unstable feelings

Yesterday I was feeling down and there are times where my mood goes up and down I feel ok and then I will think about something that was said and I will feel down again.  After all of the things said, weird thing is I don't feel any better about the situation, most people usually do.  The truth isn't easy to listen to at times but when communication breaks and people just keep holding things in is when things get bad.  Since this conversation he's trying to be nice and actually called me and ask me if I wanted him to cook yesterday and I hear the twilight zone music in the background b/c after I was told of all of my so called flaws you're calling me to do exactly what you say I don't do enough of.  It's confusing and annoying to get all of these mixed signals. I've been distant but how else would he expect me to be?.  Today I will be leaving early and going to take intake visit at the counseling center and I know it's not going to be an easy thing for me and I will try to maintain my composure and try not to get emotional when I try to explain why I'm there and what services I'm looking for.  It's either now or never sometimes we take out time for other things that aren't that important but things that really matter we never make the time for it.  No matter how things turn out I know I will need their help to get through this.  I'm wondering if my heart will ever be whole again in my previous break up for my marriage I was in a depression for a while and I didn't want to know about meeting anyone else but then my now husband came along and now I'm at a cross roads where it is a possibility that relationship can end too I ask myself all the time why is it so hard for me to maintain a relationship perhaps its issues of my own that I've never really addressed or dealt or is it just the fact that I just pick the wrong guys whatever it is I don't know how people put themselves out there on the dating scene all the time I'm just not one of those people and should things not work out I don't see myself being on that scene again.  Everyone is on their best behavior when they're dating until you get to know them better or move in with them then you really see who that person is and sometimes you don't always like what you get.  Going to the gym for me is like a release and a way to distract my mind, I went to a zumba class again with a different instructor but I didn't like this one he was way too fast for me I know I'm out of shape but the other guy on friday's class movements were way easier to follow.  I guess every instructor incorporates the moves differently.  I also did a few minutes on the exercise bike.  I need to do that orientation so I can start using the other machines like the treadmill and the elipitcal and weights or I really wont start seeing results.  Last night I was so tired I went with jr towatch his cartoons and read him books but I fell asleep with him and didn't get up till the morning.  Today I will try to go the gym after the counseling center and I hope there is a good class today if not I will try the location in Astoria.  I'm really trying to stick to going to this place as it's convenient and inexpensive but their customer service has gone down the tubes over the years and it's starting to work my nerves and I haven't even been a member that long.  I deal with enough nonsense the last thing I need is more so I will continue to play it by ear and if things don't improve I will be looking for another club.  People don't realize that customer service is everything when it comes to a business and if it is poor the business suffers.  I was even thinking of joining Curves since the work outs are only 30 minutes.  We'll see how things progress.  It's after 9 and time to get to work.