crazy morning

Today is tuesday and it's going to be 95 degrees with the heat index it will feel like 100+ yesterday was also very hot and I started to feel the effects of the heat having a headache, my stomach doesn't agree with the heat so I have to be very careful with what I eat and I usually don't have much of an appetite.  It's a perfect day for the beach or the pool.  I saw Highbridge Pool on the news yesterday never imagined it was that big but I sure wish I would've been in there or any pool.  Last night I went to the gym and yes my favorite zumba instructor was there and we had a great work out I was drenched in sweat after that I burned 131.4 calories on the treadmill and once I was done I looked at the time and it was time to go home.  I couldn't wait to get inside a train with air conditioning.  I usually like to walk the strip of Steinway St but it's way too hot for that I didn't even go to red mango for frozen yogurt, All I wanted was to be inside cool air.  The gym is a great distraction for me to have some actual time to myself and try to distract myself from all the bs that's going on in my life and after leaving the cool subway train I had to wait for the bus in the heat and of course there's a coiled line as it always is I would've liked a seat but that didn't happen.  After an intense workout I felt hungry and I read a text from him saying he wasn't making anything b/c he wasn't hungry I was like wtf I read that and I called my mother to blow off some steam and she told me not to feed into it I've never seen someone who can be so spiteful and ridiculous.  He claims that he sent a text and had I upgraded the operating system on my phone I would've gotten it in time yeah oook there.  I had to wind up stopping and picking something up for myself which I shouldn't have to do considering that I just did grocery shopping this past weekend!!! After a great exhilirating work out I have to come home to deal with douchery and bs.  I ate and jr wanted to pick at my food which he did and afterward he went to put him to bed which didn't work b/c just as I'm getting into the tv I see jr walk into livingroom again so much for relaxation and shower I came in and he was trying to get him down and losing his patience I was already sick and tired of him so I threw him out.  He gave me a hard time but eventually both of us conked out.  This morning I got up and had a stressful hectic morning it wasn't that way at first but when jr got up and I went to get him dress they say the phrase "shit happens" well it literally did right on to the bed and bottom of his shirt.  Like I needed this type of excitement in the morning stripped the bed rinsed the shirt and put him in tub and this douche actually thought I'd still have time to catch my bus and not be late to work. He drops us off and he starts bsing to me about how now I'm going to know what it feels like to find dishes in the sink, etc. etc. I was already stressed out b/c of the incident with jr having an accident so I just went off on him and told him that this is really showing that you're trying to work on our relationship and told him if he continues he needs to get out he tells me to say the word and after that I get to the front of the train station slam the door and walk inside.  What a way to start the day and I ask myself how long am I going to put up with this bs? I think I've put up with enough but if you ask him he will say the same and had the nerve to call me spoiled. I don't know who's feeding him information but I'm sure whomever it is they obviously don't have both sides.  I don't know what's going to come of this counseling thing b/c I don't see myself putting up with this crap on a long term basis just b/c he pays the rent this is 2011 and I may not earn a lot of money but I also have my dignity and self respect as a person too I really thought he would be making a conscious effort but I guess I should've know where this was going due to what occured in the initial intake interview.  I'm going to start doing my research on legal stuff and programs that offer rental assistance b/c I need to know what my options are.  I'm tired of living like this and every day being a yo yo of emotions and I have a feeling that there can be someone else I've had my suspicions for a while already but men make me sick they always think that the grass is greener on the other side but after a while when the novelty wears off it's all the same s****.  He's succeeded in hurting me very deeply and pointing what I "lack" well I can say the same I guess it's too hard for you to be a man and not a pendejo and stand up for your wife and make sure that people give her place and respect let me ask u this do you f* your best friend? let's be serious who gives a *** what he thinks? It's about RESPECT but not according to him. He says I don't value family I don't put the value he does, I'll be darned if any of them disrespected my partner or my friends? He values them a little too much. So I say to him and to all men who find "fault with a woman go find yourself a perfect specimen a nice thin latina who likes to cook clean will have your meal pipe and slippers and whatever else and go **** off and let the woman who you claim "lacks" live their lives in peace.  On that note nothing and no one is perfect when we seek perfection we will be on an endless journey.