look in the mirror first

The 3:00 stretch has arrived and I will be leaving in an another hour and today was a horrible hair day for me omg, I wish I could just cut it all off this weather is not good for my curls at all, seems like nothing I use is working these days and what works is expensive seems like it's like that we everything we use.  I'm just going to bit the bullet and go back to the Ouidad product line I was using before it was hard to buy due to the price but Ouidad was a genius and made her products available on HSN and I'd love to thank her personally for that b/c it has made them way more affordable for less than $30 I can get what would cost $80 at the salon or salon web pg.  This morning the buses seemed like they were off I'm waiting for the first bus with jr only for everyone else to mob in the front of me courtesy contagious nope.  I get in squeeze into the very uncomfortable front seat of the bus but it's for his safety.  As I get off the bus I realize I miss the first Q54 I usually do but when I noticed the other one coming shortly after I realized I'd be running late and if there's anything I hate is to be running late sometimes it's through no fault of my own sometimes I admit I was procrastinating.  I wasn't too late just 5 minutes but it seems like the later the trains are the slower they move and more crowded they get.  Most of this day was spent trying to get a program on my computer to work which we finally did so I can get things done.  I'm listening to Enya now never heard an artist whose music is so relaxing and soothing to listen to when I feel stressed out I listen to her music a lot.  I was speaking to my mother today and she mentioned to me a comment someone said about me but refused to say who the source is and it made me angry she refused to tell me b/c she knows I'd tell the person what I thought and how fast they can get there to where I'd send them but it stung I have to admit it myself the truth hurts as I said in one of my previous entries.  The person said I'm always a b* to my husband, always angry, and that he'd get tired of me and leave and I'm bitter.  My mother adds that she told them if they knew what I go through and how he can be at times they'd see it differently thanks mom but to this person whomever you are I'm a person who is misunderstood by many people.  There are very few people who really know me and accept me and appreciate what I have to offer.  I'm far from perfect but I'm human aren't we all?  Do I complain alot? Yes b/c life sometimes can truly suck and if I leave it all bottled up inside which is a bad habit of mine I will explode so I blog or do other things as a release.  Can I be more positive? Yes of course I can be that's something I'm going to have to work on but aren't we all a work in progress? I'm someone who loves to help, give, when I can and I'm honest sometimes too honest bitter well let's see I wouldn't say bitter maybe a little jaded of things that have happened to me in the past, friends who let me down, family who has let and continues to let me down, a husband who I sometimes wonder why he's still around when we can never seem to agree on anything and knows what buttons to push.  When things are good they're really good and when they're bad they blow.  I just don't understand why people say things like this as if they know my day to day life and what I'm feeling.  While there are a lot of women out there who do what I do, there are some that would say **** this and tell their husband to get a second job.  I get up at 5 get ready get my son take 2 buses and 2 trains to work 5 days a week when I get home all I want to do is throw myself in bed but I can't and sometimes most times jr doesn't cooperate to deal with therapy sessions, dinner which I admit is not made by me, laundry, housework, errands, bills? What hurts the most is I have a good feeling who said these hurtful things and sometimes they say the ones that hurt you the most is your own family sometimes.  He is the last one to talk of me in a negative light b/c he still doesn't have his life together and lives to aggravate someone I care very much about.  Why don't you shine some light on yourself what you've caused people to go through than you can talk about me and my flaws.  It makes me laugh when people think they have the answer to your problems and or blame you for the situations you're in as if they're so perfect there's no such thing as perfection, most people treat the word mistake as if it's a dirty word but everyone makes mistakes.  Recently I received a text from the person I stopped texting and I admit I was rude in responding but then I reflected and thought to myself that everyone is human and is going through things and I know there's a lot going on right now but sometimes people have to realize that you can't take everyone for granted.  I realize that I have high standards with everything I do morally, etc. and sometimes I over think and analyze things and sometimes I get really emotional angry, etc.  I'm passionate but I also get angry at myself for this b/c there are some things that aren't worth me feeling like that or issues that aren't worth it.  I have to work on the fact that when we expect things to be a certain way, you will be let down I've learned this the hard way many times so I'm going to relax that if someone calls great if not so be it, and learn not to expect anything if it's meant to be things will happen.   I'm very detail oriented sometimes to a fault most people aren't.  This is good for work but not always good for the outside world I guess it depends on the situation.  I'm me good bad or in between.  Well it's time for me to start closing it down and getting ready to leave the speech therapist will visit today and I'm hoping that jr will cooperate and try to stay still for most of the session.