no down time today

I was looking forward to this weekend as it was a long weekend to rest and relax but saturday was the usual cleaning of this house which I hate to do and run some errands.  It's getting to the point that I hate going to the stores b/c they never seem to have what I want but I always seem to find the right color size, etc. online in the comfort of home with no long register lines or annoying customers.  Yesterday I went to bj's to pick up a case of water pull ups and a few snacks.  Why is it that the express line in the stores is the slowest line? I notice this in every type of store out there.  I also think to myself why do they never have enough cashiers but if someone asks if they're hiring, they don't need any help, it's just plain old incompetence in my opinion do they really think we have time to wait around most of the time none of us want to be bothered with going in the first place.  Today was supposed to be my "me" day well that it didn't work out and now I have to go to work tomorrow morning and it will feel like a monday instead of tuesday.  I spoke to the sitter a few days ago who said she'd be open today and I called to confirm yesterday no response left a msg same outcome sent a text to her daughter no reply either and I was really upset b/c she was the one who said she'd be open I wake up and get my son up call her and she gives me some bs that she just got in and I'm thinking @ 7 am she's full of shit and I got annoyed of course and said you didn't get my msg that I was bringing and I left a msg with your daughter and she started talking a lot of crap and then told me if I wanted to bring him I could but no kids were going to be there I said **** this and her I don't need this crap I can't get how hard it is to return someone's phone call or reply to a msg what if I would've gone out in this freezing cold weather got on the bus with my son for you to say that!!! I would've told them off.  Truth is I haven't been exactly thrilled with their services for a while already and their lack of organization, etc. but I'm like millions of other working parents out there I can't afford the outrageous tuition of pre schools and don't qualify for a voucher b/c I'm married and my husbands income we'd be laughed before the application process began if I applied alone I would qualify but this is not the right thing to do even though people have suggested it to me for every 10,000 people who get away with it I will be the 10,001 person they will catch so I continue to bring him there until I find a better solution or our relocation goal is finalized.  There really needs to be more affordable daycare options out there b/c it's not easy to qualify for a voucher your income has to be pretty low and considering the high cost of living these days especially here in NYC it's tough to get by these days.  My son was pretty bad today refused to take a nap tried for 1 hr 30 minutes to be exact and I was frazzled hungry and was in desperate need of a break it didn't happen till his father got home.  He then tells me this how life as a SAHM would be and I couldn't even handle today and I want to say oh stfu,. there are good days and bad days and this was just a bad day he doesn't always behave like this. Men think being a SAHM is a piece of cake until they have to do it I once remember coming home to a messy house, etc. and he gave the same excuse I did lol not fun when you actually have to do it.  Once he got home we got something for dinner and I retreated to my bedroom to watch some tv and just have some time alone and it made a little difference and the cat decides to come in and hop on the bed to keep me company as she always does and I also think she smelled the cold cuts and wanted some ham and turkey so I gave her some and she vaccumed it of course.  Jr. even gave his father a run for his money to put him to bed and take his medicine just one of those days and I'm glad that it has come to a close that I finally have some downtime to relax before I have to get up and get ready for work tomorrow.   I spoke with the our new service coordinator today and she seems to be a nice person and we discussed his evaluation and speech and special instruction plan.  She works pretty fast b/c I quickly after got a call from a speech therapist and his first session will be tomorrow after work and I'm looking forward to it and I hope he behaves and warms up to her.  I also asked her to research things about early intervention in Florida so I know what their criteria is just in case we need it.  I hope that this coming weekend we will have some downtime to do something besides always cleaning and running household errands if I could only afford maid service and a nanny that's a dream of course.  These are the days I wish my mother still lived here I would've been able to get a break and regroup but maybe that will change in the future we'll see what the coming months bring. 

the dilemmas of working parents

Today was another cold morning and I sure didn't want to get out of bed I forced myself out of bed and jr heard me of course and cried so I took him out of the crib and brought him to the livingroom.  He's been cranky for the past few days b/c of fever and we think he may have pink eye.  I hope not b/c it's contagious.  I was late to work today thanks to the wonderfully competent MTA the buses came 3 at a time and the one I was on decided he wanted to let us off mid way b/c it was too much work for him to drive up to the bus stop and let us off so we winded up getting off between a big heap of snow and passing cars.  I was so annoyed I had to pick him up and hurry up and cross the street.  I get to the sitter and give her the children's motrin and she asks me if I had taken him to the dr but I couldn't b/c all of them were closed due to the snow.  I told I her I didn't have a chance and just when I arrive to work 13 minutes late a little while after that my cell phone goes off and it's her telling me that he has discharge coming from his eye and I thought he didn't have any when he was at home either way she says she has pink eye and how she had to keep him away from the other kids  and how it's contagious and not fair to the other kids or her now I get this but don't make it seem like I knowingly brought my son to you with pink eye and couldn't be bothered b/c I had to get to work now that maybe the case for a lot of parents but it's not with me.  I then was stuck with the dilemma of having to leave work early or his father leaving early and I opted for him to leave early.  I was pissed off at first initially b/c he tells me to leave MY job and I thought why is it that men always say so are you going to leave early? I said I don't think so I don't have enough time off so I have to be careful and I was already out due to snow so I thought it was only fair he left and he did.  He says that he didn't see any discharge either I think she just wanted him out of the daycare so that the other kids weren't around him.  I made the appointment for the dr and I hope that they will give him something for it but another dilemma was he will have to be out of daycare until he gets better this is the hardest part for working parents these are times I wish I was home with my child b/c no one will take care of your child like you do and who wants to worry about having to answer to a manager boss or having to worry about having paid time off? I sure wish I didn't.  Some women can be a parent and not have to worry about being a provider but some have to be both parent and provider or partial provider in my case.  I think society has lost focus on what's important these days.  It shows in our ridiculous maternity leave packages that companies give out, the outrageous cost of daycare, and parents who want to live a certain lifestyle have two cars, the latest stuff etc. but no one realizes who's paying the price in the process, the children.  They're being raised as latch key kids, or by after school programs, babysitters, etc. while the parents bust their asses at work and come home tired from commuting and working all day and sometimes don't have even the energy or the patience to deal with the children.  I know b/c this is how I feel sometimes.  I sometimes lose my patience and get aggravated and I realize that children don't know and realize that we are tired aggravated need a break, etc.  There's only so much you can do in a day and usually by the time I get home from work I don't want to do much but change my clothes, watch some tv, have dinner which neither of us usually wants to do and most of the time he does while I watch jr give him his bath and get him ready for bed, etc.  I think people really need to think twice before they have children especially women b/c I think that everyone gets caught up in the pregnancy, getting all of these things for the baby most over priced latest gadgets that don't really matter no one thinks about childcare, your job and having to juggle all of these tasks as a full time working parent, without going postal.  Earlier this week it was determined jr needed speech therapy help with motor skills and early intervention is really getting on my nerves b/c we tell them specifically we need evening or weekend services I get a call from a speech therapist and tell her these needs only to be told that was "impossible" due to her busy schedule and I thought wtf is wrong with these people do they think that everyone has the luxury of staying home or living off the system well I sure wish I did while I know my son needs the help these agencies have to realize the dilemmas we face as working parents and try to work with us not against us and stress us out even more.  So his father is supposed to contact the new coordinator and I hope this is resolved b/c I'd like jr to start receiving the help he needs ASAP.   These are things that no one thinks about and we wanted to have another child but I doubt very much that will happen at least not now and definitely not living here in NY.  It's too expensive to live here and I don't want to deal with the same stress I deal with now two fold and having to pay out daycare for 2.   These are the times when I think it's best for us to move out of here.  Our relocation plans for now are on hold due to job issues, me driving, etc. etc. sometimes I think it was the vacation nostalgia but there still is a part of me that does want to relocate but things have to be set in place in order for it to happen.   Right now he's at the dr with jr and I hope the dr can give him something for the infection and someone is willing to do us the favor of watching him while he's out of daycare which will always will be eternally grateful to him since I can't afford to miss any more time from work.  These are the days I wish I was a SAHM but these days with the rising cost of living especially here with rent as high as some mortgage payments it's not possible for most.  I think if more people managed their money better a lot more things can be done but sometimes even just buying the basics I find myself coming up short seems like a no win situation money doesn't go as far as it used to anymore and it seems like everything is going up metro card, food, cable is another rip off I thought about getting rid of that at one point b/c of their ridiculous fees and taxes but I do like to watch an occasional show on TV once in a while maybe it wouldn't be so expensive if they didn't add all of these ridiculous surcharges taxes and fees. 

long day

I sure didn't feel like getting out bed this morning but when do I really? I drag myself out of bed b/c jr is crying in his crib and I got up half hour earlier maybe that's another reason why I feel so run down and maybe I should've given myself an extra few days to rest before I went back to work but I didn't and now I'm paying for it.  Sleep and relaxation does wonders for your body and mind.  Today I go to catch the 6 train and see a woman who needed directions and she asks me where york st is and I think about york st in bklyn but she actually was looking for york ave in the upper east side and I thought wow how did she wind up in lower manhattan? My thing is if you really don't know don't send someone on a wild goose chase.  This fool who ever they were told this lady that the 5 train goes which is not true.  She deemed me her life saver and I was glad I could help.  When I got off at the last stop she followed and I showed her where to catch the 6 she thanked me and I went on my way to work I stopped got breakfast at dunkin donuts since I didn't get time to eat at home my metro and am ny papers and I wish they'd fix that stupid elevator as it made me late once again to work.  I then get to my desk and eat and start my work assembling and stuff mailings is a very tedious process takes me a lot of time sometimes half the morning.  I wish they could come up with a better system.  I was wondering about the meeting with early intervention to discuss the services jr needs I got the report in the mail and I have to admit it was long and a lot of details but we couldnt make the mtg this week so I called to reschedule and since I never got a response I text the service coordinator and I couldn't believe the response she sent back,  it was unprofessional and sarcastic.  I took a deep breath and thought my son needs this help but then I got angry and thought who the heck does this lady think she is to send me a message like this so I sent a mildy sarcastic response and then she replies she's sorry that she thought I knew the date it had been rescheduled which was next thursday 8:45 which i'm kind of pissed off b/c mornings are hard but his father has the day off so he will attend but I'm disappointed since I did want to be present since this is an important step.  There are so many people who have jobs these days that I wonder how they got them in the first place.  They have no professionalism at all.  Some of them don't even know their jobs well it's ridiculous.  You see this is a lot where I work but it's all over.  Today was pay day and I wasn't expecting to get much but I got something which felt good b/c it was a lot more than I expected to receive.  Tomorrow is finally friday and I'm glad I cant wait till the weekend hopefully I will get to sleep in.  Between trying to recover from the road trip and get used to ny pace again and all of this nonsense with this iphone att etc I'm exhausted and ready to call it a night.   I'm glad I will get a ride to the sitter and train b/c Friday is one day I don't want to be late. 

apple rant, att, warranty nonsense

Today on my lunch break I went to an apple store in Soho.  My husbands iphone was acting up and there is only a few days left on warranty and after getting the repeated run around from AT&T and Apple customer service.  I posted a rant on face book and got  response so I thought I had finally got someone who knew what they were talking about I take the time to go to the store and when I arrive, the person at the front tells me I have to call apple care and I thought are you kidding me? I finally spoke to someone else and I was given a slot to go up stairs and see a technician who asked me various questions and he says phone has liquid damage which I was kind of surprised and he said the part they needed wasn't there so he replaced the phone and I breathed a sigh of relief and rushed back to work I was 40 minutes late from lunch and had I worked for the private industry I probably would've gotten fired or faced sometime of discplinary action or been docked that time so thank goodness for city job and an cool supervisor.  While it's something that's not right I don't make it a habit either.  I get home phone is not working and on top of that I have a headache due to not eating wasting my darn lunch time trying to get this problem resolved.  I think my headache only got worse when he told me it wasn't working I thought shit now I have to go back over there again I made an appointment this time but the phone works now so I'm going to cancel but I will still keep an eye on it and if it starts to act weird again it's going right back.  For those of you who read my blog you know very well that I dispise AT&T wireless and apple.  I don't like AT&T or any cell phone company who has contracts it's only a way to trap you and I learned this the hard way.  Cell phone contracts should be gotten rid of but companies are smart they also know that many people want the latest phone and don't want to pay full price for it so this is the bait they use to snag and reel people in.  AT&T has some of the worse service in the metro NY area bad clarity, weird noises, and tons of dropped calls and ridiculous termination fees to boot.  I was told at the apple store to purchase apple care for the phone which is supposed to cover hardware, technical issues, but doesn't cover theft etc and what the heck is the point of only covering some things but not covering all? hmm let's see if I'm robbed or my phone is stolen do you really think I have another $200+ dollars to replace an iphone.  In my opinion that's not a true warranty.  A true warranty would cover everything.  I love apple products I mean I have an ipod nano that was a gift but what steers me away is their ridiculous policies.  When I went there today I couldn't believe all of these artsy fartsy people in there I kind of felt out of place but then it dawned on me that I was in Soho and it's very high end around there you can tell by the stores, boutiques, etc.  and of course the people.  He calls apple care on the phone and the guy pretty much told my husband he was SOL in a nice way he calls apple store they say we can bring phone back this is the shit that frustrates me I wish for once someone would know what the hell they're talking about for once I swear that I think they make things up as they go along depending on who you talk to.  I also thought about the snow we're expecting and MTA also another favorite blog topic of mine can't even handle service when weather is good as you can see the train wreck our sanitation department did and mayor jerkberg flapping his gums about what I don't know damage control isn't working and NYC was left out in the cold b/c of a bunch of lazy union scam artists who intentionally did a work slow down that caused a lot of trouble and claimed some lives too.  They're rotten actions are just beginning to bubble to the surface and you will be hearing about in the news and papers.  Everyone likes to point fingers and shift blame no one wants to take the responsiblility.  I thought it was ridiculous since snow clean up has never been a problem before.  I went off topic but I'm really hoping that this phone continues to work b/c I don't feel like going back down there and get more nonsense from them and don't feel like getting stranded due to snow.  I know I will have no problem falling asleep tonight b/c I had a pretty long and stressful day.  I'm glad tomorrow is friday.

my last blog of 2010

This is my last posting of the year and in a few hours 2011 will be here.  The weather these past couple of days has been unseasonably warm and today was warmer than yesterday so much that I just wore a tshirt with jeans and no jacket needed.  I sat outside for a while we had some hot dogs and burgers on the grill did our walk to get some air and exercise.  I always feel kind of sad around this time b/c I always think about everything that has happened throughout the year and it hasn't been an easy year for us and sometimes I think about another yr come and gone and what have I really acheived if anything at all? I shouldn't feel down but I can't help it.  It's a pretty quiet New Year's Eve just us we usually don't do anything special just stay home and watch the ball drop even when I'm home watch rockin eve or afterward if I'm up to stay late watch a little bit of the honey mooners marathon and then conk out to sleep.  Surely not like the holidays past but time passes we get older life's circumstances change and time waits for no one.  A lot of things can happen in a year I wonder where I will be next Christmas or New Year's Eve in NYC or Florida? Speaking of which the fact that our relocation goal may be more of a long range goal is probably something else that has me a little down but we have to do things carefully in order to avoid any additional problems.  They say good things come to those who wait I guess this is something we will have to wait for.  I think about all of the goals I set for myself and it seems impossible sometimes especially to save what I want to save but I have to keep trying.  Sunday it's back on the road to NYC and it's going to be hard day for all of us my mother husband etc.  I really don't want to go back to NYC but harsh reality is that for know that is where our life is and where are our jobs are.  It's going to take me a while to get back into the swing of things again.  I hope the road trip home will be uneventful and we won't catch no traffic in Maryland we escaped it last time due to the early time we left but this time we may not be as lucky.   Seems like we're all bored out of our minds always seems like the last few hours of the year feel like that.  When the ball drops I always feel a sense of relief that another year has left and a new year new page new start has arrived.  I look forward to turning the page and starting a brand new year and aim to achieve as much as I can.

vacation coming to a close

Saturday is my last day here in Florida this week i've been alone while he visits his family in tampa you can say it's a break for me but I already miss jr.  These past few days I've been getting my last taste of slower pace and peace and quiet before we head back on the road to NY.  I'm glad I missed the huge blizzard over there b/c I know I would've been very aggravated as the MTA already sucks as it is without the blizzard.  This trip has had it's good and stressful moments but it will be hard to leave my mom, brother and everything behind.  I'm still doing research about apartments and looked at the corrections department for him and to my surprise I didn't see any job openings for correction officers which is kind of a let down b/c it means if we do decide to relocate it's going to take longer for it to happen and the job opportunities need to be available b/c most likely I will be a stay at home mom for a while unless a job does come my way that has good hours and ok pay.  Today was a bright sunny day most 70 degrees it felt like spring instead of the end of December.  After we came back from our walk and going to the store I just sat down outside in the backyard admiring the lake and watching the ducks in the pond.  I love vacations but most of the time they're not long enough I know it's going to take me a few days to get used to hustle and bustle of NYC but I always do eventually which reminds me I have no boots for the snow and neither does jr until I get the ones I really want going to have to go and get some at payless.  2010 has had its good and bad, it hasn't been an easy year and I'm hoping that '11 will bring all of us good luck, peace, health.  I'm hoping that the economy will eventually back on track and things will improve b/c there's way too much negativity going on and in the headlines sometimes I don't even want to watch the news b/c of this but I do to stay informed.  My main goal when I return to NY is to work hard and save a lot of money and hope that some job prospects do open up down here b/c I realize while I love NYC and I will always be a new yorker at heart, the life is too hard, the winters are getting tougher, the rents are getting to be outrageous and the pace of life is getting to be too rough.  We will see what this year brings.

planning for the next step

These past few days have been very emotionally draining and this morning I felt very overwhelmed when I saw the condition of the house it was a mess and I tried to pick up as much as I could but nothing is like when you do a good cleaning.  I just made sure the trash was taken out and beds were made he packed up the car and I was almost going to change my mind and leave to tampa but he convinced me to stay.  As I've said before sometimes family is an asset sometimes they're not. It was very hard for me to see him go with the baby b/c I feel as if he truly is the only real support I have here.  If we have somewhere to go etc.  I spoke with the pt financial dept and at least the hospital bill will be paid by the charity services but we still have to work on getting them the medical card that will allow them to get access to free medical services.  I can't believe all of the snow that has fallen in NY.  The subways are down everything messed up like usual blizzard so either way I probably would've been home.  We're are still waiting for these doctors to come in here and that's the most annoying thing b/c there's no place like being at home.  I had some lunch at the cafeteria and they're pretty good and reasonable.  We've made the decision to relocate and it wasn't an easy one b/c I have my job to consider and other things but I also realize that my mother needs a lot of help and my grandfather is getting old and can't continue to bear the expenses on the house anymore he should be retired and enjoying his life.  Life is just not fair sometimes.  We have a lot to think about once we get back to NY as far as job transfers housing moving expenses and I have to start working my tail off to make sure I also have enough money saved up to tide me over for a while.  I'm burned out and I need a break maybe this will be a good time for it but I eventually want to pursue other things.  I never imagined that all of this would happen in one trip down to fl and I hope that we're not making a mistake which is why we're both taking a leave of absence from the city just in case things don't work out.  Maybe this will be a change for the better let's see what this will bring all positive I hope.  We're still waiting and it doesn't look like we're leaving anytime soon thank goodness I got my lap top for entertainment.  I have a tension headache could sure a tylenol.  Hope tomorrow will be less stressful.