a new beginning

Yesterday was my first day back and the commute was uneventful I stood home Monday b/c I really didn't feel like dealing with the subways as they were just restored earlier that morning and there was a lot of delays. Since I found out about jr's diagnosis I spoke to the service coordinator and jr will be getting a new therapist and therapy will be more intensive and they will be coming in 5 days a week and I don't really look forward to that b/c it doesn't give me much free time during the week but the therapy is important and neccessary. Today will be jr's last session with one of his therapists and I will miss working with her, she was always friendly professional and he made a great deal of progress with her. I texted her last night to confirm the time she was passing by and I thanked her for services and she says he's made a great deal of progress. It's kind of sad but this is a new beginning and I'm hoping that he will have a good connection with the new therapist since they will be there everyday. It's always scary when a new therapist comes in b/c you never know how jr will react even though he's usually very sociable with most people. Yesterday I was very late to work and made every effort to get up on time today so I can wash last night's dishes and pots empty the trash and clean out the cat's box these are things I should do at night but I'm too tired and lazy from working and the commute. I saw a moth flying around in the house which was gross and the cat went crazy trying to catch it she even jumped in the bath tub and she got it and ate it! I was so grossed out I spanked her on the butt. She ran of course and after I was done showering she still expected to be fed of course. Jr gets up and gives me the usual run for the money to get dressed but out the front door. I miss the bus of course and wait for the next I get to the sitter drop him and it's off to dunkin donuts to pick up breakfast before the next bus and I go in and I see this guy our eyes meet and he keeps staring at me I'm like wth is he looking at inside my mind of course he seems nice but everyone has a type of guy they look for after that I run to catch my bus b/c I don't want to miss yet another one. I managed to be a few minutes late but better than yesterday b/c staying a half hr late is boring. This week he told me that he wants to start the process for the divorce and once again I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I feel sadness and cried but sadness turned to anger and the other bunch of emotions I feel b/c it's only been a week since I returned from vacation and as it's not bad enough that you did the cowardice thing of ending our relationship over the phone, I'm also trying to absorb my son's diagnosis and now the divorce proceedings I'm wondering what the heck the rush is, is there someone else? is always the thought that comes to mind. We exchanged text msgs last night he says that he's not trying to screw me over and wants to see me happy which I don't get b/c if you did wouldn't we still be working on our relationship? This evening will be the counseling session and I'm sure this is not going to be easy. I'm going to try my best to hold it together and not get emotional but that's not always easy. I plan to write everything down once again to stay focused. The good thing is I will be going to the gym before the session which is a good thing b/c I will get to work out and after I work out I'm usually tired but relaxed and usually in a better mood than when I don't. Today I went on the match web site and saw another person who caught my eye I read their profiles which both were interesting and we're both astrologically compatible but I realize I'm no where near ready to give my heart to someone else and this is for entertainment purposes only, I don't let people in that easy and most of my relationships have been long term b/c I'm not someone who jumps from guy to guy or bed to bed as some people do. Someone told me to think about what I want and post in a profile but since I'm not quite ready yet it just might inspire me to do a blog posting about it. Everyone is seeking respect love and acceptance and to find someone who will love you for you isn't easy. There are always people who want to play games and have baggage and it's a gamble we all take when we're on the quest for a companion. Sad how within a few weeks you're life changes just like that I would've never thought I would even be writing about this let alone experiencing it. Being alone isn't easy but I've gotten a little better with sleeping at night usually b/c most of the time I'm so tired the bed is calling my name to think about anything else. I can't wait for Friday to come and this is a good weekend b/c it's a long weekend due to Labor Day weekend. I could use the extra day of rest. I can't believe 9 months of the year has just flown by tomorrow is September 1st. Time as you can see waits for no one.