slow mode

Yesterday was a typical day at work smooth with the occassional annoyances of the day and boredom.  I was talking with a friend and realized by running my mouth most of my lunch break had passed me by so I rushed outside to do a quick errand and come back.  I was looking forward to getting my slot of me time until he calls me and says he got stuck at work and I have to admit that it did piss me off b/c everytime I want to have some time for myself or do something for myself something always gets in the way.  I was able to get a ride to get jr and I explained to them that I wanted to get my nails done so they took jr to park while I went to a place near my house.  I really don't like the nail salons in my area they're very rude and after a few bad experiences I found this one place on myrtle ave who do nice work and the ladies are very sweet so they're tipped accordingly but due to a change of plans I had to forget the spa pedicure.  I settled for this place in my area and while they're ok I noticed they use cheap polish and I don't like people who rush through a service if I'm paying for a service I expect it to be done right or tip o meter zero!  I saw some idiot come while I was getting my manicure done and she asked how long she was going but seemed like she was in a hurry and I notice the lady rushing and I almost said excuse me are in you a rush, b/c I got here first and if she can't wait that's her problem but if you want to be tipped you'll finish me and right.  But of course I bit the bullet and as she finished I noticed she still had to clip around my nails and it annoyed me to see she did miss quite a few worrying about some impatient b*.   I just can't believe how impatient and rude some people are I would wait and if I couldn't I simply leave.  As I sat in the chair while I was getting my pedicure done I felt embarrassed b/c my feet looked pretty bad as I hadn't gotten them since December and I can imagine they've seen a lot worse than mine but it made me realize that I need to make time to take care of myself and while it is extremely difficult at times I can't continue to worry about the needs and things to be done.  After I was done I tipped and left.  When I got home I felt tired waiting for him but he didn't show up until after 9 and jr of course gave me a hard time to go to bed 45 minutes to be exact  I walk back to the kitchen to conquer the sink load of dishes and he walks in kind of startling me.  He shaved his head and I was mad b/c I prefer him with hair and it just reminds me when he was sick and that's a time I'd rather not think about if I don't have to.   I had a sandwich watched some tv and went to bed.  Jr decides to wake up in the middle of night and I hate this he thought it was play time I finally took him back to his bed tried to get him down I thought he was asleep I left and I see him yet again I was frustrated by this time.  When I looked it was 10 mins to 4 am.  His father wakes up early and he took him with him I tried to get some sleep and I was really getting into it until he woke me up so this is why I'm like a zombie today.  I managed to get dress and out the door and I'm thankful for a ride but slept on my way to work.  A quick nap is good well some longer than others depending on how long your ride is.  I try not to do this but sometimes tiredness takes over.  I spoke with service coordinator and I was somewhat annoyed about this process of continuing services and how after he turns 3 I think the services will be done in an office/school setting which makes it harder to get back and forth than now when they come to the house just another task to juggle like I need anymore.  She explained about the mtg and I notice she mentions how they sometimes don't follow protocol and that turned me off b/c I believe in doing things the right way I don't lie at all I hate it b/c lies always come back to bite you in the a** b/c you have to keep lying on top of lying to cover your tracks, etc.  I filled out the stuff and will return it back and see what determinations are made.  I'm sitting here at work trying to act like I'm focused on work but I'm not my mind wanders a lot especially when I'm bored or sleep deprived.  I sure hope to make up for this sleep tonight and i'm not looking forward to the bad weather we're expecting tomorrow hopefully it will be the last of it as this is the last day of the month.  Thinking about what to eat for lunch and hopefully I will feel more revived after lunch we'll see.

a little bit of "me" time

It is hump day and I'm glad that the weather has warmed up some b/c monday and tuesday was freezing over here and now we will be hit tomorrow and friday with more bad weather this is so frustrating considering that's it was officially spring on March 21.  This weekend was like most cleaning organizing and getting ready for the delivery for jr's furniture which came late but the furniture changes the whole appearance of the room I carefully checked and watched them as they assembled it b/c these people tend to want to move very fast not when I've paid for it it had better arrive in good condition.  Now the challenge is getting jr to sleep the whole night in his new bed.  We put his step stool he uses for the sink and toilet in the room b/c the bed is high for him to climb into bed.  I was very tired last night so much so I left another sink of dishes in the sink I went to shower and off to bed.  I woke up briefly and saw him sleeping in between us wondering how he had got into our bed yet again.  I was in such a deep sleep I didn't even feel his presence.  I should've put him in back in his bed and probably would have if I didn't have to get up at 5:30 a lame excuse I know but most ppl don't get it.   I got up this morning half conscious as I always do watch some NY1 news and then start getting ready for work.  I had my cereal to avoid spending money on breakfast and I thought jr would've woken up by now but it was 6:20 and he was very much in a deep sleep I had to wake up and get him dressed fast a task that I've almost mastered.  I had to then quickly throw some gel in my hair tie it back get our coats on and off to the bus stop.  I managed to make it to work on time.  Today is "me" day which will start after work I'm going to get my nails done and my eyebrows waxed b/c I work too darn hard to not do anything for myself for a change.  I usually don't have the time or energy for this as most times I just like to go straight home and I dont like none of the local nail salons in my immediate area.  Today i'm making the time b/c my feet are in pretty bad shape and I don't have time to do them myself.  The next task is getting a haircut.  I'm going to making more time for me b/c it's very easy to get caught up in the daily life routine and forget about yourself especially when you have kids.  I checked my hours for time off and it's depressing no where near enough time accumulated to take another vacation yet and my goal is to have paid time off so I don't think I'll be making another trip until the summer time comes and that's if I have enough hours accumulated.  Yesterday's session with the speech therapist went well I see he's making progress and that's great for me and now we have to work on the continuation of services.  I will meet up with a friend next week and that's something I look forward to b/c it is rare that this happens it's cool to have interaction with adults once in a while.  As far as the family drama goes, this individual gets more annoying the more I hear about it I just wish they would make a decision and cut the bs.  I just don't get why some people have to make things so difficult for themselves and for others.  He tells me that he told them that they need their own place and he would help them and that's a small improvement but  he has a long way to go before I'm satisfied with how things are handled.  Why should I feel like I'm in a tug of war or a competition where I know I'm the one whose place should be respected.  Well enough about that I'm at work trying to get things done and I received an email in reference to an EEO mtg next week and I don't think it's a coincidence due to some remarks that were made in the office that were racist against a particular group of people.   When I questioned it I was told the new cmsr wants us to go over EEO policies twice a year and I checked our employee intranet pg and I didn't see anything indicating this so it leaves me to draw the conclusion that someone overheard those comments and got offended.  I told one of them to be careful what they said and how that can be perceived and they no longer choose to talk to me and I think it's ridiculous but it is what it is considering that this woman is a mature woman old enough to be my mother which also proves another saying of mine "age is just a number" it's all where your head and emotions are some people never grow up and that's quite sad but fact of the matter is if your skin is that thin at this stage of your life then there's a problem but as they say "the truth hurts" and perhaps it hit a nerve.  I guess they will also think that I had something to do with this mtg which I didn't but maybe this will serve as a reminder that people are listening and if you say something stupid it will have consequences.  I look at this way not everyone agrees with each other's opinions and as long as you're not making it personal it's just an opinion.  I guess it's all about perception.  Either way I will not be there as I will be attending the ent visit for jr to determine whether he needs this procedure done to drain the fluid from his hears and other diagnosis and that to me is more important than focusing on office politics and the stupidity of other people.  My key word is ignore and focus on what's important.  At the end of the day it's coming here to get money to support my son and bills, and the rest is irrelevant.  People seem to think it's a popularity contest when it's not fact is if people came to work to do just that it would be so much easier but we as human beings of course don't make things easy.  Note to self: ignore. Just realized all of the mail I printed has to be shredded due to a low toner cartridge fml!  more incompetence *sigh* well more fun for me to reprint and now stuff them.  I will just think of the end of my day where I will finally have some time to myself even if it's short lived. 

ride to union sq.

It's after 3 and I'm winding down the work week at my desk.  Today I decided to take a ride to Union Sq. today the sun is out and the weather warmed up a little bit.   Got on the express 5 b/c the R train is slow like molasses and always makes me very late back to the office.  When I got off the train I'm always in awe of how much it has changed from my hs and college days. My first stop was to Barnes & Noble and I found the books I was looking and for while it wasn't the exact titles but they were close enough.  There's so many stores and while it's a little pricey and trendy the crowd isn't as bad as the down town area I guess it's b/c it's more wider and spacious the crowd has more room to spread out.  I always like to walk through or sit when I have a chance in Union Sq. park and just relax people watch etc. and I never miss a chance to take a look at the things in the farmers market.  While many of the things are very expensive they're natural they're beautiful and I can't believe that there are such nice farms in this state that produce such great things.  Some of the things I saw were some fresh jams, jellies, and canned fruits,  organic eggs which I think were laced with gold b/c one egg was $1.50, a whole dozen $4.50 another stand who was also an egg farm wanted $5.00 for a dozen eggs.  I saw some beautiful roses and tulips and one of my favorite stands is the lavender stand b/c it smells great and lavender has soothing qualities to help you relax and sleep.  I saw three lavender satchets for $10 not too bad considering that the guy by city hall wanted $8.00 for a bunch.  I'm sure there are cheaper places but a sachet last a long time so you don't have to replace it often.  They're good for drawers, closets, and just to make your apartment, bedroom or house smell nice.  Fresh apple cider stand, cheeses, etc.  I took some photos of what I saw and I might upload some later.   After passing through the farmers market I walked up to the Wendys and I couldn't believe how fast the line moved b/c the one at Fulton St. near where I work is a joke there are times I'd have to leave a few minutes earlier just to walk and find a spot on line which is why I never go in there I got my food and headed back toward the train station and while I'm about to approach the turnstile I notice some fool texting and trying to swipe her metro card this is really annoying me as I sense I might be late from lunch I said it are we going to text or swipe your card, *sigh*  I sometimes wonder what ppl are thinking, I doubt it's that important well I flew to catch the train got the downtown 5 and I was late but no one said a word and I just did a few minor things as today's day was relatively slow and it's almost 3:30 I've got a half hour left and I'm on my ride home.  It was nice to get away and take a walk and explore provided trains cooperate.  I will do this more often as the weather improves I'm hoping that this will be the last days of cold. 

friday has arrived :)

Friday is here and I'm glad it is my favorite day of the week.  Last night the special instruction therapist came to visit us and her session is an hour and jr did very well but got distracted at times due to toddlers short attention span he mostly wants to play with toys rather than sit through books and pictures.  I looked over at him and noticed him nodding off on the sofa and I nudged him I've done it myself too after the session was over the food arrived and we ate after that saw some tv and bathed jr and off to bed I noticed he has ants in his pants when it's time to read a book he eventually falls asleep and I go to shower and come back to bed for some reason I couldn't fall asleep right away that's annoying when you have to wake up at 5:30.   I also didn't expect jr to wake up at 2:30 am revved up and wanting to play *sigh* I got him down to sleep and a quarter to 4 up again!  His father took him out and I eventually had to get up.  I got ready and my hair is getting on my nerves which is most of the time but when it's more often than usual time for a haircut.  I hope this one will be a better one for me.  After having my breakfast I got him dressed and it was off to catch the bus I sure didn't expect it to be freezing this morning and it sure was.  I'm happy to have arrived frozen and on time got my hot chocolate and off to work.   As I was getting ready this morning he asks why I gave him attitude I'm sort of grumpy in the morning and I told him the next step you'll be signing on the dotted line he laughs it off and says I'd never leave him he's convinced that I would never walk away as hard as it would be if my mother walked away from a 23 yr marriage that was over way before 23 yrs and left everything behind I can sure walk away from him or any other man for that matter.  Funny how some people take things for granted.  He asks me why I texted him if he values me but I didn't really respond b/c wasn't the right time therapist was there and sometimes you just don't feel like talking about things sometimes.  I then tell him about the 3 people having the conversation he corrects me and says 2 and I say yeah and one of them isn't me I don't care what she thinks,  why doesn't she roll out the red carpet and let her stay there and when it's 6 months down the line and your already strained relationship is in a shambles that's on you.  I'm not looking to increase stress in my life I'm looking to reduce it.  Changing the subject entirely I'm glad to finally see the sun today even thought it is very cold.  I plan to take a ride to union sq. today b/c I want to get some books and sadly the one near my job doesn't have them.  I look forward to jr's new furniture being delivered tomorrow I have a little buyer's remorse I think I should've gotten the full size bed instead of twin it would've costed more frame and bedding but he would've had a set for a long time.  The room however is a mess so I have to clear it out and organize sweep and give the floor a good mopping so it will be ready for the delivery people tomorrow.  I'm just hoping that he will stay in that bed so we can finally have our bed back.  Well it's after 9 time to start working. 

at a cross roads

Yesterday was a relatively uneventful commute home but the weather was nasty today I saw a very light coating of snow when I got outside this morning and I sure hope that this is the last of it b/c I'm tired of wearing boots, heavy jacket, etc. It gets to the point that I don't even know how to dress anymore.  I got here early today and punched in 5 minutes before 8 hooray for me.  Today is jr's special instruction session and I'm hoping that he will be more cooperative in this session than he was in the speech session earlier this week.  Most toddlers have the attention span of an ant.  I forgot to take out meat for dinner due to the fact that I was rushing to get ready due to my procrastination on the couch I only have myself to blame for that one but I will have to get take out tonight.  During the morning did my usual work and worked dilligently to get the mail out on time so that I will be able to take it easy now that the afternoon stretch has arrived.  Last night the family drama scenario reared it's ugly head again when he texted me that he had to talk to me about something I knew I was going to get pissed off and it was about the usual bs.  I don't see how this individual doesn't get that she is causing all sorts of problems and putting a strain on two marriages.  I like my peace and my privacy and don't have the space to accommodate anyone I honestly don't even want my own family living with me b/c in the end all it does is cause problems b/c everyone starts out nice and then after everyone gets comfortable people stop being nice and acting like their true selves which isn't always pretty as far as I'm concerned I have enough on my plate to deal with and I think it's very unfair that these individuals don't want this person around and think the resolution to this issue is bringing them to NYC or PA.  He mentioned to me that she says she knows I don't like her and I honestly don't and how we don't get along. I don't hate anyone that's a strong word I dislike a lot of the actions that were and are done and the things said.  You don't offend my mother and think I'm just going to forget about it overnight.  Each time I've made an effort to be nice and forgive and forget these individuals just try my patience even more.  I'm tired of the drama, disrespect and the fact that he refuses to see that this is not a good idea.  The ideas is it's a temporary situation until an apartment becomes available and let's face it this is NYC and apartments aren't readily available and if they are they cost a fortune and knowing my luck it would turn to a time frame I'm not willing to deal with. I've come to a cross roads and that's a scary thought for me the last time I was at a cross roads, our relationship was in very bad shape for a similar issue having to do with them.  We were arguing constantly,  sleeping in separate rooms and we almost broke up until I found out I was pregnant with our son and now what's the excuse?  Coming to a cross roads thinking do I need all of this shit in my life,  why should I continue to deal with not being given my place and dealing with people's ghettoness, stupidity, and ignorance I think I deserve better than this and I certainly deserve to have input and the idea of 3 people having a conversation of what goes on in my house or situation and me not being included really makes me angry.  People seem to forget this is my house and I have the last word! I also think about my child and what's best for him?  I'm not willing to stay in a situation for financial reasons at all, I know I don't earn much working where I work now and I wouldn't be able to afford an apartment on my own without taking on a second job and all of this scares me would I be able to make it on my own?  Parenthood is hard enough when there's two of them it's even harder when you're a single parent and I know a few of them and it's hard for them but they also had situations where they were better off w/o the person.  Then I think about the martial part of it, with most marriages ending in divorce these days it made me think if I were to get divorced our marriage only lasted 3 yrs and I'd feel like a failure together 11 years next month married 3 most people these days aren't like before and while I know marriage takes a lot of hard work it's not like back in the day when people stayed married for years and stuck things through miserable or not now the people realize there are options and plenty of fish in the sea and while I'm not looking to do any fishing now but all of these thoughts are going through my mind.  I've been through break ups before and it's a painful experience so I can imagine what a divorce feels like and when there is children involved worse, they say it's like a death but only difference is you still have to deal with the person and have a constant reminder of the failure of your relationship.  Well last night after everyone was asleep and I was still awake I thought all about this and I thought about it today and it brought tears to my eyes b/c I thought I sure don't want my marriage to end but I don't see myself being in this situation and certain behaviors continuing.  I've thought about marriage counseling but I can imagine what would blow up there and these aren't the only issues as no couple isn't without issues but the family drama is the major one that has caused strife in our relationship.  Weeks will pass with no calls and I think all is cool and boom another call and it drives me crazy that no one has the sense to put this individual in her place and not be willing to turn their worlds upside down that include spouses and kids.   I don't care who you are you can be the nicest most tolerant person but after 3 days a person will start to stink in your house.  I feel very conflicted and I texted him do you value me as a partner and he texts back "highly" and I think to myself well this is a funny way of showing it.  He forgives and forgets well I need work in that department I admit but he is unreal there are people who've said and done things that he stills deal that I wouldn't give them the time of day boggles my mind but it is what it is.  I thought he would get the hint that I wanted to tell him how I felt and I don't like to give ultamatums b/c this usually doesn't have a good outcome but what other choice do I have and I resent this individual for causing all of this our lives are busy and stressful enough and I just don't get how they allow someone to have power over them like that.  People will have as much power over you as you allow them even your parents, but when you become an adult you have to put people in their places and I don't neccesarily mean be disrespectful in going about this.   Well it's 3:00 and I have to finish my day this is to be continued.....

raining hump day

Thinking I'd actually have an uneventful evening was asking for too much.  I get off the train and as I'm walking down the stairs my phone goes off and it's him telling me time warner shut everything off this is the last thing I wanted to hear and he course is doing the usual chewing my ear off a part of me just wants to say stfu and wait till I get home but I breathe and say I will talk to you when I get there and explain so not only does this incompetent cable company mess up on my account they have the audacity to shut off my services with no notice at all.  This is the type of stress and aggravation I don't need at any time but especially when I've just gotten home from a day of work and commuting.  I called them and made a payment over the phone which I didn't want to do but had no choice.  I'm so sick of them and their incompetence that if I Verizon would hurry up and bring fios to queens I'd tell them where to go faster than a NY minute.  I guess you can't mess with a man and his TV you'd think the ceiling was caving in our apartment.  He has four wives me, the xbox, dvr, car, and now the evo.  All of in this in the midst of preparing dinner and the therapist was due to arrive at any given minute.  She shows up and we just finished eating I barely touched my food I tend to lose my appetite when I'm stressed I cleared off tables and got ready for the session and jr wasn't cooperating last night.  Lately he's become very hyper and after a long day we're both tired and don't have the energy to keep up with him.  After this he misbehaved and I hear him crying and I feel angry and sad at the same time I just wish he would gtfo at that moment.  He goes to visit a friend last night says he doesn't get to go out well I don't either and I also don't have back to back days off at times if I were only that lucky maybe I wouldn't feel so tired and overwhelmed at times.  I was glad to see him go and messed up as that sounds sometimes people really can aggravate you and try your patience and he sure knows what buttons to push with me.  I mean having to call time warner again b/c internet isn't working only to see that stand by button is on!.   After he left watched some tv gave jr a bath read him stories which he doesn't always pay attention to and off to bed and I fell out when I woke up it was past 10:00 forgetting that I left dishes in the sink, etc.  Washed all of that and cleaned up and fell back asleep until this morning where I didn't feel like getting up as I usually feel and this crappy weather we're having the next few days sure doesn't increase my motivation.  Found my id badge and wore around my neck to decrease any more annoyances when it's time for get into the building everyday.  Got my hot chocolate and donut stopped off at duane reade and off to work.  I say good morning to all when said person arrived she says the same I don't respond I know be the bigger person but I say f* you (internally) of course you're rude to me several times and just b/c you got the stick out of your a** or either got some you expect me to forget I don't think so.  I have plenty on my plate and I'm not feeding no one's ego or putting up with any crap.  I ignore people you have to or sometimes you will wind up in a serious confrontation that you will say things you don't mean and can't take back and I know myself when I get angry real angry especially when a person has pushed me to that point I will go off sometimes I'm afraid of my own temper so I try to calm down and realize that all of that energy isn't worth it.  I like listening to music it helps me relax and destress and each song brings me back to a happier or younger day in my life.  He introduced me to an app on my cell that you can download free music and I've found tons of music even 90's 80's etc.   I was accused by someone who doesn't even work alongside me of making errors on a report, funny how our department is always correcting their incompetence and we don't say a word It's always easier to point the finger but harder to take the blame and most of it is just plain haterade well it's a quarter to nine and I need to start my work day it should be a quiet day today let's hope it's without any more nonsense just to think all of the things one experiences just to earn a dollar these days is unreal at times. 

tuesday feels like monday

It's a cold Tuesday morning kind of wish the weather would make up it's mind and turn to the nice spring weather we had just a few days ago.  My bed felt too comfortable and warm to get out of it this morning and if it weren't for my new phone alarm being much louder I probably would've overslept.  I feel sort of rested that I stood home yesterday had I probably stood inside and been alone I probably could've rested more but the next "me" day for I will make sure I have the place to myself.  I went to the doctor yesterday and there is one major reason why I hate doctor's offices is the wait and the crowded waiting rooms and I notice many doctor's offices have the bad habit of overbooking patients which means more crowded waiting rooms and longer waits to see the doctor.  When I went to this clinic the waiting area was pretty full and as I went to give a sample I notice dr going from room to room.  I noticed as he examined my stomach the lower part did feel sore and bother me.   He was going to send me to the ER but I really didn't feel like waiting there either now I had been in severe pain I would've gone.  If you think the wait in the doctor's office is long the ER is worse especially if you're not in labor, have a gun shot wound, etc.  I remember having bad stomach pain and I waited almost 3 hours actually fell asleep in the chair.  I know have to schedule a physical and gyn visits.  The good thing about this place is that it's close and the doctor is there on Saturdays.  I guess I have to start making time for dr visits, taking care of myself b/c your health is important but when you work full time and have a small child it's very hard.  Today I'm back at work and it feels like a Monday to me I was talking on my cell phone and I felt my eyes close I really don't like to fall asleep on the train but sometimes tiredeness takes over.  If I do fall asleep I usually like to do this in the beginning of my ride b/c if it happens in the middle chances are I will miss my stop and be late.  After the call dropped b/c of me getting onto the bridge I tried to keep my eyes open which is why I have to start listening to music again at least that keeps me awake and focused.  I get to the area where I work early I walk to dunkin donuts and I was looking for my work id card and my hot chocolate spills I thought **** now I have to go back and get another one how embarrassing since this is the second time it's happened I went back got another one and proceeded to walk to work.  I saw a co worker on the way who is moody didn't say anything to me when I get in I managed to be 3 minutes late but it's better than 15 say good morning to all as I got to my desk still no response I just ignore it some people are just weird moody or just live a miserable existence and frankly I don't have time for other people's bs when I have enough on my plate speaking of which I haven't texted said individual in a while no response that to me speaks volumes I'm tired of texting, calling, and always being the one to initiate and seek people out I also have a life and the way I see it is no news is good news and I realize everyone has a busy schedule but some how I always make a little bit of time to see how ppl are doing,  I notice it is not reciprocated so I've cut down on that too.  On that note,  after the visit we went to the local Raymour & Flanigan and we found jr's bedroom furniture.  I purchased the captain's bed, chest, the headboard has shelves for storage and books, while it cost a pretty penny I'm confident that it's good quality I felt the furniture very bulky as it's sold honey pine wood I'm sure it's going to be very heavy for the delivery people to get in to his room.  Today is jr speech therapy session and I received the papers for continuation of services from 3-5 since he ages out of early intervention on his 3rd birthday can't believe that he will be 3 this year it seems like time just flew by.   I hope that this will be a smooth uneventful day as I always hope every day is. 

exhaustion my old friend

Friday evening I left work feeling the usual tired, During my lunch break I walked to the Borders book store by Wall St since I know they're closing hoping to find the books I wanted on a deep discount I was quickly disappointed since they had every other language but Spanish.  This pissed me off b/c it was a long walk and since they're going out of business everything is very disorganized.  I then tried to go to the Burger King at it's new location on Liberty St. another waste of time and expensive so I proceeded to walk back toward work grabbed a slice and went upstairs.  It felt good to leave on time especially on a Friday but for some reason I started not feeling well my stomach was acting up.  I get on the train almost missing it and I sit down and I figure it's going to be a quiet ride home wrong.   A group of hoodrats get on the train and start acting like idiots talking loud and some werent holding on to poles you're just being a trouble maker b/c if u bang into someone and they get mad which is to be expected this is where fights start.  I'm too old for this bs I think but these teenagers these days have no respect for no one and I look at it this way you're old enough to disrespect someone you're old enough to pay the consequences I couldnt wait to get off and catch the next train which was nice and quiet thank goodness for that.  Saturday was the usual cleaning and my stomach is still messed up, I was waiting for someone to arrive and they were very late and thats another pet peeve of mine lateness if youre going to be late call dont think I have all day to wait around for you I was aggravated I had to go to bank and my entire day was thrown off so I had to rush before they closed with my son and no stroller so I get to bank of course its packed I go to use atm jr wants to play with buttons and presses cancel button I restart it and machine isnt taking deposit I can sense ppl getting impatient jr goes to wander off I grab his arm and he lost his balance and fell hit himself and I felt bad and aggravated I left as I left I see the person in the car andthought had they been on time I wouldnt have had to go through all of that which is why I say the only person you can rely on is yourself I know a lot of people who are great people but they just don't know what it is to be on time and how important it is to be on time and reliable and while I know no body is perfect I know this two qualities are very important b/c you can be great at whatever it is you do but if you're not on time and reliable no one will care how good you are if they can't depend on you.  I finish up the rest of my errands long story short another exhausting end to my day.   Exhaustion is my old friend and my stomach condition is starting to act up again and that's not a good sign b/c I don't have time for dr visits messed up b/c your health is important but dr offices sometimes don't have the most convenient hours for people who work. The staff is another issue a dr can be great but if his/her office staff is no good forget it.  Yesterday I spent most of the day at home resting as soon as he gets home we go searching for bedroom furniture and came up very short.  Went to Ashley Furniture poor selection expensive, Bob's good selection back ordered Raymour closed.  I finally went to Walmart picked up items note to self never go again too late b/c shelves are empty and while I got a few things some things I couldn't.  We finally get home after 9 and I'm exhausted still feeling like crap give jr his bath and we both fall out to sleep and I knew this morning I wasn't going to work the weather helped me make that decision easily b/c of the rain and dreariness but my stomach also was in that equation too.  He gets attitude and like I planned to be sick on his day off and I thought screw off I wish I could days off during the week where I have the whole days to myself.  I don't stay home unless I really feel like crap or jr is sick but today I just couldn't take it so I have an appointment with new  primary dr who he says is better than the detached schmuck we used to see I sure hope so the place is closer to us by the kmart on metro I think I need to see the gastroenterologist again but I need to relax but when I'm aggravated or mad my condition gets worse.  I hope to feel better so that I may go to work tomorrow as I'm already losing out today.  I hope to find out more about the doctors at this clinic so that I may finally be able to start taking time out for me and my health and doing for me for a change we'll see how it goes today I have to get ready now.

down time and misc topics

I'm sitting down here having some computer time but I really should've been showered in and bed by now.  Did my usual evening routine bathing jr, washing a sink of dishes, pots, and spraying counters, emptying trash all the domestic fun stuff NOT.  After cleaning up I decide to watch a little of Bones I like that show while it's interesting it's also disgusting at the same time even though I know the skeletons and things aren't real they sure look real.  I decided to log into face book and I'm reading my updates and I'm not into face book as much as I once was before.  I update my status occassionally I'm mostly a reader now and I may send some msgs to friends but that's about it.  Why? because people don't know how to act on social networking sites they get behind a screen and don't think about what they say to people and once something is posted that's it even if it's deleted the damage is done as I was reading my updates I came across this comment , I can not put this post on my Face Book page I a proud parent I love the fact of being a parent If God thought the way you did we all would be in trouble. Plus I have more fun being a parent then anything I have done in my life I enjoy watch my children doing thing so maybe it just that you have to change the way you think about being a parent.  I usually try not to be judgemental of others but I'm only human and sometimes I think we all can be but when I read that comment it infuriated me simply b/c this individual took something that was meant to be a joke and really came off their high horse and questioned a good friend of mine's parenting skills and I couldn't believe they had the nerve to go there.  I posted a rebuttal comment but I then deleted it b/c this individual isn't worth my time and I'd be beating a dead horse anyway, but you really have to have some pair to question someone's parenting skills over a posting meant to be funny and talking about things done in your youth.  What makes this even more hilarious is that I knew said person back in the day and they were no saint and far from perfect and now all of a sudden they're some holier than thou judgemental individual questioning someone's parenting skills!  Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world!!! I love my child to death and go through a lot just to earn a paycheck to be able to provide for him and I know I'm not a perfect parent but I love and adore my son and would do anything for him but I'm also human so who is anyone like this individual to judge any parent?  I guess it took me becoming a parent myself to realize this b/c I've been judgemental in the past of others parenting skills and my own parent's.  Perhaps they haven't seen the comment and responded or perhaps they handled as I did didn't bother responding b/c what's the point of starting a face book war I can say if someone posted a comment like that on my wall I would put them in their place and they'd be deleted soon after.  There are some things you just don't say on web pages and saying something like that is one of them.  I'm a firm believer that the people who are the most holier than thou and talk about others are the biggest hypocrites and live in the biggest glass houses and you know what they say about people who live in glasses houses don't throw stones.  I have plenty of these where I work the ones who are swear up and down christianity yet they say racist remarks,etc.  all about hypocrisy.  Being religious isn't a bad thing at all I think we can all benefit from this but when you have nothing to define yourself as a person and can't laugh at a joke or have a good time or think b/c you're in church that makes you better than other people is when it's wrong.  A sense of humor is a good thing if I didn't have one who knows how I'd get through tough times.  Well on that note it's way past my time to get to bed and I need to hit the shower and the bed or I will definitely be behind schedule tomorrow morning.  Live, love and laugh I guess this individual lost their sense of humor somewhere along the way.  Life is too short to be so rigid and not enjoy life.

great spring weather

Today's weather was great look fwd to more sunny days tomorrow is my favorite day of the week Friday.  I am glad to be home at last b/c today I was so bored at work and doing these mailings is tedious and annoying especially when you have print and assemble them when the assembled envelopes run out after a while I got tunnel vision and I had to stop.  I was happy to arrive to work early and leave on time but I encountered yet another idiot who displayed my least favorite pet peeve people who eat on the train this girl was eating a egg and cheese on a bagel and it stank like crazy and of course I was stuck in a very crowded J train with no escape it almost seems as if she was doing on it purpose and I almost wanted to knock it out of her hands thank goodness it's a short ride.  I get to dunkin donuts no hot chocolate today get myself some oj a wrap and a donut which I never ate b/c many a times I don't get a chance to get breakfast before I leave or I will be late especially if I have to drop jr off which today I didn't.   Yesterday night we went to best buy to make the transition from AT&T to Sprint and I never realized how time consuming this is and this doesn't help that this best buy is in a very crowded area of queens queens blvd.  After this we ate dinner at the outback and we came home and we were all exhausted I gave jr his bath read him some books and we both fell out fast.  I'm so happy that I have my EVO but just like every other phone I've gotten it's going to take a while to get used all of the features someone called and I almost didn't know how to answer it another challenge is I will have to learn how to mobile blog with this phone as it's not the EVO shift I'm used to the slide out keyboard so this will take a while for me to master that.  I think it was time for a change but I'm hoping that Sprint will be better for us b/c AT&T gave us enough grief.  I just wish they'd have enough accessories in stock when you need them we wanted otter box cases and had they been in stock at best buy 25% off.  I went today looking for an otter box in J&R didn't see the defender went to sprint they had the commuter went to mcdonalds and paid $8.15 I didn't realize that the McDonald's on Broadway is a high class one I read my receipt and I almost threw the bag at them but I was hungry so I didn't.  60 cents eat in charge! I couldn't believe it! Not only is your food a darn rip off you have the audacity to charge 60 cents for us to sit in your place to eat our over priced food unbelievable so they're off my list going to stick to the one by BMCC.  I get to a table and I look at my fries and if there's nothing that get me more pissed off is when my fries aren't done right, don't give me cold or burned fries b/c they're coming right back to YOU.  I've done it before and if they want to consider me a pain in the ass that's ok I'm paying enough for it! today I was already tired of hunting for the otter boxes and hungry so I sucked it up and ate them just made sure I put tons of ketchup.  I was going to venture into the Borders book store on Wall St I feel sad they're closing that store now if I want books have to go to  Barnes & Noble on 14 st.  wanted to take advantage of their deep discount to get some medical books, etc.  but there's always tomorrow.  I opened all the windows to air out this apartment and put our wings in the oven and jr is here very happy and I'm always happy to see him and he's watching sponge bob the cartoon I have practically memorized I've seen so many episodes, when you can predict what the characters are going to say I think that's cartoon overload.  Well it's after 5 and jr is calling for my attention and the cat has to be fed I'm hoping that jr will sleep through the night today b/c if there's any day I don't want to be late is tomorrow well off to unwind and relax.

half conscious and late

As I sit here at my desk I'm semi-awake b/c jr woke up in the middle of the night I thought it was 5 but I check my cell phone and it's only 2:30 a.m.  I try to get him back to sleep yet another battle almost an hr later 3:30 he was still up and I couldn't stay awake anymore his father took him to the livingrm and I tried to get some sleep but it wasn't good sleep.  I was woken up at 5:30 and stood in another 10 minutes I look outside the weather is horrible perfect to just stay inside and sleep.  I drag myself out of bed brush my teeth get dressed try to get my hair to look right which isn't an easy task due to rain and me having to wash it.   I then grab some cereal and get jr dressed and I figured since I got a ride I'd get to work on time WRONG.  I get on the train and take a good nap I wake up to feel the train not moving and I guess there were door problems or whatever or MTA incompetence that usually makes me late to work and finally we move I get to Essex St and by a miracle the J comes fast but when I finally make it to work 11 minutes late how annoying is that especially when the therapist is supposed to come over today.  I hope I will be on time the rest of this week b/c when you're late it just throws your whole day off.  The city is continuing to do more lay offs so the feeling of uncertainity comes back to me yet again I hear two people from our agency are being laid off w/o no real notice and that pisses me off b/c how dare you just spring something like that on people who have families, financial obligations, etc.  and not give them at a least a month or so to prepare themselves and then I thought about myself and thought this could happen to me! It makes me angry b/c I keep seeing other titles being hired that make a lot more money but they can't retain support staff those positions take more of the fiscal budget than our jobs so I decided today I'm cleaning out my desk of any junk or unneccessary things b/c I haven't received another at risk letter and I thank the lord for that but as I can see you have prepare yourself.  This way if it does happen I don't have anything here of importance and I can just turn in my key and be gone.   I also notice someone saying that this individual can be transferred somewhere else and they'd still have a job and while that may seem good to you some ppl don't like change and are creatures of habit and while I may still have a job I may not neccessarily like that place or be able to adjust there I've seen it happen to a lot of ppl.  For some people a city job is the end all say all due to the benefits and job security but not these days, Bloomberg wants to get rid of civil service, collective bargaining, something like Wisconsin can happen here but I think the fight here will be a lot more brutal than Wisconsin since NYC is a blue state if they did try to do that and not only that he wants to mess around with people's pensions and raise the retirement age.  All of it totally unfair people have worked hard and pay their due they deserve to retire with a decent pension at a reasonable age this is why we have to plan while we're still young b/c nothing is promised to no one these days.  I know I can find an office even in the private sector but some of these people don't know any other working environment and the city working environment and private sector are like apples and oranges.  Just when I thought I was secure for now always seems like something always arises.  I plan to start saving as much as I can just in case b/c unemployment doesn't always kick in right away and it's not what you were earning working either.  Today was supposed to be the day we go to the Sprint store but I doubt it due to the horrible weather unless it clears up as the day goes on.  Well it's after 9:00 going to begin my work day and try to stay awake. 

One day left and hello Sprint

I'm on my lunch break and I wish I was at home laying down watching some tv.  I got to work on time which is great for me provided the trains on the ride home cooperate and unfortunately I have a sink load of dishes waiting for me b/c I didn't get to them last night.  I was so tired last night most of the time once I put jr to bed I will fall asleep soon after in the bed and if I don't then I will watch some tv shower and fall into bed.  I'm surprised he didn't chime in with his usual comment you forgot the dishes or get on my case in some other way b/c remember he's perfect but nope not a word.  I look at this way I'm tired by the end of the day and the house is the last thing on my mind if I had a dishwasher i'd worry about it even less.  Tomorrow I will be finally rid of AT&T and I'm so happy about that I just hope Sprint doesn't turn out to be another crappy company weird b/c the days I've been riding to work I usually have horrible reception especially when we get to the williamsburg bridge but my calls haven't dropped at all I guess they're working on it but guess what your efforts and outages were one too many for me and after tomorrow GOOD BYE GOOD RIDDANCE.  I ventured to the Sprint store in the area where I work and that was a big mistake way too crowded I asked for the EVO and EVO shift and I tried to play around with the phones and I was clueless the sales person had to literally pull up the messaging for texting and I felt like an idiot I was able to maneuver the EVO shift better than the EVO and pull up the texting faster but I guess with every new cell phone we get it's an adjustment period to get acquainted with the phone and the features.  I did notice the EVO shift isn't as small as it looks on tv or in the commercial it is smaller than the regular EVO though.  I guess I will get the hang of it eventually as I've done with most of my phones I've had.  While a nice phone with good features is important more important things for me are:  reception, clarity, good data capability especially important when sending picture msgs.  I was reading a blog I follow today and I noticed that one of the bloggers took a statement I said and included it in one of her blogs and that really surprised me and annoyed me b/c I felt it made me look that I don't support women's rights, etc.  and when I called her on it she says she didn't say that but the commented prompted her to think about it b/c she's heard it before I guess she didn't think I'd read it but I don't appreciate it when people try to twist your words around and I've seen this happen to a lot of people including myself in other instances while I know everything is subject to interpretation I was very surprised at this but this will not prevent me from commenting on anything else b/c why should I feel afraid to express my opinions.  I've even deleted blogs from here b/c I was afraid that someone would get offended by things I've written or think I was talking about a specific individual but I've decided I'm not going to do that anymore.  Everyone else voices their opinions and I've read other blogs on here that are very controversial but it doesn't stop people from posting their views.  Well for the record I'm very much for women's rights, advancement and empowerment while we've come a long way we can always go further and do better for ourselves.  I just think that with the feminist movement chivalry has been sacrificed along the way.  I think that these days a lot of women want to be independent and want to be treated as a man's equal I know I always say be careful what you wish for b/c a man can interpret that in a lot of ways.  A lot of women like the blogger who posted about men paying on a date don't know what they want they say they're independent want to pay on dates, but when a guy isn't a gentleman they complain about it so that's why I said make up your mind you want it this way or do you want to be somewhere in the middle.  I guess I'm that somewhere in the middle.  I don't mind a guy paying on a first date even though I'm married and this scenario no longer applies to me but how would you feel if you were on a date and after you ate you were handed the check? or expected to pay half of it? I'm no gold digger or materialistic and most who know me know I'm pretty down to earth but if that happened to me that guy would never see my face again but I guess everyone is different.  What I expect is a gentleman someone who knows how to treat a lady, that means having manners, respect, and have a good sense of humor manners is very important to me b/c if I see a person who is demanding and rude it sends me the message that they don't care about other people and their feelings and if I see it on a date it makes me wonder well if he's rude to them what would he say to me if I "annoyed" him.  and forget about expecting "dessert" b/c you paid my way you will know what singing soprano feels like.  I guess I'm not in tune with today's feminism and dating scene is like since i'm not on that scene anymore and I'm sort of glad I'm not the dating scene isn't an easy thing and you come across a lot of guys that make you think "are you for real"? I don't see how some people hop from man to woman woman to man, etc.  forget about casual sex, one night stands, or friends with benefits way too complicated.  If people realized whenever sex is involved it's never that cut and dry maybe they'd think twice.  While I realize life isn't without stress or complications I prefer drama free and knowing where I stand with people and situations.

uncertainity in our world

After I turned off the tv in total disgust after watching the apprentice I walked to my bedroom and trying to find a spot on the bed was a task in itself.  I got some good rest which made up for Saturday night and when I got up at 5:00 it was pitch black outside due to the change in time and I thought it was earlier than 5.  I get up get ready and had to wind up waking jr up we got ready and went to catch our daily bus which was late as always but I managed to drop him off on time and most importantly be at the office on time.  We're supposed to get a taste of spring weather toward the end of the week and I can't wait till it's officially spring I'm tired of wearing sweaters and a coat.  I looked at the news and I can't believe the terrible earth quake and after shocks in Japan the Tsunami in Japan and CA then we have the uprising in Egypt, Libya, etc.  and the people trying to get rid of collective bargaining, etc.  I heard someone in the office say it's the end of days and I have to agree with her my husband says the same thing and I can't believe it even families the way they are with one another but all of this is in the bible.  I'm not a terribly religious person but the thought of this does scare the crap out of me b/c I'm wondering where I'm going I think I am a good person with a good heart I'm not perfect I've made my mistakes but when I hear 2012 it scares the heck out of me.  I guess there isn't much we can do but live our lives and be good and do good for others b/c when the time comes nothing else is going to matter.  There is so much economic uncertainity, angry people who are fed up with the gov't and corruption, etc.  and I hope and pray that I don't become another casualty of the economy and you try to be positive but the minute you put the news on more bad things which is why sometimes I'd rather not even watch.  Pray for what we have what little we have, pray that we make it to another day b/c from what it seems like there is going to be a lot more to come.  I saw the terrible bus accident on the news in which so many people lost their lives and I have a feeling that guy was either very tired, drunk, or just driving wrecklessly and lost control of the bus but either way he will have to answer to the authorities kind of makes you wonder are we safe anywhere?  You can't even get on a tour bus without worrying if you're going to make it back home or not.  I wonder why those drivers aren't given breathalizers, etc. before they get on those buses as they have the lives and safety of all passengers.  Well it's another Monday I'm glad I made to work safe on time and hope to arrive the same way home.   I hope this week will be a good one and I will continue to keep the victims in Japan and CA in my thoughts and pray for them all.

end of a weekend

I really should be in bed by now but I'm still awake and that's a surprise.  Last night I couldn't sleep the consequences of getting a nap during the day I wind up falling asleep after watching Hard Evidence and I hear some foot steps and jr had woken up it was after 1 am.  I get to bed and try to get him back to sleep which eventually he went back to sleep but I couldn't fall asleep I went to bed but it wasn't a quality sleep where you wake up feeling refreshed and well rested.  Today I felt a little better and did some grocery shopping and got meat and  went to food bazzar to get some things to make some fresh sofrito and I went to the larger store for the first time and I just couldn't take the crowds and the ghettoness I mean seriously why the heck would you put your cart in the middle of the aisle while others are trying to get by the ultimate in lack of manners was when I saw this idiot coming with a cart and her kid and an old lady was passing by do you think idiot waited for lady to pass they almost boxed her in.  I couldn't believe they're so lucky it wasn't my grandmother, etc.  I thought to myself there's a serious decline in society these days everyone is all about me you even see in the children.  Parents don't properly educate these days they're all about being the kid's friend and the clothes on their back.  I get on line and I was so relieved to pay and finally be out of there lesson learned I will go to the smaller store and earlier in the day.  Just wish these ingredients were readily available in the stores closer to my area.  Tried some new quesadillas from this local place called fresh taco and they're were great so we have a new place for take out days.  A relative came over and helped put away the stuff and cook dinner for which we're eternally grateful.  We were having a conversation about the public school and private schools and the best public school is 113 in glendale and he has his heart on putting jr in there or a private school and he says the two public schools in this area aren't very good and I thought as much as I'd like to be able to send him to private school I don't think it's financially possible but if I say I will be told that I'm settling etc.  I think I'm being realistic.  I want to make sure that not only is 113 a good school but a diverse school as I know there are certain areas of glendale and middle village that aren't yet very diversified.  He says next year he will be in pre k uh hello let me concentrate on now that's he 2 yrs old and he will be 3 this fall  I know times flies and waits for no one but I'm just trying to get used to speech therapists, potty training etc.  speaking of which I tried to put him regular underwear today and within 5 minutes he pee on himself thank goodness it wasn't the other thing.  I tried putting him on potty and nothing happened.  Potty training is going to be a long trying road *sigh*.  We will just have to keep trying.  I'm watching the Celebrity Apprentice now and I guess this is the new season and wow I can't believe watch a bunch of aholes some of these celebrities are some of them are so self centered and egotistical.  I can't really stomach Trump much but I guess if there's nothing else I will watch it.  I think there are people who just get a certain high off of telling others what to do.  There was a scene where one of the project mgrs pushed someone I think I would've pushed right back one thing is to give me direction but don't you dare put your hands on me! As far as the women team goes I can't stand Star Jones at all I think she's an annoying self centered bitch and it comes out through the show, she micromanages and is in need of a reality check, Dionne Warwick may be a great singer but as a person she's a rude self centered person who wanted to take full credit for what is supposed to be a team effort when she made a very ignorant discriminatory remark regarding Marlee Maitlin and her being deaf she lost all of my respect. Just b/c you're older doesn't make you smarter and respect goes both ways.  Marlee Maitlin has overcome a lot of obstacles to get where she is and she got there even with her disability so for her to make such ridiculous comments like she did was uncalled for.  I know they're all doing this for a good cause but this goes to show you that just b/c you're famous and have money doesn't make you smart doesn't mean you have class or manners it just means you're famous and have the means to live a very comfortable life that most of us dream of.  I don't envy these people at all maybe the money a little b/c you have to have more to bring to the table and if you don't it shows very fast.  This also proves that put a whole bunch of different characters together there's bound to be conflict.  It also shows how stupid and catty women can be which is why I'd rather work around more guys and have a man boss any day of the week.  Well it's getting close to 10:30 and I have to get to bed and I've had all I can take from this show so it's off to bed and I'm crossing my fingers for an uneventful commute to and from work what I always hope for everyday especially Monday.

the road ahead

Yesterday my work week came to an end and I always look forward to this b/c I get tired of commuting back and forth to work through out the week and I was glad that he cleaned most of the house b/c I'm really not feeling well today due to PMS and other issues and the least I have to do the better for me.  Last night jr didn't fall for the crib converted into a bed when it was bed time so back to the bed he went frustrating indeed so when our taxes come we have to get him a bed and a dresser.  So far I've gotten progress reports from speech therapist and special instruction teacher and the special instruction teacher's findings are that he is cognitatively at 2 yr old level but overall 18-24 months old so while he's made some progress he has a ways to go be completely at age level.  Yesterday was his visit at the ENT and the dr examined him and he got a hearing test from audiologist and they determined he has minor hearing loss I felt like someone punched me in my stomach when he texted me that.  I was waiting for my connecting train to go home and I felt my eyes water up and this is the last thing I want to hear what any parent wants to hear that there's something wrong with their child especially something as important as hearing we need and use all of our senses but hearing and vision are two very important senses we use.  He has fluid in his ears and I wanted to know if this could be due to the frequent ear infections, birth defect, etc.  but the genius didn't ask these questions and this frustrated me even more b/c I once called this dr back to ask him questions that he didn't ask and he seemed like he had an attitude and I was about to say that's my son and when it comes to his health and well being I will ask 100 questions and you'll answer all of them b/c I'm not putting him through any other procedures unless it's absolutely neccessary.  Sadly there aren't too many pediatric ENTs in this area or if theyre are they're in Long Island or don't take our insurance.  He goes back in a few weeks and if the fluid is still there they would have to insert tubes to drain ears all of this is done surgically and he's already had surgery to remove a cyst by the ear.   To try to find time for all of this and of course I think about if I have to take time off from work which I don't have enough hours and can't really afford it.  I think the next visit I will sacrifice a few hours and I'm going to the visit b/c I want to ask as many questions as I can.  But now I realize that if it wasn't for us taking him regularly to dr and dr suggesting early intervention we wouldn't be at this at point but I have a feeling this is going to be a long road ahead of us.  These are times I wish I was at home b/c then I wouldn't have to worry about finding late appointments, therapists who do late hours, etc. but the harsh reality is right now I have to work.  I'm hoping that they will be able to do something even if it's a hearing aid but I will patiently have to go through this process and of course I want him to have perfect hearing in both of his ears but as my mother said to me there's no perfect child and I don't want perfection b/c that's unrealistic but I'd like for him to be able to hear b/c I think his speech would improve and he'd do better when it was time for pre k or kindergarten.  I have to prepare myself emotionally financially b/c next month is the two yr anniversary that he stopped his chemo and they said he'd have to wait two years before he tried to have another child and I've been thinking about that if I really want another one and while I'd like to have another child I think about the expenses of daycare, etc.  and I've avoided it I've been told by him I'm over thinking it and I think I am but this is b/c I'm thinking of all the factors kids are expensive and I want to able to provide my child or children with the things they need and it's hard enough with one.  I find it very hard to put my trust in an ob/gyn due to my son being born past due, etc.  I haven't even been to a gyn since 2009 and that's not good but I can't find the time or a dr I really like so many things to do and sometimes there aren't enough hours in a day.  The end of time warner cable saga even though I disputed the charges they reversed the credit and I'm really pissed off about that b/c they had no right to over charge my account which makes me question the point of the dispute process in banks and this makes me want to get rid of them and get verizon fios.  I got $`100 credit but it's better than nothing I guess.  I haven't paid them yet for this month b/c I will not pay online anymore I dont think their site is secure lesson learned will not hit back button on computer or just pay by phone.  It's past 9:00 and I haven't done anything guess I need to put a pep in my step and get moving and sadly I have to do some grocery shopping a task I hate.  We'll see what this day brings I hope I will feel better by the end of the day.  I'd like to rest for a change instead of do this do that run here run there something out of reach at times.

just one of those days

Lately I feel like i'm stuck in a rut, the same old routine get up, get ready babysitter train work back then to deal with the house, child, bills, etc.  and many times I feel overwhelmed tired and emotionally defeated.  I ask myself all the time if this is all worth it?  March has arrived and I haven't even fulfilled the goals I set for myself at the end of the year which the main one was to start being a better saver.  It's so hard for me to save money b/c it always seems like something comes up or something is needed in the house but I have to start becoming more disciplined b/c I absolutely hate the idea of working and not having anything to show for it.  Jr sleep issues are also emotionally exhausting for the both of us and as soon as it's financially possible we're going to buy him a big boy bed b/c he needs to learn how to sleep in his own bed for his own good and for all of our comfort at night.  The family drama from his side is driving me crazy I can't understand how he allows these people to disturb his peace and tranquility the way he does all I know i'm getting sick of it and if I hear one more phone call and I'm going to lose it and I don't want to go that route b/c I have a pretty bad temper when I'm provoked but sometimes it is the only way people will back off and stop their nonsense.  The issue is one that can be resolved very easily but this individual is  manipulative who loves playing the victim when it's to their benefit. When we give people this sort of power they will make your life miserable and keep living their lives as miserable as it maybe and this is what I try to get across to him and I think it might have sunken in but I'm not really convinced until I see some real changes.  There are times I don't even want to pick up the phone no more.  I spoke to an old friend of mine today from HS b/c I really needed someone to talk to and vent about things and I value his advice and opinions a lot we advise each other on different things and I felt better afterward it feels good to have your feelings validated and he is one of the few people in my life I consider a true friend those are few and far between.  I also went over the 3 month progress report with the speech therapist this week and his skills are emerging but he still has a way to go to be on his age level with speech and that was hard to hear but it could be worse it could've been no progress at all.  I feel sad b/c I wish that check would've been at the end of paper with full progress but I guess he will get there eventually.  He was due to see the occupational therapist today and while I've never met this guy he's starting to get on my nerves b/c he's canceled a few sessions and is always running late.  I confirmed visit for 2 and I just hear he's getting there at 2:30 and I think we've been more than accommodating I told him if he doesn't show up today I'm contacting service coordinator we need some one who is reliable I can see once or twice but don't make it a habit.  I've even gotten annoyed with her at times b/c she hadn't returned a call from me yet had the nerve to say that I had to call her instead of her iniating the calls.  I try to have patience and be professional when dealing with these people b/c it is for jr's benefit and it services that he needs but sometimes they can really work a nerve at times.   Tonight will be his session with the special instruction teacher and I know that will go well as it always does.  I went out for lunch today and I think I was literally blown around the block due to the severe winds outside.  I really wish the weather would make up it's mind I look forward to seeing the spring weather already.  I need some distraction so I hope I am able to meet up with a friend soon b/c my daily routine and other things are giving me tunnel vision.  I've gotten to the point that if it's not in my calendar in outlook or my cell phone I just don't remember anything anymore.