sour grapes of life

It's monday my least favorite day of the week.  I woke up in monday mode use the bathroom and lay down on the couch to watch NY1 to fully wake up.  The gray weather outside doesn't help my mood or energy level.  I get ready and leave early and get on the quiet train the one I love to catch b/c most ppl are asleep or listening to music and sometimes I do the same.  The later you are the more loud, annoying and packed the trains get.  I get off the train and wind up taking the wrong train having to then take the 6 train *sigh* only on a Monday morning.  I still made it to work on time which is good today is jr's ent visit and I am nervous anticipating what the doctor's diagnosis and recommendations are and I'm hoping that surgery isn't anywhere in there.  I'm going b/c I want to be informed and ask questions that he doesn't I get annoyed with him b/c this is something that's very important and as I've said before I have a right to ask questions and be an informed parent and if they don't like it I can always find another doctor.  No one is going to make a quick buck off of my child b/c I know insurance pays very well on surgeries or any other major procedures.  His speech is improving and I've already initated the process for the additional services and I'm wondering if he will be approved or denied.  He's starting to combine words but still doesn't know some.  This is a very long process and occupational therapist is another one who is annoying to work with if it weren't for my husband he would've been gone a long time ago.  I have no tolerance for incompetence and I hold people accountable I'm also a working parent who works full time and I don't have time to be jerked around.  I see that as time has passed he has also grown tired of his nonsense well its not like I didn't tell you what to do.  He has started the process of looking for pre-k programs and it's just as bad as daycare I dont' get what these people are thinking that the average working person can afford the outrageous rates they want to charge parents.  One of the catholic schools in the area wanted $2,400 a month for PRE K not even regular schooling and for 2 hrs a day I thought are you kidding me? Who works 2 hrs a day in this current economy and society these days?  Why work if all of your disposable income is going to childcare and tuiton? It's frustrating and very discouraging as parents we want to provide the best for our child but we also have to consider living expenses, etc.  We wanted to have another child and now I'm doubtful b/c it is hard enough with one and I can't and won't consider doing what I do everyday with two kids.  I know there are people out there who have no choice but they also qualify for programs that I wish I did which pretty much secures their childcare and schooling.  There is no help for the middle class and it sucks when everything keeps going up except your paycheck.  The rent here in NYC is ridiculous and what you get is a joke and you're taking a chance b/c you never know who's going to live next to your or in your building I never imagined I would have to deal with living with trash in the same building I thought those days were over but they're not.  I feel stuck b/c it costs money to move and there's always a chance it can happen again.  PS103 has major restrictions on it's enrollment even though it's in our school district they don't want anyone coming in that lives more than 4 blocks away and I hear it's 94% white.   That was very discouraging to hear but the harsh reality is they're doing it on purpose to keep certain individuals out and therefore maintaining the neighborhood to a high standard and kids.  Is it unfair absolutely.  Sadly he thinks we have a chance but that's not a fight I want to fight b/c if I knew my son was being given a hard time b/c of this there would be consequences and why put him and ourselves through that.  I kind of see just a little bit though why certain areas want to limit the areas b/c I've seen first hand how nice schools are destroyed by kids who are busted into these nice areas for example.  I used to go JHS210 which was one of the best schools at the time until they started busting kids from the bad areas we started to see an increase in violence, school bags being stolen, bus passes, and by the time I graduated it was on the top worst schools list.  It's a shame but that's how it happened.  Everyone is entitled to an education but there is a certain state of mind that people don't want to deal with and I can't say I blame them. Ghetto is not where you live it's a state of mind I've heard this saying before and it's true  I lived in a place where was considered "ghetto" and there were a lot of decent, well mannered, people who lived where I used to live but the ones who were rude, ill mannered, obnoxious, destructive, self-entitled overshadowed the community and make people think that's all a certain place has to offer.  Some people's only crime is that they simply don't have the resources to live anywhere else and with the rising costs in rent and rapid spread of gentrifcation in many NY neighborhoods this is a harsh reality for many people.  I've spoken about gentfrication in a previous blog and I've read other blogs in here that address gentrification and there are some who are for it stating that many people who behave like I've mentioned above don't have respect for their communities and while it is certainly true there are people trying to improve the area improving is one thing pricing residents out isn't improvement in my opinion.  I know there needs to more affordable housing in this city b/c there isn't going to be many people who are choosing to stay living here.  I've thought many times leaving NY but where we want to go due to the bad economy and 11% unemployment rate we simply cannot do it.  We have to be where are our jobs are secure and right now that's here in NY no matter how hard it is for me and expensive, etc. etc.   I think eventually we will leave NYC when exactly still remains up in the air.  I will always love NY no matter where I wind up living but I also want to be able to afford to live and have my son in a decent school district too.  Well it's after 9 and time to get to work I'm glad I will be leaving early today seems like there isn't much to do today hoping that the rain doesn't start until tonight again.  We'll see.