mid week feeling monotonous

It's hump day and a gray rainy one at that.  I'm on my lunch break and I really don't feel like being here due to pmsing, etc.  I wish I could be in sweats underneath a blanket watching tv but I'm here and if there was a skeleton crew I'd go home.  I knew it was coming b/c I've been feeling tired for the past few days, easily irritated (more than the norm lol) and all I wanted to eat was chocolate and snack on things.  I have so much on my mind sometimes I don't know what to get to first.  Bills and bill collectors calling when their payment is late kind of hate that feature time warner has where you can see who's calling on your tv screen and sometimes it's just a few days late now companies want to harrass you by e-mail too telling me your account needs attention well when I have it you get it, and by the way my checking account needs some attention and some TLC and it always accepts donations direct deposit or straight in my hand will you be happy to oblige? Didn't think so.  I'm pretty responsible when it comes to things like that but sometimes the funds just don't stretch like you want them to and many a times your check does a disappearing act now you see it now you don't.   I know I can be better at it but it always seems like we need something or jr needs something but I vow I will start becoming a better saver b/c it is very important to save for a rainy day or any unforseen emergency.  Today was another day of rain typical of April it rains alot but in the end you see beautiful green trees and flowers by next month.  I just wish it would warm up already.  I can't believe Friday will already be April 15 like where's the time going? Before you know summer will be here.  I am looking forward to seeing the show on Friday.  We will be seeing the new John Leguizamo stand up comedy "Ghetto Klown" and while he's been around for a while I think he's hilarious and I look forward to getting a good laugh I just hope we got good seats b/c I've never been good at looking those crazy theater seating charts but usually cheaper doesn't mean you get the best view, we got the the middle of the road price so I hope not only to see it but hear it well.  I was trying to find a reasonable place to eat before the show but considering it's the time square area a lot of the places around there are over priced tourist traps.  I was thinking of going to Dallas BBQ but I was thinking everything there has meat supposedly you're supposed to give up meat for lent well I've been pretty bad b/c I'm a carnivore I can't eat fish I eat vegetables but to be totally meatless nope.  I was also thinking of going to the Easter Parade next Sunday I think jr would like it but then I thought about the crowds and having to deal with the subways so it's just a thought in progress for now.  I avoid the subways with my child if I can help it, they're filthy and always jam packed with idiots who don't know how to act or expect you to move a stroller and I'm not moving mine so walk around it in the rare cases I do ride with him he's totally strapped in and the wheels are locked so that it doesn't move.  I spoke with my mother and there are times she gives me a headache and I just have to hang up the phone.   Things aren't going well over there and they're thinking of coming back here to NYC I should be happy right? But I'm not exactly.  There's a wealth of problems behind this situation and an individual who will remain nameless is the source of them.  FL living is beautiful, the cost of living is lower apartments and homes are beautiful but sadly their health insurance blows, social services blows even more, and you need a car to get to every place unless you live in a more urban city like Tampa, Orlando, etc.  in the end I want her to be happy but until she stops making decisions out of guilt and allowing herself to be manipulated this situation will continue.  I'm unhappy with the family overall sometimes family is something else they make you go through a wealth of stress and aggravation the house is being put up for sale and right now everything is crazy.  While I listen a lot of times I have to distance myself or hang up the phone b/c it gets to be too much and I get myself in a bad mood all for what? I can't change anything so why allow myself to get aggravated by it.  I understand why he would sell the home as he's getting old and  not in the best of health may not want that responsibility but knowing how family is I also know there are other reasons behind it.  If there's nothing I hate more is someone who beats around the bush, just tell someone what it is you need to tell them why make things so hard?  The whole state of the family isn't good I think if my grandmother were alive right now she would be so angry and she must still be angry looking down at us from heaven b/c if there was anyone who deserved to be in peace it was her. She loved everyone and tried to keep the family together but when she passed things just got worse but sometimes death does that it changes things and not always for the better.  Death brings out the ugliness in people and boy did I see ugliness that I hope I don't see again ever or for a very long time.  I know this year is going to bring a lot of changes I can sense that my mother relocating will be a good thing b/c I have missed having her around but I just wish it were under different circumstances.  Not much I can do but try to be there advise and pray that they can be guided in the right direction to make the best choice for themselves.  I don't like drama I like to live a peaceful existence and it's very difficult at times when there's always something or someone there are times I want to say I have my own problems but then people look at you like you're being insensitive but I guess we all need to vent and have someone just listen.  Today the speech therapist is coming over as I canceled last night's session I was tired with a sink to the ceiling of dishes and just not in the mood for people to be over I'm hoping that it goes well and jr behaves b/c these past two sessions I've had to intervene and tell him to stop his bad behavior his favorite thing is "my toy" or "mine".  I feel a "me" day approaching again and I know was going to make it a habit of doing this but an entire "me" day is in store.  Trying to figure out when I'm going to do this b/c I can sure use a day for myself to do absolutely nothing.  Believe it or not even a ride on the city bus is relaxing for me provided I get a good seat and it's not rush hour.  Well it's 10 minutes to 2 and I have to start winding down to finish up what's left of the day I've done practically a whole day's work already if I could go home now it would be great but once the 3:00 stretch arrives it's smooth sailing and tomorrow is pay day "the best day of the week"  for the most part it would be even better if I could keep it all for me.  we all can dream. *sigh* Well back to work.