my last blog of 2010

This is my last posting of the year and in a few hours 2011 will be here.  The weather these past couple of days has been unseasonably warm and today was warmer than yesterday so much that I just wore a tshirt with jeans and no jacket needed.  I sat outside for a while we had some hot dogs and burgers on the grill did our walk to get some air and exercise.  I always feel kind of sad around this time b/c I always think about everything that has happened throughout the year and it hasn't been an easy year for us and sometimes I think about another yr come and gone and what have I really acheived if anything at all? I shouldn't feel down but I can't help it.  It's a pretty quiet New Year's Eve just us we usually don't do anything special just stay home and watch the ball drop even when I'm home watch rockin eve or afterward if I'm up to stay late watch a little bit of the honey mooners marathon and then conk out to sleep.  Surely not like the holidays past but time passes we get older life's circumstances change and time waits for no one.  A lot of things can happen in a year I wonder where I will be next Christmas or New Year's Eve in NYC or Florida? Speaking of which the fact that our relocation goal may be more of a long range goal is probably something else that has me a little down but we have to do things carefully in order to avoid any additional problems.  They say good things come to those who wait I guess this is something we will have to wait for.  I think about all of the goals I set for myself and it seems impossible sometimes especially to save what I want to save but I have to keep trying.  Sunday it's back on the road to NYC and it's going to be hard day for all of us my mother husband etc.  I really don't want to go back to NYC but harsh reality is that for know that is where our life is and where are our jobs are.  It's going to take me a while to get back into the swing of things again.  I hope the road trip home will be uneventful and we won't catch no traffic in Maryland we escaped it last time due to the early time we left but this time we may not be as lucky.   Seems like we're all bored out of our minds always seems like the last few hours of the year feel like that.  When the ball drops I always feel a sense of relief that another year has left and a new year new page new start has arrived.  I look forward to turning the page and starting a brand new year and aim to achieve as much as I can.

vacation coming to a close

Saturday is my last day here in Florida this week i've been alone while he visits his family in tampa you can say it's a break for me but I already miss jr.  These past few days I've been getting my last taste of slower pace and peace and quiet before we head back on the road to NY.  I'm glad I missed the huge blizzard over there b/c I know I would've been very aggravated as the MTA already sucks as it is without the blizzard.  This trip has had it's good and stressful moments but it will be hard to leave my mom, brother and everything behind.  I'm still doing research about apartments and looked at the corrections department for him and to my surprise I didn't see any job openings for correction officers which is kind of a let down b/c it means if we do decide to relocate it's going to take longer for it to happen and the job opportunities need to be available b/c most likely I will be a stay at home mom for a while unless a job does come my way that has good hours and ok pay.  Today was a bright sunny day most 70 degrees it felt like spring instead of the end of December.  After we came back from our walk and going to the store I just sat down outside in the backyard admiring the lake and watching the ducks in the pond.  I love vacations but most of the time they're not long enough I know it's going to take me a few days to get used to hustle and bustle of NYC but I always do eventually which reminds me I have no boots for the snow and neither does jr until I get the ones I really want going to have to go and get some at payless.  2010 has had its good and bad, it hasn't been an easy year and I'm hoping that '11 will bring all of us good luck, peace, health.  I'm hoping that the economy will eventually back on track and things will improve b/c there's way too much negativity going on and in the headlines sometimes I don't even want to watch the news b/c of this but I do to stay informed.  My main goal when I return to NY is to work hard and save a lot of money and hope that some job prospects do open up down here b/c I realize while I love NYC and I will always be a new yorker at heart, the life is too hard, the winters are getting tougher, the rents are getting to be outrageous and the pace of life is getting to be too rough.  We will see what this year brings.

planning for the next step

These past few days have been very emotionally draining and this morning I felt very overwhelmed when I saw the condition of the house it was a mess and I tried to pick up as much as I could but nothing is like when you do a good cleaning.  I just made sure the trash was taken out and beds were made he packed up the car and I was almost going to change my mind and leave to tampa but he convinced me to stay.  As I've said before sometimes family is an asset sometimes they're not. It was very hard for me to see him go with the baby b/c I feel as if he truly is the only real support I have here.  If we have somewhere to go etc.  I spoke with the pt financial dept and at least the hospital bill will be paid by the charity services but we still have to work on getting them the medical card that will allow them to get access to free medical services.  I can't believe all of the snow that has fallen in NY.  The subways are down everything messed up like usual blizzard so either way I probably would've been home.  We're are still waiting for these doctors to come in here and that's the most annoying thing b/c there's no place like being at home.  I had some lunch at the cafeteria and they're pretty good and reasonable.  We've made the decision to relocate and it wasn't an easy one b/c I have my job to consider and other things but I also realize that my mother needs a lot of help and my grandfather is getting old and can't continue to bear the expenses on the house anymore he should be retired and enjoying his life.  Life is just not fair sometimes.  We have a lot to think about once we get back to NY as far as job transfers housing moving expenses and I have to start working my tail off to make sure I also have enough money saved up to tide me over for a while.  I'm burned out and I need a break maybe this will be a good time for it but I eventually want to pursue other things.  I never imagined that all of this would happen in one trip down to fl and I hope that we're not making a mistake which is why we're both taking a leave of absence from the city just in case things don't work out.  Maybe this will be a change for the better let's see what this will bring all positive I hope.  We're still waiting and it doesn't look like we're leaving anytime soon thank goodness I got my lap top for entertainment.  I have a tension headache could sure a tylenol.  Hope tomorrow will be less stressful. 

day of pampering

It's 5:00 and it seems like the afternoon just flew by.  We were dropped off at the salon after 12 and it was kind of full which you really don't expect here.  I wasn't going to get anything done to my hair at all as I'm very skeptical b/c of my hair texture.  As I stated in my previous blog I wasn't too happy with the fact that stylist kept bumping me off b/c of the amount of work required to blow out my hair that in my opinion is poor customer service.  I try to refine myself when I'm here but sometimes the new yorker in me just comes out lol my mother was done pretty fast but when they call me over I was nervous I get my hair washed some straightening product put in and I thought ok they're going to start blowing my hair out with a round brush nope this chick takes a paddle brush and starts drying my hair i'm sitting in the chair like wtf I looked like zz top or like I stuck my head in a electric socket.  The NY version or better said hispanic salon version of a "blow out" is a round brush or roller sets then blown with a round brush and flat ironed.  I was panicking b/c I barely go to salons as it is I texted my mom and she shows up by the chair stylist said sorry I didn't know you were worried and she reassures me it would like nice once she was done I thought it sure better have.  It looked nice when done and I took the plunge and cut off 4 inches from my hair after not cutting my hair for over a year and it still looks long.  After too many bad hair days and dry ends it was necessary after the hair experience we went to the nail salon where we had a truly pampering experience a spa manicure and spa pedicure.  This place is clean and looks like a day spa instead of a nail salon with no crowds rush and nice staff and very good quality polish.  The day of beauty pampering was long awaited and well deserved one of my new year's resolutions this year is to take better care of myself and get groomed more often.  Tomorrow is xmas eve and dinner will be at my aunt's house and we're planning to go to midnight mass which will be a new experience for me as I've never been to one before.   We're going to be leaving soon to see meet the fockers and I'm sure it will be funny. Jr had a nap so his battery is very well charged I hope he will behave for his grandmother while we're at the movies.  I kind of miss phoebe but i'm sure the lazy cat is sleeping on our bed and eating her dry food.  I think next trip we make we may bring her provided we don't fly b/c now it costs a fortune and they've made it impossible to afford anyone to bring their pets along just as everything else is ridiculously expensive when it comes to air travel pretty soon they will be charging us for the air we breathe too. 

spring like day

I can't believe that tomorrow is already thursday time seems to fly by so fast.  Today felt like spring it went up to 75 degrees a heat wave compared to the frigid NY tempratures.  We went out to the stores again since my mother needed some things and I got the baby some new jeans b/c he's outgrown his old jeans since he's gotten taller and it doesn't help that the place where we drop off laundry is a little too dryer happy and it has shown with some of my sweaters and some of jr clothes.  I might even consider starting to do my own laundry again as they say if you want something done do it yourself.  We then came home had some lunch and later after that we went to a local park called Alpine Grove Park to take jr to have some park time.   He loved the slides and ran around but of course when it was time to go he threw a tantrum of course.  The back part of the park is a wooded area where you can do bbq there are chair swings and it over looks the St John's River it is a very beautiful peaceful place to be.  If you're looking for peace and relaxation and a slower pace this section of FL is where to go.  I wish I could've taken pictures or video with my cell phone but my battery died.  When we got home I sat out in the back yard for a little while with jr to get some fresh air I looked at the lake and a group of white birds with long beaks called herons they got pretty close but I prefer to admire them from a distance.  Jr ran a little bit too close to lake and I grabbed his hand right away.  It feels good to be with my mother and spend time with the family despite any bs and it will be very hard to leave when the time comes.  Tomorrow we are taking my mother to get her hair done and I was going to get mine done too but I decided not to b/c of my type of hair not everyone knows how to cut and style my hair even though it's overdue for a cut.  I wanted to cut off about 2 maybe even 3 inches b/c lately I've been having a lot of bad hair days and that's usually a sign that I need a cut.  Tomorrow we're supposed to go and see meet the fockers I'm usually not a movie theater person unless it's a real good movie that I can't wait for it to come on cable or dvd.  Movies have gotten way too expensive and on top of that they don't want anyone bringing their own snacks which I think is ridiculous considering our economy.  So far I've hit zaxbys we may try hurricane grill and I must get my sonic and dairy queen fixes if I don't a chance to hit them all there's always tampa.  We leave to Tampa the day after xmas and it's going to be very hard to leave this all behind my husband even considered moving down here while that's a nice idea there's a lot to consider and I'm not sure I'm ready to leave NY behind considering our jobs, etc.  Not saying it can't be done but I don't want to make the same mistake twice.  We didn't hear or see jr and my mother just found him in her room with the door closed in the dark, cant believe he mastered going up and down the stairs.  Well toddler calls for a diaper change and a bath.  Another blogging session interrupted.  Have to make time later if I don't doze off I notice I have no problem falling asleep when I'm down here wish I could say the time at home.

weekend is over

This weekend I spent it at home and yesterday I didn't get a chance to sleep in b/c jr woke at 5:30 and had no intention of going back to bed.  I was dozing off on the couch at one point which is a no no b/c he needs to be supervised all the time you can't even leave him alone for a second.  If you can't see or hear him he's up to something.  Yesterday he behaved pretty bad and tried my patience like you wouldn't believe the joys of parenthood and this is all a part of the terrible twos as they say and my sleep deprivation didn't help my mood or tolerance level.  He went down for a long nap which was good I was able to relax for a few hours watch some tv that has adult content besides disney playhouse and nick jr.  I like cartoons as much as the next person but even they can become redundant at times. Today I made up for it and slept in and late for me is 7-8 am. I felt better b/c of this.  I like the old school cartoons like tom & jerry, woody woodpecker, pink panther, smurfs to name a few most kids today wouldn't appreciate cartoons like that but they were funny and unusually violent for that time period.  Funny thing is I think I laugh at them and like them more than the child does, and already know what's going to happen before it happens lol.  I did some housework not a lot took out trash it seems like there is always something to do at home.  I had no problem falling asleep last night and I won't have any problem falling asleep now but I sure won't want to get up tomorrow b/c it's Monday and I hate Mondays.  Today I had some company which was nice we had dinner and while I was on the sofa I felt myself knodding off again so I went to take a shower to keep myself up,.  A shower will wake you up most of the time.  I so wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow but I have 5 days left and it's off to Florida.  I so need a break it's not even funny anymore.  This week I have to start making a list of what I'm taking, and the part I hate the most packing the suitcases I hate it to so much I'd rather have my husband do it.  I have to make sure the fridge is cleaned out and we don't leave nothing inside that will rot or spoil.  Take out the trash and make sure the litterbox is clear we are still debating whether or not phoebe is coming with us.  More likely than not we might leave her home.  She's a loving cat but a real pain in the butt traveling all she does is meow to the point that it drives you bananas.  Sometimes she's good but she has her moments.  I wanted to go to Rockefeller Center before I left to Florida to see the big xmas tree the angels and go into the st patricks cathedral it's architecture is beautiful but as I've said in my previous entry I feel a sense of peace when I go there I think you do in any church.  I can sure use some peace, prayer, etc. right now I know so many people who are going through things now and its so sad including right here in my own family I ask myself and ask Him why? why us? A very good friend of mine just told me her mother had to make an emergency trip to see a sick relative it's sad b/c I wonder why things always happen around the holiday season people passing away or getting sick or some sort of bad news I think the holiday season is bitter sweet it is happy but it also has it sad moments too.  I tend to feel down towards the end of the year b/c I start to reflect on the whole year what has happened, etc.  but out with the old and in with the new as they say.  I hope 2011 brings better things for everyone.  Well it's after 10 p.m and I'm really feeling tired off to bed I go or I will definitely not get up on time tomorrow.  The dishes can stay right where they are in the sink there's always tomorrow.

friday at last

This has been one long work week it dragged on and it seemed like Friday was never going to come.  Today I got a break and didn't drop jr off at daycare and on my ride to work the mta never ceases to amaze me with their incompetence they leave the doors open in the freezing cold and don't even say why we were there for a while until they finally closed no explanation.  We get to myrtle bway to transfer for J and I was going to do you think that train waited for any customers to transfer nope it just zoomed by open doors and zoomed away.  I got to work with enough time to get something at dunkin donuts and walk quickly to work.  There are days I can't stand that place today I did a bunch of corrections to letters and when I go to stuff the letters there are no envelopes already stuffed with brochures and of course I had to stop and stuff fold etc. a totally tedious process.  I think this is totally unfair that we have also stuff and assemble them too when we have other work to do but these people think they know everything.  We were supposed to get our new sofa today the store screwed up the manager from the store was a total jerk and it almost made us cancel the order and we're still debating if we should.  It's not enough that I didn't get my merchandise on time due to your store's incompetence but on top of that you have an attitude to boot gtfo.  After calling customer service and pressing all of these annoying prompts I absolutely hate automated options on the it should just press 0 to speak to a HUMAN being with half a brain in their head.  On my lunch break I paid the bills online and I went outside to grab lunch the bank was horribly crowded the atm lines were unreal but this is pay day so it is to be expected.  I said forget this if anything I will do this tomorrow in my area why stress myself out? After lunch I was so tired and I was having trouble staying awake,.  I zoomed out of there at 4 only to be aggravated once more by a smelly crowded J train I hate crowded trains and sure enough when it was time to get off I did and I waited for the M train and I'm glad it came right away.  The fun began when I tried to call my husband not only 1 but 5 times and neither of us could hear one another and the call kept dropping I was infuriated and so was he.  I finally gave up and waited till I got home to call and even then it sounded bad.  I'm being punished for joining AT&T I HATE this company with a passion I find out the reason we were having trouble was due to not one but two cell phone towers down I was like wtf are you kidding me? not only do you have the worse service in the metro nyc area send me a useless post card saying you're trying to improve service in this area only to have two cell towers down.  I was fuming!!!! Every time I hear that saying "rethink possible" or your world delivered I say stfu you can't even handle the local market and demand.  I get on the phone with them and give them a piece of my man only for some fool who sounded like zorro telling me that he apologized for my inconvenience and gave us a generous $25 credit toward our next bill WHAT!  That's a crock.  Your service stinks and it's expensive.  I was also told $400 to cancel both phones and $275 just for mine I was tempted to do it and I still am.  I don't think I or any other customer should have to continue to put up with their shitty unreliable service and be bound by a contract on top of that.  I know my service goes down again I'm calling back and this time I will calling corporate offices.  What a way to end a day.  I'm sure glad that next week will be my last week before I go on vacation and I sure hope this coming week goes fast b/c I will breath a sigh of relief when our van pulls away to head out of NYC for two weeks.  I need a break from this job, this city, the subway, everything.  Well it's 11:00 and i'm ready to collapse into bed.  I sure hope I will catch up some on extra rest this weekend b/c I could sure use it.

thinking out loud

It's a miracle that I'm still even awake at this time b/c usually I'm resting in bed or conked out.  Tomorrow jr will be dropped off by his father which gives me a break and I'm able to sleep in a little longer which makes a difference.  I'm so glad tomorrow is Friday this week has been tortorous and the past few week overall have dragged on like my vacation is never going to get here.  Today was a pretty stressful morning and I made it to work a few minutes late but better six than 15 minutes late.  I get to work and can't wait to calm down and unwind after the hustle and bustle of dropping the child off and commuting into the city and what do I hear almost immediately getting into the door the usual bs of these people and it really gets on my nerves at times I mean cmon don't you have anything else to talk about it's the same bs over and over again them being broke, gossiping, etc. it's like a  happy land social club instead of a freaking office. One of them is overdue to be told off only reason I don't do it b/c she's not worth my time or aggravation but not everyone takes the high road.  Me and another co-worker of mine who feels like me we pass notes back and forth we shouldn't but we do and she saw us and started talking smack.  Whatever how do you know we're talking about you you're not that important seriously.  Anyways after wishing they'd all drink a nice cozy cup of STFU I begin my work and tune their crap out with my ipod.  My supervisor comes over to me and points out an error I made ok I'm human so I take it stride but after a while it got old she came back with several returned letters that had to be corrected and resent.  Sometimes when we're at work we just want to be left alone I know I do.  I like working alone and to myself I work much faster.  Well the early afternoon comes I take out my xmas cards and start doing them I have my hotmail screen up and to my surprise I see someone spying at my computer screen I was so into doing my xmas cards I didn't even notice right away until I looked up and saw her and gave her eye contact and she walked away I felt like asking her can I help you? I would think after all this time you still want to try and get something on me, a real shame that some people have no excitement in their lives I look at this way you don't get paid to look at what i'm doing and you might want to be careful who you're "watching" especially when you live in a glass house yourself and a bunch of stone may come at full force and break your house down very fast.  Another so called mature person who is either 40 or almost there.  I'm telling you I've come to the conclusion that some people NEVER grow up no matter how much time passes or how old they come become, they say age is just a number it sure is it's all where your head is at. This is the reason I should've gotten an ipad or android tablet to use while I'm at work this way no one can spy on me. I then left to lunch to mail my cards I sure didn't want to be outside in that freezing cold weather but I needed to run some errands and grab something to eat.  I opted for a quiznos sub.  I couldn't wait to get back to my desk so I can warm up again.  I leave after 4 and the train was packed of course it never fails the stupid J and M trains were acting up.  The J train I was on starts going local and when the M comes it was also full but I found my way in didn't care.  I finally made it home after 5 very frozen indeed. Shortly before that my cell phone dies, I need to get a phone with a better battery life heck I need to get rid of AT &T period their service is horrible I never had so many dropped calls frozen touch screens, etc. when I had tmobile or metro pcs.  on top of their service being crappy their expensive.  I even read on consumer reports they were ranked worst service provider saying they don't have enough towers well build some more lol I think I'm going to get so sick and tired of them one of these days that I will just pay termination fee and look elsewhere I really like that EVO phone or a galaxy s phone would be nice too it would be even more appealing if I didn't have to sign a contract I'm not making that mistake again.  I want to be free from commitment from any service providers.  Iphone is a nice thing but I sure as heck wouldn't switch to them just to have a phone with great features and shitty service hey steve jobs who the f* wants a phone that they have to hold upside down just to get reception???? I sure don't if it costs that much it should at least have a good solid signal and clarity when you're talking.  This evening the occupational therapist from early intervention came over to evaluate jr and he determined that my son needs occupational therapy and I'm not exactly thrilled about his findings.  First we were all tired we had a long day me working the commute the baby at daycare and this guy also looked tired.  I didn't like the fact he had him in highchair instead of on the floor free for him to move around better I think that frustrated him a lot.  I think I prefer if any therapist comes to the home that they come on the weekends during the week is too much by the end of day I'm exhausted and not focused much.  I realize everything is in the best interest of my son but I felt like he had a better connection with the other therapists and I'm going to express this to the service coordinator tomorrow after this we attend a meeting we'll see where this goes.  I was told I may not like every therapist and they're sure right about that i'm not even crazy about the coordinator either but I bite the bullet for my son's sake people are human besides having a title behind their name sometimes there's a connections sometimes not.  I'm so glad tomorrow is friday and I have less than week left till we finally hit the road for Florida I look forward to the road trip seeing my family regardless of all the issues that have been going on lately and a break from that office, the mundane routine and the fast past of this city.  Well I'm beyond exhausted and I'm headed off to bed.  I need to make sure my cell phone alarm is set b/c as tired as I am I will not hear it and oversleep and who wants to be in a rush in the morning. 

up late

Last night I had no problem falling asleep and I slept so good that if it weren't for my husband waking me up I would've kept sleeping.  It was 6:30 I should've been up by at least 6 if I'm not dropping jr off.  Well It took me a while to get out of bed the weather was cold and drizzly and most mornings I do need some coaxing to get out of bed.  I try to be as quiet as I can walking so that I don't creak the wood floors and wake jr up.  I usually wake up by watching ny1 but no time today I used the bathroom and jumped in the shower and let the water hit my face, throw on my clothes and sneakers and grab my jacket and bag off to the train station and for some reason this morning the train was a little behind.  It was like a ghost town on the train and on the platform.  I got the best seats in the house the two seater.  Considering I woke up late I got to the city early but not early enough to stop and get breakfast and punch in on time so I punched in first and then went back outside which technicall i'm not supposed to do but no one is around that early so I went to dunkin donuts and the ms congenialty twins who usually take the orders weren't there today I got my stuff and left and as I was walking to work I see something dripping out of the bag the darn hot chocolate leaked all over my wrap, donut, etc.  I thought wtf I knew I was in a fog mentally but I wasn't expecting this to happen to me I know they usually put the hot chocolate and coffee in a separate bag.  I walk back to the store with this nasty bag and tell them what happened and they replaced my order.  I politely asked if they would put the hot chocolate in a separate bag someone else would've probably told them off but you know what I didn't have the energy to argue I was barely awake myself and there's a possiblity I also could've turn the bag the wrong way.  I'm up late tonight which is extremely unusual b/c by 11 i'm in another dimension snoring.  I made it through the day at work sent out a ton of mail, did other work and printed out a black friday quiznos special and I couldn't believe that they actually have the nerve to tell you which sandwich to pick even thought it doesn't say this on the coupon I guess a call needs to be to the corporate office I just don't get these restaurants in the lower manhattan area they think everyone is a yuppie and can afford their outrageous prices.  I met up with my husband and son after work he was getting new tires put on and to kill time we went to look at furniture at raymour & flanigan and I didn't think that I'd like anything from their and I've been told they're very expensive but after the broken bed frame I've learned that you have to spend the extra money to get a good sturdy quality product especially when it comes to furniture.  I saw two sofa sleepers but he still wants to shop around which is fine.  I'd like to get a chocolate brown microfiber or a nice dark olive green.  My son of course was running around the store and we both had to keep after him.  I notice you can't run after him b/c he thinks you're playing with him and run even more.  :(.  Tomorrow is the usual clean up and organize.  After me and my son got home while he went back to get more work done on the car I eat some left overs and left overs are ok to a  point turkey is good when well seasoned and cooked well for it to stay moist but overall it's a dry and I prefer mine with gravy but I guess we finished all of it last night.  I still have left over but I will have to buy some more gravy at the store.  Some people can eat left overs for days I'm not one of those people maybe one day after that I just want to throw it in the trash.  I went to frost the cake yesterday and they forgot to spray the pan with pam non stick before baking so it got stuck to the pan so I have to bake another cake.  Today was the official start of black friday and while I was on my way to dunkin donuts I saw this group of 3 women with a grocery shopping cart filled with bags from macys and other stores lol now that's a unique idea and they looked like they were headed toward century 21 well better them than me as I said in my blog yesterday blk friday isn't for me.  I was watching the office and boy is that character played by steve carrell is such a schmuck sadly there are people like that at work actually there are some real characters in the office now seinfeld is on and while it's funny I'm slowing knodding off and my son wakes up early so I'm going to end it here or I will pay for it tomorrow morning when he's up bright eyed and full of energy so off to bed I go to catch some zzz's. 

thanksgiving

It's been a while since I've actually blogged in my original blog says alot about my life that I'm always on the go and don't have much time to blog in here.  Sometimes I wish I had more down time to rest, reflect, etc.  Today was Thanksgiving and it was pretty cold and it eventually rained.  Yesterday I flew out of work and on my way home went to the supermarket to pick up the ingredients for coquito which is a pr version of spiked egg nog consisted of evaporated milk, raisins, cream of coconut, and borden egg nog and bacardi rum.  I've always loved this and it tastes good especially when you leave it in the fridge for days or even a week or two.  You can also make it non-alcoholic.  Well the associated closest to my house is the most annoying and disorganized place I've ever seen.  First item I found was coco lopez cream of coconut, and it took me two more times passing the same aisle to find the next few items unreal and the aisles are narrow these are the reasons I love pathmark and stop and shop b/c at least you can move through the aisles with ease.  My husband picked up the liquor and made everything and it came out pretty good I'd like to make a virgin version of this b/c I'm not much of a drinker and like the coconut taste.  Thanksgiving is a time when you think about what you're thankful for I think that we should be thankful everyday of the year for what we have and every day that we wake up is a blessing and a start to another day.  I'm thankful for my health, that my husband is healthy and in remission, my son is a very active and spunky toddler,  I'm thankful that I have a job in these tough economic times even though it doesn't seem like it at times since I rant about it a lot in many of my entries but I know I'm lucky for this as it seems like a job these days is a luxury few have.  This helps me provide for my son and household I'm also thankful for medical insurance that many in this country don't have or can't afford . I think it is a shame that these are basic needs that we should have and many don't.  Holidays are a time of joy but they're also a time of sadness., Everytime the holiday season comes around I get sort of depressed I've always been like that for as long as I can remember especially when xmas and new years rolls around.  I spoke to my mother today and she spent thanksgiving in my aunts house I sure wish she could've been here for thanksgiving but the distance and finances make this difficult my only consolation is that we will be with her for xmas.  She mentioned to me that the holiday gathering is getting smaller and it sure is.  I remember when I was a kid the gatherings were huge aunts uncles spouses grandparents, trees food it was great but as the years pass things happen people change divorces, etc. and my grandparents grew older and moved away to Florida that was hard when they left but we had a new place to visit.  Had some great times in that home too but eventually my grandmother got older, more depressed, and when she got sick it was a shock to all of us and when she passed I took her death extremely hard,  she was like a second mother to  me and we shared a very special bond, I was one of the few who truly understood her and accepted her for who she was.  I felt the same about her with me.  This time of the year saddens me a little b/c this was her favorite time of the year, the holiday season, she'd get up early and start the preparations for dinner, tons of food, she always would want to make everyone feel welcomed.   I miss her for many reasons but holiday time is the true reminder of how much.  Get togethers now are very different I feel welcomed but don't feel the warmth I once did when she was alive.  It seems like these days people don't put importance on family these days and it shows in many ways.  Today a relative of mine came over and prepared the turkey stuffing and cake which we were too stuffed to even eat and I will frost it and eat it maybe later or tomorrow night.  Time used to last forever and now it seems like time flies by so fast and it waits for no one.  I watched the thanksgiving parade on tv and what seemed like a long parade flies by on tv.  I saw some of the old floats like snoopy kermit the frog and lots of nice new colorful floats.  I saw the parade live in 2007 and it was really nice to see everything in person it's not the same at home on tv.  I think next year we will take oc jr to see it I think he will like the characters, etc.   We said grace and ate our meal and I actually was knodding off on the couch afterward I sure wish I didn't have to work tomorrow.  I see a lot of black friday deals but I don't see myself getting up so early to deal with crowds, pushing, etc. just to get a good deal on an item I've heard of fights, and someone losing their life at the walmart and that in my opinion takes away from what thanksgiving is all about giving thanks not wasting your time and spending money you don' t have on inanimate objects like electronics, etc.  I value my life, my sanity and personal safety a whole lot more and the only way I'd take advantage of a black friday deal is if it is online and I can shop in the comfort of my own home and lap top.  Another small victory happened even though the road ahead is long they took the first step in getting the help they need and I feel very sad for them b/c I never imagined they would get to this point but they always say the first step is the hardest and my mother was sad that they couldn't spend the holidays with the family and hopefully they will able to spend xmas with the family or at least we will be able to visit.  This person makes me very angry at times but at the end of the day he is family and I do care about this person even though it may not seem like it at times.  After Santa appears in the thanksgiving parade is the unofficial start to the xmas season.  I'm counting down the days till our road trip 20 days left.  I look forward to driving down and spending time with my mother whom I haven't seen in a while and she is excited to see her grandson and just appreciate the change of scenery and slower pace of life.  It seems like that day is never going to arrive but I know it will be here before you know it.  I love vacations but they sure end too fast.  I wish I can afford to take a whole month off or more we can all dream can't we? lol.  I sure hope everyone enjoyed their thanksgiving stuffed their face with good food and spent it with family and friends.  I sure wish I didn't have to wake up early and work but everyone else beat me to the punch of requesting the day off if I'm still there next year I'm requesting the day after thanksgiving off in August this way by this time next year I will be cozy in my bed instead of setting my alarm clock for the usual time tomorrow.  Well off to frost the cake sure wish it was chocolate but it's simple white cake.  Still have my sweet tooth even after all of these years.

my old friend exhaustion

This weekend was like most cleaning this house and organizing it.  Lately I havent been feeling well and trying to find the time to see the dr is hard when you work full time.  I've been having back pain tightening in my chest and today I really felt bad and I went to the clinic but my blood pressure was normal and the dr who saw me told me it was probably due to my posture in my chair at work which can certainly be true but I want to rule everything out.  I never experienced tightening in my chest until recently.  I notice this happens when I feel stressed out so I try to keep my stress levels low which isn't always easy.  I realize that I have to make time to care for myself and my health b/c without health there is nothing,.  I just felt like this doctor at the clinic was rushing the visit sometimes I feel like that a lot of doctors rush their patients or have a poor bedside manner it's hard to find a good doctor who will listen to your concerns.  I was given two prescriptions and I left.  I had an appointment scheduled for thursday with my regular dr and I will go and hope he can provide some insight the other couldn't I think he's a little detached and impersonal too I think I just might shop around for a new primary dr eventually.  We then went to walmart and after that ate at the olive garden I love the olive garden the ambiance and the food it is italian food but it's not heavy greasy just excellent.  I missed out on dessert this time but it's definitely worth the drive to long island.  I still wasn't feeling well and when I got home I just changed into my pjs and layed down in bed and watched some tv I then felt somewhat better I think one of the problems is lack of adequate rest, it seems like there is always something to do, some where to go and I realize that there are only so many things we can do in a day.  Weekends end too fast and before you know it monday morning arrives again and back to work and the same back and forth routine.  We still have to get oc jr halloween costume and birthday theme.  I think most likely it will be disney cars.  I can't believe that he will be 2 yrs old next month, seems like time flew by so fast.  He is a bundle of energy and wants to be into everything.   He is starting to go down to sleep without a fight again which is good especially when most of the time we're exhausted ourselves.  He goes through his phases where he is difficult to put to bed, etc.  We got him a stool to reach the potty and sink but I think he plays with it more than anything else I can't wait till he is potty trained but this isnt going to be an easy process and many accidents along the way I don't mind the #1 its the #2 that are gross.  I'm so looking forward to my vacation in December b/c I just want to rest and get a break from this fast paced city life.

downtime and halloween nostalgia

I can't believe October is already here it seems like September just flew by so fast.  I just wish autumn in NY would really kick in already b/c I'm really sick and tired of the rainy muggy weather we've been having.  Fall is a beautiful time of the year, the leaves turning nice shades of yellow, red, orange, on our way to Atlas Park yesterday I actually saw some one had a carved out pumpkin on their porch which I thought was cute a reminder that Halloween is this month and we have to get our son's halloween costume.  I used to love Halloween as a child, the excitement of getting a new costume going trick or treating collecting tons of candy and going to halloween parties.  I also remember the mcdonald's coupon you'd get for a free cone, sundae, cookies, apple pie and hamburger those were the best lol I of course loved icecream as a kid so I'd always want the cone and sundae coupons.  We would count up how many we'd get and some years were better than others.  Now Halloween is totally different and I think it's b/c society has changed a lot.  You don't see many trick or treaters now if any and more people just have halloween parties or take their kids to halloween related events like we are taking our son to Sesame Place Halloween Spooktacular.  I think it's changed b/c of safety and people who like to take Halloween to commit crimes and act like idiots.  I remember when people used to go bombing with eggs, shavingcream and how they would also use nair and throw it at ppl which I think is really mean b/c nair and neet is a hairremover.  I think about some of the things I did as a teenager or music I listened back then and I think what the heck was I thinking???  Now I find myself saying these damn teenagers lol like I'm an old fart but I'm far from old but far away from my teen years sometimes I forget I was a teenager once and a small part of me still wishes I was a teenager no responsiblities no bills, hanging with friends that was a good life.  Now I'm married with a child and working full time which I also wish I didn't have to do either I never realized how hard it is to be a parent and a working parent on top of that I can see why my mother after a while stood home b/c it got too be too much for her but that was a different time now if you don't work people look down on you as if you're losing your mind or your lazy meanwhile work at home is way more tiring than office work.  Today was my usual morning routine wake up shower get breakfast ready for jr put cartoons on and off to start cleaning my house and sometimes I do one half per day b/c I don't want spend my entire day cleaning I also deserve a break.  Got paid yesterday and it seems like my check does a disappearing act now you see it now it's gone.  I cleaned out my fridge today and I got rid of old stuff and realize I need to do grocery shopping which I HATE.  I was going to do it yesterday but I had no list and frankly no energy after a long day of work.  I browse the flyers of every supermarket on line before I make the choice of which place we're going b/c I go where I can get the most for my money.  I usually go to Pathmark most of the time but there are times I've gone to Stop & Shop and I've become a member of BJ's to get good deals on meat bulk household items.  Tomorrow I finish the rest of the house and I will go outside and take a walk.  I'm glad to see the sun again for a change.  I'll end it here going to laydown and chill out before the baby's nap is over

weekends are too short

I'm usually so relieved when Fridays come but before you know it Monday is here.  This weekend was mostly organizing cleaning and cooking dinner arrgh.  It seems like there is always something to do in the house and I really wish I knew where all of the junk comes from b/c just when I think I've gotten rid of a lot of stuff more things show up.  This weekend will be another busy one since it's pay day friday and of course you know it errands bills, etc.  if I could only keep it all for me only in a perfect world lol :).  I sure wish this weather would make up it's mind it feels like summer for 3 days then like Fall the next and as if I don't hate Mondays enough they're expecting bad weather tomorrow and Tuesday.  I sure hope it isn't raining hard b/c that will not be good for my commute and having to drop oc jr off at daycare.  I'm hoping I have an easy commute to and from work tomorrow b/c I can't see myself staying another 10+ minutes at work again when i'm done I just want to punch out and leave,.  Friday is already October 1st it seems like this month just flew by so fast just seems like it was September 1st.  I saw the tv commercial for the new Law & Order in LA and I have to say that I'm not really excited about it b/c I think if it's not broke don't fix it.  I love Law & Order all of them and I was really pissed off that they canceled the original it was one of the best ones but as the years went by they started changing around the cast too much and not some of the best actors either so I will look at a few episodes and see if the new show is all that.  Seems like this was the month that all the new tv shows start their new seasons a lot of good shows a lot of garbage too, seems like everyone has a reality show these days there's so no such thing as privacy these days and then people wonder why we have so many problems you have people posting every waking moment on facebook and myspace and sometimes I look at these shows and wonder is the money that good that I'd give up my privacy just to have millions of people look at my daily life and make judgements about me I don't think so.  We're all human and far from perfect no one is at their best behavior all the time and life is pretty darn hard at times. I'm a private person my life is not an open book and I sure don't post my every waking moment on facebook I see people's status sometimes and I wonder do we really need to know that, please! I say be careful what you post on facebook, etc. use the privacy settings b/c there are very unscrupulous people out there who look at things and try to use them against people.  I don't think people status on facebook should be taken too seriously b/c we can all feel a certain way at a certain time of day or we can just be having a bad day we're all human but I've heard of people being fired, etc.  I think that's wrong that an employer can get away with that but that's why I say privacy settings learn them fast and customize postings if necessary.  It can save you a lot of unecessary grief well on that note I'm off to bed I hope the rain will wait till I get to the city to come down

tgif tomorrow

Today is finally thursday seems like this week has dragged on and I'm so glad it's friday tomorrow.  I'm very tired from the commuting back and forth and today while there was some work to do it was very slow and me being tired doesn't help me feeling lazy and sort of bored.  Within the next few weeks there will be two baby showers at the office and I was looking at some gift ideas on carters.com and I have to say that it brought memories back when I was pregnant with my son I'd go to the store and see all of these adorable little clothes, blankets, etc.  when I went online today to look at a few outfits I saw so many cute things for a few seconds it made me want to have another lol but I quickly came back to my senses.  I'm sure they're going to a wonderful shower for this individual and I want to get something nice what I've tried to advise is a lot of things that they advertise on these baby registries you really don't need.  What you really need are the basics and this will vary depending on the time of year your baby is born.  Blankets, t shirts, one piece suits and onesies bottles diapers, crib, bottles, good stroller and a carseat.  I can tell one of them is becoming tired as you turn in the last few months of pregnancy you're tired, everything seems to give you heart burn and trying to sleep at night becomes very difficult and commuting on the subways is no picnic.  It was a mix of nervousness and excitement at the same time and it seems like time has flown by so fast b/c my son will be 2 yrs old in November and it seems like time has passed by so fast it seems like just yesterday that he was coming home from the hospital.  Today he bit again, the same child, we try to be patient but it's not easy and I found out the child had two bruises which made me feel bad but I'm told this is a stage that toddlers go through and while that may be I also know how some parents are and maybe they'll only be understanding to a point and eventually the daycare will tell me not to bring him back which is my biggest fear as I mentioned in my mobile blog b/c it's very hard to find an affordable daycare provider these days and forget about affordable pre schools.  We do tell him not to bite in a stern voice but I've been told by my mother who was a teacher in a daycare that this is something they grow out of well I sure hope it's soon b/c it's stressful and I'm always thinking i'm going to get a call or when I pick him up they will tell us its his last day b/c she obviously doesn't want to lose any children b/c of the biting situation and I can't say I blame her I try to reverse the situation and think what if it was my child being bit I'd probably get mad after a while too and wonder why the child is still there or if this provider was even properly supervising the kids which does to come to mind sometimes I know she told the parents again and mentioned my son's name again this is something that's a strict no no in some places b/c there are parents that will confront others and the situation will get ugly very fast.  In many situations the parents are worse than the kids at the end of the day kids will be kids but some "adults" forget they're the adults.  On my way home today I was actually suprised the J train came fast but got full fast so I was glad my other train was waiting right across so I can sit down and relax.  I go in and see this person who rudely tries to squeeze into this narrow space between two customers and I was like wth is wrong with ppl this what I mean by rude and selfish you obviously don't fit there the lady was annoyed and the guy too and she made a comment along the lines of I know it's hard for u to move boy she's lucky she didn't tell me that b/c I would've said no it's hard for u to see that you don't fit here yet you insist on squeezing in between us. I wont' be squished I will just get up and move I've done it in the past.  I then breathe and the guy next to me smells I'm like darn what is it with me do I have the worst luck or what!!! Not sure if it was him or the hoody he had on either way I couldn't wait for him to get off the train lol.  I think they need to pass out free samples of soap, deodorant, mouthwash, etc.  I hope I have better luck tomorrow on my ride to and from work.  Tomorrow is Friday my favorite day of the week and it's supposed to be 88 degrees kind of weird went Fall is supposed to start soon I guess this is our last dose of summer weather hope it will be a dry 88 degrees and not a humid one.  Well it's after 10 and time for me to get to bed or I will not get up in time tomorrow. 

subway and bus etiquette

Based on the article I posted from am ny on my fb pg I came up with some subway etiquette of my own they just did a pretty basic run down. 

1. Move away from the doors please how else will we enter and exit the train?
2. Let others off the train first instead of running inside like a herd of cattle
3. The word excuse me should be a daily part of your vocabulary
4. Unless you're a DJ and want us to get up and dance to your music, that's the purpose of headphones use them
5. Cell phone we all talk and use our cell phones but please be mindful I as well as others don't care to hear about your last night escapade, drama, etc. etc. sometimes I just feel like saying stfu or "tell the whole world"
6. If you bump into someone apologize it will save you a lot of grief
7. Don't hog up the pole especially when the train is crowded hold it like the rest of us do
8. Sit on the seat right especially for men I understand you need space but not that much
9. Respect others personal space
10. Please practice good personal hygiene no one wants to smell your BO or your bad breath! especially if a train is crowded and I have no where to go to escape!
11. Please keep pdas private a kiss or hug or hand holding is ok but down right make out sessions keep it private or rent a room
12. Eating try not to if you must please clean up after yourself. 
13. Subway performers if you see that you're not getting anyone's attention proceed to the next car and try your luck there
14. Don't sneeze out in the open!  It spreads germs.  Cough into your elbow not on the subway pole
15. Keep your bags off the seats and PLEASE hold on to the pole so you don't fall into anyone's lap.
16. One size doesn't fit all if you don't fit in a seat or space don't try to squeeze into it and bang people on the sides
17. If you're waiting for the bus for 15 minutes or more don't wait till there's a whole crowd of people waiting to get on the bus to finally realize your metrocard has a zero balance, this is a no brainer especially if you're right across the street from the train station!!!!
18. If you have no money don't get on the bus! We all have places to go and people to see!

This is based on my daily commute back and forth to work around this great city of ours.  Your feedback is welcomed.

tornado type storm

This past thursday was a normal day at work I knew we were expecting some heavy rain and as always I always hope I make it home before the bad weather starts and that my husband doesn't get stuck at work and I have to pick up my son b/c I'm always afraid that I will get caught with my son outside in bad weather I hate thunder and lightning it scares the crap out of me anyway I got home and I have to admit the skies looked very dark gray and pretty scary but the last thing I would've imagined was that we would get a tornado type storm especially in NYC of all areas.  Well in the evening all of a sudden I hear the loud boom of thunder and I hear the rain coming down very heavy and then the strong wind it didn't even sound normal it sounded like a loud screeching and it scared the heck out of me i'm sure some hail came down too what I didn't expect was for the storm to cause the damage it did.  In my area of queens there were several trees that got damaged three blocks were closed down due to damaged trees one of them falling on top of a pick up truck and many down power lines, the tree clean up crews and Con Ed was pretty busy that day.  I wake up Friday morning and I hear that all of the trains were messed up and my train was suspended and I think darn it would be a mission for me to get to the J and L train after dropping my son off so I said screw this I'm staying home I didn't know how long it was going to take for them to fix the mess and I sure didn't feel like going through an obstacle course just to get to work late and have to stay late and on top of that my usual tiredness from the whole week said I'm staying home lol.  I then went to drop off my son and I have to walk on the other side of the street b/c an entire tree branch blocked the way, the buses were unbelievably crowded I had to let two full buses pass by until the third one came and I finally got on it.  I had a "me" day on friday and it felt good to have some time to myself.  Middle Village, Queens got pretty messed up lots of damaged trees, power lines and messed up sidewalks Park Slope also got it bad i'm sure other places got it bad too but those are the ones I just hear about in the news.  I hear the clean up is going to be pretty costly, with all of the down power lines I'm suprised we didn't lose our power.  I think we New Yorkers should take this storm as a wake up call and ask ourselves are we really prepared to deal with a major natural disaster should it strike NYC? I don't think we are we're not used to dealing with hurricanes, tornadoes on a regular basis like a lot of southern states and other parts of the country.  I try to always have working flash lights candles batteries battery operated radio but how about food, etc.  Most people aren't prepared like they should be and most are too busy dealing with daily day to day life but this storm should be an eye opener that we need to prepare ourselves just in case.  I'm going to upload some pictures eventually when I figure out how to do it lol.  I'm just glad that it's over and hope it doesn't happen again but we really never know with mother nature. 

good start to my day annoying end

Today was a typical Monday where I felt very lazy unmotivated and didn't want to get out of bed.  I got ready and was running late so I missed the bus which I hate b/c usually the second bus comes much more fuller with school kids and people going to work like myself and there aren't always seats in front where it's safer for me to get off the bus with the baby. I'm surprised that I'm still awake as I'm usually in bed by this time.  I was surprised the bus actually exactly on schedule but I won't get used to that as it's a rare occurrence.  There was a decent amount of work to do in the office today which at times I don't mind b/c the day goes faster and it distracts me from all of the chatter sometimes and music just helps you be in a better state of mind.  Today I completed and signed my processing form today so my permanent title will be Secretary  tomorrow is the hiring pool and while it's only a technicality I'm still nervous and I'm eager to check out other City agencies to see more or less what the duties of the new title are in different places.  I notice how I mentioned my good news to someone and they didn't respond positively to it which makes me  kind of realize sometimes people are full of it and are always sipping the patron bottle of haterade.  You have to throw your own party for yourself sometimes I'm always happy to see others succeed I've never been an envious person that's just a waste of time.  Lately this individual has been annoying seems like I'm going to start the face book deletion crusade again.  Today I went on my lunch break to buy a pair of business slacks for tomorrow and it made me realize how much I hate shopping they're always changing the cut of clothes making figuring out what size I wear a guessing game depending on the style.  I was super late back to work but I didn't care I needed the pants and have no time after work so I rushed back on the R train downtown and it seemed like I flew back to City Hall in no time before anyone noticed not even the office stool pigeon blinked an eye lol.  On my ride to work today I also realized how darn rude and selfish some people are a woman came on the train with a stroller with a very young infant and a small but older child not one person offered to give her a seat the small child sat next to me and I saw the baby crying a lot and the mother trying to tend to it standing up yet no one budged. I thought wtf is wrong with people so I gave up my seat I'm a mother I know how hard it is to travel with a small child on the subway which is why I avoid it all costs b/c first subways are dirty and they're all full of bunch of aholes.  The baby seemed to calm down after that.  When I was pregnant I always didn't get a seat either ppl act like they don't see you yeah right I only had a stomach the size of a freakin watermelon jerko!   I remember once this guy actually told me to move so his pendeja squeeze could sit down I looked at him like wtf? are you kidding me? I'm the pregnant one who got way before you did and you want me to move? Some ppl in this city truly deserve the name ahole in fact there should be a daily idiot, daily a-hole award,  rude subway rider, etc. and there would never be short of nominees that's for sure and subway seats should come with seat ejectors I sound disgruntled I know but commuting in this city is a real pain the *** a lot of times.  On my way to 34 St today on our car we encountered the lovely or should I say annoying subway performers who do break dancing on the train I hate it it's annoying and very dangerous I almost got hit in the stomach when I was pregnant by one of those jerks "performing" in the aisle and what a coincidence there was a pregnant woman in our train when I saw them start I moved b/c if they would've hit me that's it.  Sometimes you just want some peace and serenity on your ride you don't want to hear no bs no one performing no one asking for money no one trying to sell you a bridge or bootleg dvds this is why you always need a good book and charged up mp3 player to tune out all the crap.  Today I had to pick my child at the last minute b/c my husband ran late I call sitter to tell her I'm running late twice no answer I finally get there and see here talking with another parent and it seemed like no one was watching the children inside which pissed me off I get my son and when we go to wait for bus I smell something bad and not only that she gives me my son with a soiled diaper I was pissed off I'm like not only do you not answer your phone your too busy talking smack with someone to realize he needed to be changed. I'm sure once we got on the bus other ppl smelled it too so I hoped the bus would go fast and it did so I cleaned him up once we got home but these are the times where I wish I could afford pre-school not that any place is 100% but I have to keep looking until we find something affordable.  No one will take care and do for your child like you do.   On that note it's way past my time to be awake I should've been in bed 40 minutes ago well off to bed I go tomorrow is a big day and I hope everything will work out for the best.

9/11 9 yrs later

Yesterday was 9/11 and I can't believe that it's been 9 years since it happened.  I wasn't living in NY at the time when it happened and in a way I'm glad I wasn't here b/c it was mass chaos from what I saw on CNN in Florida at the time and from what I heard from people and former coworkers.   I'm grateful that I didn't lose anyone but my condolences go out to the victims and their families who will eternally mourn the loss of their loved ones.  I remember my former coworkers telling me how it took 3 and 4 hours to get home from work and they were expected to be business as usual at the office wtf! are you kidding? A bunch of terrorists just attacked the lower half of Manhattan and you expected people to be "business as usual" no way! That was the talk of a shrewd money hungry person that's corporate america greed for you another reason greed is why this economy and country are in such a sad state of affairs but that's another blog posting in itself.   Had I been here I would have thanked the lord for saving my life and of my family but I would've been HOME the city was in immense danger and 9 years later I still think we are the only difference is that we're a lot better prepared now should something happen which I hope it never will.  I think about why it happened?  If our president at the time knew of these so called weapons of mass destruction how come more wasn't done to protect the American people.  I think the 1993 bombing should have been a wake up to beef up security in that area like crazy but they didn't take precautions and 9/11 was the end result.    It hurt me so bad to see people jumping to their deaths rather than perishing it almost seemed like a scene out a movie but it was real life happening right before our eyes.  All because of a bunch of religious extremists who felt the need to take out their aggressions out on a city of innocent people who were average working people trying to support their families and live life this big city of ours.   When I saw ground zero for the first time when I return to New York I burst into tears and cried for a few minutes I couldn't believe what I saw in front of me.  The WTC was nothing but a big empty space and mangled metal, etc. it was nothing like the WTC I remembered and will never be again.  I remember when I was going to school in the area in the late 90's how different things were. The shopping concourses of WTC how I would go to borders books and read there for hours and sometimes I'd actually buy a book or two or how I would just browse and buy a hot dog from the vendor in front of 5 World Trade.  I remember so much about the area the Conway, the office supplies store where i'd go get something for school, I'd meet my mother after work at her job at the time so many memories gone.   Now lower Manhattan is nothing like it used to be back in the day it's become commercialized, very expensive, and too many yuppies are in the area so the average person can't really do much there.  I call it yuppie land b/c that's what it caters to now.  Conway is now gone luxury apartments, chiptole grill btw crappiest most overpriced chopped up crap I've ever had I wouldn't pay $1 for it ever again, the office store gone,  Five Guys Burgers & Fries, Starbucks, and many other high priced joints. You have some good stores left but only a handful.  The rebuilding of WTC has been a very slow work in progress and in my opinion the developer is full of baloney he's been dragging his feet for years and it seems like nothing has been happening in the area nothing but a bunch of metal, mess, dirt, etc.  I work in the area so I'm faced with the after effects of 9/11 everyday like it or not.  It took me a while not to be afraid to work around there but I pray everyday that I arrive safe to work everyday and to home the same way.  This developer realized that he would never realize his dream without the port authority since they're also supposed to build a new transit center as well.   I only saw the progress b/c of the news reports b/c I try to stay away from the actual ground zero sight even after all these years past I really don't like to see up and close and personal.   Yesterday should have been dedicated to the victims their families and to our city but of course what was going on massive rallies about the WTC mosque proposal near Park 51. I work in the area and in my opinion I think that this developer is an idiot.  I think that he just wants to prove a point and for him to say that it's not next to ground zero is a load of BS b/c it's very close I checked it out myself.  I disagree with the mayor which I've never liked to begin and the other government officials.  I just don't get why people are making this into a race issue when it's clearly not well I speak for myself when I say that maybe for some it is and feel sorry for them.   Religious freedom is protected by our Constitution I understand that but why near ground zero? There is a mosque in that area but of course the media doesn't mention that b/c they're just as guilty in stirring up controversy.  Where is the respect for the people of NYC, the people who lost their lives and their families?  You have people who bravely went into the debris, rubble and smoke  to save people and some have health issues due to this and the city and Albany have turned their backs on them. I think it's very disrespectful and insensitive to the people of this city.    I also fear for my safety and millions of other new yorkers how do they know that terrorists and militant groups aren't funding it or won't go there to case the buildings and plan on something else?  I just heard in the news that one of the funders had a tie to a militant group and I hope it's not true but that scares the crap out of me b/c I work near ground zero so you'd better believe I wanted them investigated to make sure no illegal, dangerous activity is being done.  If this developer is so headstrong about building there than he shouldn't have a problem being investigated if he has nothing to hide.   Each political group is taking this issue as a scape goat which has also made me question which political party I side with? I vote Democrat but I don't always agree with everyone or like all the candidates, I was thinking of switching to Independent but I don't really know much about them to say if I'd agree with them very confusing indeed. Politics in itself is very dirty and most are full of it no matter what side they're on they promise the sun moon stars and the world till they get into office.   I see the shape that this country is in economically, globally, and its very scary indeed.   I hope that they can come to a resolution to this issue b/c this is going to have disastrous consequences if a meeting of the minds doesn't occur if not another location a multiple faith complex where all faiths can worship and praise their faiths.   The Florida pastor who wanted to burn the quaran to me should be ashamed to even call him self a pastor.  What real clergy member would suggest something so disrespectful and evil? Book burning in itself is despicable.  Most clergy would want to encourage peace and a peaceful resolution.  I may not be familiar or understand the Islamic culture and religion but their entitled to live their lives and practice their faith and I would never suggest the destruction of any religious book, statue, church, etc.  A real pastor wouldn't encourage blasphemy and that's exactly what that is.   He didn't think of the consequences of burning the book would have? I can assure there'd be one angry group of people out there and rightfully so and he didn't think about retaliation toward his church his members or even his own family? I think it's ridiculous.   He had no business coming to NY and I think he should keep his mouth shut and stay in Gainesville where he belongs.  I think we have our own extremists right here in our own backyard and people like that are very dangerous they take religion and use a verse of the scriptures or a even a certain book and interpret it for what they want it not what it actually means.  I think this is why I was never really attracted to religion b/c of all the controversy it causes.  I know we should go to church to worship seek mental clarity etc. but I've also see a lot of hypocrisy in the church especially the members they think b/c they're stuck in church every Sunday that makes them a good person and it doesn't it takes a lot more than that.  I just don't like that holier than thou attitude, we're all sinners and far from perfect it's just been my experience that the biggest hypocrites are in church and usually live in the tallest glass houses.   I went off topic here but I hope to one day see a newly rebuilt WTC that one day I may be able to take my son and show him a part of history of what once was.  To the families of 9/11 you will never be forgotten we will never forget that day.  Look to the lord for comfort and peace to guide you through.

nothing stays the same...

It's been a while since I've blogged on here since I started mobile blogging.  With my hectic schedule I usually have no time for the computer once I get home I'm usually busy with the baby or something else or I'm too tired. I like mobile blogging better b/c easily accessible through my cell phone and I can blog while I'm on the go or while I'm at work and my blogs are kept private something I don't have at work.  I was happy to see Friday it didn't even seem like we had Monday off this past week we don't have another long weekend until next month I look forward to them especially I get an extra day off and on rare occasions sleep in.   I like the cooler weather even though today it seemed much warmer than yesterday.   Yesterday I felt like taking a walk it was sunny day with a nice breeze so I went down to au bon pain b/c I love their soups and pastries but that's in once in a while rare treat b/c while they're excellent it's also very expensive.  I go in and much to my surprise they have the soups out in the center of the place in big metal pots with ladles and I thought what the heck is this! I sure wasn't expecting this b/c I'm not good with serving soup to myself I tried it a deli and burned myself and considering that it's kind of expensive I figured I'd get the same white glove service lol I guess not I sure wish I knew who's bright idea it was to make it self service so I can tell them off I'm kidding let's just say it took me a while and someone wanted chicken soup too and looked annoyed but hey I was traumatized and I sure as heck didn't want to get burned again.  I've noticed this pattern at a lot of places the self service option seems like not only are they implementing more self service in a lot of places what you're getting isn't the same quality either.  I think customer service and interaction isn't important anymore seems like with everything we pay more to get less, less quantity, less quality, and more attitude.  What pissed me off though was when I get to work it seemed like I had more broth and vegetables than noodles but I'm sure had I not been such a chicken to serve myself or had I been served in the first place like before lol I probably would've gotten a better bowl well better luck next time.  I also treated myself to their apple streudel which is excellent the pasty is flaky and has a crunch and the apple filling is wonderful now I'm getting myself hungry again.  I plan to try the cheese cake filled croissant next.  Today my day consisted of the usual getting woke up by my son early and he's revved up like the energizer bunny to watch Disney channel make breakfast clean this house and by mid morning I'm exhausted ready for a nap myself.  We did our grocery shopping today at Pathmark and while we were driving down there I couldn't believe the a-holes we encountered on the road.  Some ppl just can't drive.  While on our way down this car almost hits us these two idiots my husband yelled and she still kept going almost hitting us I was so mad b/c the baby was in the back seat if anything would've happened to my son I would've beat the hell out of her stupid overstuffed ass!  They looked as if they did nothing wrong which made me want to strangle even more but I realize that trash isn't worth it even if you think are you're right.  While I know where I live is okay not perfect I notice the decline in the old neighborhood as I was passing the streets going to Pathmark you can see the quality of people is not the same a lot of the old places I remember are gone like the old Carvel on Rockaway blvd, Mr. G's pizza maybe he saw the same decline I've been seeing and decided to move on I can't say I blame him I sure wouldn't want to run a business where the majority of my customers are a bunch of rude low class self-entitled jerks.  I miss it though b/c I as well as many others had been going there for years.  Another good chinese restaurant Hei Lok on 101 Ave has different owners now too, prices changed and the food isn't the same quality I once knew everything changes and sadly not always for the better.  I'm kind of glad I didn't get an apartment in that area b/c I'm sure I wouldn't have stood there long.   While I know where I live isn't perfect but it's relatively quiet and yes there are some morons and undesirables it's something that's not out of control.  I decided after I moved from my old neighborhood I'm not going to settle for being stuck some place where I'm not happy.  I never really liked Yonkers.  I assimilated into living in Westchester but I never felt really comfortable with it.  I lived in an area where it was considered ghetto and it's sad because not everyone who lives in an area is ghetto sometimes they're just low income but they're decent people and then there are the people who fit the description "ghetto trash" to a T.  I saw plenty of it people drinking in the street, having bbqs, empty beer bottles, etc. in the lobby the street garbage everywhere people have no manners, no self control and their kids are the same.  I never got that mentality ok so you're poor so that means you have act like an idiot talk like an idiot, drink,  take no pride in your community, and complain about everything yet you bring no positives to the table? It's a bunch of bs!   I was raised far from rich but I know one thing I didn't want to be associated with people like that.  I have self respect I have class manners and most importanly I do care about my community and others.  Some people would probably classify anyone who thinks like me a "sell out" wannabe"  well screw them.  What's that anyway? I never got that bs attitude so only white people can excel have higher standards of living and achieving.  gtfo! No we have to want to do better for ourselves, we should never settle for less or conform to a certain way of living for fear of what some people will say.  If anything people with that attitude are the ones who say that crap b/c they themselves lack the ambition and are afraid of trying to be different.  Its not easy being different but it can be done.  I've never been a follower and I never will.  I've always been independent in my thinking and overall.   Today we went to a street fair and these are nice while the closure of the streets can be a pain its okay for a short time.  They have typical street fair food like zeppoles, funnel cake, lemonade, all the food you shouldn't eat but always want some at the street fair.  I put my son on the merry go round and a car ride and I have to say that some parents are a bunch of idiots.  Someone got mad b/c I put my son for a second ride on the merry go round and I thought I wonder who's more mature the kid or you! that's no crime and my son loved it I changed him from the low horse to the one that rises up and down kids love things like that the crowd was big and after the car ride it was time to go home.   Tomorrow is the last day of it we may go back but not definite sometimes the crowds can be too much.  Another thing they had was ponies, donkeys and a llama nice to look like but stink like crazy and shit like it's going out of style which is gross the one my son pet dropped a big one and we were trying not to step in it.  I think they should put a bag under them like the ones in Manhattan it would be more sanitary and less of a mess to clean up.  Well it's after 11 and I'm going to go relax and watch some TV before I go to bed and get some rest.  I'm going to try to make an effort to post more blog entries in my original blog but it seems like I'm more on the go than at home, we'll see.

Katrina 5 yrs later

Looking at the news I see so many things go on lately the wtc mosque controversy, oil crisis, and the 5 yr anniversary of the Hurricane Katrina. I can't believe it's already been 5 years since Katrina. I've never seen such governmental incompetence on the federal and city level with this disaster. The sad part is the mayor knew of the the threat and everyone official knew and did nothing to warn the people or evacuate them so they'd be spared from this disaster and after it occured FEMA reacted miserably, the mayor talking all of this smack, and everyone's playing the blame game but no aid was coming fast enough to help these poor people. I'm not one who likes to pull the race card but I'm sure that had plenty to do with why everything went down the way it did and because Lower Ninth Ward is a poor community. Louisiana is not a rich place to begin with I had a former coworker/friend who moved over there before Katrina and the average person there makes between 8 to $10 an hour and it's tough economically so many of the industries suffered due to Katrina and many people had to flee to other places to try and start over which is tough when all you know is your home state . It is dispicable that the poorer communities always get the raw end of the stick. These were people regardless race of ecomonic status who needed help, compassion, and guidance. Sticking these poor people in a stadium with such horribly unsanitary conditions, a lot of crime happened as well such a sad preventable tragedy which what pisses me off preventable yet no one wants to be accountable. I've heard that a lot of the trailers that housed some of the victims were made with products that are potentially hazardous such as formaldehyde, etc. that could cause health problem as if these people haven't suffered enough and the wave of incompetence just keeps rearing it's ugly head. 5 yrs later and while some rebuilding has happened, you could still see the devastation and lack of progress to add insult to injury a lot of insurance companies have raised their rates for home, flood, and disaster insurance and some don't even cover everything b/c they say companies paid over 40 billion when it originally happened that's ridiculous in my opinion, why continue to kick people while their down? Like anyone can afford to pay anymore and to get less service in return. Some people live check to check especially these days and depending on the cost of living where you live and how much you earn you simply may not have any disposable income to save or put toward insurance premiums. Sometimes life is just not fair and situations can arise when we least expect and in are no position to deal. I find it to be dispicable that the US couldn't even take care of it's own yet we have no problem organizing relief & humanitarian efforts, benefit concerts, etc. to help people in other countries and some of them don't even like the US. Being a state in the gulf coast they're also being affected by the BP disaster another bunch of incompetents who've destroyed our natural resources, wild life, and tourism industries for states who most of their economy comes from tourism way to go BP! But that will be in another blog posting. I'm glad the president came down on them hard for their incompetence but that's another slow work in progress. On that note my lunch is over back to the grind.

the months are flying by fast

It's been a while since I've blogged and my birthday came and went a thumbs up for us Leos and I can't believe how fast this month flew by before you know it December will be here. For the past few days all it did was rain over here and it is not easy traveling in the rain especially when I have to go to city and work trying to maneuver around all the umbrellas in the street, having to worry about the weather being bad and having to drop jr off in the sitter and hoping the bus comes on time. For 3 days straight I got a ride to the sitter and train and that only happened b/c my husband happened to be off but if it wasn't like that I'd be screwed either I guess I would've been paying for a cab. After a while rain makes me feel down tired and depressed, so I'm glad today to have finally saw the sun for a change. It was much easier and commute seems so much faster when the weather cooperates. This past weekend was the usual busy errands cleaning bills etc. and all it seems like is work work work ride the train back and forth and sometimes I get tired of it all, the daily rat race, the mindless office chatter, the ghettoness, I swear sometimes people just like to hear themselves talk sometimes in my mind I'm like stfu please I actually have work to do so I resort to plugging my ears with my ipod and disappear into some good music this week they've been playing some good 80's music and old school stuff while I work and it's nostalgic in many ways b/c when I listen to a song it reminds me of how old I was at the time what was in style or it could remind me of a particular experience in life. Music does great things for the soul and it does distract you from whatever is going on at the moment. I took an acceptable use technology training today and I thought it was laughable b/c mostly everyone uses the internet at work for email, etc. and I thought to myself let's be for real when there is absolutely nothing to do i've seen even my own mgr and supervisor online if you're not downloading porn or any other crap I don't see what the big deal is. Today was a slow day I was bored out of my mind, you can only fake looking busy for so long lol and I clicked internet explorer and there I was reading and surfing. It felt good to talk a walk today and not have to carry an umbrella for the next few days it's going to be pure sunshine and that's a good thing.

As much as I try to keep my head up and think positive but the mundane is just that "going through the motions" I realize that I'm sick of this place already. I'm sick of all the bs really b/c I know I'm capable of doing more and being in a more professional environment but what keeps me here as I've said so many times before darn I sound like a broken record is the crappy economy and my son to provide for. I was discussing this with a co worker of mine today on the ride home we're both sick of it she's going to retire in 2.5 yrs. and I wish I was retiring too but obviously that's a long time coming for me so I ask myself what's next for me? This crappy economy puts up so many obstacles today I saw someone who went to school for health courses etc. and she can't find a job and I couldn't believe it but then I thought the economy is bad and there's so much competition. I think I would feel worse if I had renewed my training etc and found myself in the same spot as years ago not being able to find a job in my field. This past weekend was stressful with a scare of my mother being sick she now has to watch her diet and take meds for cholesterol but she also has not stress herself out and unfortunately an individual who will remain nameless is the cause of a lot of unnecessary stress and aggravation. Sometimes I ask myself how hard is it do the right thing? I guess I say that b/c it's never been hard for me. I hope that with a change of diet, etc. things will get better but it only takes one day for something to happen to make you sit back and realize that life can change fast and we need to appreciate the ones in our lives more and not take people for granted. Sometimes I get tired of thinking of everything and taking care of others sometimes I wish people would take care of me for a change. It sounds selfish I know but I can't help how I feel sometimes. I know I look forward to our next vacation in December b/c I'm due for a rest again vacations never are as long enough as we'd like them to be. I had a bad case of insomnia last night and I hope I won't again this night. I'm glad that tomorrow is finally Friday well time for me to get some rest.

jet blue flight attendant gone wild

You look at the news everyday and it makes you think about why some people do the things they do? Could it be that they're going through a lot of stress in their lives, financial problems, family issues, an illness? In a city like New York you see so many people everyday walking the streets most of us are in a rush to get to work, school, etc. and you really don't think about the person next to you on the train, bus, at work. You don't think about what a person has in their mind or what they may be going through in their lives. Take this Jet Blue flight attendant for example, this guy has been a flight attendant for over 20+ years and he probably is a nice decent man who dedicated his life to serving customers but for only one incident he will be remembered for going off on a customer and leaving through an escape hatch, while some people may find it amusing, it really isn't. What was it going to cost that passenger to apologize to the attendant? nothing she should've sit her butt down and waited for the plane to finish parking at the gate like everyone else! Being a traveler myself people like annoy the **** out of me sit your *** down what's so important in that bag that you can't wait! What if she had hit a passenger in the head or face and said the same thing, I can guarantee she would've gotten cursed out or a punch in the face lol. I just find it ridiculous that she wasn't disciplined in anyway. People these days are self-centered have a sense of entitlement and no manners if it doesn't concern them or anyone else close to them they don't care. There is no respect consideration for other people or accountability. While I realize that they must try to maintain professionalism at all times, I sympathize with this man because he was under a lot of stress having a loved one who is terminally ill is not an easy thing to go through and maybe the fact that this passenger was so rude to him just set him off and he reacted in an extreme way. This should be a lesson to people you never know what someone is going through, what kind of day they're having so be careful before you open your mouth or do something that's going to get you in trouble and treat people like you would want to be treated. There are some people who are very resilient and don't crack under stress or pressure or just hide it very well and some people aren't and they either go bonkers like this guy did or go into a deep depression,. I feel sorry for this guy and while he may be facing charges and be jobless b/c I'm sure Jet Blue doesn't want this type of bad publicity I really hope he gets some professional help and pray for his mother that is ill. I realize that i'm a very diplomatic and compassionate person that not everyone possesses these traits and it's very sad but this incident and many others are harsh reality of the very fast paced, automated, self-centered, self-indulgent, world we live in these days. I welcome everyone's feedback.

"me" day and just thinking out loud.

Today is a "me" day. I don't get "me" days very often which is why I appreciate them so much. This weekend was very stressful and I didn't get a break at all. My son drove me bananas and didn't sleep all day I was to point that I was going to lose it but I tried to keep myself in check I can see how some people will lose it and seriously hurt their kid if they don't have self-control however it doesn't justify hurting a child but I do see that we're only human and can only be pushed yet so far. I got up this morning half asleep woke him up got him dressed and dropped him off at the babysitter and I'm reveling in the serenity and solitude. Sometimes I get to the point that I hate the weekends, I hate them b/c they're not for resting or relaxing, they're for cleaning, paying bills, errands, etc. by the time Sunday rolls around I'm even more tired than Friday sometimes. I wish I had an outlet sometimes someone who would come and take my son for a few hours but I don't. This is when you realize who your friends really are when you're in trouble or you need a favor and nine out of ten times no one is ever around when you need them. Honestly most people are full of shit I think friend like the word love is a word that's thrown around way too much. If you're a friend to someone are you really there for that person when they need you or are you just an opportunist, that when it's convenient for you to see this person you do, etc. I kind of that that a friendship is a two way street and a lot of times I've felt that I'm the only one nurturing it and that's when I said this is bs no more, I have my own life, my own problems, and if I'm making an effort you sure as well can try and that's when I decided I'm not going to chase anyone anymore. I look at it this way if people want to contact me they know my number, my facebook, email, etc. other than that I have my life to live and it's not an easy one at that. I wish I didn't have to deal with the daily rat race of this city, deal with certain people and bs at work or have to work period but harsh reality is I do. I've been looking through the jobs online and boy does the economy suck there wasn't anything good at all and most are offering shitty pay and no benefits or shitty pay with benefits or hours that a working mother can't work with. I saw a good hospital position I'd be interested in and when I saw the hours of 11am-7pm some days of the week 9-5 two other days plus alternate Saturdays 9-5 I said NO WAY I'm looking to simplify my life and maybe reduce my work schedule. I guess that's why no one has applied for the job. None of these jobs offer any flexibility in their schedules, I think there has to be more flexibility in work schedules so that working mothers like myself can spend more time with their children, be less stressed, and still contribute to the household income but it's getting to the point where people are paying ridiculous amounts of money to daycare centers and approaching burn out, and I feel like I'm already burning out I'm always tired, aggravated and short tempered. It's true that we spent more time at work than at home, that's pretty sad but the way people see it bills have to paid, rent being the most ridiculous expense of them all. Seems like all I do when I blog is complain lol but it's a good release for me. I know that there has to be something better out there for me that this can't be my only choice. I've thought of health care and now I'm sort of rethinking it too because I look at the job ads and the salaries they offer are ridiculous for the amount of work you do, interaction with patients, etc. it's a joke and a crying shame, I thought I make more just doing office work and data entry. I'm not only thinking about money as my issue deals with personal fulfillment but we do need to make something that we can live off of and $8-10 an hour in NYC is a joke and a crying shame and the ad said no benefits. You can't even pay rent with that salary. It was close to my house but do I want to leave a city job to deal with hood rats, idiots, and all the colorful individuals society has to offer b/c it was health care can I say a resounding hell no! I deal with some people like that where I work now. I know no job is perfect but when I do leave this current one I want to make sure it's the right fit for me overall so back to the drawing board for now. Next step is looking for an affordable preschool for my son that's going to be another challenge while the current place is very affordable I want him to be in a more structured environment and some of the lack of professionalism and organization of group family daycare is a little bit much for me to deal with when I have enough on my plate for example I was going to bring him on Wednesday as the doctor advised but I saw the area is healing nicely and he was feeling better and I decided to bring him today, I call her last night no answer leave a msg no return call. I text her daughter she assures me she will give her the msg I show up this morning and she looked completely surprised to see me and her daughter never gave her the message and I thought to myself this is totally ridiculous and a lack of organization. People love the idea of starting a business but they have no idea how to run one, they have no professionalism, no organization, these are things you need for your business to run well. It's not enough to become licensed by the State and City and Health department do you really care for these kids or are each of them just another dollar sign for you? I've heard lots of horror stories and all I've got to say is just b/c they're licensed doesn't make them good. Stop by unannounced then you'll really see how good they are. I did once and I didn't like what I saw but like many I bit the bullet b/c I cant afford anyone else right now. No one will take of your child like you bottom line. Well this is my rant for now going to try to catch up on some sleep, possibly get my nails done, grab some lunch and enjoy my limited time of peace and serenity for the day.