crossed out is a valid lease well it's not which is why my case was rejected. Now I'm determined to get a new lease and was told he doesn't have to provide one b/c if he did it would extend the time I'm there and believe the sooner this is settled the sooner I get out of there. All of my hopes of taking a vacation are out the window with the time I've used and it's very discouraging at times b/c I could sure use a break. My mother finally got her surgery on March 13th and it was very hard seeing her in pain unable to move and it's still hard although now she's walking better w/o the help of a walker. She is due to get her staples removed today and I hope it won't be too painful for her. She can't reach bend or do much I'm also hoping that this surgery will help her in the long run. I think the physical therapy will be the most challenging but it is needed so she can rebuild her strength again. The dating scene for me has been non existent no one has caught my eye at all lately I realize that sometimes it's better to just be alone and let things find you. I've had a lot of bad experiences that have left me with a bad taste in my mouth. It seems like there is no such thing as a real decent guy these days. There is one guy who may be a potential candidate but due to the fact that he lives in another state it's a challenge and not sure if that's something I'm willing to commit to so we will see where it goes. He must be a potential good catch if he actually inspires my lazy a** to improve my cooking and learn some dominican dishes b/c I rarely cook. I always make sure jr eats though. This weekend was my first free weekend in a long time and it felt good to get some rest and have a break but it's going to have to be more frequent as breaks help ease the stress i feel and I get a lot accomplished. I can't even remember the last tme I went to the gym and that's bad and it doesn't help that I'm an emotional eater and I looked at the mirror and don't like what I see I've gained back a lot of weight to the point even some of my jeans are getting tighter when I am currently wearing 10-12 maybe may need a 14 we will soon see I also notice some of the cut of the jeans are ridiculously small how am I size 10 in brand a 12 in another and a 14 in mid rise jeans no one makes jeans the good old fashioned way anymore with a good amount of stretch and regular waist. When you've gained some and have a little muffin top skinny jeans and other lower waists just don't look good. I need to start exercising again and stop making excuses for myself. I'd like to be able to fit into the size 8 jeans I put away in storage so I need to get my lazy butt cracking. On another I went to Jersey City this weekend and I don't think it is somewhere I'd move with jr so I'm sort of rethinking the move to New Jersey unless it is a way better neighborhood with a good school district. I don't want a high crime area or to deal with trash I guess I've gotten spoiled and used to where I'm at now so I have to do more research but there is nothing like seeing things in person which is why I never take these craigs list ads too seriously b/c nothing is what it seems and photo shop can do wonders. Well it's time to start work it's only tuesday and I wish friday was near.

The new chapter begins

Lately I've been dealing with a lot of stress due to my situation with my rent and my health and we are finally settled in our new office space which is much better than the old space. It is bigger new no slow elevators. As I was riding home from work I receive a text message on the phone saying the lawyer just called me it's done it caught me by surprise but I had been waiting for this moment for a long time. and he sends an andrioid smiling face which I found to be inappropriate and antagonziing. I let him know this he says just happy it's over @@ does he think I wasn't happy it took long enough I think he's been gone on with his life and now it's my turn. I thought I would be so happy and while I am there is a sadness there and feeling of loss. This person was part of my life for over 13 years and that's not something you get past over night. I'm looking forward to this new chapter in my life to start new and get back on track if someone asked me right now if I would every remarry I'd probably say no. Relationships are a lot of work and I felt like I dealt with a lot and settled for siutations that I really shouldn't have. A lot of men's expectations are unrealistic and latino men just seem to want a woman who is a younger version of their mothers being born here in NYC this is very frustrating to me at times. I'm a very independent, liberal thinker and I can cook some dishes but to bust out a huge thing of pasteles made from scratch I'd have to go and buy some or ask my grandfather and pay him for the stuff needed. I want a man who wants a companion besides just someone to cook for him clean the house, etc. Weird how we are in 2013 and there are people who still deal with things like this you'd think people would become more progressive in their thinking as the years go by. Being back on the dating scene I've had a lot of disappointments men who just want to waste women's time and the last draw for me was when I went to go meet someone last friday froze my *** off and they didn't pick up the phone and had the nerve to be insulting to me accusing me of blowing up his phone and being desperate. I was so hurt b/c we had great conversation no sexual stuff and he turned out to be just another douche bag to add to my list of losers. I shut down my mi gente profile which from the pattern I'm seeing attracts nothing but garbage who just want to play games and have casual sex. Right now I just want to focus on me, jr, and the move coming up this summer and getting back to the gym b/c I have gained some weight back dealing with the stress of everything. While this venture to New Jersey is scary b/c I dont really know much of about the state but I can live more affordably which is extrememly important plus good school programs for jr. I'd also like to take a vacation this year even if it's a short one b/c it's been 2 years since I've had a real break.

unexpected circumstances

It's been over a month since I've written in this blog and a lot has gone on I'm going through a pretty rough time now. The holiday season was ok nothing like years past, they say a divorce is like a death and it sure is true. This New Year's Eve was very quiet and sort of depressing nothing like 2011 but I was glad to see 2012 leave and I was looking forward to starting off a brand new year. I had goals until I got an unexpected visitor at the door two weeks ago it was a process server serving with me papers I was totally unaware of this I open the papers and it's a petition for eviction from my apartment. After the shock sunk in came the anger b/c while I'm acknowledging I owe I had just put 1,000 in this man's hand two weeks earlier and at no time did he attempt to discuss this with me he and his wife name was named in the suit not his. I called the lawyer got an explanation and headed out to the court house next day to respond. It's funny how everyone acts like you're a dead beat when they probably make just about a little more or less than you so the saying rings true Don't judge other people until you walk a mile in their shoes. I was very nervous that day a quick bus ride seemed like forever I texted a friend of mine letting her know what happened and I was expecting a friend to be there for me but I got a lecture and judged and I was already stressed out beyond belief so we went at it and had a huge falling out and haven't spoken since. I am disappointed that she chose to go this route and the last falling out we had I was the one who initiated contact I seem to be the one who is always the ice breaker well not this time. I've gotten sick and tired of the bs and certain behaviors of a lot of people. I'm not sorry for what I said and I know she is not either. I'm not sure if some time passes we will talk again but I've learned in life if you have a few true friends in life consider yourself lucky b/c most people talk a lot of shit and are full of shit. You will know who your friends are when you are down and out and really need a friend. I also had to deal with lengthy lectures and threats from my ex to take my son away if I didn't get things straight he acts as if he gives me 3,000 a month. It's 200 per week which isn't much when rent is over 1200 a month plus food utilities etc. The harsh reality is I can no longer afford the apartment where I am at. I tried to make it work especially due to my mother's health issues but I have to move and yes make adjustments to my finances b/c if I don't I will always be behind the 8 ball. The messed up part about this is I applied for help and was denied the system sucks. NYC is a very expensive place to live and to get help from social services is ridiculously hard I spent 6 hours there after court talking to 3 different workers and getting increasingly aggravated after being bumped from department to department the last one was from HDU (homeless diversion unit) and he tells me what I have to bring in and he says a money order for January rent I lost it at that time I was tired stressed out tension headache and hadn't eaten in hours I said I don't have the money if I had the money would I be here talking to you applying for a one shot deal and then they wonder why people go off the deep end. So I have 30 days to get results or go back to court and get an extension of time. Friday will be my appointment which I'm hoping will be uneventful which is asking too much when dealing with these idiots at social services so I'm approved for help to get current. I've made my decision I will be moving to New Jersey in the summer time I dont want to take jr out of school in the middle of the year and I have to make sure I have enough money to cover the cost of the move and apartment. The rents are much cheaper here and school system is better than nyc. I hope it will work out something tells me as the cost of living increases I will be going further south as time goes on. The sad part is working class people are being priced out of NYC with rents starting at 1200 going up to 2000 a month who can afford that type of rent just to live in a half way decent neighborhood not the average person and to top it off even the bad neighborhoods have these outrageous price tags stuck to them. I will continue to do my research to make it an easy move I think the time has come for me to move on and get a fresh start new place new people it's not like I haven't started over before if I managed to live in Yonkers for 7 years I can make it in New Jersey too will it be a challenge to learn the bus and transit system yes but I will get it eventually. I hope my mother will eventually follow but she's getting back surgery next month and 4 months later neck surgery so I'm hoping she recovers well from the first one which is why I'm putting it off till summer time. To make matters worse she was denied her disability due to more incompetence of gov't workers so now the battle begins she will see a Binder & Binder representative this week to get the ball rolling. I hope things will turn around and get better and this just a temporary bump in the road for me we will soon see.

Day 4 of the School Bus strike

Today is the 4th day of the school bus strike and I can't believe it's been 4 days and the law hasn't stepped in to stop this strike. Millions of kids are stranded and suffering parents are scrambling b/c of having to take vacation days miss work and the employers don't seem to give a darn. While I understand things like job security, fair wages, benefits are things that people always fight for I think that this is something that they should've sat at the bargain table longer to find a reasonable solution b/c being reimbursed for metro cards and gas isn't going to reimburse your lost time from work. Personal days and vacation time are a precious thing and if you're in the private sector you don't have an abundance of this. My heart goes out to the parents suffering the effects of this strike especially the ones with special needs who depend on transporation and special help they receive to help them learn and many times these services can't be made up causing kids to fall behind and if you have a kid on the autism spectrum like I and millions of others to these type of children are used to a daily routine and when that routine is disrupted they tend to act out my son's behavior was pretty bad yesterday I lost my patience a few times but then I realize that yesterday was a holiday and no school to boot so he's out of his normal routine. I am thankful that my son's bus company is not a part of the school bus strike b/c honestly my son would have to stay home with his grandmother. Both me and his father work for the city and have to be at work by 8 am. If I took him to school I wouldn't get to work until after 11 am. Everyone thinks about themselves but no one thinks about the emotional economic and educational effects this strike has already had and will continue to have until a reasonable solution is found. I wonder if the Local 1181 President and his staff and employees will write out a check to every parent in this city for their lost wages, vacation and personal time to those who are lucky to have it, and their employees. These days people should be lucky to have a job period. Employers need to have more compassion for their employees as this is something that is out of their control the mayor board of ed and the union need to get back to that table and make something work out. People should be able to sue Local 1181 for damages due to the effects of their decision to strike.