great spring weather

Today's weather was great look fwd to more sunny days tomorrow is my favorite day of the week Friday.  I am glad to be home at last b/c today I was so bored at work and doing these mailings is tedious and annoying especially when you have print and assemble them when the assembled envelopes run out after a while I got tunnel vision and I had to stop.  I was happy to arrive to work early and leave on time but I encountered yet another idiot who displayed my least favorite pet peeve people who eat on the train this girl was eating a egg and cheese on a bagel and it stank like crazy and of course I was stuck in a very crowded J train with no escape it almost seems as if she was doing on it purpose and I almost wanted to knock it out of her hands thank goodness it's a short ride.  I get to dunkin donuts no hot chocolate today get myself some oj a wrap and a donut which I never ate b/c many a times I don't get a chance to get breakfast before I leave or I will be late especially if I have to drop jr off which today I didn't.   Yesterday night we went to best buy to make the transition from AT&T to Sprint and I never realized how time consuming this is and this doesn't help that this best buy is in a very crowded area of queens queens blvd.  After this we ate dinner at the outback and we came home and we were all exhausted I gave jr his bath read him some books and we both fell out fast.  I'm so happy that I have my EVO but just like every other phone I've gotten it's going to take a while to get used all of the features someone called and I almost didn't know how to answer it another challenge is I will have to learn how to mobile blog with this phone as it's not the EVO shift I'm used to the slide out keyboard so this will take a while for me to master that.  I think it was time for a change but I'm hoping that Sprint will be better for us b/c AT&T gave us enough grief.  I just wish they'd have enough accessories in stock when you need them we wanted otter box cases and had they been in stock at best buy 25% off.  I went today looking for an otter box in J&R didn't see the defender went to sprint they had the commuter went to mcdonalds and paid $8.15 I didn't realize that the McDonald's on Broadway is a high class one I read my receipt and I almost threw the bag at them but I was hungry so I didn't.  60 cents eat in charge! I couldn't believe it! Not only is your food a darn rip off you have the audacity to charge 60 cents for us to sit in your place to eat our over priced food unbelievable so they're off my list going to stick to the one by BMCC.  I get to a table and I look at my fries and if there's nothing that get me more pissed off is when my fries aren't done right, don't give me cold or burned fries b/c they're coming right back to YOU.  I've done it before and if they want to consider me a pain in the ass that's ok I'm paying enough for it! today I was already tired of hunting for the otter boxes and hungry so I sucked it up and ate them just made sure I put tons of ketchup.  I was going to venture into the Borders book store on Wall St I feel sad they're closing that store now if I want books have to go to  Barnes & Noble on 14 st.  wanted to take advantage of their deep discount to get some medical books, etc.  but there's always tomorrow.  I opened all the windows to air out this apartment and put our wings in the oven and jr is here very happy and I'm always happy to see him and he's watching sponge bob the cartoon I have practically memorized I've seen so many episodes, when you can predict what the characters are going to say I think that's cartoon overload.  Well it's after 5 and jr is calling for my attention and the cat has to be fed I'm hoping that jr will sleep through the night today b/c if there's any day I don't want to be late is tomorrow well off to unwind and relax.

half conscious and late

As I sit here at my desk I'm semi-awake b/c jr woke up in the middle of the night I thought it was 5 but I check my cell phone and it's only 2:30 a.m.  I try to get him back to sleep yet another battle almost an hr later 3:30 he was still up and I couldn't stay awake anymore his father took him to the livingrm and I tried to get some sleep but it wasn't good sleep.  I was woken up at 5:30 and stood in another 10 minutes I look outside the weather is horrible perfect to just stay inside and sleep.  I drag myself out of bed brush my teeth get dressed try to get my hair to look right which isn't an easy task due to rain and me having to wash it.   I then grab some cereal and get jr dressed and I figured since I got a ride I'd get to work on time WRONG.  I get on the train and take a good nap I wake up to feel the train not moving and I guess there were door problems or whatever or MTA incompetence that usually makes me late to work and finally we move I get to Essex St and by a miracle the J comes fast but when I finally make it to work 11 minutes late how annoying is that especially when the therapist is supposed to come over today.  I hope I will be on time the rest of this week b/c when you're late it just throws your whole day off.  The city is continuing to do more lay offs so the feeling of uncertainity comes back to me yet again I hear two people from our agency are being laid off w/o no real notice and that pisses me off b/c how dare you just spring something like that on people who have families, financial obligations, etc.  and not give them at a least a month or so to prepare themselves and then I thought about myself and thought this could happen to me! It makes me angry b/c I keep seeing other titles being hired that make a lot more money but they can't retain support staff those positions take more of the fiscal budget than our jobs so I decided today I'm cleaning out my desk of any junk or unneccessary things b/c I haven't received another at risk letter and I thank the lord for that but as I can see you have prepare yourself.  This way if it does happen I don't have anything here of importance and I can just turn in my key and be gone.   I also notice someone saying that this individual can be transferred somewhere else and they'd still have a job and while that may seem good to you some ppl don't like change and are creatures of habit and while I may still have a job I may not neccessarily like that place or be able to adjust there I've seen it happen to a lot of ppl.  For some people a city job is the end all say all due to the benefits and job security but not these days, Bloomberg wants to get rid of civil service, collective bargaining, something like Wisconsin can happen here but I think the fight here will be a lot more brutal than Wisconsin since NYC is a blue state if they did try to do that and not only that he wants to mess around with people's pensions and raise the retirement age.  All of it totally unfair people have worked hard and pay their due they deserve to retire with a decent pension at a reasonable age this is why we have to plan while we're still young b/c nothing is promised to no one these days.  I know I can find an office even in the private sector but some of these people don't know any other working environment and the city working environment and private sector are like apples and oranges.  Just when I thought I was secure for now always seems like something always arises.  I plan to start saving as much as I can just in case b/c unemployment doesn't always kick in right away and it's not what you were earning working either.  Today was supposed to be the day we go to the Sprint store but I doubt it due to the horrible weather unless it clears up as the day goes on.  Well it's after 9:00 going to begin my work day and try to stay awake. 

One day left and hello Sprint

I'm on my lunch break and I wish I was at home laying down watching some tv.  I got to work on time which is great for me provided the trains on the ride home cooperate and unfortunately I have a sink load of dishes waiting for me b/c I didn't get to them last night.  I was so tired last night most of the time once I put jr to bed I will fall asleep soon after in the bed and if I don't then I will watch some tv shower and fall into bed.  I'm surprised he didn't chime in with his usual comment you forgot the dishes or get on my case in some other way b/c remember he's perfect but nope not a word.  I look at this way I'm tired by the end of the day and the house is the last thing on my mind if I had a dishwasher i'd worry about it even less.  Tomorrow I will be finally rid of AT&T and I'm so happy about that I just hope Sprint doesn't turn out to be another crappy company weird b/c the days I've been riding to work I usually have horrible reception especially when we get to the williamsburg bridge but my calls haven't dropped at all I guess they're working on it but guess what your efforts and outages were one too many for me and after tomorrow GOOD BYE GOOD RIDDANCE.  I ventured to the Sprint store in the area where I work and that was a big mistake way too crowded I asked for the EVO and EVO shift and I tried to play around with the phones and I was clueless the sales person had to literally pull up the messaging for texting and I felt like an idiot I was able to maneuver the EVO shift better than the EVO and pull up the texting faster but I guess with every new cell phone we get it's an adjustment period to get acquainted with the phone and the features.  I did notice the EVO shift isn't as small as it looks on tv or in the commercial it is smaller than the regular EVO though.  I guess I will get the hang of it eventually as I've done with most of my phones I've had.  While a nice phone with good features is important more important things for me are:  reception, clarity, good data capability especially important when sending picture msgs.  I was reading a blog I follow today and I noticed that one of the bloggers took a statement I said and included it in one of her blogs and that really surprised me and annoyed me b/c I felt it made me look that I don't support women's rights, etc.  and when I called her on it she says she didn't say that but the commented prompted her to think about it b/c she's heard it before I guess she didn't think I'd read it but I don't appreciate it when people try to twist your words around and I've seen this happen to a lot of people including myself in other instances while I know everything is subject to interpretation I was very surprised at this but this will not prevent me from commenting on anything else b/c why should I feel afraid to express my opinions.  I've even deleted blogs from here b/c I was afraid that someone would get offended by things I've written or think I was talking about a specific individual but I've decided I'm not going to do that anymore.  Everyone else voices their opinions and I've read other blogs on here that are very controversial but it doesn't stop people from posting their views.  Well for the record I'm very much for women's rights, advancement and empowerment while we've come a long way we can always go further and do better for ourselves.  I just think that with the feminist movement chivalry has been sacrificed along the way.  I think that these days a lot of women want to be independent and want to be treated as a man's equal I know I always say be careful what you wish for b/c a man can interpret that in a lot of ways.  A lot of women like the blogger who posted about men paying on a date don't know what they want they say they're independent want to pay on dates, but when a guy isn't a gentleman they complain about it so that's why I said make up your mind you want it this way or do you want to be somewhere in the middle.  I guess I'm that somewhere in the middle.  I don't mind a guy paying on a first date even though I'm married and this scenario no longer applies to me but how would you feel if you were on a date and after you ate you were handed the check? or expected to pay half of it? I'm no gold digger or materialistic and most who know me know I'm pretty down to earth but if that happened to me that guy would never see my face again but I guess everyone is different.  What I expect is a gentleman someone who knows how to treat a lady, that means having manners, respect, and have a good sense of humor manners is very important to me b/c if I see a person who is demanding and rude it sends me the message that they don't care about other people and their feelings and if I see it on a date it makes me wonder well if he's rude to them what would he say to me if I "annoyed" him.  and forget about expecting "dessert" b/c you paid my way you will know what singing soprano feels like.  I guess I'm not in tune with today's feminism and dating scene is like since i'm not on that scene anymore and I'm sort of glad I'm not the dating scene isn't an easy thing and you come across a lot of guys that make you think "are you for real"? I don't see how some people hop from man to woman woman to man, etc.  forget about casual sex, one night stands, or friends with benefits way too complicated.  If people realized whenever sex is involved it's never that cut and dry maybe they'd think twice.  While I realize life isn't without stress or complications I prefer drama free and knowing where I stand with people and situations.

uncertainity in our world

After I turned off the tv in total disgust after watching the apprentice I walked to my bedroom and trying to find a spot on the bed was a task in itself.  I got some good rest which made up for Saturday night and when I got up at 5:00 it was pitch black outside due to the change in time and I thought it was earlier than 5.  I get up get ready and had to wind up waking jr up we got ready and went to catch our daily bus which was late as always but I managed to drop him off on time and most importantly be at the office on time.  We're supposed to get a taste of spring weather toward the end of the week and I can't wait till it's officially spring I'm tired of wearing sweaters and a coat.  I looked at the news and I can't believe the terrible earth quake and after shocks in Japan the Tsunami in Japan and CA then we have the uprising in Egypt, Libya, etc.  and the people trying to get rid of collective bargaining, etc.  I heard someone in the office say it's the end of days and I have to agree with her my husband says the same thing and I can't believe it even families the way they are with one another but all of this is in the bible.  I'm not a terribly religious person but the thought of this does scare the crap out of me b/c I'm wondering where I'm going I think I am a good person with a good heart I'm not perfect I've made my mistakes but when I hear 2012 it scares the heck out of me.  I guess there isn't much we can do but live our lives and be good and do good for others b/c when the time comes nothing else is going to matter.  There is so much economic uncertainity, angry people who are fed up with the gov't and corruption, etc.  and I hope and pray that I don't become another casualty of the economy and you try to be positive but the minute you put the news on more bad things which is why sometimes I'd rather not even watch.  Pray for what we have what little we have, pray that we make it to another day b/c from what it seems like there is going to be a lot more to come.  I saw the terrible bus accident on the news in which so many people lost their lives and I have a feeling that guy was either very tired, drunk, or just driving wrecklessly and lost control of the bus but either way he will have to answer to the authorities kind of makes you wonder are we safe anywhere?  You can't even get on a tour bus without worrying if you're going to make it back home or not.  I wonder why those drivers aren't given breathalizers, etc. before they get on those buses as they have the lives and safety of all passengers.  Well it's another Monday I'm glad I made to work safe on time and hope to arrive the same way home.   I hope this week will be a good one and I will continue to keep the victims in Japan and CA in my thoughts and pray for them all.

end of a weekend

I really should be in bed by now but I'm still awake and that's a surprise.  Last night I couldn't sleep the consequences of getting a nap during the day I wind up falling asleep after watching Hard Evidence and I hear some foot steps and jr had woken up it was after 1 am.  I get to bed and try to get him back to sleep which eventually he went back to sleep but I couldn't fall asleep I went to bed but it wasn't a quality sleep where you wake up feeling refreshed and well rested.  Today I felt a little better and did some grocery shopping and got meat and  went to food bazzar to get some things to make some fresh sofrito and I went to the larger store for the first time and I just couldn't take the crowds and the ghettoness I mean seriously why the heck would you put your cart in the middle of the aisle while others are trying to get by the ultimate in lack of manners was when I saw this idiot coming with a cart and her kid and an old lady was passing by do you think idiot waited for lady to pass they almost boxed her in.  I couldn't believe they're so lucky it wasn't my grandmother, etc.  I thought to myself there's a serious decline in society these days everyone is all about me you even see in the children.  Parents don't properly educate these days they're all about being the kid's friend and the clothes on their back.  I get on line and I was so relieved to pay and finally be out of there lesson learned I will go to the smaller store and earlier in the day.  Just wish these ingredients were readily available in the stores closer to my area.  Tried some new quesadillas from this local place called fresh taco and they're were great so we have a new place for take out days.  A relative came over and helped put away the stuff and cook dinner for which we're eternally grateful.  We were having a conversation about the public school and private schools and the best public school is 113 in glendale and he has his heart on putting jr in there or a private school and he says the two public schools in this area aren't very good and I thought as much as I'd like to be able to send him to private school I don't think it's financially possible but if I say I will be told that I'm settling etc.  I think I'm being realistic.  I want to make sure that not only is 113 a good school but a diverse school as I know there are certain areas of glendale and middle village that aren't yet very diversified.  He says next year he will be in pre k uh hello let me concentrate on now that's he 2 yrs old and he will be 3 this fall  I know times flies and waits for no one but I'm just trying to get used to speech therapists, potty training etc.  speaking of which I tried to put him regular underwear today and within 5 minutes he pee on himself thank goodness it wasn't the other thing.  I tried putting him on potty and nothing happened.  Potty training is going to be a long trying road *sigh*.  We will just have to keep trying.  I'm watching the Celebrity Apprentice now and I guess this is the new season and wow I can't believe watch a bunch of aholes some of these celebrities are some of them are so self centered and egotistical.  I can't really stomach Trump much but I guess if there's nothing else I will watch it.  I think there are people who just get a certain high off of telling others what to do.  There was a scene where one of the project mgrs pushed someone I think I would've pushed right back one thing is to give me direction but don't you dare put your hands on me! As far as the women team goes I can't stand Star Jones at all I think she's an annoying self centered bitch and it comes out through the show, she micromanages and is in need of a reality check, Dionne Warwick may be a great singer but as a person she's a rude self centered person who wanted to take full credit for what is supposed to be a team effort when she made a very ignorant discriminatory remark regarding Marlee Maitlin and her being deaf she lost all of my respect. Just b/c you're older doesn't make you smarter and respect goes both ways.  Marlee Maitlin has overcome a lot of obstacles to get where she is and she got there even with her disability so for her to make such ridiculous comments like she did was uncalled for.  I know they're all doing this for a good cause but this goes to show you that just b/c you're famous and have money doesn't make you smart doesn't mean you have class or manners it just means you're famous and have the means to live a very comfortable life that most of us dream of.  I don't envy these people at all maybe the money a little b/c you have to have more to bring to the table and if you don't it shows very fast.  This also proves that put a whole bunch of different characters together there's bound to be conflict.  It also shows how stupid and catty women can be which is why I'd rather work around more guys and have a man boss any day of the week.  Well it's getting close to 10:30 and I have to get to bed and I've had all I can take from this show so it's off to bed and I'm crossing my fingers for an uneventful commute to and from work what I always hope for everyday especially Monday.

the road ahead

Yesterday my work week came to an end and I always look forward to this b/c I get tired of commuting back and forth to work through out the week and I was glad that he cleaned most of the house b/c I'm really not feeling well today due to PMS and other issues and the least I have to do the better for me.  Last night jr didn't fall for the crib converted into a bed when it was bed time so back to the bed he went frustrating indeed so when our taxes come we have to get him a bed and a dresser.  So far I've gotten progress reports from speech therapist and special instruction teacher and the special instruction teacher's findings are that he is cognitatively at 2 yr old level but overall 18-24 months old so while he's made some progress he has a ways to go be completely at age level.  Yesterday was his visit at the ENT and the dr examined him and he got a hearing test from audiologist and they determined he has minor hearing loss I felt like someone punched me in my stomach when he texted me that.  I was waiting for my connecting train to go home and I felt my eyes water up and this is the last thing I want to hear what any parent wants to hear that there's something wrong with their child especially something as important as hearing we need and use all of our senses but hearing and vision are two very important senses we use.  He has fluid in his ears and I wanted to know if this could be due to the frequent ear infections, birth defect, etc.  but the genius didn't ask these questions and this frustrated me even more b/c I once called this dr back to ask him questions that he didn't ask and he seemed like he had an attitude and I was about to say that's my son and when it comes to his health and well being I will ask 100 questions and you'll answer all of them b/c I'm not putting him through any other procedures unless it's absolutely neccessary.  Sadly there aren't too many pediatric ENTs in this area or if theyre are they're in Long Island or don't take our insurance.  He goes back in a few weeks and if the fluid is still there they would have to insert tubes to drain ears all of this is done surgically and he's already had surgery to remove a cyst by the ear.   To try to find time for all of this and of course I think about if I have to take time off from work which I don't have enough hours and can't really afford it.  I think the next visit I will sacrifice a few hours and I'm going to the visit b/c I want to ask as many questions as I can.  But now I realize that if it wasn't for us taking him regularly to dr and dr suggesting early intervention we wouldn't be at this at point but I have a feeling this is going to be a long road ahead of us.  These are times I wish I was at home b/c then I wouldn't have to worry about finding late appointments, therapists who do late hours, etc. but the harsh reality is right now I have to work.  I'm hoping that they will be able to do something even if it's a hearing aid but I will patiently have to go through this process and of course I want him to have perfect hearing in both of his ears but as my mother said to me there's no perfect child and I don't want perfection b/c that's unrealistic but I'd like for him to be able to hear b/c I think his speech would improve and he'd do better when it was time for pre k or kindergarten.  I have to prepare myself emotionally financially b/c next month is the two yr anniversary that he stopped his chemo and they said he'd have to wait two years before he tried to have another child and I've been thinking about that if I really want another one and while I'd like to have another child I think about the expenses of daycare, etc.  and I've avoided it I've been told by him I'm over thinking it and I think I am but this is b/c I'm thinking of all the factors kids are expensive and I want to able to provide my child or children with the things they need and it's hard enough with one.  I find it very hard to put my trust in an ob/gyn due to my son being born past due, etc.  I haven't even been to a gyn since 2009 and that's not good but I can't find the time or a dr I really like so many things to do and sometimes there aren't enough hours in a day.  The end of time warner cable saga even though I disputed the charges they reversed the credit and I'm really pissed off about that b/c they had no right to over charge my account which makes me question the point of the dispute process in banks and this makes me want to get rid of them and get verizon fios.  I got $`100 credit but it's better than nothing I guess.  I haven't paid them yet for this month b/c I will not pay online anymore I dont think their site is secure lesson learned will not hit back button on computer or just pay by phone.  It's past 9:00 and I haven't done anything guess I need to put a pep in my step and get moving and sadly I have to do some grocery shopping a task I hate.  We'll see what this day brings I hope I will feel better by the end of the day.  I'd like to rest for a change instead of do this do that run here run there something out of reach at times.

just one of those days

Lately I feel like i'm stuck in a rut, the same old routine get up, get ready babysitter train work back then to deal with the house, child, bills, etc.  and many times I feel overwhelmed tired and emotionally defeated.  I ask myself all the time if this is all worth it?  March has arrived and I haven't even fulfilled the goals I set for myself at the end of the year which the main one was to start being a better saver.  It's so hard for me to save money b/c it always seems like something comes up or something is needed in the house but I have to start becoming more disciplined b/c I absolutely hate the idea of working and not having anything to show for it.  Jr sleep issues are also emotionally exhausting for the both of us and as soon as it's financially possible we're going to buy him a big boy bed b/c he needs to learn how to sleep in his own bed for his own good and for all of our comfort at night.  The family drama from his side is driving me crazy I can't understand how he allows these people to disturb his peace and tranquility the way he does all I know i'm getting sick of it and if I hear one more phone call and I'm going to lose it and I don't want to go that route b/c I have a pretty bad temper when I'm provoked but sometimes it is the only way people will back off and stop their nonsense.  The issue is one that can be resolved very easily but this individual is  manipulative who loves playing the victim when it's to their benefit. When we give people this sort of power they will make your life miserable and keep living their lives as miserable as it maybe and this is what I try to get across to him and I think it might have sunken in but I'm not really convinced until I see some real changes.  There are times I don't even want to pick up the phone no more.  I spoke to an old friend of mine today from HS b/c I really needed someone to talk to and vent about things and I value his advice and opinions a lot we advise each other on different things and I felt better afterward it feels good to have your feelings validated and he is one of the few people in my life I consider a true friend those are few and far between.  I also went over the 3 month progress report with the speech therapist this week and his skills are emerging but he still has a way to go to be on his age level with speech and that was hard to hear but it could be worse it could've been no progress at all.  I feel sad b/c I wish that check would've been at the end of paper with full progress but I guess he will get there eventually.  He was due to see the occupational therapist today and while I've never met this guy he's starting to get on my nerves b/c he's canceled a few sessions and is always running late.  I confirmed visit for 2 and I just hear he's getting there at 2:30 and I think we've been more than accommodating I told him if he doesn't show up today I'm contacting service coordinator we need some one who is reliable I can see once or twice but don't make it a habit.  I've even gotten annoyed with her at times b/c she hadn't returned a call from me yet had the nerve to say that I had to call her instead of her iniating the calls.  I try to have patience and be professional when dealing with these people b/c it is for jr's benefit and it services that he needs but sometimes they can really work a nerve at times.   Tonight will be his session with the special instruction teacher and I know that will go well as it always does.  I went out for lunch today and I think I was literally blown around the block due to the severe winds outside.  I really wish the weather would make up it's mind I look forward to seeing the spring weather already.  I need some distraction so I hope I am able to meet up with a friend soon b/c my daily routine and other things are giving me tunnel vision.  I've gotten to the point that if it's not in my calendar in outlook or my cell phone I just don't remember anything anymore.