my last blog of 2010

This is my last posting of the year and in a few hours 2011 will be here.  The weather these past couple of days has been unseasonably warm and today was warmer than yesterday so much that I just wore a tshirt with jeans and no jacket needed.  I sat outside for a while we had some hot dogs and burgers on the grill did our walk to get some air and exercise.  I always feel kind of sad around this time b/c I always think about everything that has happened throughout the year and it hasn't been an easy year for us and sometimes I think about another yr come and gone and what have I really acheived if anything at all? I shouldn't feel down but I can't help it.  It's a pretty quiet New Year's Eve just us we usually don't do anything special just stay home and watch the ball drop even when I'm home watch rockin eve or afterward if I'm up to stay late watch a little bit of the honey mooners marathon and then conk out to sleep.  Surely not like the holidays past but time passes we get older life's circumstances change and time waits for no one.  A lot of things can happen in a year I wonder where I will be next Christmas or New Year's Eve in NYC or Florida? Speaking of which the fact that our relocation goal may be more of a long range goal is probably something else that has me a little down but we have to do things carefully in order to avoid any additional problems.  They say good things come to those who wait I guess this is something we will have to wait for.  I think about all of the goals I set for myself and it seems impossible sometimes especially to save what I want to save but I have to keep trying.  Sunday it's back on the road to NYC and it's going to be hard day for all of us my mother husband etc.  I really don't want to go back to NYC but harsh reality is that for know that is where our life is and where are our jobs are.  It's going to take me a while to get back into the swing of things again.  I hope the road trip home will be uneventful and we won't catch no traffic in Maryland we escaped it last time due to the early time we left but this time we may not be as lucky.   Seems like we're all bored out of our minds always seems like the last few hours of the year feel like that.  When the ball drops I always feel a sense of relief that another year has left and a new year new page new start has arrived.  I look forward to turning the page and starting a brand new year and aim to achieve as much as I can.

vacation coming to a close

Saturday is my last day here in Florida this week i've been alone while he visits his family in tampa you can say it's a break for me but I already miss jr.  These past few days I've been getting my last taste of slower pace and peace and quiet before we head back on the road to NY.  I'm glad I missed the huge blizzard over there b/c I know I would've been very aggravated as the MTA already sucks as it is without the blizzard.  This trip has had it's good and stressful moments but it will be hard to leave my mom, brother and everything behind.  I'm still doing research about apartments and looked at the corrections department for him and to my surprise I didn't see any job openings for correction officers which is kind of a let down b/c it means if we do decide to relocate it's going to take longer for it to happen and the job opportunities need to be available b/c most likely I will be a stay at home mom for a while unless a job does come my way that has good hours and ok pay.  Today was a bright sunny day most 70 degrees it felt like spring instead of the end of December.  After we came back from our walk and going to the store I just sat down outside in the backyard admiring the lake and watching the ducks in the pond.  I love vacations but most of the time they're not long enough I know it's going to take me a few days to get used to hustle and bustle of NYC but I always do eventually which reminds me I have no boots for the snow and neither does jr until I get the ones I really want going to have to go and get some at payless.  2010 has had its good and bad, it hasn't been an easy year and I'm hoping that '11 will bring all of us good luck, peace, health.  I'm hoping that the economy will eventually back on track and things will improve b/c there's way too much negativity going on and in the headlines sometimes I don't even want to watch the news b/c of this but I do to stay informed.  My main goal when I return to NY is to work hard and save a lot of money and hope that some job prospects do open up down here b/c I realize while I love NYC and I will always be a new yorker at heart, the life is too hard, the winters are getting tougher, the rents are getting to be outrageous and the pace of life is getting to be too rough.  We will see what this year brings.

planning for the next step

These past few days have been very emotionally draining and this morning I felt very overwhelmed when I saw the condition of the house it was a mess and I tried to pick up as much as I could but nothing is like when you do a good cleaning.  I just made sure the trash was taken out and beds were made he packed up the car and I was almost going to change my mind and leave to tampa but he convinced me to stay.  As I've said before sometimes family is an asset sometimes they're not. It was very hard for me to see him go with the baby b/c I feel as if he truly is the only real support I have here.  If we have somewhere to go etc.  I spoke with the pt financial dept and at least the hospital bill will be paid by the charity services but we still have to work on getting them the medical card that will allow them to get access to free medical services.  I can't believe all of the snow that has fallen in NY.  The subways are down everything messed up like usual blizzard so either way I probably would've been home.  We're are still waiting for these doctors to come in here and that's the most annoying thing b/c there's no place like being at home.  I had some lunch at the cafeteria and they're pretty good and reasonable.  We've made the decision to relocate and it wasn't an easy one b/c I have my job to consider and other things but I also realize that my mother needs a lot of help and my grandfather is getting old and can't continue to bear the expenses on the house anymore he should be retired and enjoying his life.  Life is just not fair sometimes.  We have a lot to think about once we get back to NY as far as job transfers housing moving expenses and I have to start working my tail off to make sure I also have enough money saved up to tide me over for a while.  I'm burned out and I need a break maybe this will be a good time for it but I eventually want to pursue other things.  I never imagined that all of this would happen in one trip down to fl and I hope that we're not making a mistake which is why we're both taking a leave of absence from the city just in case things don't work out.  Maybe this will be a change for the better let's see what this will bring all positive I hope.  We're still waiting and it doesn't look like we're leaving anytime soon thank goodness I got my lap top for entertainment.  I have a tension headache could sure a tylenol.  Hope tomorrow will be less stressful. 

day of pampering

It's 5:00 and it seems like the afternoon just flew by.  We were dropped off at the salon after 12 and it was kind of full which you really don't expect here.  I wasn't going to get anything done to my hair at all as I'm very skeptical b/c of my hair texture.  As I stated in my previous blog I wasn't too happy with the fact that stylist kept bumping me off b/c of the amount of work required to blow out my hair that in my opinion is poor customer service.  I try to refine myself when I'm here but sometimes the new yorker in me just comes out lol my mother was done pretty fast but when they call me over I was nervous I get my hair washed some straightening product put in and I thought ok they're going to start blowing my hair out with a round brush nope this chick takes a paddle brush and starts drying my hair i'm sitting in the chair like wtf I looked like zz top or like I stuck my head in a electric socket.  The NY version or better said hispanic salon version of a "blow out" is a round brush or roller sets then blown with a round brush and flat ironed.  I was panicking b/c I barely go to salons as it is I texted my mom and she shows up by the chair stylist said sorry I didn't know you were worried and she reassures me it would like nice once she was done I thought it sure better have.  It looked nice when done and I took the plunge and cut off 4 inches from my hair after not cutting my hair for over a year and it still looks long.  After too many bad hair days and dry ends it was necessary after the hair experience we went to the nail salon where we had a truly pampering experience a spa manicure and spa pedicure.  This place is clean and looks like a day spa instead of a nail salon with no crowds rush and nice staff and very good quality polish.  The day of beauty pampering was long awaited and well deserved one of my new year's resolutions this year is to take better care of myself and get groomed more often.  Tomorrow is xmas eve and dinner will be at my aunt's house and we're planning to go to midnight mass which will be a new experience for me as I've never been to one before.   We're going to be leaving soon to see meet the fockers and I'm sure it will be funny. Jr had a nap so his battery is very well charged I hope he will behave for his grandmother while we're at the movies.  I kind of miss phoebe but i'm sure the lazy cat is sleeping on our bed and eating her dry food.  I think next trip we make we may bring her provided we don't fly b/c now it costs a fortune and they've made it impossible to afford anyone to bring their pets along just as everything else is ridiculously expensive when it comes to air travel pretty soon they will be charging us for the air we breathe too. 

spring like day

I can't believe that tomorrow is already thursday time seems to fly by so fast.  Today felt like spring it went up to 75 degrees a heat wave compared to the frigid NY tempratures.  We went out to the stores again since my mother needed some things and I got the baby some new jeans b/c he's outgrown his old jeans since he's gotten taller and it doesn't help that the place where we drop off laundry is a little too dryer happy and it has shown with some of my sweaters and some of jr clothes.  I might even consider starting to do my own laundry again as they say if you want something done do it yourself.  We then came home had some lunch and later after that we went to a local park called Alpine Grove Park to take jr to have some park time.   He loved the slides and ran around but of course when it was time to go he threw a tantrum of course.  The back part of the park is a wooded area where you can do bbq there are chair swings and it over looks the St John's River it is a very beautiful peaceful place to be.  If you're looking for peace and relaxation and a slower pace this section of FL is where to go.  I wish I could've taken pictures or video with my cell phone but my battery died.  When we got home I sat out in the back yard for a little while with jr to get some fresh air I looked at the lake and a group of white birds with long beaks called herons they got pretty close but I prefer to admire them from a distance.  Jr ran a little bit too close to lake and I grabbed his hand right away.  It feels good to be with my mother and spend time with the family despite any bs and it will be very hard to leave when the time comes.  Tomorrow we are taking my mother to get her hair done and I was going to get mine done too but I decided not to b/c of my type of hair not everyone knows how to cut and style my hair even though it's overdue for a cut.  I wanted to cut off about 2 maybe even 3 inches b/c lately I've been having a lot of bad hair days and that's usually a sign that I need a cut.  Tomorrow we're supposed to go and see meet the fockers I'm usually not a movie theater person unless it's a real good movie that I can't wait for it to come on cable or dvd.  Movies have gotten way too expensive and on top of that they don't want anyone bringing their own snacks which I think is ridiculous considering our economy.  So far I've hit zaxbys we may try hurricane grill and I must get my sonic and dairy queen fixes if I don't a chance to hit them all there's always tampa.  We leave to Tampa the day after xmas and it's going to be very hard to leave this all behind my husband even considered moving down here while that's a nice idea there's a lot to consider and I'm not sure I'm ready to leave NY behind considering our jobs, etc.  Not saying it can't be done but I don't want to make the same mistake twice.  We didn't hear or see jr and my mother just found him in her room with the door closed in the dark, cant believe he mastered going up and down the stairs.  Well toddler calls for a diaper change and a bath.  Another blogging session interrupted.  Have to make time later if I don't doze off I notice I have no problem falling asleep when I'm down here wish I could say the time at home.

weekend is over

This weekend I spent it at home and yesterday I didn't get a chance to sleep in b/c jr woke at 5:30 and had no intention of going back to bed.  I was dozing off on the couch at one point which is a no no b/c he needs to be supervised all the time you can't even leave him alone for a second.  If you can't see or hear him he's up to something.  Yesterday he behaved pretty bad and tried my patience like you wouldn't believe the joys of parenthood and this is all a part of the terrible twos as they say and my sleep deprivation didn't help my mood or tolerance level.  He went down for a long nap which was good I was able to relax for a few hours watch some tv that has adult content besides disney playhouse and nick jr.  I like cartoons as much as the next person but even they can become redundant at times. Today I made up for it and slept in and late for me is 7-8 am. I felt better b/c of this.  I like the old school cartoons like tom & jerry, woody woodpecker, pink panther, smurfs to name a few most kids today wouldn't appreciate cartoons like that but they were funny and unusually violent for that time period.  Funny thing is I think I laugh at them and like them more than the child does, and already know what's going to happen before it happens lol.  I did some housework not a lot took out trash it seems like there is always something to do at home.  I had no problem falling asleep last night and I won't have any problem falling asleep now but I sure won't want to get up tomorrow b/c it's Monday and I hate Mondays.  Today I had some company which was nice we had dinner and while I was on the sofa I felt myself knodding off again so I went to take a shower to keep myself up,.  A shower will wake you up most of the time.  I so wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow but I have 5 days left and it's off to Florida.  I so need a break it's not even funny anymore.  This week I have to start making a list of what I'm taking, and the part I hate the most packing the suitcases I hate it to so much I'd rather have my husband do it.  I have to make sure the fridge is cleaned out and we don't leave nothing inside that will rot or spoil.  Take out the trash and make sure the litterbox is clear we are still debating whether or not phoebe is coming with us.  More likely than not we might leave her home.  She's a loving cat but a real pain in the butt traveling all she does is meow to the point that it drives you bananas.  Sometimes she's good but she has her moments.  I wanted to go to Rockefeller Center before I left to Florida to see the big xmas tree the angels and go into the st patricks cathedral it's architecture is beautiful but as I've said in my previous entry I feel a sense of peace when I go there I think you do in any church.  I can sure use some peace, prayer, etc. right now I know so many people who are going through things now and its so sad including right here in my own family I ask myself and ask Him why? why us? A very good friend of mine just told me her mother had to make an emergency trip to see a sick relative it's sad b/c I wonder why things always happen around the holiday season people passing away or getting sick or some sort of bad news I think the holiday season is bitter sweet it is happy but it also has it sad moments too.  I tend to feel down towards the end of the year b/c I start to reflect on the whole year what has happened, etc.  but out with the old and in with the new as they say.  I hope 2011 brings better things for everyone.  Well it's after 10 p.m and I'm really feeling tired off to bed I go or I will definitely not get up on time tomorrow.  The dishes can stay right where they are in the sink there's always tomorrow.

friday at last

This has been one long work week it dragged on and it seemed like Friday was never going to come.  Today I got a break and didn't drop jr off at daycare and on my ride to work the mta never ceases to amaze me with their incompetence they leave the doors open in the freezing cold and don't even say why we were there for a while until they finally closed no explanation.  We get to myrtle bway to transfer for J and I was going to do you think that train waited for any customers to transfer nope it just zoomed by open doors and zoomed away.  I got to work with enough time to get something at dunkin donuts and walk quickly to work.  There are days I can't stand that place today I did a bunch of corrections to letters and when I go to stuff the letters there are no envelopes already stuffed with brochures and of course I had to stop and stuff fold etc. a totally tedious process.  I think this is totally unfair that we have also stuff and assemble them too when we have other work to do but these people think they know everything.  We were supposed to get our new sofa today the store screwed up the manager from the store was a total jerk and it almost made us cancel the order and we're still debating if we should.  It's not enough that I didn't get my merchandise on time due to your store's incompetence but on top of that you have an attitude to boot gtfo.  After calling customer service and pressing all of these annoying prompts I absolutely hate automated options on the it should just press 0 to speak to a HUMAN being with half a brain in their head.  On my lunch break I paid the bills online and I went outside to grab lunch the bank was horribly crowded the atm lines were unreal but this is pay day so it is to be expected.  I said forget this if anything I will do this tomorrow in my area why stress myself out? After lunch I was so tired and I was having trouble staying awake,.  I zoomed out of there at 4 only to be aggravated once more by a smelly crowded J train I hate crowded trains and sure enough when it was time to get off I did and I waited for the M train and I'm glad it came right away.  The fun began when I tried to call my husband not only 1 but 5 times and neither of us could hear one another and the call kept dropping I was infuriated and so was he.  I finally gave up and waited till I got home to call and even then it sounded bad.  I'm being punished for joining AT&T I HATE this company with a passion I find out the reason we were having trouble was due to not one but two cell phone towers down I was like wtf are you kidding me? not only do you have the worse service in the metro nyc area send me a useless post card saying you're trying to improve service in this area only to have two cell towers down.  I was fuming!!!! Every time I hear that saying "rethink possible" or your world delivered I say stfu you can't even handle the local market and demand.  I get on the phone with them and give them a piece of my man only for some fool who sounded like zorro telling me that he apologized for my inconvenience and gave us a generous $25 credit toward our next bill WHAT!  That's a crock.  Your service stinks and it's expensive.  I was also told $400 to cancel both phones and $275 just for mine I was tempted to do it and I still am.  I don't think I or any other customer should have to continue to put up with their shitty unreliable service and be bound by a contract on top of that.  I know my service goes down again I'm calling back and this time I will calling corporate offices.  What a way to end a day.  I'm sure glad that next week will be my last week before I go on vacation and I sure hope this coming week goes fast b/c I will breath a sigh of relief when our van pulls away to head out of NYC for two weeks.  I need a break from this job, this city, the subway, everything.  Well it's 11:00 and i'm ready to collapse into bed.  I sure hope I will catch up some on extra rest this weekend b/c I could sure use it.

thinking out loud

It's a miracle that I'm still even awake at this time b/c usually I'm resting in bed or conked out.  Tomorrow jr will be dropped off by his father which gives me a break and I'm able to sleep in a little longer which makes a difference.  I'm so glad tomorrow is Friday this week has been tortorous and the past few week overall have dragged on like my vacation is never going to get here.  Today was a pretty stressful morning and I made it to work a few minutes late but better six than 15 minutes late.  I get to work and can't wait to calm down and unwind after the hustle and bustle of dropping the child off and commuting into the city and what do I hear almost immediately getting into the door the usual bs of these people and it really gets on my nerves at times I mean cmon don't you have anything else to talk about it's the same bs over and over again them being broke, gossiping, etc. it's like a  happy land social club instead of a freaking office. One of them is overdue to be told off only reason I don't do it b/c she's not worth my time or aggravation but not everyone takes the high road.  Me and another co-worker of mine who feels like me we pass notes back and forth we shouldn't but we do and she saw us and started talking smack.  Whatever how do you know we're talking about you you're not that important seriously.  Anyways after wishing they'd all drink a nice cozy cup of STFU I begin my work and tune their crap out with my ipod.  My supervisor comes over to me and points out an error I made ok I'm human so I take it stride but after a while it got old she came back with several returned letters that had to be corrected and resent.  Sometimes when we're at work we just want to be left alone I know I do.  I like working alone and to myself I work much faster.  Well the early afternoon comes I take out my xmas cards and start doing them I have my hotmail screen up and to my surprise I see someone spying at my computer screen I was so into doing my xmas cards I didn't even notice right away until I looked up and saw her and gave her eye contact and she walked away I felt like asking her can I help you? I would think after all this time you still want to try and get something on me, a real shame that some people have no excitement in their lives I look at this way you don't get paid to look at what i'm doing and you might want to be careful who you're "watching" especially when you live in a glass house yourself and a bunch of stone may come at full force and break your house down very fast.  Another so called mature person who is either 40 or almost there.  I'm telling you I've come to the conclusion that some people NEVER grow up no matter how much time passes or how old they come become, they say age is just a number it sure is it's all where your head is at. This is the reason I should've gotten an ipad or android tablet to use while I'm at work this way no one can spy on me. I then left to lunch to mail my cards I sure didn't want to be outside in that freezing cold weather but I needed to run some errands and grab something to eat.  I opted for a quiznos sub.  I couldn't wait to get back to my desk so I can warm up again.  I leave after 4 and the train was packed of course it never fails the stupid J and M trains were acting up.  The J train I was on starts going local and when the M comes it was also full but I found my way in didn't care.  I finally made it home after 5 very frozen indeed. Shortly before that my cell phone dies, I need to get a phone with a better battery life heck I need to get rid of AT &T period their service is horrible I never had so many dropped calls frozen touch screens, etc. when I had tmobile or metro pcs.  on top of their service being crappy their expensive.  I even read on consumer reports they were ranked worst service provider saying they don't have enough towers well build some more lol I think I'm going to get so sick and tired of them one of these days that I will just pay termination fee and look elsewhere I really like that EVO phone or a galaxy s phone would be nice too it would be even more appealing if I didn't have to sign a contract I'm not making that mistake again.  I want to be free from commitment from any service providers.  Iphone is a nice thing but I sure as heck wouldn't switch to them just to have a phone with great features and shitty service hey steve jobs who the f* wants a phone that they have to hold upside down just to get reception???? I sure don't if it costs that much it should at least have a good solid signal and clarity when you're talking.  This evening the occupational therapist from early intervention came over to evaluate jr and he determined that my son needs occupational therapy and I'm not exactly thrilled about his findings.  First we were all tired we had a long day me working the commute the baby at daycare and this guy also looked tired.  I didn't like the fact he had him in highchair instead of on the floor free for him to move around better I think that frustrated him a lot.  I think I prefer if any therapist comes to the home that they come on the weekends during the week is too much by the end of day I'm exhausted and not focused much.  I realize everything is in the best interest of my son but I felt like he had a better connection with the other therapists and I'm going to express this to the service coordinator tomorrow after this we attend a meeting we'll see where this goes.  I was told I may not like every therapist and they're sure right about that i'm not even crazy about the coordinator either but I bite the bullet for my son's sake people are human besides having a title behind their name sometimes there's a connections sometimes not.  I'm so glad tomorrow is friday and I have less than week left till we finally hit the road for Florida I look forward to the road trip seeing my family regardless of all the issues that have been going on lately and a break from that office, the mundane routine and the fast past of this city.  Well I'm beyond exhausted and I'm headed off to bed.  I need to make sure my cell phone alarm is set b/c as tired as I am I will not hear it and oversleep and who wants to be in a rush in the morning.