holiday time is here

Christmas is right around the corner this month flew by pretty fast and I haven't done not one bit of shopping yet. As I said in earlier entries I'm just not in the holiday spirit this year I finally have my tree up I will take it down in the second week of January since we did put it up late. I didn't even do xmas cards this year. Today we are having horrible weather with heavy rains and winds I'm surprised that my umbrella didn't break it was so bad, it's one of those days where it is perfect to stay in bed or relax watching tv but since I took last friday off so here I am. It's a skeleton crew today as there are many people who took off today and for the next few days. I may take advantage and do some shopping well hopefully the weather will calm down by the time lunch rolls around. Jr is going with his father today which gives me a chance to rest and relax and one of my new year's goals is to take a vacation b/c I can sure use it to take a break from the fast pace of NYC, bills, worrying about the daily things. I like travelling I just wish I had the funds and more time to do it. As far as the dating thing I'm keeping my options open the guy I'm talking to while I like him and he seems nice I just don't know if I can wait any longer to finally meet him so I have spoken to two others who I enjoyed talking to find them attractive and seem to be nice guys I say seem b/c I've talked to men who seem to be nice and all they turn out to be is a bunch of game players and full of crap so we will see. I want to try making a turkey this year for the first time and I want to start simple so I may buy a turkey breast and hope for the best if it doesn't work there's always plenty of roast pork. Splitting the holidays isn't easy I will have jr xmas eve and he will take him xmas day but this is the harsh reality of the new life we have. The end of December is here and still no finalization of divorce papers this is really getting annoying for me and I'm calling the lawyer it is incredible what incompetent people they have working in the court system as I was told it was their mistakes that have caused the hold ups in this process. He has moved on with his life and while I have to it would be nice to make it official I plan to celebrate once it is final and hope one day when the time is right and the right man comes along I will find love again it is my hope that I will but for now I've been experiencing a lot of things that will eventually bring me up to the point where I'm ready for this. Maybe it will take a push from me to see if this process gets moved up somewhat. While it's kind of early for this I will be working on my list new year's goals I think goal is a better word than resolutions.

Connecticut school shooting - New York News | NYC Breaking News

Connecticut school shooting - New York News | NYC Breaking News

I was casually browsing the internet when I see this red breaking news link about a shooting and I'm in disbelief shock and then anger sets in.  27 people dead and 18 of those were young innocent children who go to school every day to learn and their lives were cut short by some deranged evil maniac who decided to massacre a school of innocent people.  I'm tired of hearing the excuses of stressed out, unemployed, etc.  when does it end? Nothing excuses what this coward yes a coward b/c he took the easy way out and killed himself rather than face the music for his horrific crime.  I have a young child almost in kindergarten and I would go bonkers if something like this was to happen at his pre-school or any place.  This makes you hug your loved ones and children much tighter and longer.  We must cherish our family members and pray that they return safe to us everyday b/c we never know what and who we will encounter in our daily lives.  My condolences to the inconsolable families who lost young children with their whole lives ahead of them and any school employees.  You will be in many thoughts and prayers. 

nothing can ever go smoothly

Today is hump day and a cold one at that. It's an easy day at work and the 3:00 stretch is coming soon plus 10 minutes for me b/c I was late. I refused to get in a jam packed J train this morning. There was a huge crowd of people no poles to hold onto and let's face it I'm not in no rush to get to work so I waited 5 minutes for the next train which is emptier and I got to sit down which is rare on this train. I punched in got breakfast came back to warm up sipping my vanilla chai from dunkin donut with my sausage egg cheese crossaint I need to stop eating these b/c I'm noticing an undesirable paunch on myself. Monday was the first time I did the online grocery shopping with delivery thorough stop & shop and I have to say that it was easy and very convenient. I will continue to do this as it saves me time, the aggravation that comes along with food shopping such as crowded stores, not enough open cashiers, annoying customers, not enough sale items. It was delivered by 10 am and everything arrived. Yesterday I finally installed my clear modem thinking I was home free and I'd be having internet access on my desktop laptop and cell phone. Installation was a little challenging b/c he used to be the one to deal with building, installing, etc. this morning I connected lap top and cell phone. I noticed when I went on the train this morning I had no wi-fi when I get to work the same thing. I called them back and spoke to the customer service rep and I was sold the wrong device. I should've broughth their Voyager model that you can take anywhere and get a signal plus home usage. I was infuriated b/c now I have to go through the trouble of returning this item and purchasing the correct item b/c this representative convinced me that the hub express model was the appropriate device. So my happiness was short lived to say the least Now I must wait to go to the store. Today at lunch time I went to the UPS store to encounter yet more stupidity or f**ery as quoted by a good friend I was returning the verizon dsl box and said idiot who had zero customer service, functioning brain cells, or personality tells me I needed to open the box and where was my label as if I knew where it was. I was annoyed and hungry and didn't feel like wasting 20 minutes of my lunch here. I then told him the label is on top of the box. I can feel my face getting hot and the other clerk overheard this and told me he'd help I was grateful that he was nice enough to help me and explain what I needed and box wasn't opened got my receipt and off to lunch. Some people have no people skills or even know how to properly do their jobs. I then spend another ridiculous wait on the burger king line in which pretty much what I wrote in my fast food entry happened. The same typical long lines, long waits, slow order taking and filling of orders. If I didn't feel like having chicken strips I would've walked right out. Since jr left it's been quiet and I've been resting but it would've been even better if I was actually off instead of coming to work. I have an appt to go to after work and I don't even feel like going but I have to go. I finally have a little bit of xmas spirit my mom brought out my tree to shape it out and I will decorate it so jr can have something to look at it seems as he's having fun in florida and he will be back sunday so I will enjoy my days of freedom for the rest of the week and saturday. I went to my mi gente page again lots of hits but nothing grabs my attention. The guy I've been chatting with was online the 9th and didn't hit me up kind of makes me wonder I emailed him but if I don't get a response or call back soon, next in line please some people just want to play games and I don't like game players I'm too old for that type of bs. I never realized finding a decent guy would be this hard. Well time for me to finish up here for the day hoping it will not be a long wait at the dr office today

Fast food etiquette

In an earlier posting I came up with transit etiquette for train and bus riders and I will be doing an updated version soon. I've gone to enough fast food places and been annoyed enough to come up with several tips for making your trip at the fast food joint of your choice especially one located in NYC at the height of the lunch hour aggravation free. 1. Please have enough cashiers and workers to take and fill customer orders some of us only get a half an hour for lunch and if we get an hr I don't need to spend 20 minutes waiting for my lunch. 2. Pick a line and stick to it, no line jumping, line skipping, or fighting over a spot on line it's a fast food joint not a school yard 3. Don't spend 20 minutes reading the menu board and still ask stupid questions you easily could've gotten the answers to by reading the board 4. Get the hell off your cell phone while ordering 5. Don't interrupt someone else in the middle of an order it is rude 6. Don't disappear when you order your food, they shouldn't have to call your ticket# more than once for them to see you're on another planet on your cell phone or staring into space @@ 7. Eat your food and get the hell out!!! This is especially for smaller joints or places like checkers on chambers st in nyc or any other smaller eating establishments don't eat and stay there for an hr and a half or get the "itis" other people want to eat and enjoy their meals too 8. Clean up after yourselves, don't leave trash or dirty trays on tables 9. While some workers can have an attitude respect the ones that don't b/c it's a honest living regardless of what people think, if it wasn't for workers like these who would make the food? 10. Restrooms: Please keep personal cleanliness and don't knock on a single stall bathroom a hundred times be considerate and WAIT till they're finished, your knocking isn't going to make them finish any faster and who wants to be rushed while using the bathroom. WASH YOUR HANDS. Restaurant Managers: KEEP the restrooms CLEAN

December has arrived

It's December and the end of the year is here it's been a tough one and I'm hoping that better things will come everyone's way for 2013. I haven't been blogging much b/c I'm either busy tired or been going through a lot of changes. My turkey day wasn't all that great I'm just not in the holidays mode this year. It's December 11th and my xmas tree still isn't up in past years xmas wasn't like this I enjoyed shopping for gifts, getting things to prepare holiday dinner, decorating but that enthusiam is not there I've been struggling a lot this year financially emotionally I never realized that being a single parent was this hard I simply don't earn enough money to do everything I'd like to do and that sucks big time. The end of my marriage has affected me emotionally, psychologically, and definitely financially and the saddest part is that my divorce isn't even final and we are in December. As the days goes by I grow more and more frustrated with this as I feel I'm not really able to move forward with my life. I get depressed and I get lazy which sucks. Unfortunately one of my bad habits is I'm an emotional eater when I'm stressed and depressed everything goes in my mouth most of it is stuff I have no business eating and I haven't been to the gym in a while yet I haven't cancelled it yet b/c I do want to get on track again lose the weight I regained. The dating scene is dormant for now I'm chatting with a guy on line right now and I have been for a while but we've never exchanged # b/c he lost his phone there are times I think he's just full of s*** and he claims we will meet soon. I'm a person who gets bored very easily I give things a little time and I don't want to say next in line pls but who will wait that long surely not a man that's for damn sure. On my mi gente page I've had so many hits from many different guys mostly pr and other hispanic groups and some other races but I'm so hesitant due to my past experiences. My decision to end things and block mr x # was a good one I felt it was best to put a stop to it I wanted something different while sex is great that's not the only thing I want I want respect companionship eventually love someone who I can talk to about life, the news, going to a museum etc., visiting nice places maybe I'm just living in a fantasy world. I don't miss him or have any regrets while it was good I know I deserve better. MY latest hurdle with jr is trying to get him to sleep in his own room which has worked only 3 times lately he falls asleep there and I come to find a bump under my blanket which is him and I'm usually too darn exhausted to pick his butt up and put him in his bed so there he stays not consistent parenting I know. This weekend jr left with his dad to florida so he can visit his other side of the family and visit his brother whom which I hope is he's comfortable and well :( the family relations are tense and he said some pretty mean things and I put him in his place when someone is toward the end they're life should be as stress and worry free it should be a time of peace and serenity I told him he'd better go see him and make peace. I know I would after my lecture he says he will. Life is too short you never know when your last day will be only the lord knows this. We have a few examples of this in the news A man who was waiting for a subway train pushed by some mental case and NO ONE did anything to help him, WTF happened to NYers that day but some ahole had the nerve to take a pic and post it on fb with the caption "doomed" No one did anything they have kiosks with a red emergency button someone could've discreetly pressed it or called 911 maybe this man would be alive today. Jenni Rivera killed in a plane crash, Whitney houston died this year, as well as many of the victims of hurricane sandy who lost their lives and many struggle to try to rebuild their homes and their lives. When I find myself complaining too much as I do often I realize while it's tough for me we always have to realize that there's always someone worse off than you.

Thanksgiving thoughts of life.

It's the day before Thanksgiving and I have to say that I'm just not<i> in the holiday mode this year either. I'm flat broke so any blk friday deals or deals period have to be put on hold and of course bills come first. I used to love the holidays shopping for gifts, decorating tree, xmas cards, shopping for the dinner but after my marriage ended it's almost like my enthusiam went with it. The holidays now are about who is getting jr when and for how long when is he being dropped off? I still can't believe November is here one month left of 2012 and I'm still not divorced, this boggles my mind as I never realized the court system was this freaking slow. Tomorrow's dinner will be very quiet and simple as my brother won't be able to come down b/c the idiots at the center expect him to be back the same day which makes no sense to me at all considering the distance it is from upstate ny to the metro ny area. These past few days I've felt tired lazy depressed even I was supposed to see the doctor for my meds this week and I was so out of monday I didn't even go which isn't like me but sometimes going to this psychotherapy office is stress in itself from check in process to the looney tunes who attend this place sometimes they never see the patients on time which aggravates me to the point that I may even consider looking for another office. I haven't told my therapist yet but eventually if I don't see an improvement I will look into the other place. Thanksgiving is the season to be thankful for what we have in our lives and then to have a nice dinner to celebrate I think most people get together to stuff their faces, if you ever heard some of the conversations you hear in the supermarket or where ever you maybe it makes you wonder where people's priorities are these days. Most people are so self absorbed with their jobs, their electronics, money, etc. etc. This time is a time to give thanks for what we have b/c there are many people who aren't as fortunate as we are as bad as I feel sometimes I always take time to be thankful to realize that there is always someone else worse off than you. This time we should be thankful to have life, every day we wake up is another day to accomplish, be thankful that we have our health, a place to live, power and food on the table b/c right now there are people in the rockaways, jersey, long island and many others who don't even have the basic things to get by these days. Although we are not together no more I found out today my ex bro in law has lung cancer and I felt terrible b/c this is not news you want to hear during the holidays and he was diagnosed around them same time as my ex and I have him in prayer that he gets better and hope for the best the family relations aren't that great and I'm hoping that people can put their differences aside and give him the support he needs at this time. It makes me sad he's in his mid to late thirties with years of life ahead of him why now? This makes me realize life is precious and we never know what will be thrown out way or when. Life is too short for animosity, pettiness, materialism, selfishness, greed, etc. Life is not easy by far, but life your live to the fullest with no regrets and go for it if we don't take chances and think outside the box we will never know what lies behind that door or the road to choose.

back at home base

Today is Friday and I'm glad to be back home at our office. During the storm I went to a shelter a hs near my home and I went to the main office in long island city and I have to tell you that it was stressful especially when the trains weren't working to go up here I'd take a 45 min ride on the bus that was jammed packed and you know it's bad when you get on a bus at the beginning at the route and you can't get a seat. When the trains were restored travel became much easier but our stay at the main office was not a good one. These people play by a different set of rules there's a dress code tons of ridiculous rules and they were very territorial unwelcoming and rude. We couldn't laugh talk etc. we were told to "whisper" seriously are we in kindergarten?? @@. There were days I was bored to tears at this place with nothing to do and systems people trying to upload our systems we work on so I was mainly doing two functions of my job. I was tired of the lack of good places to eat as this place is literally in the middle of no where by the queensborough bridge. I decided to get creative and go to mcdonalds.com and I hopstopped and there was a place in Sunnyside 2 stops away on the train so to ease the boredom and have a change of scenery I pitched the idea to a co worker and we went over there tons of stores, pharmacy and choices for lunch. We ate Mcdonald's and I was finally able to have free wifi access with no password required. The nor easter was bad weather we got snow but with the sunny yet cold weather most of it has melted away but due to me wanting to keep my feet warm and my injured foot I'm still wearing my boots. Thursday evening I was relieved to leave that office for the day @4 pm and I headed to my therapist appointment where I killed time in duane reade and rite aid and walked to my appt. I usually let it all out all of my stresses etc. When I left my appointment and I saw the email that we can report back to our office I was happy I called a co worker to let her know and now that I'm here I think I will never complain again about this place b/c you start to realize how good you have it once you don't have something for a few days. The train system is slowly but surely getting back to normal but the north east has a long way to go before everyone rebuilds and recovers from this storm. NYC alone damages are about $33 million. It's 1:00 and I'm off to lunch and I will try to stay warm out there.

casted my vote

Yesterday was an annoying tiring day our first half of our ride was on the bus and it was so crowded I had to let two buses pass by before we could get a bus that was already packed and we stood half the time my back was killing me from standing and all I could think about is how I can't wait to get back to the office this commute to long island city is annoying and tedious the neighborhood sucks and the people in this building are rude and annoying. There's all of these stupid restrictions in place the reception for my cell phone sucks and I couldn't get wifi access. The commute home wasn't too bad we got the train and bus back home but bus was crowded. Yesterday was jr bday and I picked up a cake from carvel and we sang happy bday to him nothing too fancy as it fell during the week and money is tight. Today was Election day and it felt good to sleep in but jr behavior was terrible and tried my patience every step of the way. Pharmacy lost my rx for the second time in a row and I was fed up I contacted corporate office b/c I'm sick and tired of dealing with incompetent people who don't give a damn about their jobs. In the afternoon I went to the jr hs to vote and I voted for Obama of course as I did 4 years ago b/c I'm just trying to see how Mitt and Ryan have this country's best interests at heart Obama was handed 8 years worth of fuck ups from the previous administration and people are stupid and unrealisitic they want a quick fix to this nation's problems and as it took many years to get into this mess it will make many years to get out of it if we ever fully recover from it. I'm confident I made the right choice and I will be praying and crossing my fingers tonight that he wins. Today in the evening I get a call that we have to report back to the same office yet again and I have to say that I'm pissed off and I'd wish these people would get our office back together already. I never thought I'd actually say this but I can't wait to get to work at our office. It's a convenient area with places to eat etc. This is part of sandy's after effects I hate the most besides the MTA delays and slow recovery of service. This friday I want to take it easy and relax for once instead of thinking about what needs to be done and going here and there.

sandy and getting the city back on track

It has been a crazy week dealing with all of the aftermath of Sandy and I have to say that many people in NYC always thought a major disaster like this could never hit our state b/c we're not in a hurricane zone, etc. as you can see we were all proven wrong with Irene and definitely now with Sandy. It has taught people some hard lessons one of them being Always be prepared always have a full tank of gas b/c you never know if you have to leave due to an emergency and have a back up gas container, have the necessary supplies such as flash lights, batteries, and a "go" bag and obey the evacuation orders Seeing the stupidity here in this city shows me how unprepared and how stupid some people are in this city. Here are a few examples: To the idiot who wanted to play lotto on Friday and couldn't b/c machine was still down got an attitude we just finish getting through a storm some places lost power how about using your $5 to get a sandwich and pray for brains and commonsense. To the idiots who said "they could fight water" and have to be saved by police and first responders with their 4 kids hmm unless your captain america or the almighty you should've gotten your stupid selves together with your kids and gone to the shelter seriously? What they going to do when a water was coming to the house wonder twin powers activate? Duh!!!! The point i'm trying to make is priorities your kids and their safety come first everything else is secondary cars, homes, etc. while painful to suffer property losses they can be replaced your life cannot. To the low lives who were looting business how dare you go so low on the totem poll to be stealing from businesses when you should be trying to help yourself and others. You can always be ghetto fabulous on any other day of the week. I've seen the best and the definitely the worst of people during this situation people are so selfish and rude not wanting to wait for things it's a shame when the police has to be patrolling gas stations b/c people have no sense I understand it's a frustrating situation but you're not the only one going through it and you cutting in front of someone to whom you have no idea who they are and their stresses you're asking for trouble. A guy who attempted to cut the line pulled a gun out on someone who complained and was arrested good for him I hope they give him jail time. I know several ppl who waited hours in line with no luck people with red gas containers had better luck. My son's father finally got some gas yesterday and I was relieved b/c at least he will see jr and be able to celebrate his birthday which is tomorrow. I hope and wonder that NYC does receive the federal funding it needs although I'm sure if our mayor wasn't such an a*hole and welcomed our president into the city to view the areas it would've come a lot faster to the hardest hit areas like jersey, parts of brooklyn, staten island and the rockaways. While I'm not a fan of Chris Christie by any means I admire the way he welcomed the president and his dedication to help the people of his state get the help they need. Friday I went to the main office b/c the shelter was closed since all evacuees were relocated I took the bus with a co worker and it was a smooth ride going home was bad. We assumed the bus stop directly across the street was correct one to go home and when we attempted to ask a mta driver she yelled at me my goodness what a ghetto waste of space I felt like punching her dead in the face as stressed as I was with how am I going to get to work to get paid thanks mr mayor and b/c of her stupidity we were lost half an hr trying to find a stop and then MTA wonders why no one can stand their workers and they get cursed at or assaulted b/c they're rude unprofessional and just want to take up space and collect a check like most city workers. Finally after half hour and my feet killing me we find the stop which was right up the block ran for the bus had to stand most of the way due to the crowds and they actually thought people would find this bus with a measly piece of paper used as a sign like they don't have the money to put a proper sign there. I got home around 5:30 exhausted but from what I hear the power has been restored to lower manhattan and 80% of trains are running so I'm crossing my fingers we get to go back to the office tomorrow b/c I sure don't want to deal with going to the main office again. Another lesson learned is never take your boring daily routine for granted as when things go wrong you're going to wish you had that routine I know I sure did. While I got through the storm okay I'm praying that people get the help they need to rebuild and whatever other services are needed and as thanksgiving comes this month we should be thankful for everything we have how ever big or little b/c as I've learned in life there's always someone worse off than you.

Halloween

Today is Halloween the last day of the month and I can't believe we are almost finished with this year it seems like it flew by so fast. It was a typical cold fall day over here and after I left the shelter I came home got jr ready for trick or treating he got dressed in his costume and we took him around the neighborhood and he got a ok amount of candy but Halloween is not the same as when I was a kid I remember everyone was so nice and opened their homes to trick or treaters now people are so stingy now even rude. As we walked the main strip of our area I actually saw a store that said "no candy" and I thought that's messed but it's a sign of the times and kind of shows you where people's mentality and priorities are. When we were children I'd come home with 2 big bags of candy to be checked of course and I had a major sweet tooth so my mother would have to limit the amount I got and she always checked the candy before we got any of course. This is still a very important rule always check the candy bags of your kids make sure there aren't any open wrappers old, etc. I remember those McDonald's Halloween coupons that we used to get I'm sure they have the halloween happy meal or something else in its place now. It seems like everything new just doesn't have the same appeal as things were in the past. Even going to the McDonald's we went to today I wasn't impressed with the service or quality of the food and for the amount you pay for it it should be cooked properly. When you take pride in what you do, it shows overall. As we were trick or treating we passed the kid's fun house where there were doing a Halloween celebration but it was $20 per ticket and I couldn't pay that jr was upset and I felt bad as it was $15 to reserve in advance I know he would've had a ball there I guess we can take him there for his birthday or I was still looking into chuck e cheese. Either way we will make it special and fun for him.

restoring service and rebuilding

As I look at the news I realize how grateful we are in this area of Queens that we didn't suffer the immense amount of damage that our neighbors in the Rockaways did and the people of Jersey and Long Island. I feel sorry for so many people displaced from their homes and are with out power and the basic neccesities. Our president wanted to make a trip to NYC to view the damage of the storm and I cannot believe that the mayor was so unprofessional and rude and dissed him from coming into the city as if the Commanding Chief needs his freaking approval to come in and visit, does this idiot realize that our city needs as much federal help as we can get to restore and rebuild our city and the neighboring areas. I look at the areas of lower manhattan on the news and some of the train stations look like rivers inside. I think that people going to these shelters is ridiculous to get paid is ridiculous I showed up today at a shelter which is the local hs of this area and there was nothing to do there were very few evacuees there most of the evacuees are going to be in the queens hs closest to the rockaways and water front areas of brooklyn. We are in queens but we are inland. I guess if Mr. Bloomberg wants to pay us for doing nothing let him go ahead. It's a typical halloween fall day over here very cold and windy. They say sometimes travelling within your own borough is harder than hopping on the train and going into the Manhattan, I felt embarrassed that I got lost trying to find this hs but eventually I did and I signed in and we just sat there talking watching tv and went out for lunch @ 12:30. we were signed out at 3:30. Buses are running with delays and the MTA is being slowly restored and there is no power in the downtown area so I'm wondering when we will back in our office again and if they close this shelter will they send us to headquarters office. I don't mind taking the bus up there but my co worker does it's a long ride but it's either that or don't get paid. Tomorrow I will plan better leave earlier and pack my laptop to keep myself entertained while I'm there. I never imagined this storm would cause this amount of damage during our lunch break we came across a down power line on cross walk light I can't believe no one called Con Ed to report it so we had to stand away from it. Hoping as the days pass more progress is made to get things back on track. Sometimes we take the boring mundane routine for granted especially when disasters like this happen that throw everyone off track.

hurricane sandy aftermath

We got through the storm safely no power outages or damage which I'm relieved. I can't believe how much damage this hurricane has caused I think it's worse than hurricane Irene. There are tons of people without power, the rockaways got hammered with property damage house fires, some of the boardwalks gone. Public transportation took a beating with many MTA stations flooded and NJ transit flooded many other types of transportation are not even running. They're expecting to start running limited bus service but that won't help no one who has to commute into the city like most new yorkers do. They're predicting 4-5 day the MTA will be running again but there is no exact time line and this is extremely stressful as I have no time at work to cover me and our mayor was expecting all of us to make in to work regardless of the weather conditions yet in his press conferences he's telling people to stay safe and stay home I can't believe that this man is expecting us to go out there and risk our lives to make to headquarters or go to a shelter. This is something that was out of everyone's control as most natural disasters are and we should all be paid as far as I'm concerned. I got an email stating that the contingency planned had been suspended so imagine if I or anyone had tried to attempt to go to headquarters and it was closed oh I would have gone ballistic. This is not the way to treat your employees especially in the bad economic climate we are in now and many people are living paycheck to paycheck they can't afford not to get paid b/c everyone has bills to pay, rent to pay, etc. etc. Yesterday we got lots of rain and heavy winds it was not safe to sleep in my room due to it faces the street and there's trees near so I slept in jr's room and jr refused to sleep with me so he went to sleep with his grandmother. Yesterday I caught up on some sleep which I really needed. It can get boring being stuck in four walls so today I took a walk around the neighborhood to see how everything was here and there was minimal damage except for one big tree that was broken into pieces in the park which has yellow caution tape around it and the gate of the park. I would've walked around to see more but it started to rain and I had no umbrella so I came back home but this storm has caused extensive damage and it will be quite a while till we are totally back to normal so we will see what the next few days bring. I hope that if they predict anything like this next year they will be better prepared to deal with it and as far our pay goes I will be presenting my gripe to the union this mayor has no regard or respect for us as workers and someone needs to put him in his place.

hurricane sandy storm

Here we are two years later expecting the effects of hurricane Sandy and in 2010 it was Irene and I remember Irene caused a lot of damage in our area we had a lot of trees that were uprooted or fell on cars not too far away in a neighboring area the sidewalks were leveled. With what the news is saying this storm is supposed to be a big one but so far all I'm seeing is heavy wind and light rain I feel sometimes the media has a way of blowing things out of proportion not to say that we shouldn't be prepared for the worst but yesterday's usual trip to the supermarket was very annoying and aggravating experience the meat cases were bare, eggs gone, the bread gone and water unreal and the lines outrageous. You would think people were preparing for Armageddon instead of a storm. The North East is not a state where we get hurricanes like the south east or other states I see this much panic I could imagine if we were smh. I couldn't stock up meats b/c they were gone so I got the basics and tried to hurry back home. Thank goodness I make a habit of always buying extra cases of water so I didn't need to get any yesterday. Yesterday was a little nerve wracking in anticipation of the storm b/c my bedroom faces the street and strong winds can cause the windows to shatter so I guess we will be sleeping on the sofa bed tonight as there are no windows close like that. I was barely able to sleep I think but I made up for it by getting a nap in it was much needed as I rarely get to sleep in late or nap my sleeping in is if I'm lucky til 8 or 9 am. The city has prepared well for this storm even though I'm no fan of our mayor by any means. The MTA shut down buses and trains yesterday @7 buses @9 and the stupid thing of this all is I get an email from the city telling me that the city is open tomorrow and I thought are you kidding me??? How am I going to get there when you shut down the transit system you douche bag? We were told to report to shelters ok there what if the nearest one isn't near your home how were you supposed to get there not like the city is providing vans to get people place to place. The ICS system must have blown up my house and cell phones countless times and I didn't answer at all b/c I wasn't going anywhere #1 it's impossible and if you're smart you will stay your a** home it's not safe to drive in this weather I have my son to look after as his school is closed today and will be closed tomorrow and depending on when the storm hits landfall this afternoon who knows when the MTA will be fully restored again and they are able to do the neccessary clean up in the downtown area of the city I hear that battery park was flooded not a good thing. The winds are getting stronger by the hour and it's very scary at times. We are all taking it easy at home and riding it out and I'm hoping that everyone in the tri state area is safe. After the effects of the storm will be the next battle trying to get paid for the days we were out b/c our mayor thinks we should use our time which is ridiculous based on a weather situation that is out of our control I can bet he is safe somewhere and if he's that dedicated let him go outside and travel in that storm. For me I'm taking it easy and trying to make the best of things and crossing my fingers I don't lose power b/c of cell phones needing to be charged and food needed to be preserved.

Job uncertainty

These past few weeks have been sort of slow to the point I'm bored to tears or like Friday I went home early.  Yesterday afternoon I get a call to meet with the director and some one else and it was sort of nerve wracking as I thought I was being reprimanded for being online too much I couldn't have been more wrong this mtg was to inform me that once again my job is at risk due to budget cuts I look around this place and it resembles a ghost town compared to three years ago many have gotten laid off or reassigned and I'm pissed off b/c I thought I was safe b/c my number was pulled off the list and I achieved permanent status only to be told that now I don't have enough seniority this is just adding stress that I don't need as I have enough and struggle getting by working ft I can imagine depending on unemployment we were told to take another exam $47 and no guarantee you will be called I said gtfo not only  do I not have the money I think its bs and unfair to stress out ppl,like this.  I'm a single mom and I can't afford this but I'm starting to prepare myself b/c up to this point I've been spared three rounds of lay offs and for that I'm grateful but doesn't mean this time around I will be lucky.  I look at it like maybe it is a sign that the time has come to move on to a new chapter and lately I have felt that I've gotten knowledge and experience of public health and its impact and importance in our communities but its time to move on.  It shows me that no one is safe anymore not even city state private sector and this is hard on everyone especially when you live in a city as expensive as NYC is the rent alone is a killer and average in all other expenses and just to make matters worse the MTA wants to raise the fare yet again b/c $104 a monthly pass is just not enough and take away discount incentives nothing gets easier if the MTA got rid of half their board members and those overpaid pension padding scammers took a pay cut or freeze their salary there could be more money available I don't see why we the riders have to pay for their incompetent budgeting or short falls.  I've been here before and I'll make the best of it but job creation and economic stimulation should be a top priority on the political agenda for economic recovery to benefit all not the elite who have more and pay less in taxes 47% of us live check to check, 47% can't afford healthcare 47% can't save for a rainy day when there is nothing extra left 47% don't qualify for food stamps b/c they make too much money I guess as long as you're 1,000+ a,month rent is paid you can starve b/c only you're gross income counts @@ as if that's not the biggest load of crap I've ever been handed.  Those are my statistics lol and name of the campaign should be called "mitt doesn't give a shit".  If and when these lay offs occur they will be in November and January smh what an early xmas gift or new yrs gift.  I have to agree with Eric Ulrich a congressman I think from qns who isn't democrat but he says rising costs dont make it worth living here no more and he is right he mentioned ppl are being priced out and I've explored that avenue of leaving nyc again b/c honestly I'm tired of struggling and living check to check and the commuter adventures and annoyances cant be all too much at times.  So we will see what the new few months bring and prepare for the worst but hoping for the best

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.9

MTA to outline fare, toll hike proposals - New York News | NYC Breaking News

MTA to outline fare, toll hike proposals - New York News | NYC Breaking News

When I read this I can't say that I'm surprised but I'm also infuriated.  MTA is always crying poor and I can't see how they're always in the red and have all of these budget short falls with the amount of ridership in this city probably even increasing due to the always rising prices of gas.  I ride the subway monday-friday to work and the buses occassionally after work and on weekends and I have to say that their service is lack luster, late, dirty smell trains buses, over flowing trash cans in some stations, overcrowded and late buses I take the Q58 in queens and there are sometimes 30 people waiting for that bus and only one will show up and passengers don't help either with their rudeness like trying to squeeze into a bus where the driver has told you it's reached capacity, trying to get a lcd tv on the bus (yes you read right an hd tv and a large one at that) people are just plain stupid and selfish if I could afford a nice tv then perhaps I should not be ghetto fabulous and budget in some cab money just a thought @@.  Anyways I went off topic but none of what I see merits a fair increase at all we are already struggling economically paying outrageous rents for apartments that aren't even worth it, utilities keep going up, food goes up, it's getting to the point where people are going to be priced out of this city.  When I started working the monthly metro card was $63 a month now it's $104 a month and now they want to raise it yet again, and take away the 7% discount which isn't really much but something is better than nothing.  I think the MTA has a lot of projects going on like extending the #7 train to 34 St 12 Ave, the 2nd Ave subway line, etc. and they want to shoulder all of those costs on the people of this city which is totally unfair in my opinion.  I think for the amount of money we pay we should have clean trains free of garbage, service that is running on time, train stations that are in good condition not in need of tons of repairs, more police presence to combat subway crimes, and people acting like idiots then I wouldn't mind paying a little more b/c we'd betting getting something worth paying for but I'm not seeing it and I know millions of others aren't either.  Another thing is the MTA employees are getting greedier we all want a raise and good benefits but in these current times should you really be asking for more? We've been without a contract since 2009 and you don't see us threatening to strike when things don't go our way.  Although they don't mention I also think this is a reason for the increase to be able to afford salary increases, etc.  the hearings will be next week and the proposals unveiled soon let's see what options they give the people to look at. 

September has arrived.

This summer just flew by September has arrived yet we still have the uncomfortable humid weather of August. A little disappointing as I didn't step on to the sand or inside a pool not even once this summer and a vacation although very much needed was way out of my financial reach. I will plan better for next year as I want to travel more. I want to take a trip with my good friend and I want to take jr to disney world I think he will enjoy that very much. I am now a Sprint customer again and I went through a whole load of crap just to get my old number ported over from Tmobile I've never had to wait 3 days for this and after much aggravation and threatening to cancel my service after 6 pm I finally got a successful release of my number from Tmobile and let's just say I WILL NEVER EVER give them my business again and this was totally inexcusable and their monthly 4G service sucks as well. I'm way better off with Sprint and I realize you get what you pay for. I now have a Galaxy S 2 phone I wish I could've gotten the Galaxy S3 but it was a non pay week at this point I'm just glad to finally have a working phone. Today is the first day of school and I'm sure thousands of parents around the city are relieved that this day has finally come for them kids can only be home for so long they need to be mentally stimulated and have some where to go every day. Today is jr's first day back at pre school and I'm hoping he has another great year there but I'm also wondering what his IEP and progress reports say and what will happen at the next Board of Ed mtg if he will get approved for physical therapy and what program they will recommend for kindergarten b/c honestly I don't trust the board of ed their motives or this school he attends for that matter they try to down play his condition and we see the behaviors he has at home and they're very real so I don't want to see him being thrown into a mainstream program that he is clearly not ready for yet as said by the neurological pediatrician who formally diagnosed him. I received a letter from HRA stating they're still working on my case, wth are they working on? seriously? give me my one shot deal I mean I submitted everything and then some and I couldn't beleive that even the deputy commissioner had the nerve to tell me I submitted everything late @@ whatever take the word of your incompetent clockwatchers you have for case workers I don't care just approve me for help. I got the landlord to take a lower amount from me in rent for September and I hope he will keep the rent at that amount as it will be much easier for me to pay the rent and stay on track with the other household expenses. I have been off the radar from the online dating scene and I have to say that I don't miss it at all. The only thing I didn't delete was my online profile on Christian Mingle lol that I occassionally look at profiles but after looking through some I realize that there are even crazy church going people so I continue to proceed with extreme caution. I still haven't heard from my fwb it's been over a month already and I know he was going through a lot but I don't think it would hurt to respond to a text msg and at least let me know you're alive and ok even though lately I've had an itch I can't scratch on my own lol. Something tells he hasn't been honest with me I've always had that feeling. They always say be careful what you look for online b/c you may not like what you find. I came across his old myspace page from 2009 and I saw pics of his so called ex and kids and I have to say that although he tells me that they're not together I don't believe it. I've stopped texting b/c #1 I have my dignity and self respect to maintain and if it is meant that I ever hear from him again I will if not my life will go on and I hope to meet someone else that can give me what I'm seeking a healthy friendship and relationship that will start out as friends and evolve into a loving relationship if the chemistry is right. I've lost some weight but still haven't gone down into my size 8 jeans again so I have to stop being lazy and hit the gym harder. I can't wait for Fall to arrive I'm tired of humid weather already and wearing my hair back b/c it's too hot. I love cool crisp weather not freezing but comfortable at least. This week although was a 4 day work week seemed very long I am glad tomorrow is friday and look fwd to weekend even though I'm so broke I can't pay attention smh. On another note my mother saw her doctor's and has to see a spine specialist and based on his consult she may have to get back surgery which is no joke b/c our spine is a very delicate area of the body it controls our ability to walk but she may not have a choice b/c insurance will only pay for pain mgmt and physical therapy for so long and it's only a temporary fix along with meds. I'm hoping her insurance covers a home attendant or nurse b/c if she does need surgery I can't afford to take time off to take care of her which totally sucks but that is the harsh reality of my situation now. This is the time when I wish I had one of my aunts living here in NY who could help her out but everyone lives in Florida. My brother will be transferred to another rehab this month and from what I hear he is doing better but I will be happy when I see him out of there living on his own working and doing his thing. This month will be the 6 year anniversary of my grandmother's death I can't believe it's been that long but I still miss her like crazy and feel her loss very much but I always keep in her my in my heart and my thoughts. Well it's time for me to start getting to work and looking productive.

Turning 35

Last friday was my birthday I turned 35 I wish I was turning 25, 21 or 18 for that matter if I could turn back the hands of time I would do so many things differently. It feels sort of weird b/c when I was a teenager or in my very early 20's 30 seemed old 35 seemed ancient and forget about 40. I imagined at this time in my life I would have a good career be married with a few kids and living a decent life but life sometimes throws you in directions that you don't expect and we have to deal with a lot and roll with the punches. At 35 I'm now headed toward divorce have a city job that is secure not enough income for me to live comfortably I have a son who is on the autism spectrum which can be stress in itself and I'm a single mother trying to get by in life and there are times where I feel have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Not exactly where I thought I would be at this stage of my life but I strive to do better and be better. It seems as if I'm only focusing on the negative but 35 is also a number that means experience and maturity for me I think a lot different than I did in my 20's I'm more confident overall and sexually confident I'm more outspoken and less concerned about what others think and fitting in and not afraid to ask for what I want . I am a lot more responsible and focus less on things I once did like only buying brand name stuff lol now I just by what's on sale or only can shop when there is an actual sale but the unknown scares the crap out of me getting older scares me too I've reached the 5 yr mark shy of 40 and I've hoped to accomplish more as I get closer to that mark. I hope to go back to school, maybe find love again and have another child provided I find the person to make this step with but for right now this is on the back burner. In your 30's you have more responsiblities, bills, and now my mother is not in good health. This is a harsh reality that scares me b/c this means she is also getting older. It seems as if we having a never ending battle with HRA social security just to get basic help. I worry about this a lot b/c of the cost, insurance, etc. She relies on me more than before and at times it can be stressful I worry about life insurance and the cost and funeral expenses these are issues that are rarely discussed in the latino and ethnic communities we have a tendency to live only for the moment or for today we hardly ever plan for the future until something happens and we are left scrambling to find a way to cover all of these things. I've seen this happen to too many people and I don't want it to happen to me. I saw what it costs to plan a funeral when my grandmother passed away and the cost is high I'm glad that my grandfather had good health coverage and life insurance to cover the costs of everything involved b/c if he didn't it would've been a nightmare. We have to learn as a culture and as people to plan for our future b/c as you can see we never know what life can throw at you and you want to be prepared. I plan to research life insurance for myself my son and for my mother b/c I want to be prepared for the inevitable when the time comes. Sometimes we spend money on things we don't even need like expensive electronics, cell phones, sneakers, bags, etc. and we complain about spending money on an insurance premium or something that we can really benefit from? As they say in spanish lo barato sale caro (the cheap comes out expensive) I've seen many examples of this in my life time and I've learned sometimes it is best to spend a little more and reap the benefits of good planning and getting something worth the money. Life is a journey and is unscripted and I realize that age is just a number it's all where our head is at and I try not to focus too much on what could've been b/c you cant change the past all we can do is focus on the present and strive to accomplish what we set out to do.

Dating Bomb Part 2

After Saturday's episode I decided to give it one last shot b/c I'm either a glutton for punishment or I really thought he may actually be a nice guy. I responded to his msg and we exchanged numbers we texted and spoke on the phone. It seems as if every time I've spoken to someone off a dating web site it seems as if they're life story is a pandora's box unfolding of drama consisting of crazy family members, ex wives, unemployment, non-payment of child support, and the laundry list continues and I ask myself why do people omit all of these things on their profile logically b/c most women would make a b line for the next profile understandbly so. Who the heck wants to deal with other people's bs and headaches? Not many people are willing to do so and I realize that I'm not either. I was told by one jerk I spoke to off of this site that "I'm too picky" and I thought to myself "too picky" or was told my standards are too high really? I guess b/c I want someone who is working #1, mature, responsible, well mannered, educated, nice sense of humor, not a conformist wants to better themselves no bs attached I realize no one life is picture perfect but I realize while my standards may be high I don't think they're unreasonable. It is not easy being alone and I was in a long term relationship for over 13 years and and it can get lonely sometimes for me and my life isn't what it once was having to live off of my income, etc. but I realize that in my search for a decent guy I guess I'm trying to fill that void that is there and I don't know what it's like to be alone but I have to learn what that is b/c I find myself trying to no avail to find a nice decent guy and all I have gotten is people full of shit, drama, and total douche bags. I also notice how superficial members of dating sites can be. They want a "barbie" doll figure, a whole laundry list of other unrealistic bs. I'm a person who is brutally honest I guess this is why I find this type of crap unnerving in my dating profile I put what I want and what I look like I even put my size which now is 12 hopefully that number will decrease soon but it is what it is. I'm a 12 if you want barbie you can find her in toysrus. What about a real woman someone who is nice, respectful, hard working, has morals and goals but I guess to some empty headed individuals Barbie is better. I've come to the conclusion that most if not all of these people on these web sites are full of crap, they lack maturity and emotional depth. I spoke to this last individual and it seemed like we had a good convo until I found out about his background which consisted of a crazy ex wife 3 kids which he wasnt paying child support or employed and I thought wth is wrong with ppl how can you go on a dating web page and look for a female when you have nothing to offer or your life in order. I'm not a gold digger by any means but at least hold your own and I sure as hell wont be taking care of a man. I sent this person a recent pic of myself and asked him what he thought and he didnt like it which he pretty much told me in a nice way he doesnt find me attractive @@ I felt hurt and it went downhill from there I told him how I was offended and he made light of my reaction acting as if he had done me a favor by telling me this. I also had this individual tell me he knew I wasnt a good person which really infuriated me considering we've never met I was done and told him to contact me again. I've given up on love and dating for now all of my experiences with the last two being the worst have left me with a bad taste in my mouth so I closed two of my dating profiles and when my subscription ends on the other will not be renewing I need to focus on me my son regrouping and healing and if it is meant to be the right one will come along. I will let love find me for a change. I'm officially off the market being alone isnt as bad it seems considering what Ive read and heard

Latest dating bomb

I've spoken about my experiences on the dating scene before on here but I think this past weekend I think was the worst I've ever experienced. I was spoking with a guy through text and I wanted to see the dark knight movie and he seemed like a cool guy so I checked the movie listing there was a 10 pm show at the theater. The guy a.k.a the cowardly douche bag agreed to me by the bank. I got there relatively fast especially due to MTA's track record especially on the weekend. When I met him let's just say I was surprised he didn't formally introduce himself to me which I found to be rude. One thing I look for in people is manners and if you have no manners that's a bad sign. I also visualized his pic from the dating pg and he looked nothing like the pic either let's just say if I saw him in the street he wouldn't be someone I'd go for so fast fwd I'm extremely nervous as I usually am on my dates but something wasn't clicking with this guy. He asked me what I liked to do I answered and he also threw out to go back to his place for drinks which in my mind I thought yeah right. We get to the movies and there is a ramp to go up the parking garage this jerk hits the gas hard and speeds up the ramp I was pissed off by this time. We get out of the car and start walking down the steps to the theater and he seemed annoyed that I wasn't talking much. He then did the unthinkable and insults me saying I look "tired" like I smoked weed. I was dumbfounded and insulted all I wanted to do is pop him in the face! but I didn't we get on the ticket line and the douche bag says that he doesn't see the batman movie I looked again and told him there it is all of a sudden he says **** I forgot my wallet and goes back up the stairs I waited almost 15 minutes HE NEVER CAME BACK. I never been so humiliated in my life I felt like such a fool and a part of me is still in a state of shock that this happened. It was late at night and I had to walk back to the train station alone luckily this area has lots of things to do so there was plenty of ppl around so I felt safe I got back on the train and bus and came home. I never imagined that this would happen. I can't believe that a 36 yr old man would do something so low rude and cowardice. If you weren't feeling and I sure as hell wasn't as his very rude comments he could've been a MAN about it but a MAN wouldn't have handled it this way. This experience and the two other date bombs before this one with someone who had no manners or social graces I had to open my own door didn't ask for a table and while we had small talk was more concerned with the sports game on tv and this is what I paid round trip metro north tickets for the other one was a loser from jersey who talked a lot of crap was ghetto and crass. All of this has left me with a bad taste in my mouth wondering if I will ever find the right guy b/c all I've encountered lately is a bunch of douche bags. The majority of ppl on these dating sites are full of crap some of them lie about their age and post fake pictures it has caused me to take a step back and think about this experience and while I'm sure this is not the last douche bag I will run into but it has taught me a lesson not everyone who they seem and always have extra cash for a cab just in case.

One Year later....

It seems like yesterday that this year began and we are already 8 months into it. Around the same time last year a lot happened my marriage was ending and unraveling right before my eyes and I got the news it was over as my birthday gift so I'm sort of depressed b/c of the loss but I vow to have a better bday than the last one I just wish I was turning 25 instead of my actual age *sigh*. Life since then has changed for me drastically I went from being financially secure mostly due to his income to struggling and basically only having for basic living expenses and food and sometimes not even that at times. Dealing with rent alone has been a hassle for me I just wish wasn't so expensive it seems as if everything is going up but your paycheck. So far I've been to two city agencies who tell me I make too much money to get any help which I think is total bull crap as they count gross income instead of your actual net income which makes more sense but that's how they cut off or discourage ppl from getting help in my opinion. I was okay financially but divorce has a lot of effects on you financial emotional and many others. I had to apply for a one shot deal to cover my back rent and that experience was the most demoralizing I've ever been through I've got asked so many questions you'd think they were going to give to me from their own pocket @@ I got asked everything I'm surprised they didn't conduct a cavity search. I've been back on the dating scene which has had it's fair shares of disappointments making me wonder if I will ever find love again it seems as if the one who I occassionally see to satifsy the itch I can't scratch is out of reach to me, it's like when you want something really bad but you know the person has barriers as to why things can't go fwd and it's sad b/c I wish it could be something more. This summer has come to a close and I haven't gone anywhere not even to the beach another affect of my divorce I used to look fwd to vacations but now there is no way I can afford it meanwhile he has gone all over the place and plans to go away in september I think about the end but every end has a new beginning and mine hasn't been easy I get depressed a lot but I try to keep pushing forward it's not always easy when everything seems to be working against you. My mother's health is declining and it scares me b/c it is a harsh reality that she is getting older and the thought of not having her around scares the crap out of me. She has two herniated disc pinched nerves in her neck and feet there are days where she can barely walk and I ask myself how the hell does a relatively healthy 57 yr old woman develop problems like this? So it's been never ending dealing with doctor's prescriptions and now since she is unable to work off to social security to start that process which I know isn't going to be an easy one it is all on my shoulders since my brother is in rehab and her partner works during the week and is not home I know he has to provide but still I think to be out there all week and not be there for her isn't fair in my opinion. It hasn't been an easy road and my divorce is still not final yet which is frustrating in itself. It's ironic how easy it is to run to city hall or church but such a pain the a# to get a divorce done and finalized. While I've gone on with my life to say that I'm fully healed from the whole experience I'd be lying that will take some time. I learned a lot of hard lessons about respect, love, and life that will take me into my next relationship should that ever come to be again. Being on the dating scene again has reintroduced me to a lot of things but it's also made me realize what I don't want in a man either. It has made realize that maybe being alone isn't such a bad thing after all. I look forward to my future and hope everything will be settled soon so I can finally close the chapter and officially get on with my life. I will start by having a wonderful birthday weekend.

its been a while

It has been a while since I've blogged I used to make time but lately there is no time.  On my daily ride to work and just my luck I get into train car that either stinks or someone in it does.  Its monday my least favorite day of the week I usually need an extra day to recuperate I cant believe how time is flying by its July and 7 months just flew by so fast my job resembles a ghost town so many ppl have either moved on or reassigned due to budget issues.  kinds makes me wonder why the heck am I still here and then reality hits me Im a single parent who has to work to support myself and my son and cant afford to be picky esp now with today's economy.  It has been an interesting journey next month will be one year that he moved out and while it was very traumatic for me it has also been an experience where I've learned many hard lessons about relationships and life in general but I've also started learning who I am again after being in a ltr for 13 yrs.  Getting back into the dating scene has been an experience it itself adventurous and disappointing and discouraging at times I wonder if I will ever find love again or if I am even wife material and taking a good hard look at myself and how I am maybe I'm not.  My last two dates first one wasnt bad but the last one bombed miserably disappointing b/c we had such a great connection on the phone etc but in person idk what happened but he didnt open door for me at place and seemed more interested in the game on the flat screen and when I texted if we'd meet again I got a reply of someday which transates into "never" what a waste of time and metro north tickets had it not been I traveled so far I wouldve walked right out.  Ive done a few more winks online got a not interested msg and I've come to the consensus that ppl are full of shit they dont know what they want or just want sex or to play mind games and mind games are for kids and Im way past that stage so I guess flying solo isnt so bad after a while but sometimes an occasional fwb visit to address the itch I cant scratch alone as Im only human and have physical needs.  I'm looking for something and someone real not easy to find.  All the papers are in process and I long for the day that I get my divorce decree in the mail so I can be free legally and continue with getting on with my life and taking care of jr as I feel Im going to have a long fight ahead with social security,school director it is a shame that people feel the need to lie to side track you from getting what your kids need.  Looking fwd to my aunts visit this wknd it will be nice to have some company around to shop hang out etc. 

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6

Metro pcs jingle

I made the mistake of switching from sprint to metro pcs aka metro piece of s# thinking I'd be saving money and to cut any financial ties.with the ex well what ive gotten in exchange is a phone that was a lower end android upgraded it to their so called higher end android to find its not compatible with mp3 music sites etc.  I learned a very expensive lesson you get what you pay for.

Metro pcs jingle:

This is metro piece of s$

If you want lousy service with getting 4 messages at once or none at all or late voice mails and poor internet connections this is.for you and.dont be broke b/c.they will pull the plug hello hello.hello what? Are you.freaking deaf? Nope its metro pcs.  Yes thats my rant lol but I will run not walk to sprint store friday which is pay day and switch back and stay there just hope they never merge with att another piece of junk service.  I rather pay more and get better service and get the best use out of my phone. Im still deciding between the htc arrive evo 3d and htc evo one.  While I prefer the htc one since its the newest one just unveiled last week in stores im anything will be better than what I have now

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

Donna Summer - She Works Hard For The Money

My tribute to Donna Summer who was an amazing singer in the 70-80's who recently passed away at the age of 63 due to lung cancer.  Some of her music was before my time but I still loved it anyway this songs hits home to me and many other working women out there single and married our personals sacrifices as mothers and women that sometimes others don't see and take for granted.  I sure work hard for my mere bag of shells lol and it doesn't always go far but I guess it's better than zero.  The whole point of the song is ladies work hard so appreciate us and give us love and respect and you shall receive the same in return.

trayvon martin case

This is a case that has received lots of media attention nationwide and now the current headline is that the autopsy reveals that Trayvon Martin had marijuana in his system and there were cuts and bruises on George zimmerman. I am infuriated as well as millions of others as to how the Florida justice system handled this case and how this guy isn't rotting in jail where he belongs. B/c they're gun laws are very liberal and lax first and their justice system is totally a** backwards. I guess it's not enough that this man who is simply a neighborhood watch person with no formal law enforcement, military training or otherwise attacks a teenager who was talking on his cell phone and racially profiled him simply b/c he was wearing a hoodie as a personal threat to his safety I guess he couldn't live in NYC b/c everyone wears hoodies here I guess us and every other urban city would be under attack *roll eyes* the last time I checked people could wear whatever they want. You are in a car following this teenager in a car this alone gives you the upper hand to get away from a situation if you really felt threatened but if you listen to 911 recording they told him not to follow him that the police would handle it but this douche took it one step further b/c he's a racist This man was an ignorant racist who has been heard making racist statements and acting irrationally who decided to let his racism and ignorance get the best of him and shoot an innocent teenager. I think the media should be ashamed and the defense team as trying to make Zimmerman look like a victim with these autopsy results and even if he did have marijuana in his system what teenager doesn't smoke weed he probably had the munchies smh it was still NO EXCUSE to kill another human being who was unarmed he took the law into his own hands and killed someone who had their whole life ahead of them. His father is a judge that's why he is getting all the breaks he's gotten up to this point this and many other cases like it shows that the system sucks and due to poor work by police and other law enforcment agencies sometimes people get away with or are even wrongly accused of crimes that they didn't even commit. Nothing not even an conviction of Zimmerman which I doubt will happen but should happen will give the Martin family their son back. I get disgusted by how the media takes things and twists them around to make things look a certain way and they are sure trying hard with this case to make this man look like a victim when he clearly is not he is a racist and his actions were fueled by racism and ignorance which is not that uncommon for that part of the country sadly everyone is afraid of the unknown I'm hoping even though it's a long shot that a prosecutor sees right through this ridiculous attempt by the defense team and the media and puts him behind bars where he belongs. People wonder why no respects the police and any law enforcement personnel it's b/c a lot of them are corrupt incompetent and very unprofessional. I've seen first hand what a bunch of aholes the cops can be over here and I also think it's b/c they have lowered the requirements to become an officer in my opinion overall the only thing they raised is the education requirements but there are people out there that have to business carrying a badge in my opinion we know of a cop in our area who has several complaints of excessive force and a tenant in my building has a law suit against him for assault yet this man is still on the street working smh things that make you go hmmm,.....

Its been a while

I havent had much time lately to keep this blog up to date so many things going in my daily life I rarely have time anymore.  Since ive last posted I have applied for foodstamps and after them losing my papers not once but twice I was denied b/c I make too much money which is total bs b/c they base this on gross income not.net what.it really should be based on I also applied for ssi for jr hoping I have better luck in that area. Its getting harder to get by these days and with rents increasing plus food costs nothing lasts.  to make matters worse I got a notice of another rent hike which I cant afford I can barely afford rent now being a single parent is hard emotionally and financially im still on the dating scene and its been one disappointment after another and while each experience is different im left wondering if there are any good men out there who want a real relationship other than play games or a friend with benefits  so the search continues the divorce is a slow work in progress in three months it will be a year that he left.  Ive been on and.off with the gym and sadly I gained back some weight and.its my fault with my bad food.choices and laziness but there are days I just have no.energy and the crowds at the gym turn me off excuses I know but I have to get back on track if the junk is not there I wont eat it lol.  Jr is getting big and is a handful at times he caught a virus which he got from school but is ok now.  I had plans to go to the movies but now I feel lazy dont feel like going smh maybe tomorrow the lunch I had no business eating at mcdonalds plus weekly tiredness has me wanting to go home.  Jr is going with his dad gives me a free weekend to relax and catch up on cleaning which didnt get done due to mothers day. Mothers day wasnt easy this.yr due to a disagreement my brother was thrown out it was a long time coming but I think in the end it is for the best he was referred to a sober living place not in the best part of town but at least he has a steady place to live for now until something permanent comes along  the 3:00 stretch has arrived time to finish up the work day

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

getting back on track

Today is friday my favorite day of the week b/c I know when I go home that I can stay up a little later watch some of my shows like law & order, investigation discovery, I avoid reality shows like the plague I have enough drama in my own life the last thing I need to see is someone else's bs and honestly if they throw of some their money my way maybe I'd show a tad of interest anyway the past few days I've been doing a lot of thinking and I fell of track with my exercise and diet better said fell off the wagon totally. When I'm stressed out bored or feeling down I eat and that's a bad habit and unfortunately it's things I really have no business eating like sweets which are my ulimate weakness, chips, and candy and fast food is readily available on long late days when the last thing I feel like doing is cooking. I unfortunately got sick with strep throat this week and when I was weighed at the dr I gained 6 lbs. I'm not sure if the scale was off b/c when I came out it was 176.5. Anyway it was a wake up call that I need to get back on track with my diet and exercise and hold myself accountable for what I put in my mouth so I joined Weight Watchers the point system is much easier to figure out what to eat and even if I don't eat their food I will make sure I exercise extreme portion control. My goal weight was 155 but when I enrolled last night online a healthy weight is between 113-141. I will aim for the higher number of 141 b/c I will look like a crack head at 113 lbs. Dieting is also not easy when you have plenty of goodies like spanish food to tempt you. Until today I didn't realize how hard it is to eat healthy I passed by a frozen yogurt place, checkers, etc. ignored them all. Instead I visited the fruit stand near my office building and purchased some gala apples 3 bananas and some pears. I also drink tons of water so I'm hoping that I will see some results. I also fell off track b/c I know I was slightly depressed b/c things didn't work out the way I thought they would with him but I guess everything happens for a reason I'm feeling much better about it but it still bothers me at times I also think that maybe it was bad timing we were both going through a divorce, etc. I can think of any possiblities and what ifs and I'd drive myself crazy b/c only he knows why and even though he said it was nothing I did I don't think what he did was nice or fair but I guess if he wasn't willing to give it a try it his loss not mine. I got jr progress report from school and he's doing well except for his not sharing and aggressive behavior at times. I try to have more patience when disciplining him which is hard when I'm tired at the end of the day from working and dealing with so much other bs. He misbehaved last night and I told him no story time and stuck to it, he hates that but he has to understand that when he misbehaves there will be consequences. I'm trying to get so many things done like gather the necessary documents to complete the application process for food stamps, notarize the divorce papers and get things for SSI but sometimes there aren't enough hours in a day. I will make my best efforts this weekend to get as much done as I can. Next week will make month since jr got his tubes put in ears and I see he's progressing today is post op visit so I'm hoping that everything is ok and he's healing well. I also have to apply for NYCERS benefits for retirement b/c sadly our wonderful mayor wants to get rid of our city benefits and make it like the private industry with 401K which is a crock of bs b/c people do their time and pay their dues they should receive their pension and benefits. Our governor is another idiot whose supposed to be a democrat I honestly think he's kissing the right's a** way too much is actually for this plan that would reduce benefits to 40% and make people work till almost 70 which is totally unfair so I will be going down there to make sure I get enrolled in the current plan before the new one goes into effect. It's not easy thinking about the future but we have to think about it, even though it's hard with the bad economy, rising cost of living, lack of job security regardless we will get old and we have to be able to survive somehow. Well it's after 2 my lunch is over and I have to finish the rest of the day my first day of weight watchers wasn't too bad even thought I cheated with 5 girl scout cookies lol but I will behave from this day forward.

hump day

It's hump day and on my daily ride to work and I'm loving this spring weather its supposed to get up to 70 today but still a little cold in the am.  I can't believe March is here it seems like yesterday that we were bringing in the new year.  I haven't had much time to blog with work bills dealing with Jr his surgery and just life overall I'm ready to conk out at the end of each day.  In the time since Jr has had the surgery I can see an improvement in his speech and his hearing when he watches tv and when we call him and I'm hoping we will continue to see improvement but what we have to work on now is his behavior and potty training.  The wheels of the court system are turning very slow for me which means my divorce is going to take even longer for it to be finalized which frustrates me b/c this is a chapter of my life I want to close already and it seems like this lawyer is disorganized and shortage of staff in court isn't making this any easier and now they're claiming a consultant is needed to pension benefits if you ask me its just bs to make more money off the client.  So I'm looking at a tentative month of July maybe even further either way I will breathe a sigh of relief when all is said and done.  I've been trying to fix up my apt got a new lap top and I'm trying to live happy which isn't always easy sometimes.  There is also economic uncertainty at wk where the cmsr called for the shut down of my unit they calmed everyone down but its only a matter of time and I want to be prepared so I'm sprucing my resume and thinking of going back to school to prepare myself I've come to the point where I want to advance myself and I don't want to struggle economically anymore.  I looked into benefits for Jr and I'm hoping they will approve him as it will make things much easier for us.  I'm looking up and I'm not even in the city yet so I now I will be late darn the price I pay for not setting the alarm.  As far as the dating scene goes my hunches were right he told me he got in contact with someone whom they used to like each other but couldn't do anything since they were attached when I heard this my heart shattered into a million pieces I didn't see it coming we had a great wknd previous to this he said it was nothing I said or did which didnt make me feel any better or mend my ego I don't think he expected I would stop contact but I did and it was a hard decision to make but I'm not going to stand by the sidelines while you play the field or have me as a back up plan and still having the same arrangement men or ppl in general want to have their cake and eat it too nope I will quit while I'm ahead and maintain my dignity and prevent myself from getting hurt even worse.  It's sad b/c I really liked him a lot fun to be around but sometimes things take a weird turn and I'm tired of trying to figure ppl out in all aspects of my life honestly so I'm taking it as a hard lesson learned and while I'm feeling much better about things it will take me a while to venture out into the dating scene again b/c ppl are full of shit and want to play games and at this stage of my life I'm too old for games and drama I need a mature guy in my age group not the bs I read on these dating sites and just what I see in day to day life.  I guess its not my time yet well time to get off the 6 train and begin my work day with a cup of coffee

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

running late

On my daily ride to work and I'm running late due to hitting my snooze button my cell alarm and I hate running late b/c it totally throws me off course and it seems like the crowds of ppl become more annoying as the rush hour passes I always hope that woman with her annoying kids doesn't get on or some mental case or annoying subway performers or prophets that want to inform us the rapture is near I guess asking for a quiet ride to work when you're running late is too much too ask lol just like getting a seat on the way home.  hope I'm.not too late I know I will need some caffeine to keep me awake throughout the morning the slow down in work load doesn't help this the sun will peak out later and it does wonders for the mood

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

a long week

On my morning ride to work and its freezing outside I am looking fwd to the spring weather for longer days and lighter clothes.  This has been an emotionally exhausting week for me it seems like everything is going wrong dealing with family stress financial stresses and just the stress of living in this city alone can get to me at times.  Trying to find affordable food at the grocery store has become a challenge I was only able to get one pkg of chicken yes only one at stop & shop tried key food did a little better but still came up short smh.  Everything is going up but your paycheck and its crazy that the average person can't get by these days the outrageous rent is another issue.  I applied online for food stamps and I'm waiting to get the official finger sign from HRA telling me I don't qualify b/c I earn too much yeah ok there but I guess you have to literally be on skid row to get anything its ridiculous.  My cell phone has been acting up and the software issue was fixed but now its the volume button the insurance deductible to replace an HTC $100 I thought gtfo for a phone that they're only offering for exchange and no longer selling unreal they will give u a song and dance just not to have to replace a phone which kind of defeats the purpose of insurance doesn't it ? Smh I'm just reporting it lost.  I'm still undecided whether I'm going to stay with Sprint or go to metro pcs I really don't want to be bound by any contracts.  On top of all the bs I've been dealing with now I haven't heard from him and I'm wondering what's wrong b/c the last time we Hung out we had a good time and seem to be on the same page he finally responded saying he's been busy sick and thinking "thinking" about what I ask myself I'm not on your **** all the time so what could it be if theres anything I hate more is being in an uncertain situation I know he's been through a lot as I have but I'm not sure if I really want to continue to deal with all of this indecisiveness I'm being told to take things slow but it would be nice to have an idea of where things are going smh the sad part is I have a feeling its not good and usually my hunches are right :(  I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worst this is the part of being on the scene I don't miss at all.  Yesterday went to do my taxes and I got blessed by uncle Sam which I really could use it but I'm not going to crazy like a lot of ppl do b/c money goes like water I want to save some put some in Jr acct and maybe buy a new computer and probably downgrade my cell phone.  This week has dragged on and I can't wait till tomorrow Friday will be here did my usual am stop for coffee at dunkin donuts and I'm going to try to make the best of today I'm not texting or calling him I may go to zumba at lunch to make up for this week if not there's always next week well its past 9 time to start working

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

wknds fly by too fast

January flew by and February has arrived . It's tuesday morning and I'm on my daily am ride to work.  I was super exhausted yesterday and on Sunday. This past weekend I made s trip to Delaware to visit a friend and it was great to get out of the city hang out and sleep in w/o any interruptions but the weekend went by too quick and Sunday it was time to come home and deal with bs.  We went to Fridays on Friday night and I have to say that was the most loud and rowdy crowd I have ever seen some ppl don't know how to act in public add booze to the mix and it unravels smh. Saturday we went to mixto a restaurant in philly which I enjoyed a lot drink was well made and gave me a good buzz and a tres leches cake that was one of the best I ever had.  If it wasn't so cold that night it would've been nice to take a walk around the city to explore and take pictures.  My feeling of relaxed and peace came to a halt when I came home Sunday having to deal with  more bs and do grocery shopping that has become more challenging since now I have to budget rent into my monthly expenses and not having a ride to meat market is putting a strain on me I can really see how some ppl can become vegeterians b/c not only is not good to eat too much red meat but its also expensive.  I finally let him know that I know about the other woman b/c I was tired of the games and the lies and my son is already mentioning her and her kids names yet he denied it till the end I mean its obviously over between us but be honest about it why hide the obvious? I think in a way he probably feels better that its out in the open now.  I just want to live my life in peace and as drama free as possible but it seems like that never happens having my family live next door has been a blessing and a curse more lately a curse smh.  You never realize how much drama ppl have until they live close.  Today is the giants parade and while I'm happy they won I'm not happy about.the street closings crowds and being late to work getting my am coffee at dunkin donuts was like going through an obstacle course smh due to the crowds.  Not even going to attempt at lunch so brought some with me.  Still talking to Mr A last time we spent together was great we had a good time and very passionate it seems like if we were kissing forever I think that's the only time I'm actually able to forget about everything when we are together I can focus on being me and not have to worry about bills rent family etc. Etc.  We all need distraction once in a while and he is mine I haven't felt like this in years but I'm keeping a level head and taking things slowly b/c I don't want to get hurt or want to hurt anyone either.  I'm hoping this week goes by fast b/c I can sure use another pay check or a winning lotto ticket

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

first entry of 2012

It's been a little bit since I've posted on here it seems like I'm either always tired, busy, or on the run to the gym, appts., etc. Xmas was nice since the family arrived back to NY in the beginning of December and it's been an adjustment for them getting used to NYC life again and an adjustment for me living door to door literally. While it's a big blessing it can also be a curse at the same time lol. Jr is getting bigger badder and saying more words and trying my patience every single day. He's doing well in school which is a good thing and I'm hoping that he will continue to improve. My commute to and from work has also improved as he no longer goes to the sitter anymore which is a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders I'm always on time to work now and I'm not aggravated in the am trying to get him out of bed, dressed and out the front door to run and catch buses to eventually get to the subway. Now I'm able to wake up a little later and just walk a few blocks to the train and cross my fingers that the train ride will be uneventful. So far my new years resolutions is to be better at managing my finances as it's pitful how my savings looks and with all of the black friday damage, xmas shopping let's just say I have to start doing some serious rebuilding of it. I also have to get back on track diet wise due to the holiday season with eating all of that good food and just me being bad I have to cut out all of the sweets and crap that tempts me to not eat healthy I now weigh between 170-175 I've lost over 40 lbs so far and I feel wonderful about that but I'd like to lose another 15-20 lbs so that's going to have take some serious will power from me and staying away from sweets. This past weekend and week was a tiring one a lot of errands and things to do some work weeks drag on some fly by well this one dragged on forever I'm relieved for Friday to finally have arrived and I look forward to the looking weekend as we have off due to MLK day. New Years Eve was bitter sweet I tend to get sad around that time of year b/c I think about all the things that have happened through out the year and what could've been but this year I wasn't so bad I was happy this new year's eve as I was looking forward to a new year new beginning. 2011 wasn't an easy year for me and I'm hoping 2012 will bring me luck, health and happiness and the strength to pursue everything I didn't achieve in 2011. A guy I've been talking to from match has really got my attention and I invited him over NYE we had drinks conversation and there was a strong attraction between let's just say we brought in the new year with a bang literally lmao. I had never done that on the first mtg but let's face I was long over due to get laid and the fact that I had way too much booze just added to it but it was an awesome night and morning. I had forgotten what that feels like have someone be attracted to me and desire me. He's a freak and I'm getting to see a side of things that I would've never pursued with any of my previous relationships, etc. they say you learn something from every experience and if nothing else comes out of this I will have learned to be more open have fun and not be so inhibited about things. I sort of messed things up after but apologized but it's been a while since I've been on the scene so things have changed a lot. Everything seems cool but we'll see where things go. I've learned not to expect too much as when we put high expectations we are usually disappointed. So far we haven't had any major snow storms so far and I'm glad b/c I have no boots and I'm hoping that we don't get anything but cold weather. I also installed a lock on my door to keep my ex out and to have some type of privacy since I think it's no longer fair that he feels he can have the run of my place. I spoke to the attorney this week and he informed that I may be divorced even faster than 6 months which I was so happy when I found this out b/c this is something that is dragged out much longer than it needs to be he mentioned due to the county where papers were filed they're fast so it will be 3-4 months and that this when I can turn the page and start the rest of my life at times it feels weird that I'm alone after you're with a person for so many years you have to start finding yourself again and I realize that while it's hard it's for the best and one day when the time is right maybe I will find someone to share my life with again but for now I will try to live have fun and see what direction life takes me.