So many things

I'm glad today that the weather is less humid than yesterday it wasn't easy walking home with it being so muggy and humid.  During my lunch I went to the hallmark store to pick up a bday card for him from his son b/c hallmark hasn't evented a card to describe my situation at least not yet.  After purchasing the card my plan is to get the card and purchase a small carvel cake also from his son b/c god forbid your majesty isn't honored on his bday but me spending money on clothing for him for an early father's day gift just wasn't enough.  We will see how he reacts when he is presented with cake and card.  My mother isn't happy with the situation and she wants to know what his intentions I don't even know what his intentions are at this point, so many mixed signals and conflicting emotions of mine, etc.  There are times I think about this and I feel like a fool b/c some other woman would've smacked the s* out of him and told him to pack his stuff and get out.  It's extremely akward we have basic generic conversation and anything to do with the child.  After cleaning up the mess in the kitchen and bathroom I gave jr a bath and read him books and off to bed.  Finally had some "me" time and I go to watch some tv divorce court to be exact kind of ironic but it's good entertainment to remind myself that there are people out there with worse problems than myself.  As I'm comfortable I see the door open and it's him which totally caught me off guard, he puts down his food and proceeds to change channel on tv and I feel very akward so it's off to the bathroom and bed. I got pretty tired of trying to find somewhere to eat for lunch there aren't that many healthy options out there and if there are the prices are ridiculous.  I ordered food at this new chinese place and they have the nerve to charge $1.50 for a can of soda which in my opinion is highway robbery but I guess this is lower manhattan a.k.a yuppieville they think just b/c tribeca residents have money to burn that we all do, they do but I sure don't. I just had a steak quesadilla and a banana drink I'm sure I will see the consequences when I enter the results into calorie counter but at this point I don't even care I can make up for it at dinner time.  Yesterday was another session with the therapist and it went well but I was told services would end next week until a determination is made at this district mtg.  I finally speak to the coordinator today and I don't feel any more confident that everything is going to be okay if anything I'm even more concerned b/c she suggested head start program which I honestly am not crazy about.  I know it's a wonderful program and children benefit from it but there's a certain mentality that I don't want to be bothered with and some of these places especially the closest ones aren't in nice areas and I know there are times that kids will be kids no matter how much we as parents try to instill good manners, etc. and I don't want to deal with that mindset if I don't have to some ppl would think I'm crazy especially if CPSE was offering it for free but free doesn't always mean good.  At no time do I think I'm better than anyone but I also know that I want my child to be in a safe learning environment.  I was also surprised that the coordinator wouldn't be required to be there she responds if you want me to be there, huh? wtf? aren't you his service coordinator???? Things that make you go hmmmm.  She hinted that if a placement is offered I should accept especially with all of these budget cuts that are being made by the master minds of incompetence who run this city and state.  I guess it's my fault for expecting too much from the Board of Ed something tells me that I'm in for a big fight with these people.  The next few weeks will be busy with final therapy sessions, pre-op visit, jr surgery, counseling, and finally my trip to Florida.  I hope that the flight will be uneventful and the trip will involve minimal bs notice I don't say none b/c there's always some bs when you deal with family.  I received a call from the counseling center for individual therapy and it seems like I keep hitting a brick wall when it comes to counseling she seemed very nice but explained her latest appointment is at 4:15 which annoys me b/c I have to ask myself what is wrong with these people? I'm not rockefeller or a stay at home mom I have to work full time as millions of people have to do where is the flexibility? While it was nice to get a call back I sure would've wished that it could lead to something where it can be around 5 pm.  She said she'd contact me in a few days and I'm trying to remain positive but positivity isn't always easy especially these days.  Seems like everything and every circumstance is working against me even though I'm being proactive in seeking help for myself and whatever is left of our relationship.  I'm glad that the day is half gone and he's not working over time b/c I sure didn't feel like waiting for the bus again well tomorrow is Friday my favorite day of the week and I look forward to the long weekend definitely going to have to work harder at the gym to burn off whatever stuff I ate that I probably shouldn't.