preparing, healing, adjusting, boundaries, etc.

Yesterday was a long day longer than most b/c I was late but I was glad to have gotten a seat home on both trains. I asked him to do me the favor and take me to the store so I can pick up a few groceries and I have to say that things like this are very akward for me to ask of him b/c we're no longer a couple but it's not exactly easy for me to go shopping with jr either and lug a shopping cart full of groceries or a cart of laundry. I went and got the stuff put it away and it was off to counseling. We arrived early and it was an akward silence in the car and I was counting down the minutes until it was time for us to go in. Yesterday's session we talked about the importance of making a schedule and sticking to it as far as pick up and drop off times and other subjects but while it was akward but it was helpful at the same time. I expressed that there are times I feel very lonely and sad b/c I feel that this was just brought on me so fast but little by little I'm getting used to the fact that this is a harsh reality that will come to a legal reality in the near future I think deep down inside I held on to that last possible shred of hope that we'd get back together and try to work things out but when you still have feelings for someone this happens but he made a comment to me last night that was something along the lines of if I did start talking to someone he wouldn't have a problem with it, and that hurt but it made me think chances are if he said that and he won't confirm it he's the one who is now talking to someone else. It's a painful reality that I must start trying to make a stronger effort to move on as hard as it is sometimes. October will be here next month and we made it a tradition to always take jr to Sesame Place for their Halloween celebration but I realize that this probably won't happen this year due to the circumstances and I mentioned this at the session yesterday and felt tears in my eyes b/c these are things I miss the family time not all of the other drama and stupidity that has made this separation a reality so I ask myself should I bite the bullet and go with him to Sesame Place so my son can enjoy the shows, characters, treats along with getting a new costume or should I not b/c of the akward situation I will find myself in? This is hard but I'm going to have do some thinking abou that. A few days ago we had another scare with someone close to me and now he's been accepted into a rehab program and i'm so happy for him b/c needs the help and the program is free which had also been a road block for as many of the programs require insurance or a large amount of money so I'm crossing my fingers he will be able to finish it and get the help he really needs so he will be able to life a decent life and achieve good things b/c besides all of this he's a smart person who has done well in the past but this will push back the move back to NYC but that's ok for me b/c him getting well is more important than anything else for now. Last night I had no problem falling asleep and neither did jr but he sure didn't want to get up this morning never really does. I set the alarm to go off LOUD and I woke up alright got ready and we got our bus with enough time and I got in here early enough so that I will be on time to my next appointment tonight. I'm still debating on whether or not I will do the lunch time zumba today I went on Tuesday but for some reason I wasn't totally into it and he was late so that kind of throws things off too we'll see. So far I haven't received any responses regarding jr's medical reports or an appointment for a mtg and this is really getting ridiculous b/c the more they drag their feet the longer we have to wait for an appropriate school placement, etc. Looks like we're going to have a light a fire cracker under these people yet again. This weekend is going to be a "me" weekend and I'm so looking forward to it I haven't had one in a long time and I could sure use it. I always say I'm going to do this that, etc. but most of the I wind up doing nothing at all just lounging and watching tv and that's fine I guess b/c I don't get to do nothing very often.