friday is here

Today is Friday and I'm glad it's been one heck of a week. I'm looking forward to the long weekend as I can always use an extra day of rest and even more if I actually had some "me" time. I'm trying to get back on my exercise schedule and tracking what I eat and wow is it hard it seems like there's a million calories in everything and I lost track of keeping track with the fitness pal tracker. I went to the gym twice this week yesterday was zumba at lunch and it was good this instructor while he's not my favorite he's slowed down his pace a little b/c before he was way too fast and I guess they must've told him to slow down b/c there are older people who are in the class and certain medical problems that ppl can't overexert themselves. This week was the counseling session and I had gone to the gym before the session so I felt good and relaxed I held it together for the first half of the session I explained what has happened up to this point with him and I expressed my anger disappointment with him. We both got emotional and he also pissed me off with some of his comments. Yesterday was my own session and it was okay it helps to have someone listen and understand what you're going through. Sometimes the bus ride alone from the gym or therapy is relaxing enough for me provided the buses are running on schedule and I can actually sit down. He watched jr while I was at the session and when I return I find him in the livingroom with jr and jr is happy to see me. When I saw him it was the same get up the american eagle shirt etc. a walking fashion show and those annoying big glasses that I'd love to stomp to pieces. I made it a point to tell he was a walking fashion show and should be on the cover of a magazine. He had bags of food on the floor and when I looked in them he questions why you'd think it was for a rabbit, there was tomatoes, bags of grapes, a bottle of vinegar, and red onions. After this he's ready to go and he says goodbye and my name ____ and I say goodbye and close the door after some time I get a knock on the door and mr fashion show forgets his cell and takes it off the charger and I said goodbye again but this time I couldn't resist the temptation to shout another insult and I said get bent as he walked down the stairs. He made a whole batch of sofrito and tells me saved some for me? huh (twilight zone music) wtf? Is this the actions of someone who no longer feels the same way? Extremely conflicting messages indeed. My therapist says sarcasm is a form of anger but it's wonderfully therapeutic for me to say remarks to him it's better than being depressed. I look at mr match.com and I'm in awe yummy I think to myself and considering the fact that I might as well be a born again virgin makes me think about a lot of things I shouldn't lol. I even looked up the sign Aries and it says both Leo (that's me) and Aries are really good in this area I guess we can all dream and fantasize that's about as far it's going to get for now. I was told by my friend last night to whom I fwd his pic I need to be alone for a while and thing is I don't know how to be alone when you're part of a couple for 11+ yrs. and find yourself alone and possibly back on the scene in the long term it's an extremely scary thing let's face it I've been off the market since 2000 and lots of things have changed since then. If I eventually decide to complete my profile I think I just want a friendship for now and for those of you who think friends with benefits that's also something I won't do. While it seems convenient for some this type of arrangement doesn't work everyone and people always think they have control over this but once you throw sex into the mix it changes things unless you really are focused that's all you want from from the beginning. It's 5 to 1 and I'm ready for lunch I had a soup yesterday and I'm not trying to be bad and eat things I shouldn't but Little Italy Pizza seems to calling my name today one slice shouldn't be too bad. I need to see the sun and take a walk as there are no windows in here.