Friday at last.

This week was a pretty long week and I'm glad it's over.  With all that was going with CPSE, jr surgery, the first counseling session it was a little hectic but everything seems a little more under control now Jr surgery was canceled due to the fact that his ears were clear of fluid and he passed the hearing test I feel relieved for this but it's still a risk that the condition can return so he will have a follow up in a few months.  Yesterday I went to work out at lunch time to take a zumba class and much to my disappointment it was time guy I call zorro at the Wall St location and I really don't like his style at all and the fact that he was late to the class and blamed the train totally ridiculous while I realize it can happen to the best of us b/c of this I left the class early b/c I didn't want to be late back to work.  I know zumba is a lot of movement but he goes way too fast for me which is why I prefer the guy in Astoria speaking of which I went there this week expecting he'd be there only to be disappointed when someone else was there.  I was stuck I had already made the trek up there I did my 1/2 hr on the treadmill and burned 314 calories and if there wasn't a time limit I'd probably do a lot better.  I'm still losing weight but it's like a yo yo I wish it would stabilize but sometimes I mess up in the eating department which is probably one of the reasons for that.  I've started using my fitness pal to track calories and wow it sure makes you realize the calories, fat, in every type of food out there.  I've cut my portions in half and try to stay away from things but candy is my weakness.  I will keep working out and try to do the best I can and I hope by next year I will look like a brand new person.  Yesterday was the counseling visit and I have to say that I was a nervous wreck the entire day and even on the ride there and it doesn't help that they give you an entire pkg of papers to fill out which get redundant after a while and the intake session didn't go well at all.  In fact I felt like punching him in the face b/c he took no ownership over what he did or said only the fact that he's no perfect really? no shit sherlock who is! He talked about my temper,etc. etc. I think I choked under the pressure and nerves and while I spoke it wasn't as much and as free as I thought it would be so I feel discouraged and a part of me kind of regrets even initating this but I was told this is hard, It sure is.  We're supposed to hear from them in two weeks once they assign us a therapist but I can say this, if he wants to go there I can and will too.  I'm going to make sure I voice everything I want to b/c considering he didn't want to be there he sure had a lot of shit to talk.  I'm trying to see this through but I have to say it's very difficult.  I'm also trying to be strong not easy either.  Not knowing what direction things are going is very hard but I think everyone gets to a point where they've had enough and I have to say that a quarter of me is already there but  the other half still wants to try to work this out but I ask myself is it just my efforts in vain?  For someone to tell you that they're only there for their son doesn't do much for your self esteem and ego.  I know I deserve better than this so while I'm hoping for the best I'm also preparing for the worst.  Pay day has arrived and like always it's bills bills bills wish I could just keep it all for me but it's almost like a magic trick now you see it now you're broke or almost.  Seems like everything goes up but your paycheck.  Well it's almost time to go just wish I didn't have grocery shopping to do a task that I hate especially when their is nothing good on sale.