Topsy Turvy Thursday

So much for my requests for an uneventful commute and smooth beginning of my day after writing my first entry I went to tackle the pile of dishes in the sink that started to smell not so great as the cat kept meowing for her food finally finishing and spraying the sink down to get rid of the smell emptied trash can and proceeded to jump in the shower after I'm done get dressed and start to prepare my breakfast which is an instant breakfast and I take it out and it turns out to be strawberry instead of chocolate meanwhile the box says chocolate ok there and the rain is pouring down outside and all I feel like doing is crawling right back into bed and getting under my blanket I break open the GNC vitamin pack and take the first part which is the vitamins and energy supplement b/c if there's anything I could use now is a boost of energy and a drink would be real nice too. I go to wake up jr and he doesn't want to wake up can't say I blame him I had to literally pry him out of bed but I wasn't prepared for the the tantrum of the century he threw I tried to be patient with him as he kicked and hit me and I finally had to grab his and sternly tell we had to get ready to no avail b/c he wasn't hearing it I finally lost patient and yelled at him the people in my building must think I'm a real b* or just crazy but when you're under time constraints plus other stress it gets to you and it gets to me too much and too often. I finally get out the front door only to throw the trash in the bsmt. and run for the bus. The tantrum lasted all the way to bus stop and only to see 2 buses one right behind another go right by and all I could was say a few quite 4 letter words to myself as I loathe the MTA and the fact that they could never keep their schedules and service consistent with the needs of the morning rush hour. I realize there's a crowd of ppl waiting at the bus and a bunch of teenagers and it dawned on me that today is the first day of school and I thought WTH now commuting is going to be that much more fun with the school crowds and not enough buses. The MTA slogan "Courtesy is Contagious let it begin with you" is something that doesn't exist in most people's minds I've seen people not give the elderly, pregnant, or women with young kids a seat on the bus or try to bum rush you to get in the bus and boy it makes my blood boil!!! I've went off a few inconsiderate idiots b/c it's being selfish and jeopardizing the safety of the child that being said I notice the teenagers were just going to jump ahead of me with jr and the older ladies and I said oh hell no I ran with him bum rush their rude asses and got on the bus and they just looked at me I had to hold him threw the whole bus ride which thank goodness is a short ride and my shoulders paid the price. I wasn't a teenager that far back and I have to say that the teenagers these days have zero respect for anyone it's all about them and they're quick to get smart with people I think society overall is about themselves. After dropping off jr and venting I run to catch my next bus only to miss and wait for the next. Once it's time for me to catch my train I'm thinking I'll be only 5 minutes late. I get off to catch the train I hate the most the infamous J train only to be stranded for it never to show up and the crowd of people just seemed to get larger and larger on a platform that is not very wide. I couldn't wait for it any longer so I hopped on the M yet again took it for another stop and ran for the 6 train up all of those stairs only for the doors to almost close in my face the energy supplement must've kicked in b/c I pryed those doors open and hopped right in! Finally arriving at the last stop I noticed everyone was in a fog and it showed no one moving at all it must be the weather but nonetheless I was 13 minutes late and can't stay due to yet another appointment this was the fun adventure I had to come and earn a mere bag of shells. I look forward to end of this week and it sure doesn't feel like it's been a short week. I finally took the first pill this morning and feel much more relaxed and I'm crossing my fingers that someone will be able to meet up with me after work tomorrow b/c I could sure use a break.

uncertainity isn't good

It's friday and I'm glad just wish my stomach wasn't acting up it's very stressful when this happens to me but this morning as I dropped off jr and I was on my daily ride to work I get a call from the sitter that her weekly fee was short and I think that's what did it b/c I could've sworn it was complete.  I got to work on time went to the store and quickly had to leave and hope I made it to the office on time I felt better afterward but it's been on and off.  Stress aggravates my stomach condition sadly.  Yesterday was my first visit to therapist and while it was hard and my voice cracked at some parts in the session I was able to express myself and get through it and I feel that I will gain a lot from therapy.  She is very understanding and easy to talk to I think I also choked b/c while the intake girl was nice she wasn't as easy to open up to.  We decided to keep our visits on Thursday so I will keep going to the gym but have to rearrange my schedule.   Now today I find out that they will be more lay offs and so far I've been lucky and been spared quite a few rounds even thought I got an risk letter but now I heard talk that someone who's in mgmt had been cleaning out their office but hadn't notified anyone which pissed me off b/c people's livelihoods are depending on your information how dare you keep people in the dark!  so this adds to my stress b/c we're having a staff mtg in a few minutes to discuss these layoffs but I'm going to try not to worry too much b/c we can't control it the city is in bad fiscal shape and there's a lot of cut backs and there will be more to come.  Some will be laid off or reassigned to other agencies.  I don't think i'd want to work anywhere else I've gotten used to working here and our immediate group is nice and we all work pretty good together but most ppl will do anything to keep a job these days so we will soon see what the outcome of this meeting is since it begins in a few minutes

stress induced weekend

Friday ended with a brief mtg being called to talk about the additional layoffs 10,000 more that our mayor that I have a few choice words for wants to do and we were told that some of us may receive "at risk" letters well I ride home with my co worker and we talked about this and other things I got off at my stop and we pick up our laundry and jr.  After this there was major traffic on the avenue I just couldn't figure out why we eventually get home and I ordered a pizza and when he brings me the mail I see a letter addressed to me from the city of NY and there it was an at risk letter now I really felt like someone punched me in the stomach b/c I was spared previous lay offs and I figured b/c my status changed to permanent it wouldn't happen to me but the city is in bad shape so no one is immune from lay offs I guess.  The letters says this is not a lay off notice but then proceeds to explain all the city regulations etc etc.  We were told if we received a second letter more likely than not we'd be laid off.  This is very stressful to live with that type of uncertainty who wants to be kept wondering?  I think about a lot of things how we will make it? How long will I be out of work? Would I be recalled if the city got in better shape or if not would I be able to find another job with decent pay or should I go back to school?  I'm told not to worry about this b/c I have no control over it and while they're right I don't but it's the suspense that kills you.  So I've decided to start cleaning out my desk and sprucing up my resume.  I'm going to start shredding and getting rid of things.  I have a ton of crap in one of my drawers that needs to be cleaned out so when and if the time comes I have nothing of importance and I can just turn in the key and go.  Before being told all of thisI had paid bills online and due to some error on time warner's page I was double charged and I tried to call customer service which was a freaking joke I was told I had to wait up to 4 wks for a refund I finally decide to go to queens ctr to their customer center to try and make some sense of this and my information was taken and I notice this person's supervisor was telling her what to say to me and I heard him saying that I couldn't get my money back I could feel my face getting hot but she took my information and later last night I was told I had to contact the bank which I promptly did and filed a claim for stop payment explained situation and funds were put back but I was told it could still be taken out and if it did bank would have to reverse it again.  What a freaking hassle this is the kind of crap that makes me want to start paying with money orders again the old fashioned way lol.! but in this day and age who the heck has the time to take the bus all the way over the to pay in person I sure don't lol.  Yesterday I gave jr his breakfast and I proceeded to clean up dishes and eventually clean the bathroom and I smell something worse than rotten eggs so bad I dry heaved.  I come to the livingroom and I see something liquid on his highchair and he had the runs and it came out on the chair.  I tried to compose myself take him out cut the diaper off and give him a bath and I sprayed bleach on chair twice.  Ah the joys of parenthood.  After time warner it was off to walmart to pick up a few things by the time I get home I was exhausted.  Today I sleep till 7 which is late for me do the usual breakfast for us and dishes, and I get the only headache and eventually my stomach I think it's just stress I go to my room to rest and TV isn't working finally it works watched syfy and fell asleep for 1 hr 30 mins just when rest was getting good he barges into room asking me to watch him b/c he wants to shower I could feel my stomach rumble again I felt like giving him a knuckle sandwich.  I eventually make the excuse of buying a metro card to get a break and some fresh air.  I come back and company arrives we eat a few things and I'm subjected to watching the superbowl which I only like to watch half time show and the commercials hooray for pepsi being the official drink. I liked Usher and the Black Eye Peas but I think the microphones weren't working right and they oversang a little but it was good.  Now another Monday starts a new work week.  I need some serious "me" time to rest and hang out with adults for a change and watch something on tv other than sponge bob nick jr, etc. lol.  Jr is using a lot more words now which shows the therapy is helping him.  Yesterday he said wheels socks and cookie of course.  It's now after 10 pm and I should be in bed but I'm going to start winding it down or I won't get up tomorrow Mondays are not my favorite day and I'm usually in major slow mode and almost always late.  Tomorrow I will bring in the letter I got and inform them I received one, we'll see where this goes.  Uncertainty isn't a good thing i'd rather have someone tell me right then and there and I'll deal with it.  Well enough of the superbowl I'm ready to crash for the night. 

sometimes you just can't win

This weekend wasn't restful for me at all and many usually aren't.  Jr drove me crazy all weekend and yesterday he pushed us to the limit and I finally had enough I told his father he's all yours.  He was taken yesterday to get his hair cut and I went to my room and laid down but by the time I get to do that I can't even fall asleep *sigh* so I just spend some time in bed talking on the phone quiet time to say the least.  My stomach was also acting up as it usually does when I'm stressed out.  I started to feel hungry and I needed a metro card since due to city incompetence I still haven't received my commuter card yet.  I took this as an excuse to take a walk and get some air.  I got a 7 day unltd metro card hoping that this card will be in the mail soon or they will reimburse me for every penny I spend out of my pocket.  This is the biggest mistake they made converting to wage works, the City should've kept the transit benefit program as it is, as the saying goes if it's not broke don't fix it .  Many people are having issues with the cards at the vending machines getting error messages, it's ridiculous and to top it off the MTA service stinks and we're paying more to get LESS in with trains behind schedule, stations in horrible disrepair, dirty and unsanitary and it's going to get worse as they try to bleed us dry again for another fare hike whenever that is, hopefully I will be gone by the time that happens.  I get a simple soup and egg roll from the chinese restaurant come home to eat it and try to relax jr doesn't make that possible.  Dinner is done he gets home and as we're eating jr decides to dump his food all over the place *sigh*  the worst was when he spilled the juice and fell on the sofa I finally had enough gave him a spanking.  I try to use spanking as a last resort but sometimes kids just really get you to that point.  One positive to this weekend was that idiots weren't blasting their music which made me breathe a sigh of relief but there's always next weekend or during the week.  We're still in limbo we're going to be paid or not I'm sick of this mayor i'm telling you we can't submit our time sheets until this is resolved if he's smart he will concede if he's looking for a fight he will get one!!! I have every intention to writing to metro ny amny etc. and letting them know what a greedy incompetent jerk he is.  Today was another wonderful start to my Monday morning which let me say this I hate mondays always have,  I got up got ready when it was time for me to get jr up and dressed another battle royale again, by the time I finally get to the bus stop after having to walk the obstacle course due to the horrible clean up efforts of our wonderful sanitation department I winded up missing my first bus the Q39  then I drop him off and boom miss the Q54 which comes before the schedule posted at the bus stop.  The fun really began once I got on the train we're stuck waiting there with the doors open the cold coming in, conductor said delays I said every expletive possible to myself of course, then the train proceeded to move in turtle speed, getting stuck 3 more times I finally had enough it was 5 minutes after 8 and I hadn't even gotten to the city yet!!! I get off jump on the Z train and that's an express train supposedly that zooms by the local on a good day and now it's running on turtle speed and I think the wtf I just can't win!!!!.  It picks up speed finally getting into essex st I finally get off at my stop to clock in at 8:24 24 MINUTES late it's ridiculous.  They must be sick of seeing my emails at the MTA but I don't care still going to keep sending them until they clean up their act there's no reason why someone should be late 3 times in a week last and I'm hoping that this will be the only week I will be late.  I really should be leaving my house at 6:30 just to get here on time based on the turtle speed this system rides on but since I drop jr off at daycare I don't get that head start I sure wish I did.  I get to my job frozen and clock in and try to find hot chocolate only to see I don't have none and I walk to dunkin donuts run into a long line grab my hot choclate and donut and back to work to see yet another mob waiting for the elevator b/c of one elevator not working as you can there's always something nothing ever goes totally smooth maybe it does once in a while not here.  I should've started my work already but I just had to warm up and vent it all out.  Let's see how long we're left in limbo before we get to submit our timesheets.  I'm hoping that this is a quite uneventful day I'm going to take my time working as I have 24 extra minutes to kill *sigh* when it rains it poors