the ride home

On my ride home and I have to say that I'm glad for the long weekend I could sure use the rest. I'm crossing my fingers that the weather cooperates for our outing tomorrow. The weather is beautiful I went to old navy today at lunch and got some good deals for Jr our former mgr brought the baby in and she's so adorable kind of made me want another one than I came back to earth there are times like now that you encounter the most annoying ppl on the subway I'm like stfu do I really need to hear your call or stupid conversation on my ride to old navy today this guy felt the need to tell the subway car about his male lap dance and I'm like wtf are u kidding me? Some things are meant to be shared in public that's NOT one of them. The remainder of the office move took place today and one big cluster **** of disorganization and incompetence. The welcome wagon to our temp space came to a screeching halt when the jerk who will remain nameless didn't want to share storage space we need for our files and materials for mailings and I give kudos to my boss and new mgr for handling it like professionals b/c said idiot wouldn't know the meaning of that word if it bite him long story short we have our space and most of these ppl down there can be taken in small doses but that's it so I hope June will fly by and the workers will work fast. I said gnite to all a few didn't acknowledge which I attribute to lack of manners etc but I said my peace and left we can try to be courteous but that's it. At the end of the day a fan club is nice but its not necessary if u like me great if not f off but my paycheck is very necessary and you don't sign it or maintain my household. I'm half way through my ride and the train has emptied out significantly and quieted down which I love. I can't wait to get home and relax we probably going out for dinner which is great b/c I sure don't feel like cooking I actually never do lol. I'd rather clean than cook. Well off to begin my wknd

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Friday and a long weekend

Friday has arrived and it doesn't even seem like I was out sick for two days my throat is better than what it was earlier this week but still needs to heal last night wasn't an easy one as I was very tired and Jr was trying my patience every step of the way and didn't want to go to sleep etc I finally had enough so I told his father he's all yours. Went to go watch divorce court which is funny but sad at times makes me realize that there are ppl with a lot worse problems than us. I almost didn't wake up this am but I'm on my ride to work and caught the early train so I will be in the city early provided these trains run right. The last evaluator came yesterday and it went pretty well liked her better than the other two so now its just a wait to see if we get a call or letter or make our own calls to school district today will be the final move of things at work and hope things will settle down we're supposed to go to sesame pl but now I'm thinking about the weather up there hope it cooperated. I was thinking of going on Sunday but not sure if he has to work we'll see how everything plays out

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sunny Thursday

It's Thursday and its going to be another 80 degree day out. I'm on my train hoping this ac kicks in soon b/c it was excellent on the bus. I tried to catch the earlier bus but couldn't maybe tomorrow I can. I'm feeling much better just wish that the medicine wouldn't affect my stomach so much but like most medicines they fix one thing but mess up something else. Yesterday was a long day I sure wish I could've stayed home when I arrive at work it was mass chaos of boxes paper and other messes all for a temp relocation my personal "thanks" to the mayor for wanting to replace windows he couldn't have waited until we moved at the end of the year for this. I did a massive shredding and threw out junk. Looking at the sign on the train I wish I was doing better timing not even close to the city yet. After this I gave my desk a good cleaning and helped packed crates and when I saw our temp space it was filthy can't believe how nasty some ppl are I sprayed it down and cleaned several times cleaned overhead compartment. I left my stuff in crate no keys for the drawers. I can't say I'm happy about it b/c I don't like a lot of those ppl down there but I will grin bear it and ignore. After I left I was happy to get a seat on my ride home I sure needed it. I came home and evaluator was outside and I didn't like her she was there a little over a half hour I guess they all have their own style I prefer our therapist we have now she is young fresh perspective and Jr and she have a great connection. Today will be the last evaluation and I'm hoping I will have a different sentiment about this one I don't understand why all of these different ppl need to come in I can see initially but I think the current therapist can speak on their progress much better than some random person. My concern is I just don't want this to affect what services he gets. I look forward to the long weekend and looking at the forecast we will have our first taste of 90 degree weather next week so we put up the ac just in time just not looking forward to higher con ed bills but that's the heat for you. It's a quarter to eight and train is on the bridge hope I make it in by 5 minutes after 8. Hope this day will be calmer than yesterday.

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random thoughts before bed

1. I value quiet time and solitude very much as I don't get to have it very often
2. I wish I didn't have to go back to work tomorrow but not rich so I have to under protest
3. Why can't I have a dishwasher or a maid that would mean I'd need an apt that wasn't 100+ yrs old and giving some scheister an arm and a leg
4. why doesn't my son fall asleep w/out putting us through the wringer
5. Why am I still awake? Guess throat and running nose will do this to you
6. Why do I over hear him talking to the opportunist yet again and coaxing him to do a bbq etc if ppl want to do they will if you hear a million and one excuses FORGET IT
7. Sesame place looks like it will happen glad for that
   
8. Why is it in nyc esp 5 boros do ppl go nuts and can't sthu simply b/c its a little warm out I'd like some sleep
   
9. Why am I sandwiched between a toddler and husband and at times cat
   
   
10. These are my thoughts and its a quarter to 11 so time to call it a night hope I'm feeling good enough to start the daily routine and cross my fingers I get a seat on the train both ways

what a way to start a week

This weekend was the usual cleaning up and organizing and taking the usual humongous loads of laundry to drop off yes that's right drop off b/c I have no time or the patience for laundry when I have a million other things to do on the weekends when you work full time you really don't have time for much during the week and for some reason laundry piles up in this house like crazy and we only have one child who also dirties a lot of clothes I can imagine if we had another.  I see people coming in with huge sacks of clothes and spending hours in the laundromat and I used to be one of those people and it's not only the washing of the clothes it's dealing with the assholes who go to the laundromat, the machine and dryer hogs, then folding and then if it's crowded try doing this with an infant in a stroller who cries and needs to be changed and fed I said screw this bs.  One day we had a shit load of things to do and I packed up the huge bags and told him to drop them off and guess what it was $5 extra on top on what I usually paid and I never looked back since then.  I still go the laundry to wash things I don't dry like my nice blouses, unmentionables, uniforms, but that's it wash and hang up and gtho!  Well I went on a laundry tangent there but this weekend the mil arrived and I guess things were ok but awkward as they usually are the next day they went to PA to see his brother and I've expressed to him several times why I don't want to go over there you'd think he get it by now.  He tells her why and she tells him oh that's not going to happen again and that's family, etc. etc. etc.  I don't give a shit! It's very frustrating how people just don't get it and how they think they can strong arm you into doing something you don't want to do.  I was exhausted and I took Sunday for me little did I know I was getting sick.  I went to get my nails done and when I came back I started to have chills and major body aches and my throat felt sore.  Yesterday I had to drag myself out of bed to get jr ready to drop him off at the sitter only to get on a bus and have to stand b/c courtesy is not contagious at all these days and feeling like crap on top of that drop him off and walk back home with body aches which is a quick walk took forever I decided to go to the dr and had to wait and I hate dr offices due to the wait I finally get called and told I have tonsillitis  and was given an antibiotic and I left got a note for work and was told I was contagious for 24 hrs. so I go back to work tomorrow.  I would've liked to have taken 2 days off under better circumstances. I noticed I lost 10 lbs when they weighed me yesterday so I guess cutting out soda or switching to diet and drinking water helps!  I had to be away from jr last night and that was very hard for me and he came into the room and I put my blanket over my mouth.  All I've had an appetite for was jello, juice, Lipton soup.  Today I feel a little bit better but these medications fix one thing and mess up something else.  Tomorrow I go back to work and I wish I would've stood out all week but time flies by when you're at home but drags on at work.  We're being temporarily relocated while they replace windows on our floor and I'm not one bit excited about this but we have to deal with it I wish I wouldn't have gotten sick b/c I wanted to pack up what I needed with enough time now I have to rush everything. *sigh* I hope it will just be for a month but as I've said in a previous blog if we're going on city time it could go for 2-3 months.  This week was back to back evaluations for Jr in preparation for the evaluation and I got a text from therapist canceling today's session she is sick so I guess there must be something going around.  First jr now me so we have to reschedule now I have to call the one who sounds like she has a major attitude b/c ms. professional didn't have the courtesy to return my call and confirm the appointment.  You blow up my house phone and aren't getting a response why not try the cell I can bet the "coordinator" didn't give it to u and after all the blowing of up phones I call u and you don't return a call ok.  The nonsense I put up with for my child's sake. I hope all of the evaluations work out for the rest of the week and this weekend is Memorial Day weekend which means an extra day off for me hooray but I wish the weather predicted a better forecast and I'm pissed off b/c our original plan was to go to Sesame Place and he mentioned the weather and I'm a little pissed off b/c he wants to do a bbq a.k.a a three ring circus.  BBQ's are a lot of work and expense and try getting a bunch of ppl together to either actually show up or help you bring stuff to ease the cost of things neither has easily happened so thanks but no thanks  I even suggested going to the bronx zoo or big apple circus all I know is I'm crossing my fingers that the weather cooperates Sesame Place is a better option and I'm hoping the weather cooperates jr will enjoy it and I revert back to my child hood days of watching Sesame Street and looking at all the characters.

TGIF

I'm glad Friday has arrived it's been a long week with most of the days rainy and humid and it feels good to see the sun for a change but it's uncomfortably humid outside.  Yesterday was an okay day with some annoyances.  One being I make every effort to get here on time and attempt to punch in and due to the malfunctioning of the scanner I couldn't get in I figured if I made an attempt later it would be corrected well apparently not.  My word isn't good enough and I had to stay late when I was on time and I was really pissed off about that b/c if they can make corrections on any other circumstance why not this one! These are the reasons why I can't stand certain things and people in this place.  They make exceptions for whom they feel like doing it for now and you going into a system and making a change doesn't take that long.  Technology is a good thing and sometimes it just more of a headache than anything else especially when things break down and malfunction.  I was going to charge the time to leave but why should I so I sucked it up and stood the time and hoped the machine would work when it was time for me to go.  By the time I arrived home,  the evaluator for occupational therapy was there and I have to say that I wasn't impressed with her at all, she barely said a word to me and his father I feel her evaluation was rushed and she stated that his delays weren't too bad and I was pissed off b/c this woman can definitely affect the services he receives b/c every therapist has their own professional opinion and even if he has a slight delay he should still get the help he needs even if it's not as much as the beginning due to improvement.  I'm considering getting him reevaluated. It also didn't help that jr was feeling under the weather due to being sick.  I noticed she was just scribbling notes on a paper, etc.  some ppl just are meant to work with kids in my opinion. Our main goal is to get him into a good school that's going to give him the services he needs and he socializes well with other kids so maybe just being in a more controlled school environment will help him progress.  I have to say that the best therapists we've had is the speech and special instruction teacher very personable organized and professional.  Even the service coordinator can get on my  nerves at times but I bite the bullet for my son's sake.  I want to try to be well prepared for the CPSE meeting so that we're able to get jr what he needs but some of these people can really work your nerves it's all a bunch of red tape and bureaucratic nonsense.  I plan to take a tour of the schools we have in mind and hope that they will allow us to do this.  Last night wasn't easy due to him being sick the terrible coughing and fever he was extremely cranky and I have to remind myself to be patient that he's sick.  I woke up half conscious to get him some children's motrin to lower his fever and he fought me every step of the way but I gave it to him and even being sick he wanted to watch cartoons in the middle of the night I fell back asleep and had it not been for the cell phone alarm I would've have gotten up the bed felt too good and warm.  I hope the doctor's visit goes well and he will prescribe something so he will feel better within a few days.  We also discussed "the situation" when I got home from work and he finally realizes that he has minimized things or didn't come to my defense like he needed to I told him the lady from EAP found a therapist that's literally two minutes from us but I'm also crossing my fingers that he's a good fit.  I wish I can I'm looking forward to the visit but I don't look forward to the disruption and potential drama that can arise even though I'm hanging on to a small thread of optimism.  He mentioned the Sesame Place scenario and he figures that if we're in the theme park it's not that bad than being stuck in a house well in my opinion no means no.  I thought to myself why are you so concerned with what others think and are always trying to save face?  B/C you can't handle someone asking why I'm not there maybe they need to hear the ugly truth!  I was really looking forward to Sesame Place but he says the weather may not be cooperating next week and wants to do a BBQ which I'm definitely avoiding like the plague b/c of the work, expensive, and close interaction with them are definitely a NO for me.  I'm trying think of a back up place we can go and I sure hope I don't come up short.  I definitely want to start thinking about what we're going to do for the summer time and I wish my vacation time accruals would hurry up and accumulate b/c I'd rather take paid time off b/c I can feel that it's time for us to take another break even though it never seems long enough in my opinion.  Maybe if time permits this weekend I can finally get a mani and pedi b/c I'm long over due.  Another fiasco is our temporary move to downstairs while windows are replaced I HATE moving any kind office, house, etc.  it's such a disruption and inconvenience and I sure hope it's done fast b/c I don't look forward to being surrounded by ppl who can be taken only in the smallest of doses for 2-4 weeks but if we're going on a city time line this can definitely turn into 2-3 months HELP!!!  Well it's friday and today I will treat myself to a slice of pizza as I've brought my lunch the whole week hopefully next week I will get to do some much needed retail therapy for myself. 

a sense of relief

Hump day has arrived and I sure wish the rain would go away already.  Sometimes not even an umbrella helps and the wind can easily destroy it especially if it's a cheap one.  I'm happy to have received my new jacket in the mail rather quickly since I just ordered it on Saturday.  Now I need to find a light windbreaker type jacket.   I realized that the people in the store near where I work weren't being truthful that North Face doesn't make the hyvent jacket larger than XL.  I went online and viewed the jacket I wanted only to see a black jacket for $80.00 in XXL.  If you don't have something in stock okay but don't say they don't make it my size.  However I'm kind of tired of getting my jackets and coats in black I'd like to try something different but I noticed they didn't have any other colors.  I'm thinking of putting the metropolis coat on lay away b/c I do need a new winter coat for the next winter.  I have sorel boots that I hate after I bought them they're too clunky and uncomfortable so I will replace those too when the time comes.  Yesterday I went to the employee assistance and spoke to a social worker and I was under the impression they take regular visitors there but I guess they just refer you to places kind of wish I could've just gone there permanently since I'd be able to do it on my lunch break but it felt good to talk to someone else about everything going on and for someone to be able to understand what I'm feeling and why.  I was there until 3:30 and I felt much better when I left and we left it on that they will be trying to find someone in my area that I can see.  When I mentioned the marriage counseling she asked if I was committed to working on my marriage and explained the different ways therapists go about doing this like some would rather see you separately first then together and I know that when it does happen I'm sure the pandoras box is going to fly open and it's going to get heated and emotional but as I told her yesterday I think he needs to hear it from someone else and another perspective.  I told him I went yesterday and he says he knew he was the main topic of conversation and he was and I told him he was going to counseling.   I'm at a point where I'm not taking no for an answer anymore I'm tired of living like this life is a beautiful thing and we should be enjoying it and living it to the fullest and enjoying our child especially now that he's still a little toddler b/c they grow up so fast I can't believe that he will be 3 yrs old this Fall.  The therapist canceled her session last night at the last minute I'd probably be annoyed about it usually but I wasn't feeling well yesterday and didn't feel like having anyone around so we agreed to reschedule for today.  I have to start calling up the schools we're interested in for jr to get his services he needs and hope that they're willing to give us a tour w/o asking for the evaluation results.  I'd prefer he go to one by metropolitan ave as it's in the area of where we live but if it's not a good place I want to go where he will get the attention and help he needs.  I'm looking forward to the memorial day weekend b/c I could sure use an extra day off.  We were thinking of going to Sesame Place again but so far I don't see any discounts on their tickets so I may just have to suck it up and buy the 2 day ticket I figure he doesn't use one day he can use it in the summer or for the Halloween celebration they do.  I was also looking at Disney World I can't believe how much the tickets have gone up $82.00 for an adult ticket.  I remember paying $45.00 maybe $50.00 but that was back in 2000.  The average family can't afford these places these days unless they get a very good pkg deal and forget about stay on the Disney Resort properties unless they have lower priced ones.  I checked out a place called the Polynesian which is gorgeous and of course it had to be Deluxe accommodations and I bet there is a deluxe price tag to match.  While it would be a great experience most likely we'd have to stay on a property outside of Disney and possibly go to universal and other places we will see what this summer brings us.  I just pray for peace of mind b/c I know I will need it for the coming weeks hopefully this person will be able to find me someone soon.  On another note I still haven't joined the gym yet with all of this going on I sort of lost focus on that.  I noticed I've lost a little weight as my stomach has gone down but I got a ways to go.  I guess my mother was right when she said if I gave up soda you'd see the difference and I do.  While I haven't cut it out entirely I started drinking diet a very acquired taste and drinking juices and water lots of water.  Once I started going to the gym I hope to see more of a change.  I'm sure I will hurt all over the first few times.  I'd like shopping to be fun again not having to go to specialty stores b/c some stores only go up to a certain size.  Well time to begin my work I actually should've began it an hr and thirty mins ago. 

tensions of life

It's Monday morning and another weekend has ended and by some miracle I arrived on time to work I think they finally got the message that the bus need to run on schedule after several nasty emails sent to them.  Yesterday was my least favorite task grocery shopping and going to a few other places.  I'm enjoying my last week of freedom in my house b/c my place will not be my own for a while and I'm not happy about that at all.  Lately there's been a lot of tension at home and I think we need to go to counseling b/c things are just going to get worse.  Yesterday we got into a heated conversation about our relationship, his family, etc. and I feel as if I'm talking to a brick wall sometimes.  It is very frustrating when you're trying to get someone to understand something and they just don't get it.   My husband's problem is that he is a people pleaser and doesn't realize how well they manipulate him.  He fails to realize that the one person that he has to worry about is me and his son.  While that may sound selfish to many people i'm sure many people don't deal with what I've dealt with over the years.  There's no way most people would put up with the bs, the disrespect I have and if I could turn back the hands of time I wouldn't have stuck around for it.  I have people like his sil and brother and his friend who don't greet me in social situations or I've gotten looks from people no where in the world most people would put up with that bs yet I have someone beside me who fails to see this and correct it.  He forgives everyone and says I'm bitter I'm far from perfect and have my issues to deal with but I don't think what I'm asking for is unreasonable.  To be given my place and respect as his partner and zero tolerance for this type of immature ghettofied bs.  If the situation were on the other foot, there is no way I'd tolerate that crap from anyone in regards to him.  Besides the usual problems most couples have is money, child rearing, etc.  I am now confronted with the fact that this individual is coming to stay in our home and I'm not liking the idea one bit b/c I know how living with other people can backfire very quickly and it is the same reason why they're in a bad situation where they're at now.  You can't live in another person's home and try to dictate to those people what goes on in their home and you have to respect their home and that person's spouse even if you may not agree or like them b/c in all essence they are doing you a favor by letting you stay there and this is what he fails to realize.  Another reason I get angry the over used word "my" my house my son, excuse me??? this is also my house, our child.  I just am angered at the fact that this is all going on without my input or consultation and I live here!  I'm a firm believer that marriages need to live alone and where there's been past tensions it's not a good idea to live together under the same roof.   It's very hard to be optimistic about a situation where I know isn't going to be an easy one and I know there will be bumps in the road.  The thought of me just picking up and leaving has crossed my mind several times and I ask myself is this worth it? I get tired of the arguing, the stress, the headaches, the occassional tears and I realize I have a son and it's just not that cut and dry even thought I wish it was.   A son who needs his parents and we're trying to get him the help he needs but at no means does this mean I'm going to stay in a situation that is just not working.  It's scary thinking of my self as a single parent and sole provider considering the cost of living in NYC and how hard it is it's hard for me now and I'm not a single parent.  I also would feel like a failure most marriages these days end in divorce that's a scary but very real statistic. People just don't stay together anymore b/c society has changed and now women also realize that they have options that they didn't have before and plenty of other fish in the sea too.  In my case if I were ever to get divorced I'd doubt it very much I would remarry again or get into another serious relationship I'm not one to hop from relationship to relationship and it's very hard for me to trust people I'm not one of these women who can't be without a man or will be with any man just to have a piece of **** around.  I'm more concerned about my child and being a good moral example and changing men like some people change socks and having your apartment being a revolving door sure isn't a way to be one around any child but especially a male child.  These are very scary thoughts but through all of the stress I've thought of all of these scenarios.  Many things in life can get overrated very fast work is overated and underpaying,  life is overrated and stressful but beautiful if one knows how to live it and choose people who bring out the beauty of it and not the ugliness.  I've also felt how one can feel alone and yet they're not and it's a pretty fucked up feeling.  I feel as if I have to get ugly with people and tell them off and fight for my place and why should this even have to be if I'm supposed to have a lifetime cheerleader and partner in the corner.  There are times when life really does blow and if I hear that saying "when life gives you lemons make lemonade" one more time I will go off the deep end sometimes it's just not that simple.  So many things get in the way if people saw that life isn't black/white there's a lot of gray areas too things would be a lot easier.  Let's just say the lemonade has been very sour these past few weeks and being an optimist about this isn't easy at all.  I will try to stay positive and find ways to deal with this I will be calling my employee assistance program and see if I can talk to someone b/c while I can talk to friends and this can help tremendously I'd like the opinion of a professional.  He refuses to go at first giving the very lame excuse that only white people go to counseling and I honestly never heard of a more ridiculous statement than that but I can't say I'm surprised due to the fact that the hispanic community doesn't really take well to mental health, psychologists, etc.  but I'm a point in my life where I have reached at a cross roads and while I don't like to be one the to give ultamatums I said you are going  and in my opinion you either go or I sign on the dotted line and get my 19.5%.  It's after 9 and I must begin work, this adventure is to be continued for now. 

another tiring week

This week was like most couldn't wait for Friday to come and sadly I was so exhausted that I didn't even go to work yesterday b/c I just couldn't get moving.  I was tired and had no motivation to get moving most fridays I have more pep b/c I'm glad the end of the week is here and I do my best efforts to make it to work on time so I can be home on time.  I showered and got jr ready and dropped him off at the sitter and took the morning to rest and watch some tv and  my stomach started acting up so I'm kind of glad I stood him but thing is one day is never enough for me.  I would need a week or two bare minimum.  The mood in the city this week was not a good one this week I saw a lot of rallies and protests by several different employee unions protesting the budget cuts the latest one was the teachers union rally that started in the am and in the evening was so big that it took up 4 city blocks.  I think it is digusting that our mayors and other gov't incompetents want to lay off all of these teachers and try to close the budget gap at the expense of our kids and their access to a quality education.  Everyone is angry and tired of the uncertainity and their jobs being attacked it's getting to the point that they did a poll on NY1 news and there's a lot of people leaving the city and the main reason is they can't afford it anymore.   Everything keeps going up but your paycheck and the rents here are outrageous it's going to get to the point that there's going to be barely no middle class people living here anymore b/c of the ridiculous cost of living.  The psychologist from the agency came to evaluate jr on thursday and I was kind of annoyed that he was late when I made my best efforts to get home on time but it is what it is.  I have a feeling that this is going to be a long road dealing with CPSE, etc.  I felt the evaluation was rushed and wasn't in depth as I thought it would be.  Jr got a little out of control at times but he was able to do finish it and he said that he would qualify for services but even full time services is only 5 hrs a day which in my opinion is ridiculous.  No accommodation for working parents and I was also looking forward of not having to pay daycare anymore but I guess we will need to for the remaining 2 hours.  He did well with most of the skills like identify pictures, stacking the blocks, etc. but he says he still needs help with speech and language and processing things.  This is a scary road but one we must take to ensure that he gets the proper help that he needs.  I just get annoyed with dealing with the service coordinator and staff at times for example occupational therapist finally calls me after several weeks and claims she can only do thursday which is another scheduled visit and says she will be out in 30 minutes which pisses me off b/c I think that's too much for the child.  The service coordinator is trying to say only she won't be there that long and that's when I said thats too much for the child what I should've said her scheduling conflicts aren't my son's problem.  These people seem to think that you're at their mercy I have scheduling conflicts of my own to worry about.  Today was the usual jr waking me up early doing household stuff and going to get a few things and I've grown tired of shopping outside since they never seem to have what I want I had to wind up ordering my sneakers and jacket online I think I'm going to start doing my shopping online now b/c I've grown tired of going to stores and being disappointed when they don't have my size, color, etc. or having to go to so many stores just to find one in stock, this past week I called 4 aersoles stores and went to 2 stores only to finally find the shoes at the store near the seaport.  I normally don't do this but I really liked the shoes.  I still haven't joined the gym yet very lazy on my part and giving up soda I haven't totally given it up I cut back and drink diet but mostly drink water with crystal light, diet snapples, etc.  I have to stop being lazy and get a move on b/c if I don't make an effort to get started I will never get to achieve my goal.  After shopping we had dinner at the outback and the food was great never miss a chance to go there we left there stuffed and tired tomorrow is the least favorite task grocery shopping.  It's past my time to be in bed so I'd better go and catch some zzz's. 

May is here

May has arrived and I can't believe we're already 5 months in to the year, where is the time going?  My mother's birthday is around the corner and mother's day and I have no idea what to get, my grandfather's birthday was yesterday and I feel guilty that I didn't get around to calling him but I will send him a belated card so many things going on I forget and don't mean to.  The end of week didn't end well for me as I went to the dentist after work to get 3 wisdom teeth out and I had to deal with the very unprofessional down attitude of this dental office I won't mention their name out of risk that I can get into trouble but for anyone who is familiar with lower manhattan is right across from city hall park I was waiting well after 5:00 which kind of defeats the purpose of appointments doesn't it? I was nervous b/c I hate the dentist with a passion I don't know anyone who looks forward to going to the dentist or the gynecologist but we need to see both.  I don't like dentists b/c I've had a lot of negative experiences with dentist who have a bad bed side manner, staff that is detached and has the same issue.  My teeth aren't in the best shape due to lack of insurance between jobs, etc. but I guess better late than never to take care of them I got a little off topic but I sign in and the wait seems like forever making me even more nervous I get the bomb dropped on me that insurance won't cover sedation! I thought wtf are you kidding me?  Who wants to go through invasive dental work and be conscious I sure didn't and I was told I had to pay $250 up front if I wanted it so I had no choice but to opt for local anesthesia.  When I was in the room the dentist came in and stuck those needles in my mouth it was horrible and it hurt a lot very traumatic for me lots of pulling and tugging and I was out within 15 minutes in a hell of a lot of pain with a bunch of gauze in my mouth.  I don't get these insurance companies why would you not cover something like sedation there are people who are very fearful and nervous patients and dr cant work on them without it.  I prefer to be sedated and after Friday's experience I think I will be holding off on getting the last one pulled until I'm able to negotiate with the insurance on either them covering it or at least getting reimbursed for cost even if its' only half.  It didn't help that I had to deal with his bs complaining of having to come into the city to pick me up but I was only in pain some ppl can be real aholes sometimes.  Next morning I get up to go the pharmacy to get my pain killers they don't open till 9 I went to quest to get some blood taken out and I was told the dr office would get the results in 3 days.  I know I don't have cholesterol or sugar problems perhaps the morons should've listened when I said I had eaten.  I went to take my blood pressure at rite aid it read 114/81 and pulse 93.  it was higher at the dr office but it could've been b/c I ate and was aggravated.  Once I got the vicodin for the pain I felt very relieved but they don't tell you that vicodin makes you sleepy and it alters your mood I found myself very irritable and snappy.  I then made the mistake of taking it yesterday at work and I felt like going to the back cubicle and falling asleep.  I did some work but I was extremely lazy and tired lesson learned leave the vicodin at home.  I had the fun experience of learning that I didn't have enough deductions to buy my monthly pass and had the annoying experience of getting on the bus with jr only to have a zero balance on my card metro cards shouldn't say that they're good until 5/3/11 I took that as meaning I'd have till 5/4 to get a new card so b/c we got three paycheck and only two deductions I had to fund the card with the difference which is totally unfair and defeats the purpose of having the transit card in my opinion.  This weekend I did some shopping at Walmart got all of the things needed in the house and Sunday I did some retail therapy for me and got me a pair of shoes from aerosoles.  They're very comfortable and were on sale double bonus I'm going to start doing more for me as I find I'm always doing this thing that, going here paying this bill and rarely anything for myself.  I know I said May was a no soda month but I cheated the first few days lol with 7up but as soon as it's finished no more.  I got a ton of crystal light a case of water to motivate me and diet cranberry juice.  I've become label obsessed reading the content of a lot of things and it makes me think before I put a lot of things in my mouth but candy is my weakness so is snacking.  My next step is to finally get my a** to the gym and sign up.  The evaluation process for jr is starting last night the speech therapist started her first half of testing which he did well on most of it some he didn't answer what they asked and the test got harder as it went on,  Thursday he will get his DAY-C assessment and next week the psychologist does his evaluation I'm anxious to get all of the findings and reports to see where he's at and how much progress he's made.  While I'm no professional I know he's made progress when he began therapy in January he barely said a handful of words and his vocabulary has increased and he's combining words it's a slow and steady process but in the end I think he will get into the program that will help him reach his full potential.  Today this weather isn't good it's gray rainy and that doesn't do much for my mood or motivation well it's past 9 and it's time to get to work.  Hope this day is a smooth one.