the road ahead

Yesterday my work week came to an end and I always look forward to this b/c I get tired of commuting back and forth to work through out the week and I was glad that he cleaned most of the house b/c I'm really not feeling well today due to PMS and other issues and the least I have to do the better for me.  Last night jr didn't fall for the crib converted into a bed when it was bed time so back to the bed he went frustrating indeed so when our taxes come we have to get him a bed and a dresser.  So far I've gotten progress reports from speech therapist and special instruction teacher and the special instruction teacher's findings are that he is cognitatively at 2 yr old level but overall 18-24 months old so while he's made some progress he has a ways to go be completely at age level.  Yesterday was his visit at the ENT and the dr examined him and he got a hearing test from audiologist and they determined he has minor hearing loss I felt like someone punched me in my stomach when he texted me that.  I was waiting for my connecting train to go home and I felt my eyes water up and this is the last thing I want to hear what any parent wants to hear that there's something wrong with their child especially something as important as hearing we need and use all of our senses but hearing and vision are two very important senses we use.  He has fluid in his ears and I wanted to know if this could be due to the frequent ear infections, birth defect, etc.  but the genius didn't ask these questions and this frustrated me even more b/c I once called this dr back to ask him questions that he didn't ask and he seemed like he had an attitude and I was about to say that's my son and when it comes to his health and well being I will ask 100 questions and you'll answer all of them b/c I'm not putting him through any other procedures unless it's absolutely neccessary.  Sadly there aren't too many pediatric ENTs in this area or if theyre are they're in Long Island or don't take our insurance.  He goes back in a few weeks and if the fluid is still there they would have to insert tubes to drain ears all of this is done surgically and he's already had surgery to remove a cyst by the ear.   To try to find time for all of this and of course I think about if I have to take time off from work which I don't have enough hours and can't really afford it.  I think the next visit I will sacrifice a few hours and I'm going to the visit b/c I want to ask as many questions as I can.  But now I realize that if it wasn't for us taking him regularly to dr and dr suggesting early intervention we wouldn't be at this at point but I have a feeling this is going to be a long road ahead of us.  These are times I wish I was at home b/c then I wouldn't have to worry about finding late appointments, therapists who do late hours, etc. but the harsh reality is right now I have to work.  I'm hoping that they will be able to do something even if it's a hearing aid but I will patiently have to go through this process and of course I want him to have perfect hearing in both of his ears but as my mother said to me there's no perfect child and I don't want perfection b/c that's unrealistic but I'd like for him to be able to hear b/c I think his speech would improve and he'd do better when it was time for pre k or kindergarten.  I have to prepare myself emotionally financially b/c next month is the two yr anniversary that he stopped his chemo and they said he'd have to wait two years before he tried to have another child and I've been thinking about that if I really want another one and while I'd like to have another child I think about the expenses of daycare, etc.  and I've avoided it I've been told by him I'm over thinking it and I think I am but this is b/c I'm thinking of all the factors kids are expensive and I want to able to provide my child or children with the things they need and it's hard enough with one.  I find it very hard to put my trust in an ob/gyn due to my son being born past due, etc.  I haven't even been to a gyn since 2009 and that's not good but I can't find the time or a dr I really like so many things to do and sometimes there aren't enough hours in a day.  The end of time warner cable saga even though I disputed the charges they reversed the credit and I'm really pissed off about that b/c they had no right to over charge my account which makes me question the point of the dispute process in banks and this makes me want to get rid of them and get verizon fios.  I got $`100 credit but it's better than nothing I guess.  I haven't paid them yet for this month b/c I will not pay online anymore I dont think their site is secure lesson learned will not hit back button on computer or just pay by phone.  It's past 9:00 and I haven't done anything guess I need to put a pep in my step and get moving and sadly I have to do some grocery shopping a task I hate.  We'll see what this day brings I hope I will feel better by the end of the day.  I'd like to rest for a change instead of do this do that run here run there something out of reach at times.